What Women Really Think ... Of Dating Someone Who's Sober

Dealbreaker or the perfect match? Here's what 9 ladies think.

As someone who drinks more than she should and is well aware that there just might be a problem here, I have tried more than a few times to get sober. I don't mean just for a few weeks, but it never works out. Alcohol is my crutch and I know that. I've gotten a far as a few months, and while I'm proud of that achievement, I can't be too proud, because I still drink, and I still love it.

Because I am a drinker, I've often wondered if I could be in a relationship with someone who doesn't drink at all. I have several friends who are sober and they're just as awesome off the sauce as they were when they were on it, but I also feel like certain events are reserved for them and others reserved for my drinking buddies. Which makes sense; friends do get divvied up into specific categories depending on their interests.

I asked both sober and drinking ladies their thoughts on dating someone whose drinking habits (or non-drinking habits) are completely different from their own. Here's what they had to say.

How The Drinkers Feel:
"I could never date a sober person. It's just like someone refusing to partake in one of my favorite hobbies!" exclaims Rachel, 21.

"I married a sober person and it's perfect since forever. I always have a designated driver," says Joy, 37.

"Whether they drink a lot, a little or not at all doesn't bother me. As long as they don't care that I may have a couple, we'll get along just fine," says Jen, 36.

"I'd be apprehensive but I don't know that it's a dealbreaker," says Sarah, 26.

"For me, dating someone who doesn't drink is like dating someone who votes Republican. It just won't work," says Leigh, 27.

"As someone that enjoys drinking, I probably feel most comfortable either with someone that drinks a similar amount, or a sober person that is VERY patient and still fun around drunkies. Nothing is worse than the sober person that is constantly judging you, and it's also no fun to have to take care of someone that is stupidly drunk ALL THE TIME (making me the responsible party by default)," says Becky, 29.

How The Sober Ladies Feel:
"As someone sober, I've been fine with being with drinkers so long as it's not constant and excessive, and so long as it's kept out of my home. I have some wine around for cooking, but it has taken me a long time to get to that point. What makes me really uncomfortable is when people who know about it bring over bottles of wine or liquor when they come over for an evening." says Tanya, 34.

"My husband and I are both sober; before we met each other, we hadn't dated anyone else who was sober. But a guy broke up with me once because I had stopped drinking, I lost friends when I stopped drinking, and it made me sad, because I'm way more fun now than I was when I was drunk," says Randi, 35.

"I've worked extremely hard at my sobriety. It's been six years in the making. But since I know I have a problem, I know that dating someone who drinks would be an issue. If they occasionally had a glass of wine with dinner, that would be OK, but more than that, I just couldn't do it. I need to put myself first for this one," says Kim, 30.

Photo: weheartit.com

How do you feel about dating someone who's sober? Tell us in the comments below.

5. Yeah, so I'll be out here for the next few days if anyone needs me.

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6. OMG. This is so much better than chasing a ball.

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8. Why would I go for a walk when I can go for a ride?

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10. I was going to be productive today but then I got in the pool.

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11. Yeah, I went to Coachella ... both weekends.

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14. Care to join me? There's room for one more.

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16. Can I get a cocktail out here when you get a chance?

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16. It's not even my birthday but I think we should celebrate anyway.

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1. Did someone say ROAD TRIP?

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Trying to get to know someone you just met....

Hi, I'm a senior in college who recently had her first relationship and breakup soon after. In the short time I was with the guy, I realized that I really enjoyed being with someone: cuddling, holding hands, and just spending time with a guy. A month or so after the breakup, I introduced myself to this new guy who works at my gym. We talked for a couple minutes about where we were from, majors, where we lived, and so forth but that was it. I've said hi to him a few more times after that, but I really only see him when he's working at the gym, working out at the gym, or in the union eating. I really want to get to know him better if only just for a friend, but hopefully something more. The thing is that I only see him when he's with at least one other person so I need to get him alone I think. I thought about asking him to get coffee or lunch or something the next time I see him but I'm not sure....any suggestions?

Well dear you will need to try harder and I think it is a good idea to actually ask him out for coffee and that will be a great opportunity for both of you to know each other better and hopefully or eventually know ho you both feel about each other, hopefully the feeling you have for him are mutual.

