I had to repost. I am so confused.

I seriously cannot figure out if I am in the friend zone with my long time best friend. There are many reasons as to why I have questions. I just need HELP. First I will say that we have been friends for about 5 years and last year things started to change. This guy does have a girlfriend but being his best friend he does tell me a lot and he does not seem to be happy with her. The things that he does are not normal friend behavior... He calls me all the time and our conversations can last anywhere from 5 mins to 3 hours. We do go out and hang out with just the two of us or sometimes with a group. He went on vacation with me and my family and didn't talk to his girlfriend at all. We play fight and he always tries to find ways to tickle me or fool around. Most of the time he is the one calling me and just talks and talks. His family loves me and is not so crazy about his girlfriend. Those are the main things. Our friends also ask what is going and if we are going to date. He always says that he is never the one to make the first move so I finally came out and told him this weekend. I said I fell for you and he looks at me a smiles and say "I already knew that" and then I say "then why did you make me tell you"? Then he goes on to say "because it's funny." That's all that I got out of him and part of me thinks it's good that he didn't have a reaction but I am more confused than I was before. Someone help me and give me some input on what I should do. I would really appreciate any advice at this point!

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Confused about this girl

Confused about this girl
Okay, so for about a month now, I've been speaking to this girl. She knows I like her, and she told me she likes me back. She said that her previous relationships have been complicated, so I said I understand if she doesn't want a relationship.A few days later she comes over to my house and she asked if she could have some food, I said can't be bothered to go get her food. (I realize this makes me sound like an ass, but trust me, I'm not) She keeps asking and I just keep saying I can't be bothered. At this point she straddles me, keeps asking, every time I say I can't be bothered, she starts nibbling my ear and neck, then starts kissing my cheek, then she pushed my face by her boobs, then just started nibbling my ear and neck again.

So I'm confused as to whether she actually wants a relationship or not, considering she acts like we are already in one.

Hmmm...what's the problem? She may want it. But maybe she don't want it. The question is what do YOU want?

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Confused about this girl
Okay, so for about a month now, I've been speaking to this girl. She knows I like her, and she told me she likes me back. She said that her previous relationships have been complicated, so I said I understand if she doesn't want a relationship.^

I don't even need to explain this.

Does she often behave like this with you? Have you guys kissed or been intimate in other ways? If she carries on acting like it then shes obviously interested - maybe you should just ask her outright if she wants to be in a relationship, or just have fun.

Actions speak louder than words, no?

Seems like she's interested in you, but may not want to be in a committed relationship right now. Is that okay with you? If not, then move on. If you want to fool around with her and see where it does (knowing it may go nowhere), then pursue her.

I help guys attract women with honesty and authenticity.
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confused about this girl, is she ignoring / friendzoning me?

Hello,

I know this girl from my college days, past 7 years. We both were in the same college, same academic batch but different classes. We also used to meet at the College Music club, where we have done some stage performances for the university and musical performances together. I had a crush on her but was little shy of speaking to her, so our interactions in the music club was restricted to music only. She sings really well and plays the guitar too. I play the keyboards.

After finishing our studies in college, we went our separate ways. I went to Europe and she went to the US to pursue higher studies. I have occasionally pinged her on Facebook like how're you etc, and have "liked" some of her photos she has uploaded. That is when somewhere I have started getting attracted to her. She's very lovely, sweet and pretty. And she has such a cute face with those lovely dimples !! Wow !!

A couple of weeks ago was her birthday, I got her phone number from one of her friends and called her. She was quite surprised and felt nice, then I spoke to her for around 15 minutes. After that I have been sending some messages on WhatsApp or Facebook. Like Christmas / New year wishes, and discussing what she s been doing for the winter holidays, what I m doing in my December vacation etc. till now I haven't told her that I find her pretty/ attractive, What if she thinks that I am desperate for her / cheap person? I ve noticed that sometimes she responds to my messages, but most of the time, she says that she was at work when those messages came and forgot to reply. Sometimes she doesn't reply at all.

I'm a little confused about her myself. Yesterday evening, I ended up downloading her prettiest and hottest Facebook photos to my IPad , and was browsing through them for quite some time. Throughout the day, I keep checking her old photos, status updates. I still have a video collection of songs she sung during the Music Club in college on my laptop.

The problem is that I don't even know what she's thinking about me because she's so far away I can't meet her (there is a 7 hour time difference between us). Also I'm not sure whether she is already dating someone. I think she considers me as a casual friend but not maybe her best friend. She completed her higher studies in the US a year before me, even though we both started at the same time. In the meantime , she has also worked in 4 companies at different positions there. Whereas I am now searching for my first job. This makes me feel little inferior in front of her , and I have the fear that she will start dating someone who is as smart or good as her and will get married too soon...

I don't want to spam her with messages and irritate her or give her the feeling that I am desperate for her, at the same time I want to speak to her more, say make her talk to me on Skype so that I can see her face.. I want to impress her some way or the other, I even had a crazy idea of sending her a gift but then I'm not sure what she really likes the most. We share a lot of interests in music, and we have studied the same subjects and courses, but I have never approached her. Now I really want to do it, but I just hope that it's not too late and I still have the time to win her heart..

