Reconnected with an old love interest and would like advice, opinions, thoughts

I met a very sweet Midwestern man when I was 18 (he was 23) 9 years ago. I was very young & naive and till maturing & finding myself as a person. We went on two dates after we met each other and then he moved to work in NY. We kept in touch pretty regularly by phone and text messages and all of our exchanges were positive & happy and we tried to visit each other but things always got in the way (he was in a car accident, I got chicken pox, broke my phone, etc) or he was super busy w/wrk traveling 3 wks out of every month.

I thought the absolute world of him, but was very skeptical of how genuine his intentions & emotions were bc I had very low self-esteem & could not understand why he wanted me or liked me. He thought the world of me and encouraged me to be a strong & smart woman he knew me to be. He never dated anyone seriously after we met or during the 4 years we had an undefined long distance “relationship”, but did see a few women causally while we were not speaking (we would butt heads on occasion about my employment or silly things & not speak for weeks or months).

One day during an afternoon chat, 4 years & some mths into our relationship, he told me that it was time, that he wanted me to move & live with him, he wanted to take care of me & I could pursue whatever made me happy, and that he wanted to make love to me (we never had sex or anything beyond kissing) and although hesitant (bc I was afraid of being so intimate & having someone so genuinely good), I agreed.

A few weeks followed & my ex best friend hacked my social media account with a vengeance (we had a fight over her anger issues & mistreatment of me-verbal abuse & yelling that went south- so I moved out) and started posting all these public obsessive things about him & friending all his friends so they’d see all these statues (she had been privy to many of the intimate details about our relationship & my hopes/feelings) and he was very upset about his/our privacy being violated & all these very personal things being made known before he/he & I were ready or before we’d even talked/thought about them. …After clearing up that fiasco with reporting my account & regaining control, he very kindly told me that he had to let me go. I was very sad at the time, accepted it even though it was not my doing, and said I’d wait if he ever came back. I assumed he was mortified & scared by what he saw and/or communicated back to him by his friends as they were pretty crazy & serious and thought once things settled & he’d had time to think, he’d come back to me like he always had.

…My phone was silent for months & we didn’t talk for another almost 5 years. During that time, I had a serious relationship with another man my age & we had two young children, but ended our relationship, bc he was/is a very unhealthy person.

Well, 3 months ago, I decided I would once & for all reach out to the midwestern man in an attempt to have a friendship, bc he was/is my mentor & still very special to me. I sent a casual text to his phone number I still knew by heart knowing this may not turn out positive or he may not respond. Well, 20 mins after it sent, my phone went off & my heart went jumping with it; I read his txt (in his voice as I remembered it) saying absolutely to being friends & starting anew. We spend the remaining of that day sending each other texts back and forth chatting, joking, explaining, flirting, and asking questions…

He told me he was very glad I reached out to him, bc I was always a very special girl to him and immediately asked me if I was married or dating anyone and when I replied no, he asked if I’d like to spend time with him and suggested we go to South Beach and have a weekend together that he’d pick up the tab for (which didn’t happen bc my son’s birthday wknd was the only option I couldn’t miss that and Mr. Midwest only had that available). Also, he let slip that he knew things about me he could not have, like having two kids, two boys in fact since we haven’t talked long before I was pregnant with my first child and we have no friends in common for that type of info to pass in social circles. While I did not ask or confront him about it, I’m almost certain that he’s been Facebook stalking me since I noticed he unblocked me a few weeks before I first contacted him and that would be the only way he could know about my children or could have assumed I was married…

We talk about every other week during these last couple of months (he’s still very much busy with work) and he’s making a trip to see me in my city during September for a weekend and is considering investing of his own accord in a company I want to start once I submit him a business plan & it looks good…

I’m elated, but I’m not really sure what to expect. A huge part of me wants to believe he’s coming back for me & we’ll make up for all that lost time between us since we’ve resumed where we left off in a sense and we are much older & more mature to make this time successful. However, the rational part of me knows it’s been 9 years since we’ve physically have seen each other and 5 years since we parted ways and I’m sure we’ve each changed. Regardless, I still feel very connected to him & I do have very intense feelings for him, that mimic or could be love despite all these years gone by.

Is there any advice you might have for me or any opinions on how to proceed forward or insights?

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Woman Advice Please !

So I've been dating my Scorpio F/ 24 for 3 months now. I'm a Pisces M/28 last Friday I had my birthday party early at local restaurant/bar. I had all my close friends job the party. I had a DD who did not drink all night. I obviously had more to drink then everyone else. I'm not a big drinker I might add. So I threw up in the bathroom.

My Scorpio brought it up to my attention on Monday my actual birthday feb 24th.She bought me a very nice thoughtful gift, let alone one for my sister since her bday is the day after mine. I just had a dinner with her and my family only. So I noticed something was wrong with her. So we talked after dinner. she did not want to talk about it, but I told her we might as well. She said I was rude for not apologizing for my actions right away on Friday. I know it's a little my fault for allowing my self to get drunk but it's the only day of the year I do that.( not the best excuse) I told her I had no idea I was rude she said I kissed her after i threw up that I understand her being mad about. But I asked all the friends honest opinion, and they said I was acting pretty mellow.

So she said she needs time to think about us. I called her Monday night after she got home and apologized once more . She said okay , I'll ttyl something like that. I text her on Tuesday night saying: Hey just wanted to tell you I've been thinking a lot about what you said. I want to apologize for what happened Friday, it was really selfish of me, and I'm sorry that I put you through that. You have every right to be upset. It will never happen again. I know it will take time to make it up to you. I hope you have a goodnights rest. Sweet dreams

She said: well i'm glad you've been thinking about it. goodnight, sleep well

Wednesday Morning I texted her : Good morning Hope you slept good .
Not sure when your leaving to SD to see your sis, but wanted to say drive safe . Text me when you get there, so I know you got there safe .
Her: thank you. i think i'm going to go tomorrow instead. have a nice day.