Thank you so much! That helps a lot. So even though we've only spoken a few words, it's not coming on top strong to ask to Hang out? What should I sayyyy? I'm so clueless haha

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Thank you! Great advice. I know I'm probably over thinking it too much hah I tend to do that...but idk I haven't really talked to him since before winter break (like a month) so I feel weird just asking him right off the bat I guess....so complicated.

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Important Tips To Consider When Meeting That Someone Special For The First Time

"There is someone special for everyone." Every relationship expert will tell you this prodigious line. True to their word, there is someone special out there for all of us. Love has been said to bring forth surreal emotions of happiness, peace and tranquility. Why do we need love? Must we be in a relationship for us to be happy? How do you know if you haven found the one?

All these are questions that each us asks ourselves when we are lonely. Meeting that special someone can make us nervous. Lanky preparations mentally and physically may lead to a wrong presentation of our true selves. Avoiding this is crucial and the following tips are important to remember.*

Meeting a person for the first time can be nerve-wrecking hence why it is important to always look your best. Physical appearance is what appeals to a stranger for the first time. Neat hair, clean shoes and a well groomed man will seem more responsible while a decently dressed lady appears as a respectable lady.

Other things to look for during the initial meeting are virtues of kindness, respect and enthusiasms. For instance, does he pull out that chair for you? Does she smile or are you feeling uncomfortable?

Upon getting acquainted, this is the inception of a relationship and requires commitment, honesty and time. Work to build and learn about each other. What makes the other person angry? Happy, daily habits and are they tolerable or intolerable? Try living with each other for a while to determine this.*

Mentioned here are some basic things to invest in when building a stable relationship. In essence, take time to know each other, explore and infiltrate each other taking note of behaviors that may seem perplexing and stupendous.

The good always comes before the worst according to relationships experts. As such, it is vital to explore each others interests learning likes and dislikes. Such lessons help in identifying what interests to pursue together to make each other happy. Learning to apologize is a great way to keep a relationship healthy and strong.

Even though some relationship experts describe this as "weakness" in the male gender, it is the bonding factor among many couples. The art of saying sorry also acts as a healing rift during heated arguments. Such actions build trust and shows responsibility and maturity in relationships. This is considered the basis of laying a solid foundation for healthy and long lasting relationships.

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I feel like my relationship is going down the drain. Someone, please help!

I've been with my boyfriend for two years now. At first, everything was great. Now, not so much.
He was raised by a single mother, who is a very nice and independent woman. I think he grew up in that mindset, that women need to completely take care of themselves. Meaning, he doesn't take me on dates, and told me that if he did, he wouldn't pay because "girls shouldn't expect to be paid for". If he drives me somewhere, he will ask for gas money, which I have never done to him when I drive. Whenever we do something, it is always split 50/50, or I end up paying for him. He makes more than three times the amount of money that I do. He just never has any, because he will spend it to the last nickel within 3 days of getting his check, on random things he doesn't need. Im really not a materialistic person. This wouldn't bother me, if he didn't ask me for money constantly.

Also, he never stands up for me. Especially with his friends. They will make very mean jokes about me, and he just laughs along with them. His reasoning is "they do that to everyone". He also vents to his friends about our personal problems, A LOT. Im going through a tough time in my life right now, and he shares very personal things about me that his friends don't need to be knowing. He sees no problems with this, even though they make jokes about it to me.
However, last Valentines day, my coworkers asked what I had done the year before for Valentines. I mentioned that I did nothing, because my boyfriend doesn't believe it should be a holiday. Literally, all I said. When he heard that, he flipped out and said I was making him sound like a horrible boyfriend, and I shouldn't be telling other people about his business. Hmm.

We get into arguments over tiny things, and then he flips them way out of proportion. Even when I tell him to please stop, because I don't want to fight. His response the last time that happened was "Of course, so you're right, and I have to f*cking bow to you?". He will never apologize unless I do first, and this is after hours of him ignoring me, because he needs to "calm himself down". We only fight when I'm PMS'ing, which is "just an excuse", according to him. He is very insensitive when we are having an argument. He has made me cry before, told me to shut up, and then left the room and played video games for the rest of the night.