Can someone please help me and give me some advice, and help me talk to her better, maybe in the near future if things go well, start a relationship with her? She is my first crush, and I want to give it my best shot and hope for the best !!

I'm pretty sure she has absolutely no idea how you feel about her. If you could meet her in person, it wouldn't be so complicated
I think you should confess her your feelings. Tell her that you realized how important she is to you. I'm afraid it's the only thing that you can do. If you aren't ready to do it yet, maybe try to call her more often to let her get to know you better and to find out more about her life.

I agree with Claudine, at this point, you should start sending hints that you like her, but don't expect too much, because for all you know she just likes you as a friend. Ask 1st if she's dating another guy or not before you start courting her.

I don't know how to ask it directly. What should I continue talking about? ( unfortunately , in this case talking means sending messages, at least for now, till somehow I convince her to come for a video chat),,,..

Should I right now start messaging her by appreciating her good attractive looks etc etc ? Or should I wait a Bit more, maybe ask her about her new job. I also thought of reminding her of the times we spent in the Music club ( that was more than 4 years ago, maybe even send her some videos of her performances)??

We also like and listen to a lot of music, so I thought I could start some discussion there, maybe post some songs that I like, find out what kind of music she likes etc.. That could lead to some kind of discussion..but I don't want to send her romantic songs, I guess that would be pushing it too soon? Or is it ok to do so??

The trickier part for me is to find out whether she is already dating someone. Right now, I want her to start interacting with me more freely, and then maybe we would start video chatting ( at least that moves the friendship level up from some person who she just knows to a good friend, and maybe from there, she may to start like me as her Best Friend , but how do I find this out ? Any suggestions please!

Good thing is that we know each other, but in the past 4 years, I have wished her only for her birthdays. It's only after this time that we have started texting each other a bit more ( like wished her for the new year, told her about my future plan, job search etc),.. But how do I get to know what is running in her head ?

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Please help, really confused...

Hi there,

I'll explain my situation really fast, I'll go into details later:

I've been in love with this girl for 6 months now, even broke up with my 10 year girlfriend for her, or sort of for her anyway...
I tried asking her out, it didn't work. I should point out, I'm French, and over here in rural France, dating is a little different... We don't ask girls out, for example, it's just not done... Don't ask me why, that's the way it is I guess.
She's extremely shy and extremely nice, 6 years my junior (I'm 31), and I keep thinking her behavior shows that she likes me, but then I get nothing.

She's incapable, I know, of making the first step, problem is I'm also extremely shy... But last week, I asked her if she was available to work on a project for our dance group that we were supposed to do together. She said sure, and invited me to her house. Of course, I was over the moon, I never expected that. She didn't have to, it came as a massive surpirse and yet she did. She knows perfectly well how I feel about her (you'd have to be blind not to see it) and she still invites me to her house!
Well anyway, I went there, we spent an amazing 5 hours talking about the project and other things. As I was leaving her house, I said "there's still something I want to tel you, but you already know what that is, don't you?" She changed the subject rapidly and repeatedly, to meaningless stuff. She was embarrassed, I know. She even told me she was so ill at ease she would turn into an ostrich (she was burying her head in her sweater collar).

But I still got no answer. I left, and I was so bummed out I decided to text her, and told her exactly how I felt (yes, the L word), saying I was sorry to embarrass her, asking her to please tell me something, a big fat no if it was her answer, or even a "I don't know" would have sufficed, if it was easier for her by text, Hell I don't know. She answered "Very embarrassed, yes... I'm gonna turn into a real ostrich. See you soon, bye!"

Now what the Hell does that mean? Yes? No? I don't know? What?

I'm crazy about this girl, and I think she's just confused and there's a small part of her that doesn't want to say no, but she's scared of something. Maybe me, maybe her past, maybe her future, her present situation, I don't know...

What do you guys think?

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Confused, mixed messages. Advice please xx

Hi well I've been going with this guy for about 4/5 weeks but only really seen each other 5-6 times. I don't want a friend with benefits and be says he's doesn't either. He gives me mixed messages and I don't really no what to think. He says we click and that he wants me to stay with him and not go with other men, then the next breath he says if you want to date would you see me aswell. Then sends me messages saying don't fall in love with me, then he says if I'm honest I could fall in love with you. I haven't a clue what to think. I like him but don't want it to just be sex. Am I wasting my time? Thanks in advance x

In my opinion he is either playing games or he doesn't know what he wants. If I were you, I'd talk to him. Ask him if he wants to be in a relationship with you. It's better to make things clear. Be honest with him, tell him that you are looking for something serious.

Hi thanks for messaging back. Well I asked him last night and he said he wants me but had been hurt in the past and was scared to get close to anyone else and what did I want. So I said him, no one else etc. He asked if I wanted him for a boyfriend and I said yes. So maybe he was just a little insecure x

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Confused, but something isn't right.

