What My Son's Death Taught Me About Men

My son died in-utero when my body kick-started an early labor process about halfway through my pregnancy. After learning that my cervix inexplicably began to dilate overnight, my doctor told me he could no longer find a heartbeat for the baby he tended to just 36 hours before.

My fully-developed son has a name, a birthday and hand and footprints. He also has a grave that bears the last names of both my ex and I, giving an identity to our son, and on some level, our nearly five-year relationship. People wish me "Happy Mother’s Day!" in May even though I have no living children. That’s a hard truth to explain to someone; it’s also difficult to forget or fail to mention. My son's death is like a soundtrack that plays in the background of my brain every day, on repeat, a defining moment in time that transformed and shaped me completely. The only upside to my loss are the many truths I discovered following it. Some were difficult; others liberating, but most importantly, these lessons turned me into the resilient woman I am today and for that, I have my son to thank.

Nothing scares me anymore. I labored a baby I already knew was dead and I did it alone. My family scrambled to book flights to get to me. My son's father, a man I'd been with for nearly five years, was in shock and denial, afraid and unwilling to change his flight that was already scheduled for a baby-shopping trip a few days later. I labored without an epidural by myself. I prayed and gave directions by myself. I crossed physical, mental and emotional barriers that I had no idea I’d need to prepare for by myself. I now know that I’m as strong as they come; nothing scares me anymore. The man who makes me his wife will have a partner who can stand with him through the toughest of times and won't lose her head.

My bullsh*t detector is off the hook. Call it crazy, but as a religious person, I felt an increased sense of intrinsic wisdom after my son's death. (I’ve seen the same thing happen to other religious, bereaved parents, too.) I can discern if a man has the same type of heart, values and morals as myself in a matter of minutes; my intuition is like a police dog, I can sniff out the bad guys. I would liken it to the same type of feeling your mother gets about the boy who 'just wasn't right for you.'

Most men aren't comfortable. Since my only child is not on earth, I cherish many things from my pregnancy. When a guy I’d been dating discussed a future with me and possibly children, I showed him one of my old bump pictures for fun. “I don’t want to see you pregnant with another man’s baby!” he snapped, revealing to me that this was man was all about his circus, his monkeys - a circus that didn't have room for my feelings. Same goes for men who instantly back away when they find out about my past. “I wasn’t looking for anything serious,” one date said when finally admitted what my ‘spidey-sense’ had been telling me. “I just don’t understand how you’re normal and can smile after things like that. I can’t deal with it.”

The only "games" I'm interested in playing are on my iPhone. I tend to end things right after the first date if I know a guy isn’t a fit. If I go on date two, it’s usually just to make sure I'm confident in saying ‘he’s not it.’ Why? Because if you’re not the one, I don’t have time for you and your maybe-you-will-call, got-tied-up, can’t-see-you-this-weekend b*llshit. I’m an adult and I’m a mother. I was chosen to fight a very tough battle by losing my son, and there is honor in that. I won't waste my time with men who have commitment issues, are married or are simply not the one. Let me repeat: I do not do games.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to ME. I once told a guy who knew my history that I didn’t mind dating men with kids, because I could relate to the very deep, immeasurable type of love a parent has for their child. “But that’s more for if you have living children,” he responded. “Besides, you can have more children, but I lost my mother and you only get one of those.” Some guys you date won’t understand where you're coming from, but at the minimum, it should be in their heart to respect you and not blatantly say ignorant things.

I am not my accomplishments. Yes, I can be a little flashy, and when I feel down, I indulge in a bit of retail therapy. (What girl doesn't?) Most people want to define me by expensive labels and corporate titles, but they don’t really know me. My son taught me that it’s not the earthly things that make me special and deserving of love, but rather who I am at my core: the compassionate person who cries for other people when they’re in pain, buys food for homeless people, and is genuinely happy when other people announce their engagement or pregnancy, even if my personal experience ended tragically.

Even in deep tragedy, I must laugh. When I was in labor, I angrily called the on-call doctor 'the b*itch with the heavy hands' right in front of her while speaking to the nurse. Oops. I felt bad saying that when I should have still been praying for my strength and breathing, but every time I think about that moment, I grin. It was a hilarious moment in an otherwise really awful situation, and it's part of my son's birth story. After slipping up like that, it's fairly easy to laugh off a bad date or a guy who's obviously clueless. There are worse things in life.

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What Your Sloppy Eating Habits Say About Your Sex Life

Is there a link between poor etiquette in the dining room...and poor performance in the bedroom?

