Doing something wrong

HI, im 23 year old guy , and im doing something horibly wrong when trying to get into relationship with someone.

About me , and background story on current situation, grab some this might get long.

As a ship engineer student I am way too rational and logical, and I like to know how stuff works downright to the core , on top of all patience is my middle name and i have tick moral grounds~~~ not to mention hard empathy.
No religious beliefs, but from chatolic family.
Sort of adrenaline addict, fast motorbike, windsurfing,snowboarding, scooter stunts,mountainboarding,wakeboarding....
wealthy i might add. Good body shape, decent looking, no hippie.

People like me, I have many friends, even ones that are really hard HARD to like.
But don't get me wrong, I don't tell people what they want to hear, if ure a selfish egoist owh yeah I will tell u don't worry. Not mad or at cost of friendship, hey, its ur way of living and I will respect it as much as it seems wrong to the moral law of our generation.
With male friends its easy...u can have as much as u like no gay btw but it stays on friends of course so no sweat here...

The girls are what really troubles me, have never had one that I might call girlfriend. Don't get me wrong here, Ive had few "relationships" that lasted no longer than a week due to sheer forcing of getting a GF since I heard that was a thing. Forcing it just doesn't cut for me, I find flaws that really start to poke my mind and...eye... I had to stop it not even giving it a chance I know.

But now and then comes a girl into my life that just looks like everything I ever wanted, little check list in my pocket gets checked up whole , not only physical appearance which really isn't the main attribute im looking for but her way of thinking, acting...u get the picture.
And I would really get to know them good, talking opening up...slowly friendzoning , but falling in love on my part.

Of course these few jewels that fell into my life would go away as they came...eventually i would men up and tell them what i feel, ask them on date..and so on. But some were already taken and some just weren't interested in me that way on both cases end result was me slowly backing off because it would really hurt me to be friends with someone that makes my mind go crazy.... so well... enough about me.

~~~~~
Now the background story on current situation~~

There is a girl I met some days ago on snowboarding trip at Slovenia, being in same apartment just doors away we spent awful a lot of time together in those 5 days, and yes im starting to fall in love.
She is one of those jewels I mentioned before and she is single I might add. There wasent anything serious happening between us in those few days, only "cute" and romantic gestures on both ends.

Now at home, i asked her to go out with me ...to "grab a drink so i can get to know u even better and who knows "
She said yes why not with a big simle...and there i was thinking it was a "date".

But suddenly in the mean time first she asked me to delay it for a few hours, since i said i will pick her up at 19:30...and then finaly she arranged we will meet here and there .
To cut the story...she ended up bringing her best friend (girl) along.

We had a fun time chatting, all 3 of us, but that was not what i had in mind.
And here i am, confused.

Now things i would like to discuss/know.

-Why, she brought her friend, is there a meaning to this?
-Should i just cut the whole thing off?
-If not, what should my next move be?

And general stuff i dont understand_

-Do i really have to be flirty from bare beginings with every girl i want to be with?
-Pure respectable,decent,propper and romantic maners just dont cut it at this age?
-Should i change?

I dont believe in that anymore "Do what u like and love will come", im living my life to fullest and i cant find a girl.

Thank you for your time in advance. If nothing it was nice to get some load of my mind.

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Confused, but something isn't right.

My bf and I have been dating about a year now. It is my longest relationship. Here lately, however, things just haven't been them same. We have seen each other less, talk to each other less, and his ex gf has came back into the picture. He claims he hates her and hasn't spoken to her in years. She and I have mutual friends on facebook. When I tag my friends in photos or posts, she "likes them." I mentioned this to my bf a few days ago and he seemed mad. He was with his best friend when we had this conversation- and I just found out his friends have added her on facebook after these events have occurred. Something just doesn't feel right about that. It makes me wonder if something is actually going on between them now. Why would his best friend add his ex that he supposedly hates, right after talking bad about her. I felt like it was for show. Should I be worried?

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Beauty Store from Amazon

Confused, but something isn't right.