He had been talking to his ex girlfriend a few months ago, and didn't say anything about it to me. When I confronted him about it, he said that its none of my f*cking business who he talks to, because he's "allowed to have his own damn life".

We don't have sex often, and when we do, Im always the one who initiates it. He has turned me down multiple times, usually because he had planned to hang out with his friends that night. Once, it was because he was playing video games, and "had to finish what he was doing first". When it does happen, it is always a race to the finish line. He says he can't slow down, because he won't last as long. He never kisses me or anything during sex, just goes at it until he's done.

I don't know what to do anymore. He is moving out of my house soon, which will hopefully ease some of the tension. Im just at the point where I feel like I might not be in love with him anymore. I definitely love him, he is my best friend. I just can't handle his immaturity sometimes. This is his first serious relationship, none of the others lasted more than 4-5 months. Im not sure if its something Im doing wrong, or if he's just not very experienced in relationships.

Any advice is greatly appreciated!

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Love someone but not ready to settle down?

I really don’t know how to say this, but I love someone but I am not ready to settle down.

Me and my ex broke up 6 months ago, she was really heart broken and it was killing me to see her that way and because I was the cause of it. I still stayed by her side til now trying my best to cushion the fall, make her get over me, and make her happy as possible. I think I really inspired this girl to do better in life while we were together or something, she went from drinking/partying all the time to doing sooo much better in life, like college, job, and etc… If I leave, I’m scared she’s going back to those party/drinking/loser life.

It’s not my problem but I don’t know how to explain it, I want to see her as happy as possible with a really good future but I can’t be the reason for it, at least not yet. I am only 23, I love her but I am not completely ready to give my whole life to her. I still want to see other people and experience new things and stuff… or I know that I will regret it on my 30’s, 40’s that I spent my 20’s already being so serious.

She said If I ever do anything with another girl like even take her on a date, she will completely walk out of my life. That really made me mad because it’s as if my freedom is completely gone ever after we broken up, so we decided we’ll completely walk out of each other life. Then I started crying non stop for hours and hours but I was going to be okay with it sooner or later. However, The next day she was still crying, she called me and said “I’m not ready to walkout yet”, and so we’re still together as “friends/lovers?” whatever you want call it.

I really don’t know what to do… I want to see other people and enjoy my 20’s and I don’t want my freedom completely taken away yet, but at the same time, I really care about her future and happiness.
I know I have to choose but what would you guys do?

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a dilemma from someone inexperienced

Ok I'll try to make the story short.

I usually wouldn't ask for help, but I really need it this time around.

First of all, I am not trying to be cocky or anything... but let me say that out of all dates so far, the girls usually initiate... so I've absolutely NO EXPERIENCE asking a girl out

Second, I am in professional school, where our class is relatively small... so If I do ask this girl out and s*** falls apart... it is going to be VERY AWKWARD for the next 3 years

Lastly, I have no problem talking to random chicks @ bars and clubs (well, I guess alcohol helps) and actually, I have no problem talking normally to this girl I like. But whenever the conversation is about dating/relationships, I either blank out or say something completely stupid... she just makes me flutter like that

I guess what I want to ask on here is how would I "test" the waters? I am not sure if she feels the same way, I THINK she does, but what the hell would I know b/c she's so damn nice to everyone
Here are some signs I guess?
1. after a class gathering (most ppl left), I talked to her for a good 2-3 hours alone (this is what sparked my interest in her)
2. she would sometimes walk with me on the way home, even though its a bit out of her way
3. she asked me if I only dated girls of my ethnicity
(here is the stupid thing on my part... I said NO, and did not follow it up with anything... I want to ask her the same thing now but its been like a week so It is going to seem so random)

I did drop some hints here and there like sitting next to her in class everyday and what not, but I guess shes not the kind to initiate so that's why I gotta do it

Im usually pretty confident but whenever i'm around this girl I just cant think straight.... helllllp -_-

PS. I NEVER asked her if she had a boyfriend, I dont think so b/c she never brings anything about a bf up but i cannot be sure. What is a good way to ask SUBTLY lol

I say subtly b/c of the same class dilemma, I don't want to cross that line if she does have a boyfriend, I need something to fall back on so it wont be awkward as hell

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I Fancy Someone, but do not know if they fancy me back

Well, the title itself gives away the basis of what I want to ask, so I'll break down the situation so people are able to decode it.

