What to do in a situation like this?

Ok so a month ago I met a guy on Tinder. He is a Scorpio I am a Pisces. We chatted over the phone and texted for about a week before we went on our first date to meet in person. Let me just say it was an instant connection and we could both felt eachothers energy it was very intense. Our date went well he got a very good impression of me and I of him. I was upfront with him and told him I was still a virgin at 21 and him at 25 was very experienced. He told me that sex was important to him right from the start. I understand that some people use sex to express their emotions (especially scorios) but I let him know that I dont want to do anything serious so early on..not until we were official and established anyways.. He seemed to respect that and even said I was mature beyond my years which I have to agree with. The second date he invited me to his house which at first I wondered if this was the right thing to do on a second date but he made me feel safe so I trusted him and went through with it. Not gonna lie and I new it was bound to happen because there was so much energy between us, we both started making out went to second base. I told him I could not go any further than this as it was just the second date. He said that was ok and he was very understanding.

So now two weeks have past from that last date and I can tell he was starting to lose interest because the texts were shorter and less frequent. He also was very busy with work and and on a one week vaca to see family all around the same time. Because I am a pisces I am naturally impatient and Not gonna lie I like attentiin and want to feel wanted by a guy, doesnt mean I'm desperate or needy, just makes me feel special. I wasnt getting that from him so I was very upfront and told him if him wasnt interested to let me know and that I understand. He calls me at 11:30 pm to tell me he was sorry and that he still likes me. Ok great good to know. I was hapy to hear this. I thought I should guve him some time. I gave him 4 days and in those 4 days he would literally ask the same thing, how was your day? And hows your night going? Then reply minimally.

I finally gave him my last ultimatum which I know is bot fun to recieve by anyone but I needed to avoid waiting being hurt and waiting on somone who wasnt as into me as I was with them. He respond with tge ling reply saying he wasnt interested and said there were so many qualities he lived about me but he was impatient for sex. I asked him if he was interested at all in me and said yes in the beginning.

3 weeks have past and I met someone else who is really sweet but lacks in the affection department which is something I require. But I cant stop thinking about this other guy. I know I havent spent that much time with him but I thought he was amazing and loved how I felt with him. I keep thinking about texting him but not sure if thats smart because I dont want to look stupid. Any advice?

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unique dating situation, what are we talk

Hi everyone! I met a wonderful guy over the holidays through mutual friends. We instantly clicked and spent almost every day or evening together for two weeks. This guy is from where I live but is currently living elsewhere (like plane ride far away). He was home for the holidays.

I know it sounds crazy but shortly after meeting each-other and hanging out a couple times, we went to each-others family Christmas's, met each-others parents and friends - went to parties together, dated, cuddled watching movies... everything. We just really integrated ourselves into one another's lives. I've never experienced anything like it before. I know the pressure was kinda on because we knew we didn't have much time to be together - so we capitalized on the time we had and didn't play any games I guess you could say - it was actually very refreshing.

I'm falling for this guy, hard. He's rendered every single other guy I've dated irrelevant. I feel like a connection like this happens once in a lifetime, if you're lucky... I have zero interest in dating anyone else. I feel like this guy is just perfect for me.

...and he's leaving in a few days.

.... and I'm anxious because I want to know where we stand but feel like it's too soon to have that talk. If the relationship was unfolding within more normal conditions, we likely would have taken things slower and I wouldn't feel this pressure to have the talk, I would just roll with it for a while... but because he's leaving, I'd like to know where we stand, how he feels.

We've casually mentioned me going to visit him and the things we would do in that city together, and he's mentioned when he'll be back here - so it sounds like we are kinda sorta making plans to continue seeing each-other, but... I (and I'm not sure why) didn't view those conversations as completely serious.

So... my question is - is it completely psycho girlfriend crazy of me to ask him how he feels and if he wants to make this work/be exclusive - or chalk it up to an awesome Christmas romance?

Help thank you!

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Help with a situation please

I met this girl abroad. I stayed with her and her family. I am clueless when it comes to women. I kind of told myself from the start that I would not get involved with anyone, but she seemed really interested in me and I thought it was romantic. But she was so contradictory, she would switch between being very eager for my attention and involved, seeking me out in the house, behaving jealously when I interacted with other women. To saying that I was not her type. That she wanted to marry someone of her own nationality.

I really liked her but I kept it a secret. I was good friends with her and the family and I did not really know what to do, I did not want to raise her hopes over something I could not deliver, I had my own life back home and I just told myself that she wasn't interested. Even so, it felt like there was a connection, but I was unsure if this was just cultural friendliness. She would never make the first move given her background.

I am rubbish with women. I am 25 and I have never made the approach. I am just pretty clueless. I always assumed that friends and potential partners was just something people said. I didn't and still don't fully comprehend that people (women in particular) often need to make this clear distinction in their heads when assessing relationships with the opposite sex. It is something I have only really learnt recently. I assumed you could befriend a woman and push for a relationship.