My bf and I have been dating about a year now. It is my longest relationship. Here lately, however, things just haven't been them same. We have seen each other less, talk to each other less, and his ex gf has came back into the picture. He claims he hates her and hasn't spoken to her in years. She and I have mutual friends on facebook. When I tag my friends in photos or posts, she "likes them." I mentioned this to my bf a few days ago and he seemed mad. He was with his best friend when we had this conversation- and I just found out his friends have added her on facebook after these events have occurred. Something just doesn't feel right about that. It makes me wonder if something is actually going on between them now. Why would his best friend add his ex that he supposedly hates, right after talking bad about her. I felt like it was for show. Should I be worried?

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Confused, but something isn't right.

My bf and I have been dating about a year now. It is my longest relationship. Here lately, however, things just haven't been them same. We have seen each other less, talk to each other less, and his ex gf has came back into the picture. He claims he hates her and hasn't spoken to her in years. She and I have mutual friends on facebook. When I tag my friends in photos or posts, she "likes them." I mentioned this to my bf a few days ago and he seemed mad. He was with his best friend when we had this conversation- and I just found out his friends have added her on facebook after these events have occurred. Something just doesn't feel right about that. It makes me wonder if something is actually going on between them now. Why would his best friend add his ex that he supposedly hates, right after talking bad about her. I felt like it was for show. Should I be worried?

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Confused by his behavior tonight.

I'm new here and long story short, I started a new job two months ago and met a guy that I'm very interested in. We started secretly dating 5 weeks ago, and everything has been going great. We both had Wednesday and Thursday off, and he asked me out again both nights. We bought me dinner both nights and we spent hours just chatting and "fooling around". He kissed me goodnight, and afterwards, we exchanged a few friendly texts. All seemed well.

Tonight at work, he didn't come over to say "hi" like he usually does, nor did he ask me to spend lunch break with him, as he usually does. I have to admit that I didn't take it well, and rather figured that if I passed him in the hall or something, he'd avoid looking at me.

Well, we did pass each other in the hall a short while later, and as we did, he stared at me intensely, but didn't say anything.

Huh?

So at the advice of some friends, I texted him after work and simply said, "I missed seeing you at lunch today, I hope all is well with you. "

Here it is, an hour later and nothing.

So, I have to admit that I'm new to the dating scene, after a 4-year relationship of emotional abuse and a boring, long marriage before that...but this just seems odd. If he was going to blow me off, fine, I'll deal with it...but I've never known a guy who was "blowing you off" that stared at you intensely, usually quite the opposite.

Advice or observations would be welcome, I have to see him again at work tonight and I'm not sure how I should behave towards him at this point...

(P.S., he hates his job and put in his two-week notice last week and only has 3 days left, so I know he's not worried about violating a "fraternization" policy or anything like that.)

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Confused with this girl..

Okay so this girl I've been friends with for about 4 1/2 years now just got out of her 4 year relationship. Tbh, I'm pretty sure I liked her since we first met but put those aside. I told her one before like 2 years before she broke up with the guy in the 4 year relationship but that led nowhere. Now she is 2 months out of that relationship and I'm really stuck. I said to myself that I'd see what happens, give her some space and figured she wouldn't want anything right now. I was right, but I found out some other dude already confessed to her that he likes her....and when I asked if she liked him back, she said "Is that wrong"? And she told me they kissed a couple times but eh that's not really anything. the fact that me and this girl are so close is that we consider each other family like brother and sister. Ever since my freshman year I've been silentlt waiting for her relationship to end (the guy wasn't right for her but she was hopelessly in love with him). I don't know what to do. If I say something about liking her I'm afraid things will get all awkward and weird. And I'm not a scumbag, I feel bad that she likes someone and that I'm gonna ruin the fun time shes having and steal her from someone. I even met the guy she likes..he's pretty chill and nice. But also to me, her and I went to school with each other so part of me wants to be with her and yet some of me wants to go explore and see what's out there, and not be confined to my town. Yet I know I am missing out on an opportunity Ive been waiting for a long time for. Like I can;t even catch a break...she just gets out of a relationship and I'm trying to be nice you know, see how things work out and people are already saying they like her. And I don't feel right knowing the fact that she pretty much said she likes him back too. I wanted her to like me on her own... In a school or something, you might think to yourself who would I be perfect with...she's it. other people even said tht to me. And last week i invited her over for movies and we sorta maybe kinda cuddled and all I wanted to do was kiss her.. i dont know what to do, i need help

Girls are confusing. Judging from her behavior, she sees you as a friend more than anything else. You said it yourself, "we are like family". Maybe you have been friend zoned. If you really want to know how she feels, next time when you are cuddling her, kiss her. I do not know if you are brave enough to do it. If she kisses you back, it does not absolutely mean she likes you as a boyfriend kind of way. At least, she will have sort of idea about your feelings. Have you thought about sending this thread to her? I mean your post is all about your feelings.

Keep us posted.

