Reconnected with an old love interest and would like advice, opinions, thoughts

I met a very sweet Midwestern man when I was 18 (he was 23) 9 years ago. I was very young & naive and till maturing & finding myself as a person. We went on two dates after we met each other and then he moved to work in NY. We kept in touch pretty regularly by phone and text messages and all of our exchanges were positive & happy and we tried to visit each other but things always got in the way (he was in a car accident, I got chicken pox, broke my phone, etc) or he was super busy w/wrk traveling 3 wks out of every month.

I thought the absolute world of him, but was very skeptical of how genuine his intentions & emotions were bc I had very low self-esteem & could not understand why he wanted me or liked me. He thought the world of me and encouraged me to be a strong & smart woman he knew me to be. He never dated anyone seriously after we met or during the 4 years we had an undefined long distance “relationship”, but did see a few women causally while we were not speaking (we would butt heads on occasion about my employment or silly things & not speak for weeks or months).

One day during an afternoon chat, 4 years & some mths into our relationship, he told me that it was time, that he wanted me to move & live with him, he wanted to take care of me & I could pursue whatever made me happy, and that he wanted to make love to me (we never had sex or anything beyond kissing) and although hesitant (bc I was afraid of being so intimate & having someone so genuinely good), I agreed.

A few weeks followed & my ex best friend hacked my social media account with a vengeance (we had a fight over her anger issues & mistreatment of me-verbal abuse & yelling that went south- so I moved out) and started posting all these public obsessive things about him & friending all his friends so they’d see all these statues (she had been privy to many of the intimate details about our relationship & my hopes/feelings) and he was very upset about his/our privacy being violated & all these very personal things being made known before he/he & I were ready or before we’d even talked/thought about them. …After clearing up that fiasco with reporting my account & regaining control, he very kindly told me that he had to let me go. I was very sad at the time, accepted it even though it was not my doing, and said I’d wait if he ever came back. I assumed he was mortified & scared by what he saw and/or communicated back to him by his friends as they were pretty crazy & serious and thought once things settled & he’d had time to think, he’d come back to me like he always had.

…My phone was silent for months & we didn’t talk for another almost 5 years. During that time, I had a serious relationship with another man my age & we had two young children, but ended our relationship, bc he was/is a very unhealthy person.

Well, 3 months ago, I decided I would once & for all reach out to the midwestern man in an attempt to have a friendship, bc he was/is my mentor & still very special to me. I sent a casual text to his phone number I still knew by heart knowing this may not turn out positive or he may not respond. Well, 20 mins after it sent, my phone went off & my heart went jumping with it; I read his txt (in his voice as I remembered it) saying absolutely to being friends & starting anew. We spend the remaining of that day sending each other texts back and forth chatting, joking, explaining, flirting, and asking questions…

He told me he was very glad I reached out to him, bc I was always a very special girl to him and immediately asked me if I was married or dating anyone and when I replied no, he asked if I’d like to spend time with him and suggested we go to South Beach and have a weekend together that he’d pick up the tab for (which didn’t happen bc my son’s birthday wknd was the only option I couldn’t miss that and Mr. Midwest only had that available). Also, he let slip that he knew things about me he could not have, like having two kids, two boys in fact since we haven’t talked long before I was pregnant with my first child and we have no friends in common for that type of info to pass in social circles. While I did not ask or confront him about it, I’m almost certain that he’s been Facebook stalking me since I noticed he unblocked me a few weeks before I first contacted him and that would be the only way he could know about my children or could have assumed I was married…

We talk about every other week during these last couple of months (he’s still very much busy with work) and he’s making a trip to see me in my city during September for a weekend and is considering investing of his own accord in a company I want to start once I submit him a business plan & it looks good…

I’m elated, but I’m not really sure what to expect. A huge part of me wants to believe he’s coming back for me & we’ll make up for all that lost time between us since we’ve resumed where we left off in a sense and we are much older & more mature to make this time successful. However, the rational part of me knows it’s been 9 years since we’ve physically have seen each other and 5 years since we parted ways and I’m sure we’ve each changed. Regardless, I still feel very connected to him & I do have very intense feelings for him, that mimic or could be love despite all these years gone by.