...after returning. I was miserable. I just wanted more time with her and regretted not telling her. I loved her, not as a friend, but as a potential partner. I still had her number and she kept calling me a lot. She seemed to be dropping hints all over the place, one being that I should return to the country, but I was reluctant to make a move. Eventually she pushed and pushed beyond all the flirting and I had enough, I told her my deeply held feelings for her and that I wanted to talk about it. There was no answer, but she continued to contact me, she continued to seek out my kind words and supportive comments, she would not leave me alone.

Eventually I became a little desperate, it felt uncomfortable putting myself on the line like that for the first time, and I guess I was quite heavy on the openness front. Eventually I said that I had had enough, I said that she had missed out on a good man because she could not be open with me. I regretted texting her this and said during a phone call that it was a "mistake" and that I was "sorry", she replied "no, sorry for you".

I felt very embarrassed and a little resentful of her. I tried to forget her and move on, but she continued to contact me and seek me out.

I am trying to move on, it sounds awful, but now I have admitted my feelings to her and myself, I don't really want anything to do with her. I am not strong enough to accept it. For a start, she has not even set the record straight with me. How disrespectful is that!? I just wanted an answer, but she wants me dangling by a thread. Now I have realized that women seek me out as a supportive friend. I have female friends, I don't want anymore. Harsh as it sounds, I do not have enough emotional strength to invest in female friendship if there is no hope of something more. I have only just realized this. I want and need to dedicate my time to finding a partner, and women who are serious about a romantic relationship with me.

--------------------------------------

So how do I deal with her now. She still calls me...when I blank the calls she gets all upset and asks if I am fighting with her and her family. How do I tell her that I don't think I can talk to her for a while, it hurts to much.

It almost makes me angry that she is doing this. She doesn't want to commit to me, but she doesn't want me to move on. It hurts a lot.

Help!

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Confusing situation

Hello,

This is a very very long story, I'm really sorry for the long post! But here goes. Ill sum it up in the last paragraph anyway.

I met a girl a long time ago end of 2010. She had just come out of a bad relationship but there was some chemistry between us. But nothing happened, we became really close friends, but it was more than a friendship...but nothing ever happened, there was just a tonne of tension. I did like her at the start, but I kept it to myself, I enjoyed our friendship, she became like a sister, like and after just coming out of a bad relationship with an abusive boyfriend, I was there for her. These feelings went away eventually, and we were still good friends but we argued like a married couple, we got jealous for stupid reasons, hurt each other, just because I think, there was so much tension. We both knew we had a connection.

We got distant, then we started getting close again towards Christmas 2011. I could tell she liked me this time. Then in January 2012 we were both out one night, and she took me to one side told me she liked me. We went straight into a relationship after that. Committed literally from that night. But, I messed up. I was still immature, I didn't think about the future. I was so casual. After 2 months it ended, she ended it saying I was too immature, which now I can see. But at the time I was angry and upset. We wanted to be friends after, but in reality we couldn't, we didn't get along, we annoyed each other so much. After we broke up, I realised I loved her, I basically begged for her to come back. This of course was stupid, it made us more distant, she started dating another guy. She went for a term in america for her uni course, in a long distance relationship with the guy she had just recently met. And we stopped talking completely.

She logged into my Facebook when she left for america, and found messages about her, that were horrible. I was very two-faced the whole time. I was embarrassed of my feelings for her so I spoke to my friends about her, everything was very harshly said. After that, we stopped contact completely. Then start of December 2012 I get a call from an unknown number. It was her, at first she was shy and put it down straight away, then called again to talk. She didn't even know why she called, she just wanted to sort things. She had broken up with the guy she was dating, but did still have strong feelings for him. In reality, we were friends so much longer than we were a couple, so that's mainly what our relationship was; close friendship and it's what she was calling to repair.

She came back to London, we met a few times, went for dinner. She started seeing the same guy again, but I didn't care because I didn't just want her for more than friendship, I loved being friends with her, and I do now. She spoke to me about the problems with the guy she was dating, she was really upset about it. Then she went back to Uni (not in London, I now live in london and left uni) away from me and found out the guy she was dating had cheated on her. While she was in America, and when she got back and they got together. She was distraught. It was painful hearing someone you love that hurt over the phone, crying. They broke up of course, she had found out through random people she met he had cheated, and he never admitted it.

Over the next few weeks after, they were on and off, she was finding it hard to go back to him, but he used her as a possession, she was often upset. I've been there for her. I visited her as a surprise and she really enjoyed it, she had a really good time. But still she kept going back to him briefly, then would get upset and break down and tell me about it. Now I think the situation is over, she's tired of going back to a guy that's cheated on her but can't help it, she hates him but she loves him, but she knows in reality its just lust.

I visited her for the day to comfort her, she had a really good time, we just relaxed, nothing happened. But now after all this, she's been so upset and needed someone there, I've been there. But I've become protective, I care for her more than all of my other friends, I really do love her more than anything. I don't know what it is though, is this brotherly love?