I texted her later that night : Just letting you know I'm thinking about you . Hope you had a good day . Night

Her: thanks, sleep well.

So two days go by and friday she texts me at 11:50 pm hope you had a nice day goodnight.
I texted back thanks you too. Saturday I called her to figure out what we're going to do about us . In short she says lets keep dating and if I want I can date other people. WTF?

So sunday she texts me , hey hope you had a good day yesterday ( probably cause I went out with some girls and they tagged me on IG ) I said it was great how was your's her: pretty good can't complain. Me : cool have fun baking with your mom! tell her i say hi ! her : ok will do

Last night she texts me at 10 pm How was your day? Me: good and your's her: it was good, first day back at work so it was nice. ME cool cool Her : did you work on your truck today? Me: nope still waiting on the parts from the sponsors. Her : oh i see Me: night her :goodnight

Does she really want me in her life ? I really care about her let alone love her family. We've gone from being in a relationship to dating and not seeing other people to going to just dating in 3 months. I seriously i have idea what to think. We had a similar talk a month ago.. I want this to work out any advice? Or should I bring it up how disappointed I am?

Thank You for reading

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...so confused.....need advice :)

Ok, so first and foremost, I'm going to say this and want you to keep this in your head, I'm am HIGHLY ANALYTICAL AND THINK WAY TOO MUCH! I am also OVERLY CONSIDERATE! These two character traits make me unsure of what to do.......

Ok, so here's what happened, there's this girl who basically made eye contact with me at work and wanted to ensure that I knew she was interested in me, so I saw her in a coffee shop and introduced myself and asked her out! but I had to go out of town, so we had our first cofee meeting a week after that! It went well, and we both had fun. so the following week I set up another coffee meeting.....and it went ok, because mainly I wasn't feeling well, was coming down with a cold and didn't realize it... Again, it went ok, we had things to discuss, but not enough to get into any great detail.....was just too short.....

She gave me her phone number right off the bat, I didn't even have to ask for her......so what to do? I texted her today because I am off on vacation and was in the area......she didn't answer, probably because she's busy, and I stopped in the office and she seemed to be a bit annoyed because she was in the middle of work and I interrupted her.......and I guess rightfully so, I didn't mean too, just had bad timing........

Oh and by the way, her mother has been on vacation for the last two weeks out of the country and because of that, she hasn't had a flexible schedule because she has to rush home and cook for her grandmother from Morocco And yes, she is Moroccan, very beautiful, but of course, I never asked what the ground rules were with regards to texting or even calling......

So I don't want to crowd her or seem to needy, but i don't want her to think that I am not interested either, and to be honest, I don't know what the balance is....I don't want to play games and hate those rules, everyone thinks they should follow.......like waiting 3 days or longer, or whatever......

So what do I do? I don't want her to think I'm a stalker? Should I wait until next week, send her a text at work and ask if she wanted to meet for drinks or a nice dinner some night this week? Or do I just set aside some time, mid day on a saturday and just call her and she is she wants to chat some? To me, the best form of communication is in person.......so that way, there's not much that can be misinterpreted.......? Thoughts?

I think at this point, I just need to stop texting her and see if we can meet for dinner next week now that her mother is back in town? Thoughts? so confused, don't want to seem uninterested, but don't want to be a stalker either.......or worse creepy or something.....I'm a military officer by the way, so confidence and chatting isn't the issue..........maybe I'm just to analytical? Thoughts appreciated....so confused.....

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Read John Steinbeck's Adorably Heartfelt Love Advice To His Son

"There are several kinds of love", says John Steinbeck. The 'Of Mice And Men' scribe was also an incurable romantic and loving mentor to his son, Thom.

Today marks the birthday of one of the most legendary literary figures of the twentieth century. Recipient of the Pulitzer Prize (1940), John Steinbeck wrote the classic novel The Grapes of Wrath. Centering around the life of a family as they face copious struggles amidst the Great Depression, the beloved story helped carve Steinbeck's path as a widely celebrated author.

Lesser known is the fact that he was a hardcore romantic who famously passed his candid love lessons onto his son, Thom.

More from YourTango: 5 Dark Secrets Of So-Called 'Happy' Couples

Irrevocably enthralled by words, Steinbeck decided to pursue his passion and — despite his parent's objections — moved to New York in 1925, only to return to California shortly. He fell in love with a woman who would later break his heart by divorcing him while he dealt with the death of his close friend, plunging him into a deep depression, and finally found happiness in his romance with his third wife, Elaine Scott (whom he married in 1950).

While fans of his work don't often consider him a love icon, this letter that he wrote to his son speaks volumes about what was really going on inside the heart of one of America's most revered authors. Thom Steinbeck wanted to convince his parents that his feelings for his girlfriend Susan was more than just puppy love. Here's what this nobel laureate (1962) said to his son in return:

New York
November 10, 1958

Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First — if you are in love — that's a good thing — that's about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don't let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second — There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you—of kindness and consideration and respect—not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply — of course it isn’t puppy love.

But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it — and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone — there is no possible harm in saying so — only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another—but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens—The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

Fa

(Source: Steinbeck: A Life in Letters)

More sweet content from YourTango:

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Male. Need female advice for second date! : )

Apologies in advance if this may not be the right forum, but I didn't want advice from another male. If there is a different forum, please let me know...

ANYWAYS!

I had a terrific first date with this woman. She's lighthearted, sweet, physically affectionate and touchy (no sex or kissing yet).

We just got off the phone, and during our conversation she invited me to this dance class she is teaching as a one-off for her friend. It's a very spiritual thing, involving dancing through your chakras and all that.

No problem so far. I'm happy to do things like that. I'm not shy or reserved, or even a bad dancer myself for a white boy. : ) My concern is that this being our second date, and even though we've already held hands and walked arm-in-arm, I don't know how much of that should be revealed at the class.

If I act flirty with her, that could look unprofessional on her part. If I hang back too much, I could send the wrong signal. There must be some middle ground.