Is there any advice you might have for me or any opinions on how to proceed forward or insights?

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Why did she lose interest in me overnight?

I met this girl 9 years ago and we kissed back then as teenagers...

Years went by and we lived our lives away from each other.

Then she re-appears in my life all of a sudden 5 months ago and we started dating many times until now. When we re started hanging out, she told me she was not kind of looking for a relationship at this time, which I understood. However, each date we found ourselves growing emotionally towards each other. One time, we cuddled, next time we got a little drunk and had some rushes of passion (which she stopped claming at the moment that it was too soon and stuff) and finally one night, we kissed...That night was outstanding as we were so close from each other and spent a wonderful evening watching movies and most of the time, kissing and cuddling. It changed my perspective towards her as I felt like I really wanted to love this girl. To really pursue her as a woman and gain her heart.

Here comes the tricky part...That night I forgot my cell phone in her house. i didn't have anything weird just friendly or stupid chats with a lot of people. Nest thing that I dont at the morning after when she gives me my phone back, she has changed a lot. She looked like shew was regreting the previous night or something. Also that night I think I kinda pressured her at the end toward a more sexual pattern, again. I really wasnt looking for that at that point, but it just was a natural impulse I had by the end of the evening.

Until now, it has been a month and I havent seen her, just a couple chats, fb pokes and few phone calls. She declined a couple dates already including Valentines. I sent her flowers since she was sick yesterday and she said it was a nice detail over the chat. I tried reminding of our kiss and how beatiful it was for me and how I felt about her but -she said doesnt want a to ruin our friensdship if we lose control-. I just said ok. Supposedly we will meet this week as she told me last week. Dunno what to do from here. I really care for this girl. Help. Thanks...

Why don't you ask her if there's a problem?

She told you that she doesn't look for a relationship, I think that she was honest about it. Who knows, maybe she just doesn't feel ready to start dating, or maybe she doesn't know yet if she likes you enough to be with you.
Be her friend, court her, be close. Maybe one day she'll change her mind.

Yeah I agree with @Alex@NextRSHIP, just be straight with her and tell her how you feel. Ask her to be honest about everything and if she feels the same way that you do or if it's something that you did that might've bothered her.

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Girls lost interest in me

I've been single for a long time, I didn't date any girls because I was in depression for 6 months and it really didn't matter to me. During that time I lost some of my friends, girls that used to like me don't even talk to me and similair. I used to be an outgoing, fun, optimistic person and knew my way around girls. A lot of them liked me and I was quite popular. I used to be really confident and didn't care if I embarassed myself. I even had a great sense of humor. Few months back I decided to change, I couldn't simply continue being depressed. But now a lot of people I see everyday, mostly girls, ignore me. They only talk to me when they have to ask me something. A lot of them say that I'm kind of lost, in my own world and even shy and childish. I don't seem to be approachable. However, I work out every day and I have some social progress more and more every day, but I'm still weak in dating. I just don't know how to approach a girl anymore, or what to say. I forgot how to flirt and my humor is really weak. I just can't seem to relax. My best friend who is a "player", doesn't even know what advice to give me anymore. He said that he just doesn't know what's happening to me. What should I do to return to my old self as quick as possible? I'm bored of being single. My best friend is trying to make me approach a girl that I liked for the past 2 years on Facebook. But right now, the way the things are, she's way out of my league. She's popular, hangs out with meatheads and jocks, and she has a lot of friends. We used to flirt a little, but then we stopped. I'm afraid of approaching her, and I don't know why.. Does anyone have any tips on what I should do?

Look man. You re doing great in your life. It is just your perspective right now. I was same as you once. Popular, always around friends, but then things changed. I became loner and real antisocial? So? Guess what...In the mean time, while everybody has been partying and socializing I became deeply involved in many sports and training, martial arts, read many books, make some money on my own, received my bachelor and now I am working toward masters in quantitative finance. I dont know what to say around girls, I am in my own head a lot of the time and I only go out 3-4 time per year. But still get the chancee to regularly met all sorts of hot, smart woman.