Sometimes I feel like I love her like family, but then maybe I'm just trying to hide from the fact that I'm in love with her but I'm just scared to admit it and lose her all over again?

I have a massively high opinion of her, I think she's perfect, and amazing in so many ways. and I desperately want her to be happy

It really is confusing, I don't know my own feelings and I'm afraid of them. I know she doesn't have more intentions, I have spoken to her before we promised we wouldn't ever, she got mad once when she thought I had more intentions of our friendship. I feel so guilty because if I tell her I love her, she will be so angry, and I will lose someone I care about so much. Recently I've felt the same tension, the same kind of awkwardness between us. We have the same chemistry. I think we always will. And it's so hard to deal with. I think about her all the time, I worry about her, I just hope she's happy all the time everyday.

What do I do? How can I deal with this? We live far away while she's at Uni. and even if I do tell her, I'll lose her definitely.

I think I have to either be patient if I really do want her, or just end this friendship so I can move on completely.

For now I'm going to try distance myself, stop making so much effort and stop trying to care so much. Concentrate on my life but still be there for her.

I feel like I need to wait for an opportunity to say anything, to do something. Because this can't be forced, I can't simply tell her while she's still trying to get over someone else. She needs a friend, but I feel guilty; I was never friends for her just because I wanted a relationship, but she will see it as the only reason for my friendship.

To summarise, I feel like I'm in love with my best female friend, despite the fact we dated before, but we were friends much longer, but I'm not even sure. She's been through a tough time with guys and I've been there, but it's made me care for her even more. I don't know how what to do, she's always on my mind and truthfully I can see a future with her. But she's getting over another guy, plus I know she doesn't have the same feelings anymore. What do I do?

Really sorry for the mini novel, I hope someone does read it.

Another issue is. She accused me of having more intentions about a month ago, and I said I would never risk our friendship again and she can't either. But still the tension continues.

It has become more awkward even more recently, after that. I started seeing a different girl casually. Lets call her girl 2 just for ease, rather not use names. Not even dating no commitment, just casually seeing her. Then girl 1 asked about it a lot, asking if we had slept togethor, then asked if I remembered or still thought about sleeping with her. And if it was weird being friends now. This was a strange thing but somehow it helped to talk over it.

Since then I've had some problems with girl 2, and decided to cut whatever it was off, and I spoke to girl 1 about it for comfort, but she seems to almost blank me about it and not care. Claims she is busy with work, but I think that she thinks I'm trying to cause jealousy, when I'm just trying to talk to her about relationships with girls like she talks to me about guys, and I don't ever show jealousy or judge.

It's just got more awkward and it makes me more desperate to tell my true feelings, to just stop bottling up. As now I'm sure that I do love her and want to be with her. I just lie to both her and myself by saying she's family etc...because I don't think I could really live without her at all.

It does sound like you messed up big time. By begging her way back when and what not. You've learned your lesson though. Now on what you need to do in order to get her back to you, but more than friends.

No contact. I'm sure you've heard it before. If you haven't, you most certainly have not searched Google for: How to get my ex back? Try it. Here's the steps of stuff you need to do.

-Drop all forms of communication with her. No social media postings. Do not whine about problems you have with things. Absolutely nothing. This will help you become a mystery to her. Which will make her begin to think about you.
-Work on yourself. Workout, take up a new hobby, read, get a new haircut, new clothes, and just be happy! Do anything to get your mind off of her and get your confidence back up.
-Go out and casually hangout and see other girls. This will show her that you are capable of being with other girls and she isn't your only choice.
-When you get your confidence up, don't become a cocky jerk. As much as PUA's say it's the way to go, just tease girls in a fun humorous way.

If you follow those steps, while still being the same old you she fell for, there is no doubt she'll be back. I have done all of these things and had it work. When you do get her back, do not ruin it by being clingy, immature, or a total douche. Take it slow and form something real. Form sexual tension. without Sexual tension your just a friend.

One thing you must do, you must sleep with her. Or even just do stuff with her. Create that emotional memory for her. Get her attached. Sex shouldn't be what rap stars and other people make it out to be. They call it making love for a reason. Don't abuse it, but use it to your advantage. Again, don't rush anything. Time is on your side my friend. Good luck!

It does sound like you messed up big time. By begging her way back when and what not. You've learned your lesson though. Now on what you need to do in order to get her back to you, but more than friends.

No contact. I'm sure you've heard it before. If you haven't, you most certainly have not searched Google for: How to get my ex back? Try it. Here's the steps of stuff you need to do.

-Drop all forms of communication with her. No social media postings. Do not whine about problems you have with things. Absolutely nothing. This will help you become a mystery to her. Which will make her begin to think about you.
-Work on yourself. Workout, take up a new hobby, read, get a new haircut, new clothes, and just be happy! Do anything to get your mind off of her and get your confidence back up.
-Go out and casually hangout and see other girls. This will show her that you are capable of being with other girls and she isn't your only choice.
-When you get your confidence up, don't become a cocky jerk. As much as PUA's say it's the way to go, just tease girls in a fun humorous way.

