What I’ve Learned In Pageantry That May Help You In Dating

Use what you got…to get what you want!

I hate to admit it but I love entertaining a crowd. It's so ironic because I’m actually a super shy girl! My family still doesn’t know how I can be so soft spoken and timid in person yet so full of life on stage. I often wonder this myself sometimes! I think it’s because I love to entertain people and make them smile, even for one moment in time. But this irony made me think a lot deeper about people’s gifts and talents and how we can use them to propel us in dating successfully.

Throughout the years, I have entertained people through pageantry, fitness and local community shows.  And the thing I’ve noticed is the variety of people that perform on stage and the tremendous gifts and talents they bring with them to the stage.  Every one of them is different in their presentations. That’s what makes them special and people are drawn to their uniqueness.

The more the person brings their individual strengths to the stage no matter the eccentricity of it, the more that person shines in the eyes of the audience.  The more the person hides their talent or tries to be like someone else, the more their light is dimmed and someone else shines ahead of them. Well, the same holds true for dating, the more we bring our gifts and talents to the relationship, the more our partners love us and the more we hide behind those gifts, the less attractive we become to our partners.

So why do we hide behind those gifts? Well, that’s a great question with a one word answer-fear. Fear sets in and tells us that people won’t like us if we express ourselves. Fear tells us to be like other people. The only problem is that when you become like other people, you lose the essence of who you were born to be in life. You become just another face in the crowd. We must learn to overcome that fear and let our light shine so that others can see it.

You see, I believe everyone has a gift and everyone is here on earth for a reason. Some people have bright, bold personalities while others may have a quiet unassuming personality. Some people have incredible outward beauty (although in the eyes of the beholder!) while others have a quiet, inner assurance. But that’s what makes us all colorful people.  If the world were all full of one color or had one type of people, we would have a very boring world. Your uniqueness makes you attractive to others because it is what you bring to the table.

The more we’re free to express our talents and abilities in dating, the more others will see those talents and reward us accordingly. They appreciate the fact that we are who we are and not like other people.  When you decide to express your own individual self, you move to another level of maturity and wisdom of which others can only aspire to go in life.  You begin to control your own destiny and write your own rules.  You begin to live the life you were meant to live. 

Thanks for reading!

For more helpful dating tips, please check out my website at www.liveloveaspire.blogspot.com or you may inquire about my dating/relationship coaching services at www.liveloveaspire.com. 

If you happen to live in the Baltimore-DC metro area, please do inquire about my upcoming workshops.  The next workshop series will be held on Sept 13th in Columbia, Maryland.  If interested, please email us at info@liveloveaspire.com.

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Transition from dating to relationship / boyfriend-girlfriend

Hi

I've been dating a woman for about 6/7 weeks now and it's going great. We see each other about twice a week and text on other days. We've known each other for many years and she's the first girl I've ever dated although she has been in previous 7 yr relationship and dated others.

We've not explicitly labeled it as such but we are exclusive neither of us seeing other people. But I feel like we're in a relationship, from the way we spend time together and my feelings for her. We've not slept together yet and are taking it slowly but the kissing and everything is going well.

Do I bring this up? Or is it too soon? Or should I wait for her to bring it up?

I also wonder whether it sounds too immature to say I really like you will you be my girlfriend (I'm 28 she's 27) so not sure how to put it either!

Thanks for the advice

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What Women Really Think ... Of Dating Someone Who's Sober

Dealbreaker or the perfect match? Here's what 9 ladies think.

As someone who drinks more than she should and is well aware that there just might be a problem here, I have tried more than a few times to get sober. I don't mean just for a few weeks, but it never works out. Alcohol is my crutch and I know that. I've gotten a far as a few months, and while I'm proud of that achievement, I can't be too proud, because I still drink, and I still love it.

Because I am a drinker, I've often wondered if I could be in a relationship with someone who doesn't drink at all. I have several friends who are sober and they're just as awesome off the sauce as they were when they were on it, but I also feel like certain events are reserved for them and others reserved for my drinking buddies. Which makes sense; friends do get divvied up into specific categories depending on their interests.

I asked both sober and drinking ladies their thoughts on dating someone whose drinking habits (or non-drinking habits) are completely different from their own. Here's what they had to say.

How The Drinkers Feel:
"I could never date a sober person. It's just like someone refusing to partake in one of my favorite hobbies!" exclaims Rachel, 21.

"I married a sober person and it's perfect since forever. I always have a designated driver," says Joy, 37.

"Whether they drink a lot, a little or not at all doesn't bother me. As long as they don't care that I may have a couple, we'll get along just fine," says Jen, 36.

"I'd be apprehensive but I don't know that it's a dealbreaker," says Sarah, 26.

"For me, dating someone who doesn't drink is like dating someone who votes Republican. It just won't work," says Leigh, 27.