Basically, I'm a first year drama student studying in London. I met this girl during a social event the school of drama within my Uni throws to get the first year drama students to bond and get to know each other. We got along, laughed, joked, talked, all that jazz. Next thing I know we are in the same seminar classes as each other. This helped build a more solid social relationship with this girl. It was at this point that I started developing feelings for this girl. In seminar and on Facebook, we would constantly "abuse" the other, playfully trying to get reactions out of the other. At times in seminar she would start touching my hair trying to "get something out of it" or because "a piece of hair was sticking up" She even created a pet nickname which stuck to me to glue, to the point others began using it too, becoming a sort of "in" joke. Likewise I got her a white bed sheet as a reference to an "in" joke she was the punch line of.When we were put in the same group for a practical assessment, the social aspect became more private and personal in its subject matter. She would start talking to me about drunken one night stands, or a boy who said fancied her, but she did not like back.

The boy in question was someone who I saw as competition for the girl, and she did not hide her feelings towards the boy, especially when she found out my dislike for the boy ( for other reasons besides potential competition). Likewise during extra rehearsal sessions during the weekend, she would ring me on the assumption I was the first to arrive, to ask me to open the doors as they were often locked. This feels odd when seen in the context of why ring me up, if the doors are all locked, then how would I be able to find my way in. It was sheer luck rather than anything else whether someone got in or not. During a post show party, the girl decided to have an early night, despite the protests of the rest of the group to come and drink till the early hours. When it came to the end of sememster, and people going their seperate ways, I found on Facebook she had messaged me asking for help with a written assignment explaining our performance. Likewise, she would often strip down to a sleevless top within the studio spaces we were using. Anyone who has ever worked in a rehearsal studio would know, they are very often (as was the case with ours), very cold.

I found this most strange, not least because of her intelligence, but because the performance concept was her her brain-child. I private messaged her on Facebook. After helping her, she started to first, in caps start talking about how stressed she was, and thanks for listening to her. We then had a short conversation about friends coming back from uni, and how it would be nice to meet up and go to the pub with them. There was an excessive amount of emoticons on both sides of the converstaion. She ended up by the general hope you have a good break etc, and threw in a kiss. Around this time, she started deleting messages on Twitter about other boys.

My friends likewise, egging on to the fact I fancied her, thought it would be funny to frape me, and make me like random photos of her, trying to force me to bring the isssue to the surface. I gave a semi-plausable scenario, and we both laughed it off. Since then neither one of us has contacted the other, mainly due to wanting to give the other one space. The issue I have is that although I fancy her, I'm scared to play my hand as it might compromise the friendship we already have. Likewise, I don't won't to sit there if she does fancy me, watching her attraction to me expire as another guy who is alot quicker to act jumps in.

just ask her if she likes you can you answer mine please? called " what happened to her"

I think you should just go for it and ask her on a date. It might end up ruining the friendship, but as you have stated, it would also suck to see her move on. So I think you should just take a chance and ask. If she says no, you can just carry on as normal. But your whole relationship sounds quite flirty to me.

Yeah, that's always a big moment. When I was in University, this was one of my most feared scenarios. The best advice I can give is this: ask her out but ask the question in a way where you can give her room to comfortably say "no" without actually making it awkward. There are 2 ways that I like

1. Direct way:
Girl, there's that new Tarantino movie out. Would you like to come see it with me on Thursday?
*Always make the date exact, because if she doesn't want to go she can easily just say: "Oh, I'm not free on Thursday". If she doesn't propose another date, then just say: "Cool. No worries", and move on. If she does see you that way, she'd immediately offer another date.

2. Indirect way (this is good to get to know her more without making it a potentially awkward 1 - on- 1 date).
Girl, my friends and I are going to ________ on thursday. Would you like to come?
*again, same thing.