If you follow those steps, while still being the same old you she fell for, there is no doubt she'll be back. I have done all of these things and had it work. When you do get her back, do not ruin it by being clingy, immature, or a total douche. Take it slow and form something real. Form sexual tension. without Sexual tension your just a friend.

One thing you must do, you must sleep with her. Or even just do stuff with her. Create that emotional memory for her. Get her attached. Sex shouldn't be what rap stars and other people make it out to be. They call it making love for a reason. Don't abuse it, but use it to your advantage. Again, don't rush anything. Time is on your side my friend. Good luck!

Thanks for this man.

yeah I do know I have to do this, but it's difficult, naturally you want things to happen now. Also if I do this, she will notice, she contacts me as much as I do her. But I think the way to go is to stop making the effort, stop trying at all.

I need to be patient and relax. But also with her current predicament I worry about how she's doing, so I try and be there for her. I can't really do that if I stop all contact.

Difficult. But it's one step at a time, for now I'll stop making so much effort, she knows she can call whenever if she needs it.

Exactly. I can't stress it enough man. No contact. If she has an issue, she will contact you and then you can be there for her. Even when she breaks No Contact, still be in no contact. Don't text her the next day or then next. Wait till she comes back a few more times. Then, start to hold a conversation. Be the guy she fell for in the beginning. You can do it man, I waited 3 months one time. And she came right back.

Thanks! Gives me hope. I will do it then. Also I met a new girl at my new job, we really got on well, going to ask her out sometime and see how that goes. Get my mind off other one and concentrate on my life like you said.

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Confusing situation

Hello,

This is a very very long story, I'm really sorry for the long post! But here goes. Ill sum it up in the last paragraph anyway.

I met a girl a long time ago end of 2010. She had just come out of a bad relationship but there was some chemistry between us. But nothing happened, we became really close friends, but it was more than a friendship...but nothing ever happened, there was just a tonne of tension. I did like her at the start, but I kept it to myself, I enjoyed our friendship, she became like a sister, like and after just coming out of a bad relationship with an abusive boyfriend, I was there for her. These feelings went away eventually, and we were still good friends but we argued like a married couple, we got jealous for stupid reasons, hurt each other, just because I think, there was so much tension. We both knew we had a connection.

We got distant, then we started getting close again towards Christmas 2011. I could tell she liked me this time. Then in January 2012 we were both out one night, and she took me to one side told me she liked me. We went straight into a relationship after that. Committed literally from that night. But, I messed up. I was still immature, I didn't think about the future. I was so casual. After 2 months it ended, she ended it saying I was too immature, which now I can see. But at the time I was angry and upset. We wanted to be friends after, but in reality we couldn't, we didn't get along, we annoyed each other so much. After we broke up, I realised I loved her, I basically begged for her to come back. This of course was stupid, it made us more distant, she started dating another guy. She went for a term in america for her uni course, in a long distance relationship with the guy she had just recently met. And we stopped talking completely.

She logged into my Facebook when she left for america, and found messages about her, that were horrible. I was very two-faced the whole time. I was embarrassed of my feelings for her so I spoke to my friends about her, everything was very harshly said. After that, we stopped contact completely. Then start of December 2012 I get a call from an unknown number. It was her, at first she was shy and put it down straight away, then called again to talk. She didn't even know why she called, she just wanted to sort things. She had broken up with the guy she was dating, but did still have strong feelings for him. In reality, we were friends so much longer than we were a couple, so that's mainly what our relationship was; close friendship and it's what she was calling to repair.

She came back to London, we met a few times, went for dinner. She started seeing the same guy again, but I didn't care because I didn't just want her for more than friendship, I loved being friends with her, and I do now. She spoke to me about the problems with the guy she was dating, she was really upset about it. Then she went back to Uni (not in London, I now live in london and left uni) away from me and found out the guy she was dating had cheated on her. While she was in America, and when she got back and they got together. She was distraught. It was painful hearing someone you love that hurt over the phone, crying. They broke up of course, she had found out through random people she met he had cheated, and he never admitted it.

Over the next few weeks after, they were on and off, she was finding it hard to go back to him, but he used her as a possession, she was often upset. I've been there for her. I visited her as a surprise and she really enjoyed it, she had a really good time. But still she kept going back to him briefly, then would get upset and break down and tell me about it. Now I think the situation is over, she's tired of going back to a guy that's cheated on her but can't help it, she hates him but she loves him, but she knows in reality its just lust.

I visited her for the day to comfort her, she had a really good time, we just relaxed, nothing happened. But now after all this, she's been so upset and needed someone there, I've been there. But I've become protective, I care for her more than all of my other friends, I really do love her more than anything. I don't know what it is though, is this brotherly love?