Should I ask her before we go into the class? Should I bring it up at all? I really like her and I don't want to do something that seems distant or crosses a line.

Thanks!

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Needing a pep talk or advice on flaunting.

Last edited by happyholly; Yesterday at 10:41 PM.

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NEED NEED ADVICE PLEASE!!!

Last Thursday I met this girl on Thursday in my friends room and we talked for a while and she is the girl you could have a conversation about anything with her.... So that night I added her on Facebook. We got talking on there and where really getting close.. so on Saturday and Sunday I had a total of a 2 hour phone call with her. So everything sounds good the only problem she has a boyfriend!

Normally she only comes to Uni on Tuesday morning but she decided to come Monday night just for me she said so that night she came to my room and my room mate was there so we talked but coudn't get intimate. So the day after she came over while my room mate wasnt there and we stayed together in my room again this time I put my arm round her and she came closer and closer and she even put her head on my chest while we were holding hands. She had broke up with her boyfriend the day before and her excuse was she was a lesbian which was only a cover up. And then towards the end of that night my m8's and her ex kept going hows your bf and gf and since then she has been distant with me cause i made the stupid mistake of saying mabye we should just stay friends for awhile but im scared thats going to put her off me now.

The day after I met up with her in the library infront of all her friends which was really hard for me not knowing them we talked abit but everything we had in common or our own little jokes were secretive. And she said she would come over tonight but stayed with her best friend who is a boy that night :/

I know this might sound childish but she is honestly the nicest and prettiest girl i have ever met and really dont want to loose her. Please tell me what I should do because I am running out of ideas. I know I may sound desperate but I cant help it.

Thank you for your advice I really need it.
Sam

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Confused, mixed messages. Advice please xx

Hi well I've been going with this guy for about 4/5 weeks but only really seen each other 5-6 times. I don't want a friend with benefits and be says he's doesn't either. He gives me mixed messages and I don't really no what to think. He says we click and that he wants me to stay with him and not go with other men, then the next breath he says if you want to date would you see me aswell. Then sends me messages saying don't fall in love with me, then he says if I'm honest I could fall in love with you. I haven't a clue what to think. I like him but don't want it to just be sex. Am I wasting my time? Thanks in advance x

In my opinion he is either playing games or he doesn't know what he wants. If I were you, I'd talk to him. Ask him if he wants to be in a relationship with you. It's better to make things clear. Be honest with him, tell him that you are looking for something serious.

Hi thanks for messaging back. Well I asked him last night and he said he wants me but had been hurt in the past and was scared to get close to anyone else and what did I want. So I said him, no one else etc. He asked if I wanted him for a boyfriend and I said yes. So maybe he was just a little insecure x

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Need Advice

I recently reconnected with the only high school sweetheart I had- he was my first kiss and there has never been a day that I didn't think of him, even when I was in other realtionships. Our first date was great, we talked about everything and although it had been 21 years since we saw each other it felt as if a day didn't go by. He is everything I remember, humble, goodlooking and a great sense of humor and I find him just as attractive as I did 21 years ago.
We found each other on facebook. Our second date was a blast. Drinks and his house. so fun and most importantly no regrets on either end.
Recently I found a girl that kept getting tagged on his page but she is no where to be found on his page- no pictures, no comments- nothing however on her page, there are numerous pictures of them- she calls him her honey, and there are numerous accounts of trips with him. I asked him about it and she is his roommate and ex. I am confused. He says there is definite chemistry between us and we have made plans throughout next year. I am afraid that I will become more attached than I already am and have it be just some big joke or find out I am the other woman. He has never given me any reason not to believe him and I am wondering if i am just being a typical female or do you think I should talk more about it with him. I really like him and I don't want to loose contact with him again. Any advice/opinion would be greatly appreciated.

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Terrible Dating Advice To Avoid—From YourTango Editors

Ah, love. Photo: Flickr, epSos.de And the one thing you need to hear.

As the end of the year draws near, we'd like to remind you of a few things. Number one: tell your family you love them. Number two: keep your heart open to love this holiday season. And number three: always abide by the dating advice included in this article. You can't go wrong when our staffers come to the rescue! PS: please ignore my terrible filming skills. The real crew was out of the office.

Celeb Editor Lauren Metz

Executive Editor Kristine Solomon

Experts Editor Rochelle Bilow

Love Buzz Editor Michelle Toglia

Editorial Assistant Allie Churchill

More juicy stories from YourTango:

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mamas boy, need advice please

My boyfriend is in an enmeshed relationship with his mother.

He recently moved in with me and as soon as he told her he would be moving she changed. Snide little comments, telling him she felt forgotten and like he had abandoned her (she has a husband and two younger sons who live with her) making him feel guilty by turning on the water works. She has also started being rude to me. She called him a traitor for taking me out instead of her and the last time i went to their house she completely ignored me.

Their relationship has always been weird. There were times when we were at his parents watching tv. He would be sat with his arm around me or holding my hand and all of a sudden she would start holding his other hand, start poking/tickling him or playing with the hair on his arms. I felt extremely uncomfortable, like i was the third wheel. She would often turn up at his work (which is nowhere near where she lives or would need to go) just to give him a hug or slag off his dad. On the phone she would constantly tell him she missed him and loved him (even though he was still living at home at the time) It started to feel like i was the mistress and his mother was his wife ?! I thought things would improve once we moved in together but if anything its just pushed me out and caused friction between us because im now uncomfortable going to his parents.

Well my issue is. This is our first christmas together and im not going to see him. He says his going to "let his mum have this christmas" then we can spend next christmas as a family. So he is leaving ours early christmas morning and sleeping at his parents christmas night. Which im not happy about but i let it go. Now im expected to go to his parents boxing day (even though his mother totally ignored me last time) and if i dont i wont see him boxing day either. I really dont want to go because i hate conflict and his mother is very intimidating.