You really care about her and you probably won't be happy if you'll have to hide it for an even longer period of time...I think you should tell her how you feel about her, it looks like she is ready for a new relationship. The longer you wait, the more difficult it will be.

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Confused by his behavior tonight.

I'm new here and long story short, I started a new job two months ago and met a guy that I'm very interested in. We started secretly dating 5 weeks ago, and everything has been going great. We both had Wednesday and Thursday off, and he asked me out again both nights. We bought me dinner both nights and we spent hours just chatting and "fooling around". He kissed me goodnight, and afterwards, we exchanged a few friendly texts. All seemed well.

Tonight at work, he didn't come over to say "hi" like he usually does, nor did he ask me to spend lunch break with him, as he usually does. I have to admit that I didn't take it well, and rather figured that if I passed him in the hall or something, he'd avoid looking at me.

Well, we did pass each other in the hall a short while later, and as we did, he stared at me intensely, but didn't say anything.

Huh?

So at the advice of some friends, I texted him after work and simply said, "I missed seeing you at lunch today, I hope all is well with you. "

Here it is, an hour later and nothing.

So, I have to admit that I'm new to the dating scene, after a 4-year relationship of emotional abuse and a boring, long marriage before that...but this just seems odd. If he was going to blow me off, fine, I'll deal with it...but I've never known a guy who was "blowing you off" that stared at you intensely, usually quite the opposite.

Advice or observations would be welcome, I have to see him again at work tonight and I'm not sure how I should behave towards him at this point...

(P.S., he hates his job and put in his two-week notice last week and only has 3 days left, so I know he's not worried about violating a "fraternization" policy or anything like that.)

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Confused About Myself..

Hey everyone. At the age of 24 I've only had three relationships that have lasted no longer than five months. I'm confused about myself. I had my first girlfriend at the age of 20. It was a good relationship. Everything fell apart when she was going back to school. My only off days at the time were Wednesday and Thursday. I offered to visit her one of those days. She kept pressuring she I could only visit on the weekends. I couldn't do that because I had to work. I found out she still had feeling for a guy that screwed her over multiple times. He only lives 20 miles away from the school and goes home on the weekend..if you catch my drift. I called her out on it and she told me I was being insecure and that she loved me. I didn't fall for it and broke it off.

Four months later I met a new girl. It was the most loving, passionate relationship I've ever been in. I was a model boyfriend. I did a lot for her. About five months into the relationship she met a new guy at her work and was telling me how great of a guy he was. She had many guy friends..so I wasn't too worried yet. They continued to talk often and was getting a little suspicous. She needed maintenance done to her car that was really expensive. I didn't have the money to help her out at the time. She said if I didn't Dan(the guy she met) would. That set me off and I was stern with her. She needed to stop seeing the guy. Someone you've known for two weeks offered to pay 500 bucks for your car when he's looking to get his OWN car still.. and he's just a friend..yeah right. I got the jealous insecure label. We argued for weeks. When I met the guy he wouldn't even look at me when I shook his hand. I knew something was wrong. I caught her lying several times. The guy was a high school drop out loser. She continued to act flaky and I took things in my own hands and caught him in her bed. I was devestated. She kept telling me that I was narrow minded because I didn't understand how she could love the both of us. I knew she was full of it. I was heartbroken for months. Finally when I came out of my shell and got over her..she came back. She told me the guy she left me for cheated on her. He left her with an apartment she couldn't afford. She gave me all of the.."I'm so sorry" jazz. I gave in eventualy. We started to become friends again. She was struggling with her bills so I gave her $500 to help. After that..she was gone. BEfore you knew it she was with another guy. An overweight guy in his 30's..but he had money. I told her what I truly thought of her and told her NEVER to talk to me again. I was over it quickly because I knew she wasn't a good person anymore.

A few months later I met a new girl. It was instant chemistry. We had so much in common..it was like me in a female body. We started hanging out several times a night. She was really hesitant with the relationship..but she said she needed "time" but she did want a relationship. After about 2-3 months I told her I felt like I was wasting my time and that I just didn't want to be "friends" when we were spending time together and having sex. She gave in a couple of days later because she knew I was about ready to give up. A couple of months later she was getting ready to go back to school. She started acting flaky. Just a few days before she went back to school she told me I was too nice and never developed any feeling for me and broke it off. The night before she left she came to me in tears and told me she wanted to work things out. I gave in..but was very upfront with her that I didn't want any games. She understood. She said she wanted to take things slow for about two weeks to see how school went. I gave in. She came back in town after two weeks and we hung out and had a great time. She went back to school a week later and broke it off with me again. I was heartbroken. She said, "I thought my feeling would change with time away..but I didn't happen." I was PISSED! She said she wanted to take things slow due to "school purposes" I raised my voice and she interupted and got really nasty with me and talked me down and ended up saying, "NIGHT" and hung up. I was shocked. To this day 2.5 years later she still tries to contact me. "I'm so sorry yada yada." Even her friends that deleted me off of facebook when I broke up try sending me friend requests. I'll never talk to her again.