Sometimes I feel like I love her like family, but then maybe I'm just trying to hide from the fact that I'm in love with her but I'm just scared to admit it and lose her all over again?

I have a massively high opinion of her, I think she's perfect, and amazing in so many ways. and I desperately want her to be happy

It really is confusing, I don't know my own feelings and I'm afraid of them. I know she doesn't have more intentions, I have spoken to her before we promised we wouldn't ever, she got mad once when she thought I had more intentions of our friendship. I feel so guilty because if I tell her I love her, she will be so angry, and I will lose someone I care about so much. Recently I've felt the same tension, the same kind of awkwardness between us. We have the same chemistry. I think we always will. And it's so hard to deal with. I think about her all the time, I worry about her, I just hope she's happy all the time everyday.

What do I do? How can I deal with this? We live far away while she's at Uni. and even if I do tell her, I'll lose her definitely.

I think I have to either be patient if I really do want her, or just end this friendship so I can move on completely.

For now I'm going to try distance myself, stop making so much effort and stop trying to care so much. Concentrate on my life but still be there for her.

I feel like I need to wait for an opportunity to say anything, to do something. Because this can't be forced, I can't simply tell her while she's still trying to get over someone else. She needs a friend, but I feel guilty; I was never friends for her just because I wanted a relationship, but she will see it as the only reason for my friendship.

To summarise, I feel like I'm in love with my best female friend, despite the fact we dated before, but we were friends much longer, but I'm not even sure. She's been through a tough time with guys and I've been there, but it's made me care for her even more. I don't know how what to do, she's always on my mind and truthfully I can see a future with her. But she's getting over another guy, plus I know she doesn't have the same feelings anymore. What do I do?

Really sorry for the mini novel, I hope someone does read it.

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I asked out a girl, but the situation has changed

Ok, so there's this girl I like that gets on my bus and train to school (I'm 15, she's 14). There is one small problem. Most of the people she talks to are my people who I've had quite a bad history with, but we get on better now. After talking to her a few times, I finally realised that I really liked her. She's funny, beautiful, smart, lovely personality, the list can go on.

After a few months I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out. The reply i got was quite unexpected. She said that she had a bf who knows me (more on that in a second) and that she knew everything about the history with my friends. I then asked her how and she replied that they all tell each other everything so she got the full hipster knowing my friends.
Then she said that she hated a couple of them to which I agreed with her as they haven't been nice to me in the past. I then got a message to say that she hated me. I said that I'm not like them in anyway to which she replied wtaf. Then she said that she really hates me. I asked why and then she said basically you're a c**t and that she doesn't want to talk to me.

I'm not sure whether or not at that point her bf took over (as they have access to each others fb accounts) or she actually meant it.

As for her bf, there are no pictures of her with anyone, but some of her girls friends. Her relationship status is single and all of our mutual friends are either in a relationship with someone else, or single.

I'm still crazy for her and deeply care for her, but I just don't know that best way to approach this.

I'm really nervous about how she'll act tomorrow I front of everyone as well

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How should I handle the situation with this girl?

So, there is this girl I've known for a long time and we just started hanging out again lately. The problem is she's the ex of one of my friends and I'm the ex of her best friend (She dumped my friend and I got dumped by her best friend) (2-3 years ago). One thing leading to another, on a night involving alcohol, she invites me to her house and we start making out for a while. Before things go any further, she stops me and tell me she needs time to think about it, that she can't do this to her best friend, that she doesn't want this to be a one night stand, to which I answered that I was ready for all that. Since that night last week, she barely texts me anymore when she used to text me easily 3-4 days a week and when she answers my rare texts (1 or 2 this week), she keeps the answers short and without any opening for a conversation. She also seems to wait around 1-2 hours before answering while I know she has her phone on her all the time. I wasn't sure how I felt about the whole thing at first but I kinda like the girl and I need advice on how to go with this.
Thank you very much in advance for your answers!

Women are often loyal to their best friends so she is in a difficult situation - now wonder she avoids contacting you - she probably doesn't know what to do. But the past really should be the past and it's her friend who left you, not the other way around. Don't text her, I think you should talk to her in person. Tell her you really care about her.

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Fibbed about living situation on first date, how do I 'save face'?

So, I met a guy (off an internet dating site) for a glass of wine and we really hit it off. However, when he asked where I lived I cringed and panicked. I'm 28, just graduated from law school, and recently moved back home while I study for the bar, look for a job, etc. Ashamed about living at home, I panicked and told the guy that I lived in an apartment NEAR my parents' house. I think the guy is into me, as he asked me to be his NYE date, invited me to his birthday dinner, and to a concert in a couple weeks. I've seen him one other time and met him out for NYE (even when he suggested that he could pick me up.) I can't go on meeting him places forever...would it be better to smooth over the fib with another fib--that I have an apartment, but the lease is ending, and I've decided to stay with my parents for a couple months to save money...OR should I just come out and tell him that I was nervous on the first date and that I really live at my parents'--which would peg me as a total liar? I met him last Saturday, and we went out for NYE yesterday, so I haven't been seeing him for too long...How do I 'save face'?