I have told him that i would like to spend New Years at home. If he goes with what his mum wants (because she will prob kick off if she doesnt see him New Years Eve) should i break it off? I love him so much and i want him to be the man i marry etc but i dont want to be second string to his mother. If he was ready for a proper relationship and truly loved me i would be the main woman in his life right?

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Surprising Dating Advice That Gets Real Results

It might be time to be a little more proactive. Must read: practical and modern dating advice... that actually works.

How Singles Dated: Then And Now
Before online dating and matchmaking services existed, dating was simpler. Men and women met the old fashioned way: through friends and family, at events, church or while they were out and about. Since there were a limited number of ways for singles to meet, men and women were more thoughtful about the way they approached dating and their roles were clearly defined — men acted like men and women behaved like women.  

In this day and age, online dating and matchmaking services have given singles exponentially more ways to meet. And since many women now act like men and many men aren't as clear on what their role is, listening to old, stale dating advice won't yield successful results. These worn-out approaches may catch a man's eye and land you a date or two. But if you want your dates with a man to turn into a promising relationship, you need dating advice that's insightful, meaningful, and empowering. Before we get to this advice, let's look at why the "same old" dating advice no longer works — and why modern dating rules are confusing. Knowing this will give you a better understanding of why real-world advice is needed.   

Why the Same Old Dating Advice And Modern Dating Rules Don't Work
Old dating advice is fluffy and lacks substance. It focuses more on thesuperficial aspects, like showing your cleavage, being flirtatious and flipping your hair to get asked out on a date. It says to not call him unless he calls you. It tells you that dating is a numbers game, and to date as many people as possible. 

When I put old dating advice into practice in my life, things felt forced. I felt like I was wearing a mask and being deceitful, keeping my inner beauty from shining through. I unintentionally behaved and acted in ways that compromised my integrity hoping to get asked out, which didn't make me feel good about myself. It diminished my self worth because I was at a man's mercy of whether he approved of me enough to ask me out. If you're a smart woman, the thought of having to behave in these ways just to get asked out, may leave you feeling cheap and disgusted.

Modern dating rules have become complicated as the role of men and women are blurred. Anyone can ask anyone out, no one knows who is supposed to pay, or if a date is really a date or just a hook up. Women who initiate contact are left wondering why they have a hard time attracting and dating masculine men. Following modern dating rules will make you feel discouraged and confused.  

If you're sick and tired of getting dismal results in your love life, stop following old dating advice that lacks substance and modern dating rules that are confusing. Instead, follow real world dating advice, like these 12 nuggets of wisdom, and meet more of the right men and make meaningful connections.     

Real World Dating Advice For Smart Women:

Dating Advice #1: Stop dating for a while
If you are no longer enjoying the dating process, don't force yourself to date. Stop dating if you're burned out, in the wrong mindset or carrying residual baggage from the past. When you're not having fun, the heavy energy of disappointment and skepticism will repel high quality men, reinforcing all of the reasons why you don't like dating. Get into the right frame of mind, open your heart and lighten your load. Working through and releasing negative energy prepares you for a better dating experience. 

Dating Advice #2: Control your dating destiny
Getting dismal results tends to occur when you let your dating life happen to you. Instead of letting dating control you, do what's within your control. This means developing and sticking to a dating strategy. When you stick to your strategy, you won't be as tempted to hang out and hook up with good-looking bad boys, and you won't get sidetracked by the wrong relationships. You'll be able to hold a clear vision, stay the course, trust in the outcome and let the universe bring to you who you're supposed to be with.

Dating Advice #3: Embrace your single status  
If you hate being single, you may come across as too eager and desperate, which scares good men away. This can also cloud your vision from seeing red flags because you’re fixated on being in a relationship. If you're having a hard time being single or feeling badly that you haven't found that special man, it's okay. Take this time to embrace and enjoy your single status so that you can learn the lessons needed in order to move forward and create the love you desire.  

Dating Advice #4: Don't compare yourself to others
Stop comparing yourself to other women. You are on your own path in life and love. Your path is based on your experiences, what you need to learn and how you need to grow. The path your friend has taken may be more direct while your path may have more forks in the road. Both paths lead to the destination of love. It's my experience that the path with the forks in the road gives you a richer, more dimensional experience.  Replace the temptation to compare yourself to others by believing that everything is happening for your greater good. 

Dating Advice #5: Don't be yourself
If being yourself hasn't gotten you asked out on subsequent dates or captured a man's heart, act like a person you want to attract. For instance, if you have a hard time trusting men yet want a man who is trustworthy, work on your issues with trust. If you have a hard time being vulnerable and want a man who communicates openly, you will want to become more vulnerable. Remember, you attract who you are, not what you want. Determine the qualities and traits you'd like in your ideal man, and work on embodying those within yourself. 

Dating Advice #6: Set the pace and standards
If you're tired of meeting men who try to rush you into having sex, bring back the genteel days of being wooed. When you let a man woo you, you learn if he is looking for a fling or is interested in getting to know all of who you are for a long-term relationship. Setting the pace and standards will bring forth the man who is right for you. This approach increases the probability of turning your dates into a promising relationship. Keep reading...

More from YourTango: Relationship Questions To Ask For Long-Term Commitment

More from YourTango: Can You Make A One Night Stand Go The Distance?

More dating coach advice from YourTango:

How I Became An Online Dating Coach
8 Modern Dating Rules Every Single Should Know
Dating After Divorce? 3 Pitfalls To Avoid

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Surprising Dating Advice That Gets Real Results

It might be time to be a little more proactive. Must read: practical and modern dating advice... that actually works.

How Singles Dated: Then And Now
Before online dating and matchmaking services existed, dating was simpler. Men and women met the old fashioned way: through friends and family, at events, church or while they were out and about. Since there were a limited number of ways for singles to meet, men and women were more thoughtful about the way they approached dating and their roles were clearly defined — men acted like men and women behaved like women.  