My bf and I have been dating about a year now. It is my longest relationship. Here lately, however, things just haven't been them same. We have seen each other less, talk to each other less, and his ex gf has came back into the picture. He claims he hates her and hasn't spoken to her in years. She and I have mutual friends on facebook. When I tag my friends in photos or posts, she "likes them." I mentioned this to my bf a few days ago and he seemed mad. He was with his best friend when we had this conversation- and I just found out his friends have added her on facebook after these events have occurred. Something just doesn't feel right about that. It makes me wonder if something is actually going on between them now. Why would his best friend add his ex that he supposedly hates, right after talking bad about her. I felt like it was for show. Should I be worried?

You may not create new Love Advice Forum threadsYou may not post repliesYou may not post attachmentsYou may not edit your postsForum Rules

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I did something really bad, need advice

I'm a 22 year old girl very new to dating and I really need some advice. Some background: I met my current, and first, boyfriend (he's 29) a little over a year and half ago- July of 2011. We were going on dates when we first met. He moved to a city 4 hours away only 3 weeks after we first met. We agreed to keep it casual but continue hanging out after he moved. He would come to my city very often, at least every other weekend. It took a little while, but six months later I was really comfortable with him. We talked every single day by phone, text, email, facebook, skype, whatever. We were seeing each other almost every weekend and we were having unprotected sex, he started telling me that he loves me. I think I did love him at the time but I didn't say it back. All the time I knew we weren't in a real relationship, I knew it was possible that he was seeing other girls but I didn't want to ask. He was becoming my best friend. I was seeing other guys until about this time of last year, when it started to feel wrong to me. But In May of last year I left the country for 2 months. Since I knew it was coming, it was easier for me to be casual about our relationship and not have any real expectations, but he was still my best friend. While I was away, I hung out with a couple guys here and there but I wasn't looking for anything and I knew that anyone I met I would never see again after 2 months anyway. I was still talking almost daily to my current boyfriend.

When I got home, he came to visit me that weekend. I was nervous since I hadn't seen him in so long. I didn't know if I would feel the same way or if he would. But it felt perfect and great to me. Right away again, we were seeing each other nearly every weekend, talking everyday. He met my parents, I went to all of his family dinners. We had weekends away together a couple times. I told him that I loved him when it was about a year after we met and it was the first time I've said that to anyone. However, the next day I tried to end it with him. He had something the night before along the lines of "I'm not going to want a real relationship for a long time". At that point it was what I wanted and needed from him. I wanted him to not want to see other girls. I told him I think we should stop hanging out. He was very upset and ended up convincing me to change my mind. He said he didn't care about any other girls, he just wasn't ready to commit, that he hadn't had sex with anyone else in 8 months (I couldn't say the same).

So we kept hanging out, talking every day, seeing each other almost every weekend, skyping, having dinner with each others family, etc. Since i knew he was not committed me, I was actually trying not to be monogamous. I went on a couple dates with another guy, and I would meet other guys here and there but it felt really weird and wrong to me. I felt like I was being sneaky. I had the same conversation with him again in late September. This time I said, I needed to either take a step back or take a step forward. Either commit, or stop being so close, not that we had to stop being friends or talking entirely, but I couldn't stay on the level we were at knowing that he wasn't committed to me. To me it seemed like we were in a relationship, granted it was my first time doing that. He said he would commit to me. We've been together for a little over five months now and every seems almost perfect- we do fight here and there and I get really frustrated when I don't see him for a weekend.

Last week, however I was in his apartment alone and I did something really horrible that I will never forgive myself for. I read his emails. I feel so bad about it makes me sick. I really never thought I would do anything like that and I always thought people who did that were stupid, horrible people who didn't deserve to be in a relationship. Well, long story short I found out he was still hanging out with other girls, calling them "babe", going on dates, etc. until late September, basically when I had the conversation with him. He was on a dating website. I saw one exchange where he told a girl in late July that he was looking for a girlfriend, and that's why he was on the website - the same time he was telling me he wasn't interested in having a girlfriend. I know that one weekend when we went away and he was telling me that he loved me and we had a really great weekend, he went on a date with another girl the very next day. I know that I was basically his best friend the whole time and that he did care a lot about me, but I really think this is wrong.