Just tell him the truth, it may even be cute to him. You panicked and lied, big deal, it happens. It will show him that you can "man up" and own your mistakes.

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Complicated situation.. how should I go about it?

I've known a girl since she was about 4 or 5 years old and she is now 21 (I'm 25), so it's been quite a while. She was my best friend's cousin and was obviously younger than us so it's not like we were ever good friends or anything. When I was 21 I started dating one of her friends who I broke up with after a year and then saw off and on for the past 3 years. Her friend I had dated has finally moved on and is with another guy, meanwhile, I'm enjoying the single life. Although, I just recently found myself being extremely attracted to this girl I've known forever.

I realized this when she came over to see my roommate (someone she had formerly hooked up with) and basically ended up talking to her the whole time (my roommate barely getting a word in and had no success with her later on, nor has he seen her since). I found her to be witty and, due to her early successes in life, very respectable (not to mention gorgeous).

A few reasons why I don't know how I should go about this are : A - my roommate and long time friend will be jealous and probably hate me because he's very into this girl. B - my ex will definitely feel disrespected and is very likely to talk shit on me and try turning her away. C - knowing me for approximately 17 years might be a cause for her to feel very strange about me asking her to hang out. D - a lot of her friends know me from either just being around or dating my former girlfriend. some of them hate me, some of them love me, so there'd be a lot of controversy over her seeing me among those nuts. And E - she might not be interested in me altogether, therefore, risking all this drama to come out with nothing would suck.

I'm definitely not looking for a serious relationship at this point in my life, but I'm very interested in seeing this girl. Any reassurance or advice will be extremely helpful, even if it means not pursuing. I normally don't have issues with girls and rarely think anything of them as of late, there are just so many complications in this situation that I am at a total loss.

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Awkward and new situation

Hello everyone this is my first post in this place and i hope your answers will really help me. So how do I start... I met a guy on facebook from Belgium almost 2 years ago but never spoked too much but now that i started comeing in Belgium in holiday to my grandmother we started seeing each other along with his best friend that i also know from facebook. They are friends of my cousin so that;s how i met them. So now i'm in holiday in Belgium and i have been going out with these guys but just one of them is single. I have never thinked about that before i just thought of them like some good friends. Last saturday was the birthday of one of these guys, i am not makeing no racist commentaries but he is black and i am white; and we both ended up being a little drunk so we started kissing and all that but we haven't went any further. Next day when we met just the 2 of us we acted like nothing happend like it was an accident because we were drunk but we are having a lot of fun together and we get along very very well. He is a really nice guy. So last night we've been to a big party but before the party this guy promised to his best friend that he won't kiss me that night because he didn't wanted to feel awkward alone, and he kinda ignored me for the night but around 4-5 in the morning we started talking again a lot and his friend went home leaving us alone. We stood on a bench like for 2-3 hours talking about stuff and i was so tired that i putted my head over his shoulder and he started huging me, and after some time he kissed me. Then both of us looked so confused and we started talking about what we feel about each other and he said that: he really likes me that i'm his type of girl, that at the moment he doesn't want any relationship but if i was liveing in Belgium we would've been together and all this kind stuff like i'm beautifull and that he doesn't mind that he is shorter with less than 1 inch than me if that is not a problem for me and all that.... and he 'really wanted to know what i was feeling for him; and because i was really really tired and i have a lot of problems saying my feelings i don't know why i started crying when he told me that he is sad that i;m leaving back home on friday.... and the thing is that i really like him and he is the first guy i really like and i told him that and he said that it's really really cute that i tried to express my feeling to him....

So i am sorry for this long post but i don't know if he said all those words just to make me feel better or he really meant them. Next year i am moving here and we will be in the same city but i don't know how things will be until then... and he didn't said a word about a distance realationship. I said sorry for started crying today and that it happened because i was very tired not because i'm in love with him or i am very sensible or something.
Sorry for my english i tried my best i'm not native....So i am waiting for every king of opinion from you guys. Thank you

So i am sorry for this long post but i don't know if he said all those words just to make me feel better or he really meant them. Next year i am moving here and we will be in the same city but i don't know how things will be until then... and he didn't said a word about a distance realationship. I said sorry for started crying today and that it happened because i was very tired not because i'm in love with him or i am very sensible or something.
Sorry for my english i tried my best i'm not native....So i am waiting for every king of opinion from you guys. Thank youHi Andreea!