In this day and age, online dating and matchmaking services have given singles exponentially more ways to meet. And since many women now act like men and many men aren't as clear on what their role is, listening to old, stale dating advice won't yield successful results. These worn-out approaches may catch a man's eye and land you a date or two. But if you want your dates with a man to turn into a promising relationship, you need dating advice that's insightful, meaningful, and empowering. Before we get to this advice, let's look at why the "same old" dating advice no longer works — and why modern dating rules are confusing. Knowing this will give you a better understanding of why real-world advice is needed.   

Why the Same Old Dating Advice And Modern Dating Rules Don't Work
Old dating advice is fluffy and lacks substance. It focuses more on thesuperficial aspects, like showing your cleavage, being flirtatious and flipping your hair to get asked out on a date. It says to not call him unless he calls you. It tells you that dating is a numbers game, and to date as many people as possible. 

When I put old dating advice into practice in my life, things felt forced. I felt like I was wearing a mask and being deceitful, keeping my inner beauty from shining through. I unintentionally behaved and acted in ways that compromised my integrity hoping to get asked out, which didn't make me feel good about myself. It diminished my self worth because I was at a man's mercy of whether he approved of me enough to ask me out. If you're a smart woman, the thought of having to behave in these ways just to get asked out, may leave you feeling cheap and disgusted.

Modern dating rules have become complicated as the role of men and women are blurred. Anyone can ask anyone out, no one knows who is supposed to pay, or if a date is really a date or just a hook up. Women who initiate contact are left wondering why they have a hard time attracting and dating masculine men. Following modern dating rules will make you feel discouraged and confused.  

If you're sick and tired of getting dismal results in your love life, stop following old dating advice that lacks substance and modern dating rules that are confusing. Instead, follow real world dating advice, like these 12 nuggets of wisdom, and meet more of the right men and make meaningful connections.     

Real World Dating Advice For Smart Women:

Dating Advice #1: Stop dating for a while
If you are no longer enjoying the dating process, don't force yourself to date. Stop dating if you're burned out, in the wrong mindset or carrying residual baggage from the past. When you're not having fun, the heavy energy of disappointment and skepticism will repel high quality men, reinforcing all of the reasons why you don't like dating. Get into the right frame of mind, open your heart and lighten your load. Working through and releasing negative energy prepares you for a better dating experience. 

Dating Advice #2: Control your dating destiny
Getting dismal results tends to occur when you let your dating life happen to you. Instead of letting dating control you, do what's within your control. This means developing and sticking to a dating strategy. When you stick to your strategy, you won't be as tempted to hang out and hook up with good-looking bad boys, and you won't get sidetracked by the wrong relationships. You'll be able to hold a clear vision, stay the course, trust in the outcome and let the universe bring to you who you're supposed to be with.

Dating Advice #3: Embrace your single status  
If you hate being single, you may come across as too eager and desperate, which scares good men away. This can also cloud your vision from seeing red flags because you’re fixated on being in a relationship. If you're having a hard time being single or feeling badly that you haven't found that special man, it's okay. Take this time to embrace and enjoy your single status so that you can learn the lessons needed in order to move forward and create the love you desire.  

Dating Advice #4: Don't compare yourself to others
Stop comparing yourself to other women. You are on your own path in life and love. Your path is based on your experiences, what you need to learn and how you need to grow. The path your friend has taken may be more direct while your path may have more forks in the road. Both paths lead to the destination of love. It's my experience that the path with the forks in the road gives you a richer, more dimensional experience.  Replace the temptation to compare yourself to others by believing that everything is happening for your greater good. 

Dating Advice #5: Don't be yourself
If being yourself hasn't gotten you asked out on subsequent dates or captured a man's heart, act like a person you want to attract. For instance, if you have a hard time trusting men yet want a man who is trustworthy, work on your issues with trust. If you have a hard time being vulnerable and want a man who communicates openly, you will want to become more vulnerable. Remember, you attract who you are, not what you want. Determine the qualities and traits you'd like in your ideal man, and work on embodying those within yourself. 

Dating Advice #6: Set the pace and standards
If you're tired of meeting men who try to rush you into having sex, bring back the genteel days of being wooed. When you let a man woo you, you learn if he is looking for a fling or is interested in getting to know all of who you are for a long-term relationship. Setting the pace and standards will bring forth the man who is right for you. This approach increases the probability of turning your dates into a promising relationship. Keep reading...

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Online Dating Advice That Could Land You A Lasting Marriage

ProConnect Subscribe to Experts Blog By Nina Atwood

On the plus side, it's easy to recreate your first date. Can you click your way to true love?

A new study by the University of Chicago that surveyed over 19,000 couples who met online and then got married found that their breakup rate was 1.7 percent lower than for those who met offline, reports the Wall Street Journal. Also, the overall marital satisfaction rate for couples who met online and later married was slightly higher than for those who met offline. The same study found that over one third of couples who married between 2005 and 2012 met online, a staggering percentage. Does all of this mean that online dating leads to a better marriage?

Online dating still has a bit of a bad rap, though not as bad as it once did. Many singles are leery about going online to search for a mate because the negative stories abound — primarily about con artists and people who vastly misrepresent themselves. But the positive results from research on online dating continue to grow, suggesting that going online may actually increase your odds of a good match, and thus a lasting marriage. Here's how to put the odds in your favor.

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1. Knowing potential partners better helps you make a better choice. If you choose a site that does personality testing, such as eHarmony or that requires extensive surveying like Match.com, you'll know more about someone before you date. Can people fudge? A little, but most personality tests have fail-safe questions that inhibit your ability to fake. Knowledge is power. When you marry someone you know really well and accept for who she/he is, you are far more likely to stay married, and to be happier over time. Bottom line: know yourself and know others before you become romantic. Using sites like Match.com and eHarmony can help you do that.