I talked to several other girls..but they all flaked. About a year and a half ago I met a really cute girl. We talked for a while and went on a couple of dates. After our first date she was nagging me to hang out with her friends. I thought that was a little too..early. After our second date she kept pressuring me again to hang out with her friends. I gave in. We went out with her friends..and things changed. Her friends were complete SNOBS towards me. I even offered to buy them drinks and her friend pushed my debit card out of the way. "Oh..who's red mustang is that." Me "oh..that's mine. Do you like it?" "Oh..aren't you so great. Good to see someone has money." I looked at her with a dirty look on my face. I even asked my date, "what was the problem with your friends tonight?" "oh..they're just sarcastic." My date was acting weird and strange the whole time. A few days after that she broke it off.

I've talked to several other girls since and they all flaked on me. Stood me up, wouldn't return my phone calls on the day of the date, etc. My most recent date (everyones probably seen my post about it) also is being incredibly flaky with me now. We met over two months ago online. We hit it off right away. She would always send me messages saying, "Hope you're having a good day!" "Good morning!" I love that in a girl. We went on a date about a week after talking and it went well..but a little awkward. A week later Christmas rolled around and I came by her house and gave her cookies and a Christmas card. She gave me a card as well. She was smiling ear to ear. A week later we went on our second date. We saw a movie and went bowling. She was playing with her hair the entire time during the movie. Whenever I would look at her she would bite her lip. She even demanded to pay for our bowling. "You paid for everything the first time..you paid for the movie..I want to pay now." I thought that was AWESOME. I tried stopping her..but she wouldn't let me. At the end of the night I walked her back to her car and opened her door. I leaned in for a hug and a kiss on the forehead. After that she leaned in on me and we were making out. It was PASSIONATE. I told her she was beautiful and said goodnight. She was smiling ear to ear. A few days passed and she ignored my text messages. I asked her what was wrong and she told me she was so sorry..but not ready to date. She was previously engaged and was hurt really bad. She thought she was ready to date but she realized she wasn't. She kept apologizing and said she still wanted to hear from me. Two weeks later I sent her a text and we started talking like nothing ever happened. Sunday I asked her if she wanted to go to a concert NEXT Wednesday. She couldn't go because she has an interview that day for a summer school position. I was happy for her. Just recently she started acting distant with her messages. I sent her a text on Tuesday and she responded Wednesday with, "Hope your concert is going well!" I said, "That's next Wednesday..lol. Was your interview today??" I was a little confused. She responded with, "No..it's next Wednesday, haha. Sorry wrong person..my friends fifth graders had a concert tonight. SOrry." I just shook my head and laughed. I knew that was a lie. I said, "oh alright..well I'm thinking about going to a blues game soon..would you like to go with?" She hasn't responded and it's been two days. I'm not expecting anything out of her..I just want to be friends for now. I'm going to give her a little more space then send an intervention text and tell her to cut the flaky crap. It's been a month since we've gone out.

Sorry it's so long. I really apprecite anyone who takes the time to read. My question is..what could possibly be wrong with me for all of these women to flake? I'm a normal, good looking guy. I weight lift and eat healthy, I have a good job, I'm funny, I don't like to start arguments, I'm caring, and supportive. Is it because I'm nice and these girls just take advantange of it? Am I just going after the wrong girls? Any advice is appreciated!

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Dating a guy, but I'm so confused about what I want

I am seeing a guy ( I think I made a thread about him some time ago when we had just started meeting).
So we've been on 4 dates, and last date we were out riding horses (was really fun) and I met some of his family that own the farm. And afterwards we went to his place and ate dinner and saw a movie and made out on the couch. It was a rather intense makeout session and I didn't say that I didn't want to go all the way with him then so I ended up feeling bad when I asked him to drive my to the station. He told me I could stay over and sleep in an own bed if I wanted, so he wasn't angry, but he was dissapointed. It was really late and he had to get up really early which he told me. He drove me to the station, and just before I got out of the car I was a little cold towards him, I don't know why but at least we kissed and I gave him a hug and he asked to meet me again on a particular day and I said I didn't know if I could then.

I'm so ambivalent towards him, this is the first date we have kissed, so it was a rather sudden transition from almost no body contact to a very sexual kissing and touching. maybe that's why it felt a bit weird. Because one part of me really liked it, then another felt uncomfortable since I don't know him and I wanted him to hold me and hug me but he got so sexual. I'm also afraid that I'm not good enough for him. "Did he like kissing me" etc, but he got very turned on.
I also don't know what I want, what he wants.. He never give me compliments, it's not like I need him to do it, but Ive never been dating a guy without him saying anything. He only says it is nice to meet me etc. He also has a little daughter from before. I'm afraid I'm driving him away with acting hot and cold, I don't intend to do it. I don't know why I'm feeling like I do, I like him but sometimes it's like I don't.. But I miss him when I don't see him and I don't know what he wants with me. He always asks for new dates when we are about to leave eachother, usually creative dates where we can do things together.