I'm sorry for what's happening to you. The same thing happened to me recently and I didn't know what to think or say.The problem is that ,when you just have met a new guy,you don't really know what they are thinking;it's like coded messages ,because we all are afraid to appear stupid or to say the wrong thing ,or even worse to reveal our true feelings.So , just take it easy;you don't know this guy yet.Just relax and get to know him first and see if you really like him.True ,it's not easy in a long distance relationship ( believe me ,I know! I'm in one myself) but it can be done.Actually ,first try to figure what he wants.But you don't want to scare him off either by asking too direct questions.I have been trying to figure it out myself and I found few books to help me understand guys better.I have been reading this great book that helped me quite a bit.Here ,I'll send you the info.Meanwhile ,try to take it one step at a time.
TinyURL.com - shorten that long URL into a tiny URL

Thanks a lot for the advice. Now i left Belgium i am back home and i already miss him... i'm gonna take things easy to be friends and not talk too much about the future and makeing plans and all that one step at a time

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A Tough Situation and Need Advice...

Alright, so I apologize right now for this being fairly long winded. Got a lot on my mind, and need some input and opinions from people I dont know. Here it goes...I have known this girl for the better part of the past 12 years. We went to high school together, and have been very good friends, even consider her one of if not my best friend. We were always inseparable throughout school, living the normal young reckless life of partying and doing ridiculous stuff together. Now I have been out of school for 6 years now, and have still always maintained contact with her and everything. We never did anything together as far as relationship wise during all those years. I'll admit that there were times throughout that period that I thought about it and had a crush on her from time to time. However, I never acted upon my feelings out of respect, and fear of losing the friendship and relationship that we have always had together. So after school, I went on to focus on my career and havent been "home" much for the past few years. I travel a lot and am focusing on getting myself set up and situated young, so that I can benefit when I get older and want to settle down. This was my game plan at least...well now comes the "I need help" part of all this. She went her way, and I went mine. Over the past year we have gotten back together as far as keeping in touch and going out for drinks with friends and just being social again. She ended up getting together with an old friend of mine from years ago, she was with him for 4 years and they had a really good thing going. I was happy for them, and thrilled when I was asked to be the best man in the wedding. They had two children together and seemed like they had what they wanted in life. Tragically all that changed, she lost her fiance and I lost a very good friend in a horrible traffic accident this past January...She was left broken hearted and alone raising a family on her own. It was if I lost two of my favorite friends in the world...Just terrible. At his funeral, my last words to him were "Don't worry Mike, I'll do everything in my power to help her and make sure she is alright." I have never told anyone this information, and keeping it in makes me feel just Argh. So continuing on, I was there for her. I let her vent to me, I offered her my complete honest heartfelt support and sympathy. Listening to everything she wanted to tell me, giving any advice that I could. During all this time, we happened to grow even closer...Well one thing leads to another, and the one night we happen to get on the conversation of life, and how no matter what bad happens in life, there is nothing you can to do stop anything and that you have to move on. She goes on to tell me about how she always used to have feelings for me, and that she always thought I was the best person in the world for being so honest and real, and always being there for her in the times that she needed it most no questions asked. I admitted that yes, I have felt feelings for her over the years, but was just always worried of losing that bond that we had. She felt the same way, it was like we both knew for the better of us that we decided to keep things casual. Well now I start to fall for this girl...and what we have together is something that I will never let anyone take away from me. So its been a few months now, and we have spent a lot of time together, I'll take her out, take the kids out, get a break from my life when I'm around and spend it with her, offering her the same opportunity. Well we started sleeping together, and have gone through all the motions of talking about things, and laying out the ground work of where all this is going, and what good/bad can happen. Its just really really hard for me, I'm straight up in love with this girl. And I know she feels the same about me...its just I have concerns and worries that I have brought up to her, I just need another opinion. I don't want her thinking that she has to rush to move on in life, I don't want her feeling as if I am a replacement, I don't want her committing to me if it is something that she is truly not sure about, or something she is uneasy of. I just feel bad as if maybe I am moving too fast, or almost as if I am stepping on toes because of the severity of everything that has happened this past year. I know in my heart that its what I want, hell I would spend the rest of my life with this girl, its just I dont want any doubts on either end. I would support her through anything, I will always be by her side no matter what happens, I am willing to take care of her, and support her children, its just I feel like a dick for wanting to do that. I have fallen in love with my best friend and I dont know what to do. When we kiss, my heart skips...I find myself staring into her eyes and my mind goes blank. We started talking about dating a little while ago, and I told her that this is something that we have to promise each other...that if it doesnt work out, or either one of us are unhappy with anything, then it needs to be discussed and open on the table. Just as long as no matter what we will never lose or destroy our friendship. We have decided to just hang back, see what happens over the next few weeks/months and go from there. Take things slow and just see where it goes. I know she has a lot of feelings for me, just like I have for her...its just due to the situation of everything I dont want to rush into anything with clouded thinking. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place with all of this. To top everything off, my job is constantly on the road, I am only home 10 days a month...and my profession is a rather dangerous one. I don't want her worrying about my safety, or even one of my biggest fears is having something bad happen to me, and leaving her alone and heartbroken all over again. Her and I both have gone through some pretty tragic situations and have had some serious losses over the years. I'm not sure if she could mentally be able to cope with anymore loss in her life. So basically, before I keep rambling for another 1000000 characters, this is what I need help with. Am I wrong for moving in and falling for this girl? Am I wrong for loving my best friend? Am I wrong for wanting to support and be there for someone and their family that isn't mine? Is all of this too soon?. Its such a powerful situation that I am in. Everything feels so right and good, but I just feel like maybe I am thinking with more of my heart than my brain for once in my life. But anyway, I would appreciate some help, I'm not sure where else to turn. Thanks in advance and again sorry for the length...