2. Having lots of choices makes you less desperate. Let's face it, if your dating strategy is to randomly meet someone offline, you can go through a lot of disappointments before you find the right person, and it can take a long, long time. That's because most busy singles today don't have the time to go out and scour the urban landscape for other attractive singles on a frequent enough basis to have lots of choices. If you use online dating wisely, however, you can have one to three dates every week with a variety of viable people. Having all those choices helps you relax, be yourself, and feel less anxious. You become more attractive because you're not needy or desperate. More attractive means more people want to date you, thus giving you even more choices. It's a positive upward spiral that inevitably leads to success.

3. Having more choices leads to better choices. The number one reason people choose partners poorly usually goes something like this: "It's been months/years since I've dated someone seriously, and he/she was good enough. It was much better than dating no one!" But the fact that you haven't dated in a long time and feel lonely isn't a good enough reason to date someone. Why? Because dating leads (very quickly) to attachment; attachment leads to falling in love, and that leads to a long term relationship. When you bind yourself to someone who is not right for you out of loneliness or desperation, it can take months or even years to detach and move on.

Dating online, when done wisely, can give you lots of choices of very viable potential partners, making you less desperate, and allowing you to be appropriately choosy. While that doesn't guarantee a great marriage, it definitely increases your odds!

About the author: Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC, is a nationally known psychotherapist, author of five self-help books, and frequent expert media guest. Read the transformational book that will change your life and your relationships with men: Temptations of the Single Girl: The Ten Dating Traps You Must Avoid. To successfully date online, get Nina’s $0.99 cent eBook Internet Dating for the Savvy Single. Get loads of free advice and Love Strategies at www.singlescoach.com.

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Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single SupportOther Articles/News by Nina Atwood:By Nina Atwood

So, you've finally met a guy who is husband material, marriage-minded and wants to make a commitment to you. Wow. Now that you have this unpolished gemstone in your hand, you can either bring out the brilliance, or you can seriously waste the opportunity. You may be tempted to rush forward, but if you do, you'll likely blow it. Here's how to ... Read moreBy Nina Atwood

Fourteen years ago when I met my husband, we were both failures. Relationship failures, that is. He was divorced twice and so was I. We were in our early forties, fearful of making another mistake, yet still hopeful that maybe this relationship would be the right one. We both had a healthy dose of skepticism, but we forged ahead. Good thing we did because ... Read moreBy Nina Atwood

Join Relationship Coach Nina Atwood on our Facebook page Thursday, January 3 at 2 p.m. EST to ask all of your questions about love and relationships! Kanye West announced this week that his girlfriend, Kim Kardashian is pregnant. And while everyone enjoys a good love story, and all babies are blessings, is this particular union headed for disaster or ... Read moreSee More

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Relationship Advice: 5 More Things Your Mom Never Told You

What did your mom forget to tell you about love? ... but you absolutely should know.

Last week, we gave you five things your mom forgot to tell you about love. Turns out, there's a few more things she forgot to mention.

Remember when your mom found your sex ed book and launched into a diatribe about how "heavy petting" (yes, that was a glossary term) is what led to your consummation? No, just me? Well, lucky you, readers. Either way, when it comes to dispensing knowledge on relationships, there are undoubtedly some things dear old mom left out. Hey, it's her job! Now don't tell her we told you, but here are our five more frontrunners:

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1. Timing > Love
It's possible your mother imparted on you the infamous "timing is everything" wisdom, but it's more possible she opted for the far more optimistic: "love conquers all". The fact is, the first one is true, and the second one isn't. There will be people you'll love in your life, who'll also love you, but that doesn't mean they're the "forever" ones. That may be life's biggest lesson: love isn't always enough. And what's more frustrating, you can be extremely compatible with this person, and everything seems so easy like you've always heard it should be — but if someone's not ready to move forward, they just won't. It's like a boulder, you can't move it on your own and you'll exhaust yourself trying, not to mention waste your time. Still, there is a sliver lining: these same people serve a significant purpose in your life, and more importantly, help both shape your character as well as make you realize what you want and need in a partner.

2. Don't, Um, Suck In Bed
Well, my mom actually did tell me this, in a somewhat round about way, but it was so shocking I'm convinced this isn't normal. When I was in high school, she received a wedding invitation in the mail, and informed me the two people getting married were both virgins; then said this verbatim: "Can you imagine? Talk about missionary position forever." It's only now, more than 10 years later, I realize what she really meant was: don't be afraid to experiment a little before locking it down, and especially with your current significant other.

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3. Sex Spells, They're A Thing
What is a sex spell, you ask? It's an unexplainable desire and pull towards someone you'd likely never even be in a serious relationship with, but you're both completely infatuated and bonded to despite little to no rational reason. This doesn't always have to equal great sex (though it almost always does), there's just a natural, almost unshakable attraction. And here's the real kicker your mother would never own up to: a true one can be harder to find, and at certain times in your life even more fulfilling, than love. Keep Reading ...

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Desperately needing advice. Should I give up or keep fighting?

I did stupid back in late October. I cheated on my boyfriend of almost 5 years. At the time, I was almost 4 months pregnant, lonely, craving the attention that I wasn't getting because of the video games he was playing.. I'm currently 9 months, two weeks to delivery (I hope!!!). He found out on Thanksgiving by snooping through my email and my phone. It was a one time thing. I haven't cheated since. I have remained completely faithful, honest, I have stopped talking to the guy I cheated with, I haven't browsed, I let my boyfriend see my phone emails and facebook, I don't hide a single thing, and I have been going to a counselor. Well, obviously, the trust is gone. I understand why. But now, the trust with him is slowly diminishing. I thought everything was going fine and we were going to work things out, until he told me mid-January that he has had thoughts of finding someone better, wondering if he deserves someone better, and if he should kick me out. Two weeks later, he started being very secretive with his phone. I found out four days later that he was on a dating site, flirting with single women, texting women including a prostitute (totally not making this up - he found her through Craigslist), and he had been complimenting them, asking if they would be interested in him, wondering if he should "kick my preggo lying cheating ass gf out," and if he would have a shot with them. I forced him to delete it. He was not happy with me. Then, three weeks ago, I was checking his email for a confirmation letter from the gas company, and that was there, as well as an email from google mail - "Your new account has been created successfully." He created a new email and made a new account on another dating site. He doesn't think this is considered cheating, but his parents as well as everyone we talk to think it is. I don't know if he is flirting with these girls he's talking to, and he refuses to let me see, even though he has access to my stuff. He has decreased sex, and, when we do have sex, it's for his pleasure, not mine. I have to BEG to get some type of pleasure. It's not fair. I have tried so hard for the past 5-6 months to make things work, but it seems as if I'm wasting my time. I have been tempted to call it quits. Should I give up? What else can I do?????