1. First of all, was it mean to give him the blue balls for then to leave? It's not like I planned to do it.
2. What can I do to be more sure of what I want? It's like I think he could hold me and touch me in a emotional way so i can figure out if I really want him to do it lol. I'm also afraid of getting hurt if I continue seeing him. He has a child, so he probably would dump me really fast if he sensed I wouldn't get along well with his kid. I do love kids
3. Does he seem really interested? It didn't take him long before he got very sexual when we were making out. But before that he never touched me in a sexual way. He also seems rather distant today through text msg, I sent him a text first. We went 3 first dates with me being rather distant, then suddenly making out like that.

I'm so confused about him..

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Two girls, so confused.

Hi everyone, new to the forum. My heart is basically in two and I don't know what to do - and so I figured I'd open this question up to the tubes. This is a complicated story, so I apologize in advance for the lack of brevity.

I have been seeing a girl for about 6 months and we are implicitly "exclusive" but haven't put a title on anything, and avoid saying things that boyfriends and girlfriends eventually say to eachother (like, for example, I love you). She's nice and attractive and intelligent. We live separately and see eachother about once a week on average, sometimes once every two or three weeks but also sometimes more than once in a week (we are both working and traveling so our schedules are crazy.) To be honest I know she'd make a good girlfriend, and a part of me really wants to ask her out to put a title on it - make it official and take things to the next step. The thought of her with someone else makes me really sad - I do have feelings for her, she's not just a hookup (though truthfully she started that way.) A big part of me would like to be boyfriend/girlfriend with her.

Then there's this other girl. We met over two years ago while I was on a short roadtrip with friends to a nearby neighboring country. We met for just 10 minutes while waiting for a bus, but we hit it off and exchanged emails. I thought she was beautiful and interesting from the moment I met her, but she was dating someone and so I kept things very cordial and we were kind of pen pals for a year, writing about general things but also about eachother and our lives. She broke up with her bf, and then we started texting because we had courses and were bored in them. Then we started talking on the phone and skyping. Then we were talking on the phone for hours, sometimes all night, and we'd skype regularly. We have shared a ton of information and personal things with eachother, and started "sexting" a ton too. I have to confess I have a tremendous crush on this girl. I find her exotic and interesting and amazingly beautiful, and we have a strong connection in some way. She is kinda like my "dream girl." So, over the last year since we've gotten closer and closer I have naturally tried to make plans with her to come visit her, or for her to come visit me, or meet half way, etc. Nothing seems to work out. Sometimes she says its the timing (she has a job) sometimes it's that "she likes me too much to see me" or there have been too many "expectations" or it's all been 'built up too much." Granted, the latter are probably true, but it still doesn't mean we should never meet up or see eachother. I feel like that's what two people who like eachother normally do. She says she is still single - which adds to the confusion. I have told her I don't care if she's gained weight or she snores or something, I just want to see her and spend time with her, which is definitely true.

So back to the local girl. As I go about my day, I think about the foreign girl and what she's doing, what it'd be like to have her with me at that moment, etc. more than I do the local girl. And truthfully, sometimes, though not always, when I'm with the local girl, I am thinking of the foreign girl. It makes me feel awful inside and terribly guilty but I can't help it. I know this isn't healthy mentally or physically.

But I don't know what to do. I have tried emotionally to move on, but it seems like can't seem to move on from this foreign girl until I see her - I need some sort of closure. But she always seems to have an excuse, which drives me crazy. But at the same time she'll be texting me all the time and calls me sometimes and sometimes we still sext. And this is naturally part of the reason I can't get past her, and I realize this - but I enjoy talking with her so much and find her so interesting and attractive that the thought of not talking with her makes me miserable, as does finding a new boyfriend and hence stopping talking to me. I actually have felt physically nauseated and just incredibly miserable when I think of her with another guy.

Advice? Thoughts? Goodness knows I need some. This is not a tenable situation.

I think that people always want what they don't have and what is hard to achieve, especially men are that way. What you think about this foreign girl is probably half of your dreams and half what she really is. But who knows, maybe you'll be happy together? You should find out - insist on the meeting, she is probably just scared. About the local girl - you clearly don't care about her that much, if you're thinking about somebody else when you are with her. Let her go, she deserves to be with somebody who'll really love her.

I'd agree with Claudine - your heart is not in the local relationship, so let that go so that she can find someone who will appreciate her. As to the other girl, it sounds like she's trying to let you down gently, but you're just not buying it. Ask her outright if she really wants to meet, and if the answer is no, accept it and break off contact. She either wants to meet or she doesn't, so find out and go from there.

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My girlfriend is going crazy with her religion. So confused and hurt. Help?

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We've been dating for 2 years. We both just graduated from college. A couple of months ago, my girlfriend moved in with new roommates who are very religious and I think it's affecting our relationship. We both grew up as Christians and we didn't have these problems before. All of a sudden I think she became a completely different person. Here are some examples,

1. One day, she wore a very nice dress to church. I complimented her and said "you look beautiful and sexy!" Then right before our dinner date, she decides to change to a T-shirt and baggy jeans because she needs to be modest and she shouldn't look "sexy" in her boyfriends eyes. I regretted complimenting her about her looks (and now she is going to donate that super cute dress to Goodwill to "save" her boyfriend from sexual immorality).