So this was a long post, but if anyone managed to get through the whole thing I have a few questions: He's much older than me, and we're in different life stages, so is it ok for people to be doing that? Since we didn't have any rules set about seeing other people, was he not doing anything wrong last summer? But isn't it understood when you go on a first date with someone that he didn't have a weekend away with another girl, and tell the girl that he loves her, the day before? Or maybe I'm just too young to understand that this kind of thing actually is ok, and it is what people do in there late 20s. Was I being played? Should it not matter since he is committed to me now? As soon as he promised that he would stop seeing other girls, he did, but it still really hurts me that he was seeing other girls, probably texting me when he was on a date with another girl, or even texting another girl right after we had sex.

And I know it was very very wrong of me to read his emails, much worse than what I'm mad at him for. He knows I did it and I know there is a good chance he will break up with me for it, so none of this will even matter.

Thank you for any advice, especially from older people who have a lot of experience dating.

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The Night I Almost Got Arrested (Something Else Happened Too)

We were walking along the shores of Lake Michigan, bellies full of food from one of Chicago’s best Italian restaurants, when Ben looked around, and then stopped abruptly and took my hand.

“K.?” he said, his voice unsteady. He fumbled around in his jacket pocket, and when he found the little black box, he lowered himself onto one knee.

“K.,” he repeated. He looked nervous. My heart was pounding out of my chest, and I was dangerously close to crying. “Meeting you changed my life, and if you’ll have me, I want to spend the rest of it with you. Will you marry me?”

I had known it was coming, but hadn’t realized the enormity of the emotions I’d be feeling when it did. I immediately began sobbing.

“Yes!” I said when I caught my breath. Ben stood up, and I could see that his eyes were wet as well. “Yes!” I repeated again. He grabbed me in a giant bear hug and we stood there, crying and ecstatic, for what felt like a full 10 minutes.

“This calls for champagne,” Ben said. He led me back to Cara’s car which was parked nearby, where he opened the trunk and pulled out a blanket, bottle of bubbly, and two glasses. We giddily walked back to the beach, spread out the blanket on the sand, popped the cork, and toasted.

“To you saying yes,” Ben said, raising his glass. “And making me the happiest man in the world.”

“To you asking me to marry you,” I said, clinking my glass with his. “And making me the happiest woman in the world.”

“I feel like I need to make a joke to counteract all of this sappy sweet stuff,” he said. “But I got nothin’.”

I laughed, and he continued. “You know, my original plan was blanket and champagne first, and then propose while we were sitting here, but I got too excited and jumped the gun. Was it a good proposal?”

“It was,” I said, nestling into his arm. We drank our champagne in a happy silence, half-snuggling on the blanket.

“You know, I’ve been carrying that ring around pretty much constantly since New Zealand,” he said. “I’ve almost proposed to you about 100 times.”

I was about to tell him I loved him, again, when we were interrupted.

“You can’t do that here,” a voice boomed. We looked up to see a police officer hovering over us. He didn’t look happy. “No open containers on the beach,” he continued. “Get rid of it.”

“Sorry officer,” Ben said, getting to his feet and helping me up. We hurriedly gathered up our stuff and walked to the car. The cop followed behind.

“Who’s driving?” he demanded. Ben said he was, and then the officer made him do a breathalyzer before we got in the car! He passed, of course (he only had a few sips of champagne).

“Next time I see you two with alcohol on the beach, I’m arresting you on the spot,” he said. We got in the car and drove back to Cara’s apartment.

“I’m pretty sure we’re the only people who almost got arrested right after a marriage proposal,” I pointed out on the drive.

“We’re pretty badass,” Ben said with a smile, taking my hand and kissing it.

We’re engaged! Oh yeah, and we did some sightseeing, too. Chicago’s pretty cool and I could totally live there. Also, we’re engaged! Ah!

