Reconnected with an old love interest and would like advice, opinions, thoughts

I met a very sweet Midwestern man when I was 18 (he was 23) 9 years ago. I was very young & naive and till maturing & finding myself as a person. We went on two dates after we met each other and then he moved to work in NY. We kept in touch pretty regularly by phone and text messages and all of our exchanges were positive & happy and we tried to visit each other but things always got in the way (he was in a car accident, I got chicken pox, broke my phone, etc) or he was super busy w/wrk traveling 3 wks out of every month.

I thought the absolute world of him, but was very skeptical of how genuine his intentions & emotions were bc I had very low self-esteem & could not understand why he wanted me or liked me. He thought the world of me and encouraged me to be a strong & smart woman he knew me to be. He never dated anyone seriously after we met or during the 4 years we had an undefined long distance “relationship”, but did see a few women causally while we were not speaking (we would butt heads on occasion about my employment or silly things & not speak for weeks or months).

One day during an afternoon chat, 4 years & some mths into our relationship, he told me that it was time, that he wanted me to move & live with him, he wanted to take care of me & I could pursue whatever made me happy, and that he wanted to make love to me (we never had sex or anything beyond kissing) and although hesitant (bc I was afraid of being so intimate & having someone so genuinely good), I agreed.

A few weeks followed & my ex best friend hacked my social media account with a vengeance (we had a fight over her anger issues & mistreatment of me-verbal abuse & yelling that went south- so I moved out) and started posting all these public obsessive things about him & friending all his friends so they’d see all these statues (she had been privy to many of the intimate details about our relationship & my hopes/feelings) and he was very upset about his/our privacy being violated & all these very personal things being made known before he/he & I were ready or before we’d even talked/thought about them. …After clearing up that fiasco with reporting my account & regaining control, he very kindly told me that he had to let me go. I was very sad at the time, accepted it even though it was not my doing, and said I’d wait if he ever came back. I assumed he was mortified & scared by what he saw and/or communicated back to him by his friends as they were pretty crazy & serious and thought once things settled & he’d had time to think, he’d come back to me like he always had.

…My phone was silent for months & we didn’t talk for another almost 5 years. During that time, I had a serious relationship with another man my age & we had two young children, but ended our relationship, bc he was/is a very unhealthy person.

Well, 3 months ago, I decided I would once & for all reach out to the midwestern man in an attempt to have a friendship, bc he was/is my mentor & still very special to me. I sent a casual text to his phone number I still knew by heart knowing this may not turn out positive or he may not respond. Well, 20 mins after it sent, my phone went off & my heart went jumping with it; I read his txt (in his voice as I remembered it) saying absolutely to being friends & starting anew. We spend the remaining of that day sending each other texts back and forth chatting, joking, explaining, flirting, and asking questions…

He told me he was very glad I reached out to him, bc I was always a very special girl to him and immediately asked me if I was married or dating anyone and when I replied no, he asked if I’d like to spend time with him and suggested we go to South Beach and have a weekend together that he’d pick up the tab for (which didn’t happen bc my son’s birthday wknd was the only option I couldn’t miss that and Mr. Midwest only had that available). Also, he let slip that he knew things about me he could not have, like having two kids, two boys in fact since we haven’t talked long before I was pregnant with my first child and we have no friends in common for that type of info to pass in social circles. While I did not ask or confront him about it, I’m almost certain that he’s been Facebook stalking me since I noticed he unblocked me a few weeks before I first contacted him and that would be the only way he could know about my children or could have assumed I was married…

We talk about every other week during these last couple of months (he’s still very much busy with work) and he’s making a trip to see me in my city during September for a weekend and is considering investing of his own accord in a company I want to start once I submit him a business plan & it looks good…

I’m elated, but I’m not really sure what to expect. A huge part of me wants to believe he’s coming back for me & we’ll make up for all that lost time between us since we’ve resumed where we left off in a sense and we are much older & more mature to make this time successful. However, the rational part of me knows it’s been 9 years since we’ve physically have seen each other and 5 years since we parted ways and I’m sure we’ve each changed. Regardless, I still feel very connected to him & I do have very intense feelings for him, that mimic or could be love despite all these years gone by.