"As someone that enjoys drinking, I probably feel most comfortable either with someone that drinks a similar amount, or a sober person that is VERY patient and still fun around drunkies. Nothing is worse than the sober person that is constantly judging you, and it's also no fun to have to take care of someone that is stupidly drunk ALL THE TIME (making me the responsible party by default)," says Becky, 29.

How The Sober Ladies Feel:
"As someone sober, I've been fine with being with drinkers so long as it's not constant and excessive, and so long as it's kept out of my home. I have some wine around for cooking, but it has taken me a long time to get to that point. What makes me really uncomfortable is when people who know about it bring over bottles of wine or liquor when they come over for an evening." says Tanya, 34.

"My husband and I are both sober; before we met each other, we hadn't dated anyone else who was sober. But a guy broke up with me once because I had stopped drinking, I lost friends when I stopped drinking, and it made me sad, because I'm way more fun now than I was when I was drunk," says Randi, 35.

"I've worked extremely hard at my sobriety. It's been six years in the making. But since I know I have a problem, I know that dating someone who drinks would be an issue. If they occasionally had a glass of wine with dinner, that would be OK, but more than that, I just couldn't do it. I need to put myself first for this one," says Kim, 30.

Photo: weheartit.com

How do you feel about dating someone who's sober? Tell us in the comments below.

5. Yeah, so I'll be out here for the next few days if anyone needs me.

wehearit.com

6. OMG. This is so much better than chasing a ball.

wehearit.com

8. Why would I go for a walk when I can go for a ride?

wehearit.com

10. I was going to be productive today but then I got in the pool.

wehearit.com

11. Yeah, I went to Coachella ... both weekends.

wehearit.com

14. Care to join me? There's room for one more.

wehearit.com

16. Can I get a cocktail out here when you get a chance?

wehearit.com

16. It's not even my birthday but I think we should celebrate anyway.

wehearit.com

1. Did someone say ROAD TRIP?

wehearit.com

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Dating your best friend?

Okay, so, I've been friends with my best friend for about 8 years. Shortly after we became friends, he became romantically interested in me and I turned him down. I knew that he still had feelings for me, but it was something that we never really talked about again, because I knew that I didn't like him. Recently, I realized that I may have feelings for him, but am really confused about whether it's true or not. I got incredibly jealous over the fact that some girl was hitting on him at my birthday party and began to cry when he left to give her a ride home. Someone asked why I had been crying and when I said I didn't know, they asked if it was possible that I had feelings for my friend. He came back and gave me a hug after someone had told him that I'd been crying and we started talking. He said that he still had feelings for me and I told him that I did too. Now I'm not sure if I said that in the heat of the moment or if I truly meant it. I've been so confused and I want to give him a chance, but I'm really scared that it'd ruin our friendship. I think about how much he means to me and how he knows me better than anyone else: how he pays attention to little details in our conversations and how he never really forgets them, and how he can read my mind, how he can instantly cheer me up or make me laugh. My entire family loves him, extended family included, and he loves them too. It's kind of scary to think about forever changing a relationship you have with someone, but a part of me thinks it might be worth it. I'm so confused and don't know what to do!

I f you feel a strong deep affection for him I think it is worth a try, at least if it is not love you would know you tried, if you let it go, you will always wonder what would have happened if you took a chance with him.

I think the boy is good and you should go ahead with it your family also like him which is also good for your relationship.
I don't know what is troubling you he is your best friend he care for you so much love u so much and what else you want.
Are you having any other expectations from him which you knew he can't fulfill so i would just say no one get the perfect match we have to adjust somewhere.

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Online Dating Made Easy For The Shy At Heart

ProConnect Subscribe to Experts Blog By Sandy Weiner

Drop the wink face and ask a real question. If you're shy, don't just send winks and canned flirts. Get noticed by doing this instead...

Communicating with your online dating love interest can be confusing. Should women send first emails? (Absolutely!) What do you write in a first email? (More on that below.) What about flirts, winks, and smiley faces? Should you send or respond to them?

And what if you're shy? Making the first move can feel daunting. I received this email from a woman who's perplexed about online dating communication:

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Dear Sandy,

How do you feel about winks, flirts, and other automatic ways of communicating in online dating? I am shy and find this to be a comfortable way to let a guy know I'm interested.

Bea

Dear Bea,

Flirts and winks and smiles — they're a quick and easy way to communicate with your e-match. Unfortunately, most men don’t respond to them. These canned responses are often viewed as lazy and impersonal.

It's okay that you're shy, but if you don't move a little out of your comfort zone in your online dating communication, you'll probably get ignored. So, how do you overcome your shyness? Try writing an email instead of a flirt. You can take all the time you need to compose a great email that will catch his interest. There's no pressure to be spontaneous or quick on your feet.