I did stupid back in late October. I cheated on my boyfriend of almost 5 years. At the time, I was almost 4 months pregnant, lonely, craving the attention that I wasn't getting because of the video games he was playing.. I'm currently 9 months, two weeks to delivery (I hope!!!). He found out on Thanksgiving by snooping through my email and my phone. It was a one time thing. I haven't cheated since. I have remained completely faithful, honest, I have stopped talking to the guy I cheated with, I haven't browsed, I let my boyfriend see my phone emails and facebook, I don't hide a single thing, and I have been going to a counselor. Well, obviously, the trust is gone. I understand why. But now, the trust with him is slowly diminishing. I thought everything was going fine and we were going to work things out, until he told me mid-January that he has had thoughts of finding someone better, wondering if he deserves someone better, and if he should kick me out. Two weeks later, he started being very secretive with his phone. I found out four days later that he was on a dating site, flirting with single women, texting women including a prostitute (totally not making this up - he found her through Craigslist), and he had been complimenting them, asking if they would be interested in him, wondering if he should "kick my preggo lying cheating ass gf out," and if he would have a shot with them. I forced him to delete it. He was not happy with me. Then, three weeks ago, I was checking his email for a confirmation letter from the gas company, and that was there, as well as an email from google mail - "Your new account has been created successfully." He created a new email and made a new account on another dating site. He doesn't think this is considered cheating, but his parents as well as everyone we talk to think it is. I don't know if he is flirting with these girls he's talking to, and he refuses to let me see, even though he has access to my stuff. He has decreased sex, and, when we do have sex, it's for his pleasure, not mine. I have to BEG to get some type of pleasure. It's not fair. I have tried so hard for the past 5-6 months to make things work, but it seems as if I'm wasting my time. I have been tempted to call it quits. Should I give up? What else can I do?????I would call it quits. It's rough losing someone you have been with for so long but, you have to accept it is already over in his mind. Staying together after he has mentally ended things with you will be heartbreaking as you receive little reminders everyday that he has moved on. When you break it off, it could get him to freak out and realize he has lost you. This could get him to come back to you eventually.

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Relationship Advice: 5 More Things Your Mom Never Told You

What did your mom forget to tell you about love? ... but you absolutely should know.

Last week, we gave you five things your mom forgot to tell you about love. Turns out, there's a few more things she forgot to mention.

Remember when your mom found your sex ed book and launched into a diatribe about how "heavy petting" (yes, that was a glossary term) is what led to your consummation? No, just me? Well, lucky you, readers. Either way, when it comes to dispensing knowledge on relationships, there are undoubtedly some things dear old mom left out. Hey, it's her job! Now don't tell her we told you, but here are our five more frontrunners:

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1. Timing > Love
It's possible your mother imparted on you the infamous "timing is everything" wisdom, but it's more possible she opted for the far more optimistic: "love conquers all". The fact is, the first one is true, and the second one isn't. There will be people you'll love in your life, who'll also love you, but that doesn't mean they're the "forever" ones. That may be life's biggest lesson: love isn't always enough. And what's more frustrating, you can be extremely compatible with this person, and everything seems so easy like you've always heard it should be — but if someone's not ready to move forward, they just won't. It's like a boulder, you can't move it on your own and you'll exhaust yourself trying, not to mention waste your time. Still, there is a sliver lining: these same people serve a significant purpose in your life, and more importantly, help both shape your character as well as make you realize what you want and need in a partner.

2. Don't, Um, Suck In Bed
Well, my mom actually did tell me this, in a somewhat round about way, but it was so shocking I'm convinced this isn't normal. When I was in high school, she received a wedding invitation in the mail, and informed me the two people getting married were both virgins; then said this verbatim: "Can you imagine? Talk about missionary position forever." It's only now, more than 10 years later, I realize what she really meant was: don't be afraid to experiment a little before locking it down, and especially with your current significant other.

More from YourTango: Are We Sacrificing Our Relationships For Happiness?

3. Sex Spells, They're A Thing
What is a sex spell, you ask? It's an unexplainable desire and pull towards someone you'd likely never even be in a serious relationship with, but you're both completely infatuated and bonded to despite little to no rational reason. This doesn't always have to equal great sex (though it almost always does), there's just a natural, almost unshakable attraction. And here's the real kicker your mother would never own up to: a true one can be harder to find, and at certain times in your life even more fulfilling, than love. Keep Reading ...

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Shy guy needs advice

Hello,
I am a shy 29 year old male that needs advice on how to break that habit. I am a pretty sociable person when I start to feel comfortable around someone, but it does take some time. When I see a girl as a friend, communicating is easy. However, when it comes time to flirt and try and take the next step, I close them off and start to shut down. I don't want this to take over my life. I have resorted to meeting women online now because the anxiety of trying to approach a beautiful women scares me to no end. Any advice from men that have overcome a similar problem or women who understand how a guy with this problem may feel and how to overcome it. Thanks again.

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Online Dating Advice: 10 Best Tips [EXPERT]

Just imagine: your perfect match could be one mouse click away. Tried and true advice to avoid Internet scammers and find lasting love!

Contrary to outdated notions, online dating is not just for losers. In fact, millions of hopeful singles log on everyday looking for Mr. and Mrs. Right. Even your future soulmate could be as close as the click of your mouse! You just need the right online dating advice. After all, for every fairytale ending, there are stories of disappointments, bad dates and scams.