Is there any advice you might have for me or any opinions on how to proceed forward or insights?

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Boyfriend's Paranoid thoughts are driving me INSANE.

I am about to lose it! My boyfriend is literally spamming me with messages as I type this asking me what I have been doing. He thinks I am replacing sex with masturbation or hiding some guy on the side. I usually see him on the weekends. Last weekend we hung out AND HAD SEX LIKE 3 TIMES! I know it wasn't that much but I just started up my last semester for my associates and I have a part time job. HE DOES NOTHING! My grandad was hospitalized and I was freaking out because I love my grandad to death and was back and forth visiting him. wed-friday I have class, mon-wed I have work, and I've been trying to go to the gym. I am used to sleeping 10-12 hours and it is hard for me to adjust to not sleeping. I have been going to bed at 11pm every night, even on the weekends. I'm still tired all the time. I wanted him to come over Friday but it started to snow and he didn't want to drive. Now it is Sunday and I'm hearing about how the old me would have been over every second of the day to have sex?!?!?!? Oh and how my grandad dying has NOTHING to do with me not wanting to have sex? I'm really about to just lose it. I'm so stressed out right now. I haven't been sleeping well because of my new schedule. I toss and turn every night. I'm always tired and now I have to hear about I don't desire him? WHAT THE FUCK?! I have never cheated and I spend all day at my house with my MOM for god's sake!

Apparently I "cheated" because I was nice to a guy but told him OVER THE INTERNET NEVER MET HIM IN PERSON! that we would never be more than friends and nothing was ever going to happen. Oh but because I didn't say it at the beginning of the conversation because I didn't know the guy LIKED ME UNTIL HE ADMITTED TO IT then I cheated! Oh and we were broken up for 3 months during this. I never met the guy in person and don't even talk to him anymore!

Most of the guys really thinks about that especially when they noticed you not in the mood regularly when you were together. You just need to have a talk with him and explain yourself to him. Making sorry helps and convince him to understand your situation right now.

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Where to begin? I believe you are young. He seems immature and to not have responsibilities. I take it he is not in school while you stated you are working on an associate degree. He needs to grow up. Try to have a talk with him. Let him know you have family, and school. You are not a sex slave! If he can't understand he will have to hit the bricks!

When you are in a relationship with someone, this person should make you happy, not accuse you of cheating constantly and demand sex. He should be there for you, especially now when you are so exhausted. It's normal you are angry at him - I'd be to. Do you love him? If you are not sure about it, I think you should break up with him. But if you care about him and want to stay in this relationship, tell him exactly how you feel, don't hide how angry you are and ask him not to treat you this way.

He seems to be obssessed with his own needs, to the point where he's not even considering yours. If he didn't want to go out because of the snow, why should he expect you to do it? And he must make allowances for your grandfather being ill, especially if you are very close. You don't need all this - I would tell him you can't be in a relationship where there is no trust, and that you need support, not accusations. Then change your phone number so he can't contact you and flood you with texts.

Not healthy. Not good.
You need to get him to back off fast or he'll kill any chances (odds are it's too late anyway).
Sad, the dynamics. The boy must get a little more interested in himself me thinks.

Does he work out?
Does he have hobbies?
Does he have friends that he goes out with?
Does he love himself (I might already know the answer to this one

This fellow might be broken (at least for you).
I'm facing a similar decision, different circumstances.
"Can this be fixed, can this work, is it worth it"?

MM

Tell him you have lost your appetite for sex because of his jealousy, maybe that will make him stop and realise he has a good girlfriend. You cannot go on like this for much longer, you need to give him an ultimatum because it is affecting your health.

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