4 TIPS FOR WRITING EMAILS THAT GET NOTICED

MAKE IT PERSONAL. Pick out one item from his profile that grabbed your attention and include it in your email. I like to choose the most obscure thing he wrote. For example, if he writes that he's a doctor but has a secret desire to write a novel, ask him about that book. Then tell him that you get along well with creative men.WRITE A CLEVER SUBJECT LINE. He'll be more likely to open your email if you write something fun, smart, or unusual in your subject line. Make it pop. "Greek Isles on your bucket list, too?" or "Jumping on a Trampoline?" shows him that you read his profile and are commenting on something personal.ASK A GOOD QUESTION. One of the biggest mistakes people make is endng an email without asking a question. If you include a question at the end, he'll be more likely to respond. And no "yes or no" questions. For example, if a guy says he's an animal lover, don't ask, "Is that dog in the photo your favorite pet?" That will elicit a "yes" or "no" answer. Instead, ask "What was your favorite pet of all time and why?"DON'T SOUND NEEDY. Keep the tone casual, light, and fun in your first email. If you come on too strong, he might label you as needy or stalk-ish and not respond. This isn't a game show where you're shouting, "pick me, pick me!" I like to think of the first email as an exploration. You are an adventurer, out in the wilds of online dating, and you're trying to figure out if you're compatible or not. You are just as much the chooser as he is the picker. Don't lose sight of that.

I hope these tips make it easier for you to take that first step and send an email, not a flirt or wink. Best of luck in your dating adventures!

Wishing you success in love,

Sandy

Click here for a copy of my FREE report, "The Top Three Mistakes Midlife Daters Make (and how to turn them around to find love now)". Please 'like' my Facebook page for more tips on dating and relationships & updates on my weekly radio show. Want to know more about the Last First Date Inner Circle? Monthly Q & A calls, a private forum, and much more, all at a ridiculously low price. Join us today!

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For a copy of my FREE report, “The Top Three Mistakes Midlife Daters Make (and how to turn them around to find love now)” please click here.

If you are serious about finding love this year, there’s nothing like group coaching to keep you accountable and give you solid dating tools that work. In the Last First Date Inner Circle, you'll have access to two monthly topic-based Q & A calls about dating over 40, and a private forum for you to connect and share your experiences. All calls are recorded and transcribed, and you get a free chapter a month of my upcoming book. If you're a woman over 40 and want ongoing coaching support at an affordable rate, check out the LFD Inner Circle today. 

Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Online DatingOther Articles/News by Sandy Weiner:By Sandy Weiner

A few years ago, I found myself frustrated with the quality of men I was meeting online. If you keep doing the same thing, you’ll keep getting the same results; according to Einstein, that’s the definition of insanity. Einstein also said, "It's not that I'm so smart; it's just that I stay with problems longer." So, I sat with ... Read moreBy Sandy Weiner

Sandy, I’ve been dating Josh for three months. He’s good-looking, smart, and most importantly, treats me with respect. I’ve had a tough dating and relationship history. I was engaged to a guy who never followed through with his promises and broke off the engagement. I was married to a man who cheated. I’ve been following your great ... Read moreBy Sandy Weiner

Sandy, My boyfriend and I dated on and off for the past 3 years. Last year, he dumped me 10 times. Every time we had an argument, he'd leave. He'd come back a few weeks later, apologizing, saying he loved me and didn't want to lose me. While on vacation this past summer, he left our hotel room while I was in the shower and flew home. He ... Read moreSee More

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These Beauty Products Will Change Your Dating Life — Seriously

The greater the difference in size between a man's index and ring finger, the longer his penis is when fully erect.

Ready to perfect that cat-eye? Have five minutes before date night? Consider these your lifesavers.

Not only does Spring bring with it warm weather and the smell of roses in the air, it's when highly-anticipated beauty products hit shelves. With more daylight, we want more time in the sun and less time at the vanity.

These new launches, from Eve Lom's makeup/skincare hybrids to Clinique's acne gel that hydrates and removes inflammation, are simple additions to our routine. For the best buys of the month, shop the gallery at the link below.

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See the slideshow over at Lifestyle Mirror: Innovative Beauty Products That Make Your Routine So Much Easier

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Ready to Come Out? 5 Honest Tips For LGBT Dating Newbies

Just be your authentic self and the rest will come easy. Are you ready to step out and be a freshman in the LGBT Dating Scene?

As a Relationship Architect™ who has been an advocate of the LGBT Community over the past 15 years, it's important that I reach out to those that are not yet 100% experienced in the "LGBT Dating Arena."

If you have never been in an LGBT relationship and you do not have anyone who can help you navigate the waters, it can be a scary place. In my experience, a lot of "first-timers" tend to spend years learning how to exist in a relationship only to have gone through years of damaging emotional experiences. Where are their Big Brothers and Big Sisters? Where do they learn about the topics of LGBT relationships, safe sex, responsible dating, how to deal with family acceptance and rejection?

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Whether you're coming out for the first time or going public for the first time, here are 5 tips for you to consider while dating and in search for your First Gay Relationship. While these will in no way help you to fully navigate the waters ahead, they will at least give you a road map to a few ways to begin your dating experience from a place of authenticity.