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Unfortunately, it's easy to be lulled into a false sense of security when you engage in regular contact with someone whose photos you've seen, whose bio you've read and whose voice you may have even heard over the phone. But, as we all know, there are predators are out there, so you have to be careful.

With that in mind, here are 10 tips for staying safe, having fun and potentially connecting with your perfect match online:

1. Vet him before meeting him. You must be diligent from the get-go. The other day, I was with a girlfriend, and she showed me the latest text conversation between her and a man that she met online. He lived in another city and wanted her to travel to meet him. His end of the conversation turned sexual. I advised her to cut communication immediately. This man was not soulmate material.

2. Be careful about the image that you project in your profile. If you are serious about finding your future husband, posting provocative photos in skimpy attire is not the message that conveys that. Keep it classy. Also, be honest about your age and weight. One of the biggest complaints from dating site users is the dishonesty about those two things. When you meet in person, you will not be able to hide it, and won't that be embarrassing?

3. Take your own transportation. You do not want to be stuck in a guy's car if he is creepy or makes you feel uncomfortable. Being able to leave when you're ready is important.

4. Meet your date in a public place … such as a coffee shop or an outdoor mall. Avoid secluded places like parks, or isolating activities like hiking.

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5. Don't worry about hurting his feelings; your safety is paramount. Trust your gut. Women often tell themselves that they are being silly when they feel that something is off, or they are afraid of hurting someone's feelings. Your intuition will tell you if you should cut the date short and move on, listen to it. Keep reading ...

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I did something really bad, need advice

I'm a 22 year old girl very new to dating and I really need some advice. Some background: I met my current, and first, boyfriend (he's 29) a little over a year and half ago- July of 2011. We were going on dates when we first met. He moved to a city 4 hours away only 3 weeks after we first met. We agreed to keep it casual but continue hanging out after he moved. He would come to my city very often, at least every other weekend. It took a little while, but six months later I was really comfortable with him. We talked every single day by phone, text, email, facebook, skype, whatever. We were seeing each other almost every weekend and we were having unprotected sex, he started telling me that he loves me. I think I did love him at the time but I didn't say it back. All the time I knew we weren't in a real relationship, I knew it was possible that he was seeing other girls but I didn't want to ask. He was becoming my best friend. I was seeing other guys until about this time of last year, when it started to feel wrong to me. But In May of last year I left the country for 2 months. Since I knew it was coming, it was easier for me to be casual about our relationship and not have any real expectations, but he was still my best friend. While I was away, I hung out with a couple guys here and there but I wasn't looking for anything and I knew that anyone I met I would never see again after 2 months anyway. I was still talking almost daily to my current boyfriend.

When I got home, he came to visit me that weekend. I was nervous since I hadn't seen him in so long. I didn't know if I would feel the same way or if he would. But it felt perfect and great to me. Right away again, we were seeing each other nearly every weekend, talking everyday. He met my parents, I went to all of his family dinners. We had weekends away together a couple times. I told him that I loved him when it was about a year after we met and it was the first time I've said that to anyone. However, the next day I tried to end it with him. He had something the night before along the lines of "I'm not going to want a real relationship for a long time". At that point it was what I wanted and needed from him. I wanted him to not want to see other girls. I told him I think we should stop hanging out. He was very upset and ended up convincing me to change my mind. He said he didn't care about any other girls, he just wasn't ready to commit, that he hadn't had sex with anyone else in 8 months (I couldn't say the same).

So we kept hanging out, talking every day, seeing each other almost every weekend, skyping, having dinner with each others family, etc. Since i knew he was not committed me, I was actually trying not to be monogamous. I went on a couple dates with another guy, and I would meet other guys here and there but it felt really weird and wrong to me. I felt like I was being sneaky. I had the same conversation with him again in late September. This time I said, I needed to either take a step back or take a step forward. Either commit, or stop being so close, not that we had to stop being friends or talking entirely, but I couldn't stay on the level we were at knowing that he wasn't committed to me. To me it seemed like we were in a relationship, granted it was my first time doing that. He said he would commit to me. We've been together for a little over five months now and every seems almost perfect- we do fight here and there and I get really frustrated when I don't see him for a weekend.

Last week, however I was in his apartment alone and I did something really horrible that I will never forgive myself for. I read his emails. I feel so bad about it makes me sick. I really never thought I would do anything like that and I always thought people who did that were stupid, horrible people who didn't deserve to be in a relationship. Well, long story short I found out he was still hanging out with other girls, calling them "babe", going on dates, etc. until late September, basically when I had the conversation with him. He was on a dating website. I saw one exchange where he told a girl in late July that he was looking for a girlfriend, and that's why he was on the website - the same time he was telling me he wasn't interested in having a girlfriend. I know that one weekend when we went away and he was telling me that he loved me and we had a really great weekend, he went on a date with another girl the very next day. I know that I was basically his best friend the whole time and that he did care a lot about me, but I really think this is wrong.

So this was a long post, but if anyone managed to get through the whole thing I have a few questions: He's much older than me, and we're in different life stages, so is it ok for people to be doing that? Since we didn't have any rules set about seeing other people, was he not doing anything wrong last summer? But isn't it understood when you go on a first date with someone that he didn't have a weekend away with another girl, and tell the girl that he loves her, the day before? Or maybe I'm just too young to understand that this kind of thing actually is ok, and it is what people do in there late 20s. Was I being played? Should it not matter since he is committed to me now? As soon as he promised that he would stop seeing other girls, he did, but it still really hurts me that he was seeing other girls, probably texting me when he was on a date with another girl, or even texting another girl right after we had sex.

And I know it was very very wrong of me to read his emails, much worse than what I'm mad at him for. He knows I did it and I know there is a good chance he will break up with me for it, so none of this will even matter.

Thank you for any advice, especially from older people who have a lot of experience dating.

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