2. One night she was feeling tired and it was getting late. It was also stormy outside. So I offered she could stay in my apartment for the night. She storms out saying she won't be sleeping over because we are not married yet. I was just worried about her. What I don't understand is the following though: The next day, her bible study group leader says that he needed help cleaning the house. She volunteers to help him and stay over night at his apartment. I confronted her about the double standard, and to be honest, I wasn't comfortable with her sleeping over at some other guy's house doing his household chores. When I told her about this, she said that I am such a hypocrite and our relationship is not healthy because it is based on my physical attraction to her and that all I want to do is bang her when she sleeps over. I felt so betrayed.

3. She only reads the bible, and only listens to Christian music nowadays. I played a Beatles song for her with my harmonica and she freaked out. She told me that she could hear the devil speaking. I tried to watch Harry Potter with her, but she said that she is sanddened by my sinful nature because Harry Potter is about witchcraft (???). I took her to an art museum, she scorned at the artwork there and told me that it's just stupid human art and is a waste of time because all the artwork was not biblical. I told her about a novel that I was readng, and I didn't even ask her to read or anything. She was upset and told me that she didn't like novels because they are lies. She told me that the bible tells us not to lie. When I told her that sometimes we need to think outside of the box, she said that she doesn't like to think outside of the box because thinking outside of the box can be a temptation for sin. I felt like she is from a different planet.

4.She wouldn't eat shellfish because the bible tells her not to. She doesn't eat pork because the bible tells her not to. There are so many things that she won't eat and I am truly worried for her health. I knew that she was a picky eater, but it was never because of these religious reasons. I was worried, so I cooked for her one night with some other stuff that she might like (and I even checked online for what things are allowed according to the bible), but she refused to eat my food because according to her, a man should not cook for a woman. I told her that cooking is not a problem for me and it doesn't make me feel unmanly or anything, but she argued that the world is not about me but Jesus, and even if cooking would make me happy, it would not make Jesus happy. I started hating Jesus for the first time.

5. Once I introduced her to my friends. Some of them were not Christians obviously and there was a girl who was lesbian. She wouldn't even talk to my lesbian friend and she told me to stay away from her because I might get the "gay" disease from her. I told her that that's not how it works, then she got upset and started questioning my sexuality. Furthermore, when we were talking about different cultures, she openly claimed that buddhist religion was the stupidest religion ever. It embarrassed me. I told her that it's not appropriate to call someone's religion stupid, then she said she knows the truth and it's not forbidden by the bible to tell the truth. I stopped arguing and took her home.

6. Since she kept rejecting me both physically and emotionally, I told her that we are never going to be close enough for marriage if we wait till marriage for any hint of intimacy (because she wouldn't even hug me anymore, only side hugs are allowed. She wouldn't even be in the same room by ourselves if the door is closed - so we have no privacy except when we are in my car), but then she cries and tells me that I am being forceful with her - that she feels like our relationship is all about physical intimacy. I couldn't understand. I mean it's not like we are having sex or anything. We've been dating for 2 years, and now all of a sudden we should start acting like teenagers at a Christian camp?

7. When I ask her about what is her plan now that she has graduated from college, she always replies that all she wants to do is to follow Jesus. When I tell her that it's very vague, and that she needs a job, she gets upset because supposedly I am questioning her "priorities". So I said, maybe she could become a pastor of some sort, then she got even more upset and told me that since she is a women, she can't be a pastor and the fact that I even think about it just shows how sinful I am. I was very hurt by her statements and I didn't feel appreciated.

8. She talks about me to her roommates and they absolutely hate me. They think I am a bad influence on my girlfriend because I am not a "true" Christian. The only reason they say these things is because I have friends who are gay and lesbian, and because I have friends who are not Christians, and I study science. I think of myself as a loving and a caring person in general, at least I try to, I try to understand things that I don't understand, and unlike my girlfriend herself I have a plan for the future, I am attending a top grad school in engineering, I have never broken a law, and I actually tried going to the church that they go to despite the fact that I didn't feel very comfortable there because I felt like that place was more like a Republican convention rather than a church. But I tried. I tried to understand their points of views. I tried to listen. Well, while her friends were chewing me away with their presumptuous accusations, my girlfriend never defended me. In fact, she agreed with them for the most part. She even adds more to it and tells her friends to pray for me over my head - because supposedly I need to wake up from my sinful lifestyle.

But now I feel like enough is enough. It's so sad how her sudden religious awakening has ruined our relationship - I just wish that she would someday realize that there are things, relationships, and just simply being human, that needs to be appreciated and valued besides her religious dogma.

Last edited by MikieMike; 08-13-2012 at 11:31 AM.

WHOA.