1. The Grass Is NOT Always Greener On The Same Side
I'd like to begin by dispelling the myth that all women know what another woman wants and all men know what another man wants. Lumping everyone into the same category is not the way the world works. Everyone is different. I am a firm believer that we personally do not do the choosing of who we love, but in fact, our spirit does. Making the choice to date the same sex because you think the grass is greener on the same side will only lead to heartache. It doesn't matter what side you're on, there are broken, misled, confused…even uncaring and abusive individuals that are present. LGBT relationships suffer some of the same issues, ailments and pain that heterosexual relationships do. Being of the same sex doesn't guarantee you the relationship of a lifetime.

2 You Do Not Have to Sacrifice Who You Are Just To Be Accepted
Many people that are new to the LGBT lifestyle often make the mistake of trying to do everything to please everybody. They say yes to things they wouldn't ordinarily say yes to and they stop doing the things that really feed their spirit because of being afraid of what others may think.

The best way to attract the relationship that will be perfectly imperfect for you is to be yourself. Being honest about being new in the community can have different reactions to different people but that shouldn't stop you from learning who you are and learning how to articulate that in your new relationship.

One thing that is very important for you to understand is that every dating situation is not a potential relationship NOR is every committed relationship a potential marriage. If you're just starting out, it may FEEL like the best thing you've ever experienced but do yourself a favor and take your time. Navigate the waters with caution. This isn't an easy lifestyle to embark upon by any means however, the more time you take to really understand who YOU are by doing your internal groundwork the better. Learn how to love you just as you are today…and tomorrow if you decide to wake up and be someone different, love yourself enough for that to be ok as well.

3. Sharing Your Sexual Preference Is YOUR Choice And Not A Requirement
Never allow anyone to pressure you into coming out or going public if you're not ready to. A lot of people that have been living the LGBT lifestyle for a while and are comfortable in their skin sometimes shy away from newbies. The idea is that newbies are not yet sure where they want to be and can be quite emotionally risky. Sometimes, in an effort to protect their hearts, images, etc. they will require you to come out before your time to someone that you are not yet ready to come out to. Don't be bullied.

4. Know What You Bring To The Table (Or At Least Have Something To Bring To The Table)
You do not have to be 100% accomplished in your career or life to start dating, you should however know what you bring to the table or at least HAVE something to bring to the table. What do you have to offer? Great personality, compassion, great back rubs, education, spiritual community: whatever it is, you should KNOW what makes you YOU. What are your strong points? What value can you add? Do you need to have the answer to these questions just to go on a date — well, not immediately but you do need to know the answer to these questions for other reasons.

5. Date Responsibly: Both Emotionally and Sexually

As my mother use to say "Don't let your mouth write a check that your a$$ can't cash!" What does that have to do with dating? Everything! Don't play with peoples emotions and get yourself into a situation that you will have a hard time getting yourself out of. Physically, don't allow the passion of the moment to cause you a lifetime of pain. Practice safe sex. I'm not stating that you have to sleep with everyone that you're dating, however, should you choose to do so, do it responsibly. 

Remember, dating is suppose to be fun! This is your time to try on as many pairs of shoes as you like (responsibly) before buying a pair. Have fun with it. While you're dating, get clear on the type of person that would allow you to have the quality of life and love that you want and what that would FEEL like.

Take your time and you will do fine. And if you ever need any additional advice, someone to talk to, a coach that understands you...I'm right here.

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There's A New Dating Dealbreaker In Town — Your Apartment

Is your messy kitchen getting in the way of your love life? From roommates to big windows, this infographic reveals the biggest apartment turn-ons & turn-offs.

Have you ever been out on a date that was so awesome, you were certain that you had found THE One? Did you think that this is the person you're going to marry and grow old with, but then you went to their apartment and everything came tumbling down? You're not a bad person if you let love slip away because you realize your potential soulmate is total slob or has a roommate who sacrifices kittens every Monday night. In fact, you're kind of in the majority.

Rent.com conducted a survey to see if where and how someone lives would have any effect on their dating life, and not very surprisingly, it does. Of renters who participated in the study, 67 percent said that if they met someone with a great apartment, it would pique their interest in that person even more. Can you blame them? When this statistic was broken in down, it was found that such importance is most prevalent when people are between 18 and 24 at 79 percent, compared to the older group of 48 to 67 years old who probably think there just might be more important concerns in finding a partner; they came in at 54 percent.

But it wasn't just about size and the view from someone's windows. Eighty-two percent of renters said that the cleanliness factor of one's place was definitely a factor that weighed heavily; with 78 percent saying their biggest turn off was a filthy apartment. I mean, who wants to stay at someone's apartment when you're terrified of whatever might be growing in their bathroom?

