Why Your 'Issues' Are Causing You To Make Bad Dating Decisions

He didn't want to be your boyfriend...but you persisted. Sometimes what makes a person feel attracted to another comes from a place of unresolved issues.

How can you tell if you're always falling for the wrong type of person? It's always feels right, after all. To start, ask yourself if you can relate to the following three statements.  

Repeatedly drawn to people who do not want to be in a relationship with you.Repeatedly in relationships that are dramatic and don't end the way you'd want them to.Repeatedly not developing feelings for people who treat you well.

If you are guilty of any of the above, your relationship choices are likely coming from unresolved personal issues.

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In my therapy practice, I've seen too many people in pain because a person they are convinced is right for them chooses not to be in a relationship with them. Usually these people tell me, "But this person feels so right for me. I can't imagine myself with anyone else! Is it possible for something that feels so right, to be wrong?”

The answer is yes. Sometimes what makes a person feel attracted to another comes from a place of unresolved issues. And when you're operating from a place of unresolved issues, it can actually be dangerous to trust your 'instincts'. Here are a few examples of repeatedly falling for the wrong person, even though it feels right. 

A woman who finds herself particularly attracted to angry men out of a desire to heal him with her love, something her mother was unsuccessful at with her angry father.A man who finds himself repeatedly drawn to emotionally unavailable women, trying to get the love from her he so desperately sought from his emotionally unavailable mother.A person who feels compelled to get the approval of someone who won't give it to them out of a need to validate their worthiness because of earlier experiences that made them feel unworthy.

These are just some examples of the many ways filling a need, re-enacting an old wound, or trying to right a wrong from the past subconsciously contributes to who people seek love from, and who they're not interested in for a relationship. Sometimes the very love or treatment they crave is available to them in the form of potential partners that come into their lives, but if they don't have to struggle for it, they may not recognize it because it does not feel familiar, and they may let it pass them by.

Even in a working, committed relationship some of the attraction is coming from a place of unresolved issues. The difference is that it's happening between two available, capable partners that are just as or nearly as interested in working through it. And that work can be very fulfilling and bring the couple to an even deeper level of love when it's mutual. But without a partner that's available and interested in the work, a person can end up repeatedly hurt or disappointed. The result is chasing after a relationship that they want but are not going to get and unavailable for the love they want, in relationships they can get.

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Insecurity: What's causing it ?

I've known him for a year and a half. For a year we just had sex because none of us wanted this to work out..He was still in love with his ex, they were together for a year. She was his age she had a child (she was only 19) with her ex husband that died and then met my boyfriend afterwards, He was seriously in love with her. They met while he was at college and she lived there. But he had to go back home to find a job after he finished his studies so they split because of the distance. Well then he joined the army for a year. Then he met me. We were nothing like a couple. Because, well I didn't feel that something about him. And he told me he was still in love with her. Anyways, they met after a month and obviously slept together for the last time. That was a year and a half ago. So we decided we just have sex and nothing more. I was so cold i wouldn't feel anything he got mad at times for my coldness. Which is strange for me because i'm usually a very sensitive person when it comes to love. I wasn't in love with him. I left him many times within a year 6 to be specific dating other people cause i wanted to fall in love. But i was always returning to him. He dated a couple of girls as well but didn't work out and came back to whatever we had. We had no pressure in our thing, no jealousy, no hard times. Well, summer arrived and i went to visit my parents( I'm studying at his place and had vacation on summer). I kissed somebody during summer and he got really jealous and mean when i told him. When i came back,i don't know what happened, but after a while we ended being in a relationship. We didn't have a serious talk but It was a thing I just knew. And everybody else could see there was something special between us. And he is telling everyone we are a couple, even met his family. What you should know about me is that I have tried to be in a relationship and fall in love but i couldn't bare this, lying to someone about my feelings, pretend to be in love, and i hate to hurt people but i could not pretend and lie to myself so i was always the one to leave. It is only him i feel different, i don't know if i'm in love but i do want this to work. What bothers me is something that happened about a month ago. He left his facebook page open and i saw the messages. He was talking with his ex i mentioned above. And with another girl they used to have sex years back she was in love with him but he wasn't and now he was having that naughty talk with her and she even asked him to meet but he couldn't because of the distance as he said. Also, he had all of his exes at his favorite friends list and always liking their pictures and everything. I told him about this, and he said he was sorry and that was along time ago and i shouldn't worry because he loves me. We were talking about this for a long time because well i can't forget easily. Today i saw he keeps liking his exes pictures. Especially that one with the child. And that bothers me. He says they are not talking but how can that be possible when he likes her pictures? Maybe they're talking on skype or texting on their phones or even call each other who knows. He also wears a hand watch that she gave him, a sweater she gave him, and his wallet, all gifts from her. THAT bothers me. But I haven't told him. This thing i have with him is full of insecurities on my side. I'm afraid some day he needs to go somewhere for work he will meet them..Please, I need some advice this whole thing really upsets me..

Last edited by terriusblanks; Yesterday at 11:58 PM.

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