Good luck dude!

You should tell her how you feel. What it looks to me is that you are both waiting for the other to make the first move. Open up your feelings to her and ask her on a date. If she says no, then at least you know where you stand.

Since there is another guy in the picture, and possibly more than that, especially if she is attractive, you need to make your move. She's not seeing these other guys, but we all know that an attractive woman is more than likely going to have lots of guys checking her out, especially in a university atmosphere. Most are probably not trying to talk to her, but some of them want to, it's just that the right opportunity has not presented itself. Sometimes, with a woman you like; a woman you're attracted to, if you snooze, you lose. In other words, make your move. Just tell her how you feel about her and make it as subtle as possible. That way, you don't have much to lose and you can still maintain the friendship. Maintaining the friendship with her is very important because you keep the door open for future possibilities.

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WHAT TO DO WHEN SOMEONE STOPS EMAILING

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You Don't Know Someone Until You Have Conflict [EXPERT]

ProConnect Subscribe to Experts Blog By Dr. Margaret Paul. Posted on Aug 18th 2012.

Do you sometimes wonder if you REALLY know the person you are dating?

People often ask me how they can know whether or not someone they are dating is REALLY open.

"He seems open, but how can I know? My last guy seemed really open until we started living together and then he was always angry. I don't want that to happen again," said Kiera in a phone session.

"Have you and your boyfriend had significant conflict yet?"

"No, we've only been dating for two months."

"Two months is generally not long enough to know whether or not someone is open. And you can't really know until you have a conflict and you see how he responds. You need to know if he uses anger, withdrawal, resistance, arguing, explaining, defending, compliance and so on. And, if he does these protective things, how long does it last? Some people get immediately closed, but then in half an hour or so they open and are ready to learn and resolve. Others can stay closed for days, weeks or even longer. Of course it's ideal when someone is immediately able to stay open to learning in conflict, but most people do not do a good job of this. However, if they open sooner rather than later, then things can be worked out. But if they want to sweep things under the rug and act like nothing happened, or stay distant until you apologize, this isn't good news."

It takes quite awhile before the deeper issues of fear of rejection and fear of engulfment surface in a relationship. These fears might not become apparent for the first six months or even for the first year — it depends on how close two people get and how important the relationship is to them. These fears don't generally surface in more casual relationships, but once two people feel very connected with each other, these fears will almost always emerge.

What do you do when your fears of rejection or engulfment surface? You need to accept that, if you tend to get protected and controlling, you will likely attract someone who will also get protected and controlling — although likely in a different way. If you tend to get angry, you might attract someone who withdraws or resists. If you tend to be compliant, you might attract someone who is demanding.

Regardless of what you each do, the real issue is whether you and your partner will eventually open to learning. This is what takes time to know. It's easy for most people to be open at the beginning of a relationship when there isn't much to lose, but it gets harder and harder the more important you become to each other.

Author, Counselor/Therapist, Marriage Educator, Relationship Coach, Sex Educator, Speaker/Presenter

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process - featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy? Take our FREE Inner Bonding course, and click here for a FREE CD/DVD relationship offer. Visit our website at innerbonding.com for more articles and help, as well as our Facebook Page. Phone and Skype sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Couples/Marital Issues, DepressionOther Articles/News by Dr. Margaret Paul:By Dr. Margaret Paul

Do you have an explosive temper? When things don't go your way, do you say hurtful things to the people you love? If so, you're in luck. In this video, author, therapist and YourTango Expert Dr. Margaret Paul explains what to do when your anger interferes with your relationships. "I want to suggest," says Dr. Paul, "that you learn and ... Read moreBy Dr. Margaret Paul

When I was growing up I was frequently shamed, criticized and judged by both of my parents, as well as by my grandmother who lived with us, and by many of my teachers. I grew up believing that there was something basically and essentially wrong with me. I didn't know what it was, but I believed if I could just figure out how to do things right, then the ... Read moreBy Dr. Margaret Paul

I received the following email on this topic, asking for my help: "Hi, my name is Adam (not his real name). I am living with my parents and I'm thinking of moving out with my girlfriend Patty. But there are some things that make me feel upset, and I don't really know what to do. I love her but she doesn't seem to be the person she was. At ... Read moreSee More

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Save the Date...for Someone Else

After a very strange day at work, I went to Marni and Luke’s for dinner.