If you're looking to win someone over by your place, but don't have one of those impressive views you usually see in movies, then it's best to pay attention to the details. For 15 percent of women, the biggest turn on for them was family photos in the apartment, while for guys, at 13 percent, it was a "nice collection of books and/or magazines." Say what? Before you start thinking men have started to matured in some way, their second biggest turn on (11 percent), was if they spotted a king size bed in the apartment.

Roommates, even if they're not sacrificing kittens every Monday night, still come into play especially if that roommate is of the opposite sex. Of those polled, 26 percent of renters have no interest in dating someone who lives with someone they perceive, might be a threat — this was especially true for women. And 37 percent of people said that a "rude" roommate would have them heading for the hills. Actually, this could be used to one's advantage if they want to break up with someone, but dont have the gall to do it — just send in the roommate from hell to do it for you! 

Of course, if you've been living alone for awhile, you're bound to have come up with some "single lady" behaviors that you may want to keep under lock and key. Case in point: your private naked time. The biggest embarrassment for women would be if they were caught hanging out in their apartment naked, at 40 percent. I, for one, am stoked I'm not alone in doing this all the time. Second and third to that concern was singing/dancing (30 percent) and watching too much bad reality TV (18 percent), respectively.

Apparently, dudes don't do the naked thing as often as the ladies, or maybe they just don't care, because their biggest embarrassment for 57 percent of them would be leaving a mess around their humble abode, followed by the mass amount of hours they spend playing video games.

We should probably take into account that, although going with your instinct when it comes to judging ways in which the person you're dating lives is important, the reality is that people are raised differently and therefore have a different way of keeping house. One woman's idea of a disgusting bathroom could be another woman's dream. It's a scary thought, but it's true. You can't make everyone happy, but you can at least make an effort. If you don't have that penthouse flat (yet!) on Central Park West, then get some books, some photos of your nieces and nephews, and let your charm do the rest. Here's hoping you at least have some of that.

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Dating Life Like The Polar Vortex? 5 Ways To Defrost & Find Love

Put some gloves on, girl! If your love life is as cold and frigid as the Polar Vortex, know it doesn't have to be that way.

Are you feeling the Polar Vortex deep freeze? That uncomfortable dense, frigid air traveling from the North Pole through much of America has caused record-breaking temperatures (it was 9 degrees in Atlanta, George the other day!) and countless Facebook updates about the unruly weather.

Hopefully, this will soon pass but it got me thinking—could the state of your dating life also be in the midst of a Polar Vortex? Do you feel a chill in your dating routine and more importantly, have you bundled up and away from love? There are many reasons for a chill in your dating journey. Maybe you:

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Stopped going out to meet menHaven't been smiling at the men you seeForgot about your ability to flirtGave up on singles events and Meetup.com groupsGot super busy with the holidaysFeel overwhelmed by workHave to put away holiday decorationsHaven't recovered yet from a love gone wrongStill feel the burn of rejectionHave already started worrying about your taxesDread boring conversation with one more manAre tired of disappointment from online dating

This list could go on for days right? There are countless reasons why your efforts to find love got derailed and frozen over. According to an AARP study, only 16 percent of single women between 40 and 70 do anything to change their single status. So you are in very good company!

If your love life is just not happening, don't despair. It's a whole new year out there and you now have a clean slate to build from. That's why I've come up with some super simple tips to help you heat things up in the romance department. Let's take the chill out of the dating air for you and warm up your options. Read on to learn the five tips to reverse the polar vortex and defrost your life life! 

1. Imagine Love Is Possible For You
Yes! This is an essential first step if your love life has been in the deep freeze. Thaw things out by spending time believing that you can find love. Regardless of the current evidence of love in your life, move ahead to imagine that you really can find love and this is the year you'll do it.

2. Take A Positive Stance
This is similar to the first step, but I want you to catch yourself when you start complaining about men or your lack of love life. The words you say influence your outlook. So, no more complaining if you can help it. Put a stop to this negativity and turn things around. The more positive you are about yourself, your life and love, the more attractive you are. This builds a positive vibration and your confidence as well. Confidence is very sexy.

3. Start Noticing Men
You might be in the position where you don't even notice men around you any more. I had a client who insisted that she lived in a totally married area. But after I encouraged her to do this exercise, she was shocked at how many men she started seeing. She couldn't believe she had been so blind to them all before!

4. Start Smiling At Men
What a wild request, huh? Smile at men? Unheard of! If you read my blog, you know I talk about this all the time. Why? Because women simply don't do this simple little thing.

Please trust me. This silly little tip will change your life. First of all, you'll start looking beyond your nose and connect with people around you. You'll make a lot of men's days wonderful and that will help you feel good, too. And most importantly, by starting this kind of interaction, you'll make yourself approachable and available to men! You'll be surprised how many more guys will take a chance at trying to talk to you. That's what you want and that's how you meet men!

5. Got Out To Meet Men
The number one way to meet the love of your life is to meet lots of new men. You have to go out to do this. If you can commit to three nights a month, you up your chances to find love significantly. Are you serious about turning up the heat in the romance department? If you said yes, then go out! Here are a few places you can visit to find single men. 