Posted at 7:11 PM

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Something to Celebrate

“To Tex and K!” Meg said, raising her pint glass. Tex, Brad and I joined her.

Tex and I filled out all of our paperwork today, making us full-time employees at Mammoth Object. It felt good–especially the part where I got to sign my name on my health insurance paperwork.

Meg filled us in on how her promotion was going.

“It’s challenging,” she admitted. “I feel like I don’t know what the hell I’m doing a lot of the time, but I’m learning so much.”

Brad had some news of his own.

“I sent in a resume to be part of this organization that studies how the media covers politics,” he said. “I have an interview next week.”

“Oh my god, that’s perfect for you!” Meg said.

“It really is,” Brad explained. “It’s just a question of whether or not they’ll want to wait a month for me to finish school.”

“It takes that long to get hired anyway,” Tex said, and the rest of us agreed.

After a couple of rounds of drinks, I headed over to Ben’s for part two of my celebration night. When I arrived, he poured two glasses of champagne, and handed me one.

“To my smart, beautiful, amazing girlfriend,” he began. “Who I totally should have supported more when she said she wanted to take this job.”

I tapped my glass to his. “Nicely played, sir – now I can’t say ‘I told you so’ without looking like a jerk.”

“That was my plan,” he said with a grin. “Seriously though, I think this is really great. And even though your crazy work hours—“

“Occasional crazy work hours,” I said, correcting him.

“Occasional crazy work hours make it hard to plan things sometimes, I think this is the perfect job for you, and I can tell you’re happy there, which makes me happy.”

I thanked him, and then we discussed dinner. We consulted the big pile of menus, and decided that since we were celebrating, junk food was in order.

We ordered wings, burgers and waffle fries from the pub down the street, which we hilariously ate with our champagne, and then polished off two of the four cupcakes that Ben had bought for the occasion – one chocolate for him, and one red velvet for me.

“I am in so much pain,” Ben moaned when we were finished, clutching his stomach.

“Me too,” I said. We sat in comfortable silence and uncomfortable fullness for a while.

“Can we fool around tomorrow morning instead of tonight? Ben asked. “Like, late tomorrow morning. After I’ve spent some significant time in the bathroom.”

“Gross,” I said. “So we’re there now, huh?”

“Everybody poops, K.”

“You’re going to regret it when I start burping and farting in front of you,” I said.

“Yes I am,” he agreed.

We got grosser from there, but I’ll spare you the rest of our decidedly not sexy Friday night. Still, it was fun, and the whole proposal thing moved a little further to the back of my mind, where I’d definitely like to keep it for a while.

Posted at 2:11 PM

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Something to Celebrate

Find your date here

Something to Celebrate

“To Tex and K!” Meg said, raising her pint glass. Tex, Brad and I joined her.

Tex and I filled out all of our paperwork today, making us full-time employees at Mammoth Object. It felt good–especially the part where I got to sign my name on my health insurance paperwork.

Meg filled us in on how her promotion was going.

“It’s challenging,” she admitted. “I feel like I don’t know what the hell I’m doing a lot of the time, but I’m learning so much.”

Brad had some news of his own.

“I sent in a resume to be part of this organization that studies how the media covers politics,” he said. “I have an interview next week.”

“Oh my god, that’s perfect for you!” Meg said.

“It really is,” Brad explained. “It’s just a question of whether or not they’ll want to wait a month for me to finish school.”

“It takes that long to get hired anyway,” Tex said, and the rest of us agreed.

After a couple of rounds of drinks, I headed over to Ben’s for part two of my celebration night. When I arrived, he poured two glasses of champagne, and handed me one.

“To my smart, beautiful, amazing girlfriend,” he began. “Who I totally should have supported more when she said she wanted to take this job.”

I tapped my glass to his. “Nicely played, sir – now I can’t say ‘I told you so’ without looking like a jerk.”