Nothing is wrong with having personal beliefs (as long as they don't harm others), but now she is hurting you emotionally. It seems to me you two need to go your separate ways. You need to find a "more laid-back Christian" for wont of a better term, and she needs to...not socialize with anyone EVER. Or else find a guy who's just as loony as she is.

I don't mean to criticize your girlfriend, but from what you posted, it sounds like she's gone back to the Medieval age of religion, back when people were killed for blasphemy. I applaud your effort, sir, but I think it's time to hang it up with this young lady.

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For everything else, I'm just gonna give you my personal opinion, and you'll just have to like it! Just kidding, but I'll do my best.

I respect your girlfriends desire to be a decent Christian. However, she's taking some of of what the Bible says to the extreme. As far as your relationship with your girlfriend... well, I wish your the best. I don't think you're going to meet her standards anymore - or anyone else for that matter. Maybe you can still talk to her and tell her how you feel about the ways things are turning out.

Unfortunately religious differences can destroy relationships. She sounds pretty extreme and I don't know if it is possible to change that. You could try and point out all the parts of the bible that contradict itself and that have been proven false or at least extremely unlikely but she is will just label you as being deceived. She has made it clear that she doesn't want to think for herself. I think herestolove is probably right and you are going to be happier without her

Its not a bad thing if your girlfriend is crazy about her religion. But if the religion fever is going over the limit as it seems in your case, you should try out an astrologer to know about the problem as everything is connected to birth and the planet positions while birth. Just check out with an astrologer and you will get the best. Its all about

I understand being a believer. I grew up Christian (my dad is a preacher). But we seemed to have learned the difference of degrees. Sadly it seems that she is seeing things in absolute. You compliment her and she flies off the handle with you and says you are lusting after her. And hearing the "devil" in the music is ridiculous. Sadly this extreme nature and criticism will turn away the very people they supposedly want to save. Yelling and preaching at people won't cut it. Being understanding and relating how religion can help them deal with life issues instead of turning to drugs or depression works. But screaming about fire and brimstone is a no go. I am not sure how this can turn out since she is so rigid.

Its not a bad thing if your girlfriend is crazy about her religion. But if the religion fever is going over the limit as it seems in your case, you should try out an astrologer to know about the problem as everything is connected to birth and the planet positions while birth. Just check out with an astrologer and you will get the best. Its all about Where does an astrologer play into this at all?

My friends call me "The Love Guru" (but nothing like Mike Myers!).

If you're looking for dating tips, I've got some awesome recommendations!
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For everything else, I'm just gonna give you my personal opinion, and you'll just have to like it! Just kidding, but I'll do my best.

See and astrologer? I have my doubts an astrologer will help at all.

Honestly, it sounds like this is a lot more than a religious awakening. The extremes you're talking about do not sound normal to me. With this being a new thing, after almost 2 years as a couple, I would bet there is a lot more going on here in this girl's head. Have you discussed this new behavior with her family at all?

Thanks all for the replies and supportive words. I doubt if other religious leader such as an astrologer(?) will be helpful... and I don't know if I will be truly happier without her. Right now it's really hard to imagine my life without her, I suppose I will survive, but I don't want to give up as of yet.

As for her parents, they are very strong about their religion (conservative Presbyterian) as well but not as extreme as her right now. When she made overly religious remarks before (but that was before she started being super extreme, so I guess she had the tendency even back then) her dad has said something like "you are making excuses with Jesus' name, that's not good", but they generally seemed to think that one cannot be too religious because religion is a good thing. I haven't talked to them in a while, but last time we had a fight they told their daughter to read more bible because they believe that if each of us reads more of the bible, that will eventually resolve our relationship issues.

I don't know if it's a mental issue, yeah I thought about that as well. But it all coincided with her graduation and her super religious new roommates, so I don't know. I can't imagine the entire group of people who happen to live together having mental issues at the same time with the same symptoms. I know that she has ADHD and one of her roommates has ADHD as well, but I am not sure if that has anything to do with her sudden religious awakening. I wish I was friends with her roommates as well, but I feel like I am not allowed to be in her house anymore.

I took her to the doctor's office for the general check-ups, and physically, she is fine although she told me that she refused to get her breasts and private parts tested for religious reasons. I wish that the general check-ups also included mental health issues, but I was comforted by the fact that the doctors didn't notice anything weird about her mental health. Yesterday, I gave her a book about love that was written by a pastor that she likes a lot but were not directly related to Christianity (five love languages, anyone heard of it?), and she seemed to be accepting my suggestion. I also asked her to start writing a journal for herself without relating everything to Jesus or God. She was upset, but I cried in front of her (yes I really cried) because I was so sad and tired, and she actually seemed like she cared for me when she saw me crying and she said she was "sorry" and that she would start writing "secular" journals about her life if I get her a notebook with bible quotes on the pages. Well, I am actually encouraged and I think it's a good start.

We are going to visit her parents this weekend, and I hope everything will go smoothly. She hasn't seen her parents in a while (ever since her graduation), and maybe seeing her parents will bring her back the old memories of being happy and...well, not being so extreme about everything.

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