Try MeetUp.com which has tons of singles groups and events. It's a free site so just enter your zip code and search for singles eventsTry going out to hear live acoustic or jazz music. Men love guitarsGo to an auto show, antique car exhibit, boat show. Men love big toysVisit a Barnes & Noble on a Friday night or Sunday afternoon. Find men in the magazine section or near the history booksGo watch Monday Night Football at a sports barVolunteer for Habitat for Humanity or something else that attracts menGet online and post a profile on a dating website

That's just a handful of ideas on how and where to meet men. There are so many more once you get started. Ask the women you meet where they go. Ask the single men you know where they hang out.

You deserve to have the love of a good man, a hot romance, and a life partner if you want one. Follow these simple steps and you'll be meeting men before you know it. Every man you meet brings you one man closer to the right guy for you. 

Are you a single woman, 40+ who is struggling to find love? As a dating coach for women over 40, I provide proven dating tips and strategies that have helped thousands. Get more tips in my FREE book 5 Big Turnoffs That Drive Men Away. You can find love with the right man and avoid the many potential pitfalls along the way.

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unique dating situation, what are we talk

Hi everyone! I met a wonderful guy over the holidays through mutual friends. We instantly clicked and spent almost every day or evening together for two weeks. This guy is from where I live but is currently living elsewhere (like plane ride far away). He was home for the holidays.

I know it sounds crazy but shortly after meeting each-other and hanging out a couple times, we went to each-others family Christmas's, met each-others parents and friends - went to parties together, dated, cuddled watching movies... everything. We just really integrated ourselves into one another's lives. I've never experienced anything like it before. I know the pressure was kinda on because we knew we didn't have much time to be together - so we capitalized on the time we had and didn't play any games I guess you could say - it was actually very refreshing.

I'm falling for this guy, hard. He's rendered every single other guy I've dated irrelevant. I feel like a connection like this happens once in a lifetime, if you're lucky... I have zero interest in dating anyone else. I feel like this guy is just perfect for me.

...and he's leaving in a few days.

.... and I'm anxious because I want to know where we stand but feel like it's too soon to have that talk. If the relationship was unfolding within more normal conditions, we likely would have taken things slower and I wouldn't feel this pressure to have the talk, I would just roll with it for a while... but because he's leaving, I'd like to know where we stand, how he feels.

We've casually mentioned me going to visit him and the things we would do in that city together, and he's mentioned when he'll be back here - so it sounds like we are kinda sorta making plans to continue seeing each-other, but... I (and I'm not sure why) didn't view those conversations as completely serious.

So... my question is - is it completely psycho girlfriend crazy of me to ask him how he feels and if he wants to make this work/be exclusive - or chalk it up to an awesome Christmas romance?

Help thank you!

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Why Your 'Issues' Are Causing You To Make Bad Dating Decisions

He didn't want to be your boyfriend...but you persisted. Sometimes what makes a person feel attracted to another comes from a place of unresolved issues.

How can you tell if you're always falling for the wrong type of person? It's always feels right, after all. To start, ask yourself if you can relate to the following three statements.  

Repeatedly drawn to people who do not want to be in a relationship with you.Repeatedly in relationships that are dramatic and don't end the way you'd want them to.Repeatedly not developing feelings for people who treat you well.

If you are guilty of any of the above, your relationship choices are likely coming from unresolved personal issues.

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In my therapy practice, I've seen too many people in pain because a person they are convinced is right for them chooses not to be in a relationship with them. Usually these people tell me, "But this person feels so right for me. I can't imagine myself with anyone else! Is it possible for something that feels so right, to be wrong?”

The answer is yes. Sometimes what makes a person feel attracted to another comes from a place of unresolved issues. And when you're operating from a place of unresolved issues, it can actually be dangerous to trust your 'instincts'. Here are a few examples of repeatedly falling for the wrong person, even though it feels right. 

A woman who finds herself particularly attracted to angry men out of a desire to heal him with her love, something her mother was unsuccessful at with her angry father.A man who finds himself repeatedly drawn to emotionally unavailable women, trying to get the love from her he so desperately sought from his emotionally unavailable mother.A person who feels compelled to get the approval of someone who won't give it to them out of a need to validate their worthiness because of earlier experiences that made them feel unworthy.

These are just some examples of the many ways filling a need, re-enacting an old wound, or trying to right a wrong from the past subconsciously contributes to who people seek love from, and who they're not interested in for a relationship. Sometimes the very love or treatment they crave is available to them in the form of potential partners that come into their lives, but if they don't have to struggle for it, they may not recognize it because it does not feel familiar, and they may let it pass them by.