So you might be the same type. Continue to involve in someone that has something to show. And if your are afraid to approach this girl...just remember better to try and fail as not to try. If you win her heart you will have some great moments. If she rejects you, use that as motivation, as energy to do sth extraordinary in your life. You can not lose.

I think you should just go for it. You shouldn't think about how or what you are going to say to these girls, just approach them and let whatever you say be natural. Yes, it can be a little scary but as soon as you get it over with, you willl be excited that you did. I don't know anything about approaching women because I am a female but I do what guys do when they approach me. They tend to have a decent conversation with me about anything then it turns into if you have a boyfriend or would you be open to exchanging numbers...things like that. I wish you the best of luck because I know the feeling of being lonely. I have a boyfriend and I still feel lonely at times. I guess he doesn't do it for me.

You need to be confident again. Other people can perceive and see it if someone isn't confident. No wonder there are people who fails job interviews because of confidence (whether lacking or overbearing). Anyway, you need to project to other people that you are ready to have a happy life again. If you believe in yourself that you can be happy and that you'd be great even in small things you do, then other people would be able to see that.

First of all, congrats on the steady progress. I believe as you keep trying to improve, the very little improvements you do achieve will add up and bring you to full glory. You just have to be patient.

I've never gone from being super social to regressing to a complete opposite. I can only speak from being a shy introvert who can't talk to women (and often friend zoned) to now being a super chatty regular man who has enjoyed some very cool relationships. From that perspective, I hope my advice can help.

That advice being: you need to truly believe that you are good enough. No matter your looks, your education, your financial status, etc... these are not relevant (I don't care what you think or have heard). As some have already hinted, even with all that, it still doesn't mean you will be confident with women. What I truly believe your problem may be is that you think you'll find happiness and sense of worth if you get a woman. Funny how if you make women (or anyone) the source of your happiness, you actual repel them. What you need to do is hang out with your cool buddies and find a way to become the source of happiness within yourself. Once you realize you are enough, all that crap about being unapproachable and hard to talk to goes away. Your mind state is what attracts or repels people. Keep your mind state a source of fun and no neediness and you'll find that women will want to join that party.

I'm sure you still are interesting to many girls. You don't have to be loud and funny to attract them. And don't worry, when you meet the right girl, you'll remember how to flirt. Just try to go out often and talk to many people, especially to girls.

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Girls lost interest in me

I've been single for a long time, I didn't date any girls because I was in depression for 6 months and it really didn't matter to me. During that time I lost some of my friends, girls that used to like me don't even talk to me and similair. I used to be an outgoing, fun, optimistic person and knew my way around girls. A lot of them liked me and I was quite popular. I used to be really confident and didn't care if I embarassed myself. I even had a great sense of humor. Few months back I decided to change, I couldn't simply continue being depressed. But now a lot of people I see everyday, mostly girls, ignore me. They only talk to me when they have to ask me something. A lot of them say that I'm kind of lost, in my own world and even shy and childish. I don't seem to be approachable. However, I work out every day and I have some social progress more and more every day, but I'm still weak in dating. I just don't know how to approach a girl anymore, or what to say. I forgot how to flirt and my humor is really weak. I just can't seem to relax. My best friend who is a "player", doesn't even know what advice to give me anymore. He said that he just doesn't know what's happening to me. What should I do to return to my old self as quick as possible? I'm bored of being single. My best friend is trying to make me approach a girl that I liked for the past 2 years on Facebook. But right now, the way the things are, she's way out of my league. She's popular, hangs out with meatheads and jocks, and she has a lot of friends. We used to flirt a little, but then we stopped. I'm afraid of approaching her, and I don't know why.. Does anyone have any tips on what I should do?

You may not create new Love Advice Forum threadsYou may not post repliesYou may not post attachmentsYou may not edit your postsForum Rules

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