Now that the cat’s out of the bag about Mammoth Object’s huge investment, there’s some tension between those of us who are but a signature–or in Rina’s case, a diploma–away from full-time status, and those who aren’t. And I can see both sides, really I can. Nate can’t hire everyone yet, which means he basically has to hire one of everything. Because I have seniority, I’m obviously going to get the full-time producer gig before Greg. And Rina has quickly made herself indispensable. She’s an office manager, executive assistant, human resources rep, social media manager and web producer all rolled into one insanely overdressed and over caffeinated package. On the two days per week when she isn’t here, the office suffers. And Dave has been our off-site editor since day one, holding down a full-time job and then pulling all-nighters for days on end to deliver our projects on time.

Molly’s the one I really feel for. She and Rina started together, and Rina has completely surpassed her. She’s a hard worker, and she’s great. I think what it boils down to is that, when Molly’s not here, me and the rest of the production staff just have more of our regular work to do. She needs to have ownership of projects, instead of just supporting the rest of us. I’m going to set up a meeting with her to help her redefine her role and be more proactive. (God, I hate corporate speak. If I ever say “synergy” feel free to cybershoot me.)

When I got to Marni’s, I rightfully got an earful about what a neglectful friend I’ve been.

“You live two blocks away from us,” she chided. “And how often do we see you? Never. I get that we’re your boring parent friends, but would it kill you to hang out once in a while? I still haven’t heard about your New Zealand trip. You sent me a one-sentence follow-up to the ring email, and didn’t respond to my questions. I love you, but you kind of suck, K.”

“K suck!” Olivia gleefully yelled from the living room floor. She laughed and threw a stuffed dice at me.

Luke slipped out to fire up the grill, and presumably, avoid the rest of our conversation. Marni poured us each a glass of wine, and I caught her up on my job situation, New Zealand trip, and lack of an engagement ring. She filled me in on Luke’s promotion, Olivia’s milestones, and her new job as a freelance photo editor for a fashion website, which she loves because it gets her out of the house two days per week, and it’s fun.

When dinner was ready, I headed into the kitchen to grab condiments. When I closed the refrigerator door, I saw a Save the Date card. For Ed’s wedding. And I wanted to barf.

I don’t blame Marni for not telling me. I wouldn’t tell me, either. And it’s not that I even care, really. Aside from feeling bad for the woman who actually signed on to be his wife, the thing that’s nagging at me is how badly I want my Save the Date cards hanging on someone’s refrigerator. Ugh. A girl sees one engagement ring, and suddenly she’s marriage-obsessed.

Posted at 10:02 PM

Find your date here

Save the Date...for Someone Else

Find your date here

Save the Date...for Someone Else

After a very strange day at work, I went to Marni and Luke’s for dinner.

Now that the cat’s out of the bag about Mammoth Object’s huge investment, there’s some tension between those of us who are but a signature–or in Rina’s case, a diploma–away from full-time status, and those who aren’t. And I can see both sides, really I can. Nate can’t hire everyone yet, which means he basically has to hire one of everything. Because I have seniority, I’m obviously going to get the full-time producer gig before Greg. And Rina has quickly made herself indispensable. She’s an office manager, executive assistant, human resources rep, social media manager and web producer all rolled into one insanely overdressed and over caffeinated package. On the two days per week when she isn’t here, the office suffers. And Dave has been our off-site editor since day one, holding down a full-time job and then pulling all-nighters for days on end to deliver our projects on time.

Molly’s the one I really feel for. She and Rina started together, and Rina has completely surpassed her. She’s a hard worker, and she’s great. I think what it boils down to is that, when Molly’s not here, me and the rest of the production staff just have more of our regular work to do. She needs to have ownership of projects, instead of just supporting the rest of us. I’m going to set up a meeting with her to help her redefine her role and be more proactive. (God, I hate corporate speak. If I ever say “synergy” feel free to cybershoot me.)