Even in a working, committed relationship some of the attraction is coming from a place of unresolved issues. The difference is that it's happening between two available, capable partners that are just as or nearly as interested in working through it. And that work can be very fulfilling and bring the couple to an even deeper level of love when it's mutual. But without a partner that's available and interested in the work, a person can end up repeatedly hurt or disappointed. The result is chasing after a relationship that they want but are not going to get and unavailable for the love they want, in relationships they can get.

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Best place for dating in india in winter season

Hi friends
I want to go on date with my husband so please suggest me best place of India for dating according to winter season?

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Dating Apps: Are You Tinder-Savvy?

If it's not fun, you're not doing it right. The do's and don'ts of the latest dating craze will help you navigate the crazy waters of Tinder.

Tinder is a nifty new dating app that allows users to inspect a few pictures of a potential match, in order to make a snap judgment on compatibility within a chosen physical proximity—in other words, you get to judge a book by its cover by answering yes or no. A no will throw your match back into the dating abyss. If both daters click yes, a chat room opens up... and this is where things get interesting. Tinder is addicting, amusing and, well, a haven for creepy exchanges. Read on to learn how to stay cool and Tinder responsibly. 

Do Stay Safe
Remember: These are strangers and your information is sparse. No matter how sweet Mr. Dating App may sound, do not give up your address too soon. Having let down a classy gentleman myself in the name of limited information, I was told that he planned to "Tinderize me" (whatever that means), which would have been terrifying had he known my exact location.

More from YourTango: What Not To Say To Your Single Friend

Don't Take It Personally
At first, I was elated each time a fellow match clicked yes, only to wonder why he then insisted on staying silent, even ignoring my causal "hey" in our personal chat room. And this kept happening! Devastated, I called a male friend and fellow Tinderer, to which he replied, "Get a grip. It's an ego thing; not a romance thing." If you are looking for fun and amusement coupled with the slight possibility of meeting someone, Tinder on. If you are looking to meet the man of your dreams today, consider other options.

Do Select Your Pictures Wisely
Keeping my prior disclaimer in mind, Tinder might, just might, be the vehicle in which you meet your Mr. Right. That being said, avoid choosing pictures that do not capture the best version of you. Examples: Angry selfies, provocative and/or intoxicated photos, group shots, gym selfies, selfies in general.

Don't Post Couples Shots
Seriously? This is much more common than common sense should allow. Sure, that beautiful blonde on your shoulder might be your sister, but I'm not taking the chance that you might be a swinger, a cheater or a guy who takes couples pictures with his sister.

Do Have Fun
Once I realized that rejection from Tinder is not personal, it became entertaining. A bonus feature is that the app links to your Facebook friends so you might find yourself reunited with old friends (and yes, exes too... so proceed with caution.)

More from YourTango: A Single Woman's Battle Scars

Like all dating, Tinder is the most effective (and the most fun) when you approach it with an open mind and a sense of adventure and light-heartedness. C'mon, live a little!

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How was your last time dating?

Hello friends,
How was your last time dating?

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13 Dating Habits You Should Leave In 2013

You're having a blast… so avoid bringing up his ex! Make it your resolution to rid yourself of these dating habits to be a dating rock star in 2014!

Another year has come and gone and you're still single. What gives? Maybe the sea dried up and there are no fish left swimming... or maybe you need to refresh your dating technique to snag a guy. Read on to learn thirteen ways you can upgrade your dating game in 2014. There's no time like the present to hone your skills!

1. Stop Oversharing On The First Date
I remember during the end of one first date, he exclaimed how much fun he was having, and shared that on his last date, the woman revealed she was a rape victim before they had even ordered. That was inappropriate on her part (although she's probably trying to work through and heal from the situation). It was even more inappropriate for him to tell this story — especially in the form of an anecdote. 

More from YourTango: Reflect On Past, Present & Future: 6 Exercises For A Happy 2014

2. Lying About Little Things
You shouldn't lie about big things, such as marital status either, but little white lies suck, too. I've come across so many guys who lie about their height, where they live or even their position at work. Women lie, too. Ladies — he will eventually find out that isn't your real hair. Is it worth the fib? 

3. Dominating The Conversation
A conversation requires a minimum of two partners. At the end of every conversation, you both should feel as if you've said all that you needed to say and you've learned the information that you were seeking. A great trick is to ask a question right in the middle of a story that you're telling. If you're telling him about your cross-country road trip, don't just ask if he's ever been on one. Ask if he's ever wanted to go on one and why. Allow him to answer and then proceed.

4. Texting
Your phone should remain in your bag or pocket. If you're expecting a call or message, go to the bathroom to check it. 

5. Drunk Dating
Dates aren't the best places to get drunk, even if they're really bad. Have you ever been on a second date with someone who got drunk on the first one? Exactly. 

6. Not Dressing For The Occasion
Would you go to a funeral in hot Pink? Would you go swimming in sweats? Then why the heck would you go on a hiking date in heels or to dinner in cut-offs? Now, if the person didn't tell you what occasion to dress for, it's their bad — and a habit they need to work on. 