“That was my plan,” he said with a grin. “Seriously though, I think this is really great. And even though your crazy work hours—“

“Occasional crazy work hours,” I said, correcting him.

“Occasional crazy work hours make it hard to plan things sometimes, I think this is the perfect job for you, and I can tell you’re happy there, which makes me happy.”

I thanked him, and then we discussed dinner. We consulted the big pile of menus, and decided that since we were celebrating, junk food was in order.

We ordered wings, burgers and waffle fries from the pub down the street, which we hilariously ate with our champagne, and then polished off two of the four cupcakes that Ben had bought for the occasion – one chocolate for him, and one red velvet for me.

“I am in so much pain,” Ben moaned when we were finished, clutching his stomach.

“Me too,” I said. We sat in comfortable silence and uncomfortable fullness for a while.

“Can we fool around tomorrow morning instead of tonight? Ben asked. “Like, late tomorrow morning. After I’ve spent some significant time in the bathroom.”

“Gross,” I said. “So we’re there now, huh?”

“Everybody poops, K.”

“You’re going to regret it when I start burping and farting in front of you,” I said.

“Yes I am,” he agreed.

We got grosser from there, but I’ll spare you the rest of our decidedly not sexy Friday night. Still, it was fun, and the whole proposal thing moved a little further to the back of my mind, where I’d definitely like to keep it for a while.

Posted at 2:11 PM

Find your date here

Something to Celebrate

“To Tex and K!” Meg said, raising her pint glass. Tex, Brad and I joined her.

Tex and I filled out all of our paperwork today, making us full-time employees at Mammoth Object. It felt good–especially the part where I got to sign my name on my health insurance paperwork.

Meg filled us in on how her promotion was going.

“It’s challenging,” she admitted. “I feel like I don’t know what the hell I’m doing a lot of the time, but I’m learning so much.”

Brad had some news of his own.

“I sent in a resume to be part of this organization that studies how the media covers politics,” he said. “I have an interview next week.”

“Oh my god, that’s perfect for you!” Meg said.

“It really is,” Brad explained. “It’s just a question of whether or not they’ll want to wait a month for me to finish school.”

“It takes that long to get hired anyway,” Tex said, and the rest of us agreed.

After a couple of rounds of drinks, I headed over to Ben’s for part two of my celebration night. When I arrived, he poured two glasses of champagne, and handed me one.

“To my smart, beautiful, amazing girlfriend,” he began. “Who I totally should have supported more when she said she wanted to take this job.”

I tapped my glass to his. “Nicely played, sir – now I can’t say ‘I told you so’ without looking like a jerk.”

“That was my plan,” he said with a grin. “Seriously though, I think this is really great. And even though your crazy work hours—“

“Occasional crazy work hours,” I said, correcting him.

“Occasional crazy work hours make it hard to plan things sometimes, I think this is the perfect job for you, and I can tell you’re happy there, which makes me happy.”

I thanked him, and then we discussed dinner. We consulted the big pile of menus, and decided that since we were celebrating, junk food was in order.

We ordered wings, burgers and waffle fries from the pub down the street, which we hilariously ate with our champagne, and then polished off two of the four cupcakes that Ben had bought for the occasion – one chocolate for him, and one red velvet for me.

“I am in so much pain,” Ben moaned when we were finished, clutching his stomach.

“Me too,” I said. We sat in comfortable silence and uncomfortable fullness for a while.

“Can we fool around tomorrow morning instead of tonight? Ben asked. “Like, late tomorrow morning. After I’ve spent some significant time in the bathroom.”

“Gross,” I said. “So we’re there now, huh?”

“Everybody poops, K.”

“You’re going to regret it when I start burping and farting in front of you,” I said.

“Yes I am,” he agreed.

We got grosser from there, but I’ll spare you the rest of our decidedly not sexy Friday night. Still, it was fun, and the whole proposal thing moved a little further to the back of my mind, where I’d definitely like to keep it for a while.

Posted at 2:11 PM

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