When I got to Marni’s, I rightfully got an earful about what a neglectful friend I’ve been.

“You live two blocks away from us,” she chided. “And how often do we see you? Never. I get that we’re your boring parent friends, but would it kill you to hang out once in a while? I still haven’t heard about your New Zealand trip. You sent me a one-sentence follow-up to the ring email, and didn’t respond to my questions. I love you, but you kind of suck, K.”

“K suck!” Olivia gleefully yelled from the living room floor. She laughed and threw a stuffed dice at me.

Luke slipped out to fire up the grill, and presumably, avoid the rest of our conversation. Marni poured us each a glass of wine, and I caught her up on my job situation, New Zealand trip, and lack of an engagement ring. She filled me in on Luke’s promotion, Olivia’s milestones, and her new job as a freelance photo editor for a fashion website, which she loves because it gets her out of the house two days per week, and it’s fun.

When dinner was ready, I headed into the kitchen to grab condiments. When I closed the refrigerator door, I saw a Save the Date card. For Ed’s wedding. And I wanted to barf.

I don’t blame Marni for not telling me. I wouldn’t tell me, either. And it’s not that I even care, really. Aside from feeling bad for the woman who actually signed on to be his wife, the thing that’s nagging at me is how badly I want my Save the Date cards hanging on someone’s refrigerator. Ugh. A girl sees one engagement ring, and suddenly she’s marriage-obsessed.

Posted at 10:02 PM

Find your date here

Save the Date...for Someone Else

After a very strange day at work, I went to Marni and Luke’s for dinner.

Now that the cat’s out of the bag about Mammoth Object’s huge investment, there’s some tension between those of us who are but a signature–or in Rina’s case, a diploma–away from full-time status, and those who aren’t. And I can see both sides, really I can. Nate can’t hire everyone yet, which means he basically has to hire one of everything. Because I have seniority, I’m obviously going to get the full-time producer gig before Greg. And Rina has quickly made herself indispensable. She’s an office manager, executive assistant, human resources rep, social media manager and web producer all rolled into one insanely overdressed and over caffeinated package. On the two days per week when she isn’t here, the office suffers. And Dave has been our off-site editor since day one, holding down a full-time job and then pulling all-nighters for days on end to deliver our projects on time.

Molly’s the one I really feel for. She and Rina started together, and Rina has completely surpassed her. She’s a hard worker, and she’s great. I think what it boils down to is that, when Molly’s not here, me and the rest of the production staff just have more of our regular work to do. She needs to have ownership of projects, instead of just supporting the rest of us. I’m going to set up a meeting with her to help her redefine her role and be more proactive. (God, I hate corporate speak. If I ever say “synergy” feel free to cybershoot me.)

When I got to Marni’s, I rightfully got an earful about what a neglectful friend I’ve been.

“You live two blocks away from us,” she chided. “And how often do we see you? Never. I get that we’re your boring parent friends, but would it kill you to hang out once in a while? I still haven’t heard about your New Zealand trip. You sent me a one-sentence follow-up to the ring email, and didn’t respond to my questions. I love you, but you kind of suck, K.”

“K suck!” Olivia gleefully yelled from the living room floor. She laughed and threw a stuffed dice at me.

Luke slipped out to fire up the grill, and presumably, avoid the rest of our conversation. Marni poured us each a glass of wine, and I caught her up on my job situation, New Zealand trip, and lack of an engagement ring. She filled me in on Luke’s promotion, Olivia’s milestones, and her new job as a freelance photo editor for a fashion website, which she loves because it gets her out of the house two days per week, and it’s fun.

When dinner was ready, I headed into the kitchen to grab condiments. When I closed the refrigerator door, I saw a Save the Date card. For Ed’s wedding. And I wanted to barf.

I don’t blame Marni for not telling me. I wouldn’t tell me, either. And it’s not that I even care, really. Aside from feeling bad for the woman who actually signed on to be his wife, the thing that’s nagging at me is how badly I want my Save the Date cards hanging on someone’s refrigerator. Ugh. A girl sees one engagement ring, and suddenly she’s marriage-obsessed.

Posted at 10:02 PM

Find your date here