To answer your questions - no, you are not wrong. You fell in love with her and she fell in love with you, you can't blame yourself for that, it happens. I do think you need to tread carefully and take it slow, there is no point rushing into anything. You both deserve to be happy and if you are not hurting anyone else I don't see anything wrong with it.

P.S Stop worrying about the future. We could all die tomorrow, there's no point worrying about what could happen.

Your decision to take it slow is a good one. In this case, I think your job being one in which you are often gone is a good one. It offers her time to grieve and move on and figure out what SHE would like to do with her life and your involvement in it.

And I completely agree with Shaun's postscript. Worrying about the future means missing out on the present.

My friends call me "The Love Guru" (but nothing like Mike Myers!).

If you're looking for dating tips, I've got some awesome recommendations!
Online Daters
"Real Life" Dating for Men
"Real Life" Dating for Women

For everything else, I'm just gonna give you my personal opinion, and you'll just have to like it! Just kidding, but I'll do my best.

Thanks...I know it all sounds dumb but I just have those thoughts stuck in my head. I know your supposed to follow your gut and your heart, which I'm trying to do. But yea I am in no rush to do anything drastic. Even if it takes 5 years well then I will gladly wait that long. And as far as the live for today...I don't worry about the future. Today and every other one before it was a blessing. I know what can happen, trust me I've seen it...today will be the best until tomorrow (especially being with her). I just wanted someone to tell me that I'm not wrong, to help me not feel so guilty about it. Thanks again folks

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What Would <i>You</i> Do in This Situation?

I arrived at the just-opened tiki bar in Jenna’s neighborhood before she did, and looked around. Plastic palm trees, a couple hundred leis hanging on hooks behind the bar, and a massive topless mermaid wrapped up in a net hanging from the ceiling. This might be the cheesiest place I’ve ever walked into, I thought.

“Wanna get leid?” the bartender asked, looking bored and slightly embarrassed, holding a neon green lei out to me.

“No thanks,” I said. “It’s a little early in the evening for that.”

“They make us say that,” she said with a grimace. “What can I get you?”

I perused the drink specials, and settled on a Mai Tai, which arrived in a coconut. I grabbed a booth in the back and waited for Jenna.

“This place is hilariously awful,” she said when she arrived. I agreed. She ordered a blue Hawaiian and sat across from me.

“So Candy told me about Debbie,” she began. “Apparently they were best friends in college, and best drug buddies.”

“Oh my god. Drug buddies?”

“As in, total junkies. And strippers. Candy didn’t come out and say it, but she implied that they did a lot more than strip to support their dug habits.”

“Yikes. What kind of drugs?”

“Anything they could get their hands on, really, though Debbie was partial to coke. Candy was more into heroin.”

“Whoa.”

“I know. It’s a lot. Anyway, Candy overdosed her junior year, went to rehab, and cut off all contact with Debbie. She described the friendship as ‘toxic.’ And she’s been a wreck ever since Marni and Luke’s party. Debbie sent her an email and a friend request, which Candy ignored. She said she’s worried she’s going to relapse, and I don’t know how to deal with any of it.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, not really knowing what to say or how to process all of that info.

“Thanks. I feel like a total ass for saying this, but I don’t know if I want to get into a serious relationship with a drug addict.”

“Recovered drug addict, right?” I asked.

Jenna shrugged. “She’s had more relapses over the years than I’m comfortable with. I don’t know. I’ll figure it out. Let’s talk about something else. Tell me about the bridal shower.”

I gave her the overview, and she decided that Lori would henceforth be referred to as, “The Fun Snuffer.”

“She’s a superhero, and her power is the ability to extinguish happiness with negativity-infused water that shoots out of her eyes when she glares. Her emblem is a smile with a fist hitting it.”

“You have to stop,” I said, laughing. “Because I feel guilty laughing. That’s my boyfriend’s sister.”

“Your boyfriend’s sister The Fun Snuffer. I’m going to make some Photoshop art and email it to you. It will be awesome.”

Jenna’s ability to make jokes when she’s dealing with serious issues is one of the many reasons why she’s one of my best friends. I wish I had some really funny heroin jokes to make her laugh, although I’m pretty sure there aren’t any really funny heroin jokes. I wonder what she’s going to do.

Posted at 9:02 PM

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