7. Stop Petting The Awkward Turtle
The Awkward Turtle is the animal mascot of the awkward moment. I love this little homeboy, but leave him at home. To avoid bringing him out don't ask questions about their ex, and definitely don't ask the dreaded question, "Why are you single?".

8. EX-plaining way too much
I'm not talking about providing more details about a certain topic. I'm referring to the terrible habit of bringing up your ex during every conversation. Not only on a date but with friends, co-workers, nail technicians, baristas and oh yeah — your blog.

9. First Date Sleep Overs
In New York, we hop into beds as easily as we do cabs. We really need to make a change in 2014. I'm going on 50 first dates, before the end of February and I'm definitely following my own advice.

10. Hating On Yourself
It's great that you don't spend the entire date humble bragging or showing off Instagram photos with celebs. But don't talk how much you think you suck at so-and-so... because eventually they might agree with you.

11. Instagramming Your Food
This goes back to texting, but some people will break out the phone for the house special so I felt I had to include it. This takes away from the moment. If you're excited about your flower-shaped polenta, share it with your date instead of your followers.

12. Going Back To The Future
You should look fly, but you're not Marty Mcfly so I'm going to need you to remain in the present. Don't talk about the fact you want a surrogate to maintain your figure or you want your mom to live with you guys. Keep it current. Keep it casual!

13. Actin' Brand New
Be yourself and don't try to be who you think they'd want to date. You might miss out on a great person because they may actually want to date the real you.

Want more? Watch me put these rules in action on my new show 50 States of Dating, which premieres this Valentine's Day!

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Best dating place in India

Hi
i want to dating with my boyfriend memorable so please suggest me best place of India.

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How to make first dating memorable?

Hello friends,
How to make first dating memorable?

Flowers, plan something not common, something she likes, her hobbies.... Make it about her.

Generally i think the first date is best kept at coffee or maybe lunch: something that is low pressured and quick. However to make it special i would
1) bring flowers - a guy bought me flowers on our first date and while we didnt continue that far i have always thought that was super special (dont have to be that expensive its the thought that counts)
2) DO SOMETHING everyone just goes to dinner which is totally cool, but if you want to make it special do something different. go hiking, ice skating, go to a museum - that way youll have something to talk about and less pressure to constantly entertain each other

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The New Year Boom: Why You Should Start Online Dating Now

Everyone's doing it. Looking for your main squeeze? Here's why online dating registration peaks this week.

If you're looking for love, there's no time like the present. Seriously. Right now is the time to get yourself up off the couch, and head directly to the closest computer. It doesn't matter if the computer doesn't belong to you! It's just imperative that, if you're single and want to close this chapter of your life by getting partnered up, you set up an online profile now. Right this very second!

According to stats, it's the week between Christmas and New Year's that singles take to online dating sites the most in the hopes of finding the one. Why this particular time of year?

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As psychologist Dr. Wiebke Neberich explains, "During the holiday singles get a chance to truly consider their private lives. This motivation is reinforced by Christmas, which in celebrating love and the family rekindles people's interest in finding a solid partnership. It's unsurprising that so many singles put their New Year's resolution into practice by trying online dating."

Well, of course! Who doesn't want to try to procure someone to kiss on New Year's Eve, or get the chance to add yet another person to their already-long list of gifts to buy next Christmas? Whatever the individual reason may be, Elite Singles, a UK online dating service, found a 35 percent rise in new memberships after Christmas with them "peaking around the New Year and slowly returning to normal in January."

While the infographic only includes data from Europe, the same holds true for those singles living in the States. According to Today, Match.com "sees a 25 to 30 percent increase in new members registrations between Dec. 26 and Feb. 14," with the ultimate peak on January 2nd.

elitesingles.co.uk

It's also estimated that with the economy on the up swing, more and more singles are looking for love as their focus on money becomes a little less necessary than it has been in the past few years. If last year the increase of singles getting online and looking for love was 35 percent, then there's no telling how much more it will rise this year. Forty percent? Forty-five percent? Maybe even a 50 percent rise that will mean a 50 percent greater chance of you getting lucky playing the online dating game! Of course, these numbers are just speculation on the part of a woman who is bad at math, but we do know for sure that the number is bound to increase, and singles of the world can only benefit from it.

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Not to sound like your hometown low-budget car dealership commercial, but what are you waiting for? It's not very likely that love is going to show up at your door while you're sitting on the couch in your pajamas watching The Princess Bride for the millionth time, so do something about it. Get online, weed through the creeps, because there always are some, and find your main squeeze now. Everyone else is doing it this time of year, so succumb to peer pressure on this one. It's one of the few times where it's cool to do so.

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Best surprise on new year dating?

Hello friends,
What are best surprise on New year for dating with lover?

I guess a very nice dinner and some wine would do. Some people prefer to celebrate new year surrounded by friends, but I think a better option would be celebrating it with your SO instead; having a candle light dinner and wine

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