My wife and I were out to lunch recently and when she stepped away for a moment, I noticed a couple at the next table eating together. They seemed to be a bit of a mismatch already but then I noticed his table manners. Let's just say they left a little something to be desired. Then I wondered, what must this pretty, polished woman with him think. I glanced over periodically and it became apparent that every time he was eating, she averted her gaze and looked anywhere else. Then when he had taken several bites, he would put down his fork (or should I say shovel?) and they would talk and share eye contact. This happened several times so it definitely seemed to be a pattern, which made me wonder: how important are good table manners in a prospective partner?

Time for some research...

Luckily for me, I have a fantastic community where I coach called "Ultimate Love and Passion" and in it, there are thousands of members from all over the world who all pursue personal development and are looking to create incredible-quality, intimate relationships. Quite simply, this group offers some of the finest, kindest  — and wisest — souls I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet and serve. So I asked the group: are poor table manners something you can somehow "work-around" like the woman at the next table — or is it just a deal-breaker? About a hundred responses, anecdotes and opinions later, one comment stood out in my mind more than the others, so I had to share it here with YourTango readers. One of our members said "Once a friend of mine observed that people eat the way they have sex. In my experience, that's pretty accurate." That had never quite dawned on me until that moment, and I had to admit, it was a pretty fascinating "proposition."

Is it true?

I was intrigued by this theory linking behavior in the dining room with habits in the bedroom so I started to give it some thought. Not surprisingly, a number of the people who responded to my question also picked up on that angle. It occurred to me that for many foodies especially, eating is an exquisitely sensual experience. It's all about savoring and enjoying mouth-watering tastes, rich flavors, creamy textures, and intoxicating aromas. Likewise, for many, love-making might be the ultimate sensory experience. However, I had to consider that there are also some with, shall we say, less than discriminating palates, or more "unrefined" eating habits. What about them?

What are you hungry for?

Not to be overly clever here, but I suspect to a great degree, your "sexual appetite" comes down to your personal "taste" and your past experiences. What makes one person prefer the sexual equivalent of a 12-course gourmet feast for the senses versus a hit-it-and-quit-it, fast-food, fly-by? Why do some stick to the meat and potatoes, nothing-but-the-basics approach while others insist on the whole soup-to-nuts smorgasbord? What's the difference between one who savors every mouth-watering morsel and one who ravenously feeds until their body says no more? What does it say about the person who follows all the rules, uses their salad fork first and places their napkin in their lap as opposed to the lip-smacking, talk-with-your-mouth-full kind who jumps right into dessert before the entree? I suspect these different styles or archetypes are dictated by aspects of our personalities that are either fully expressed, massively repressed, or possibly even exist somewhere in between those two extremes.

Here's something else to think about:

Another member shared an excellent perspective as well:

"I dated a guy who was extremely rude to wait staff and poor manners. Turns out, the more I got to know him, the less I could tolerate. He was 10 times worse after a few glasses of wine. I think how a person approaches a meal in the company of their love interest is also how they will approach their life, their relationship...even their sexual experiences. Conscientious and aware people do not wolf down their food. I bet you that woman overlooked much more than his poor table manners."

The truth is we have a saying in the personal development and coaching field that says "How you do anything is how you do everything." Basically, that means there are no fences in the human personality and frequently your beliefs, preferences and your general "model of the world" bleed over into other aspects of your life.

What can we take away from all this?

It's fair to say that everything is a clue and when people tell us who they are — or publicly demonstrate who they are — we really should pay attention. However, it's also true that the meaning you attach to a situation will dictate your emotion — and your response to that situation. For instance, there's a huge difference between one whose cultural upbringing is markedly different from your own and is simply unaware — and one who is purposely rude or disrespectful. The best advice to be aware of who you are, what you want and what's most important to you in your life. Get really clear on what you want and what you don’t want. Perhaps even more importantly, you need to be crystal clear on your must-haves and deal-breakers also.

What does this mean to YOU specifically?

The more I think about it, it's like anything else in life. Maybe the best piece of advice is to be smart, educated and prepared for anything. There's a time and a place when displaying good table manners will only benefit you. Likewise, there's a time when poor manners will reflect badly on you and limit your choices.

I guess it comes down to what my grandfather told me just before he passed away: there's a time to know when to follow the rules...and there's a time when you get to make your own rules. In fact, sometimes, it can be A LOT of fun to break rules. Especially when it's in private, or not. Here's hoping you find someone amazing to share your meals — and your love with — just the way you like it.

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How do I go about Finding a Date if I'm in my 30s inexperienced and disabled?

The typical women around my age are usually not disabled, they are ambitious, have careers, are social and mature. But i'm not that due to disabilities. I have something like aspergers. If i wanted to start dating(which i do), is there even anything i can do?

Nondisabled Women are not interested in mentally disabled men. I can barely talk and Women think men who don't talk and don't have careers are worthless.

I know some of you will say that I have to get an equally disabled Girl. But do I have to? Don't i have the right to date women who i like?

***
The other problem is also even knowing where to go to meet women that will likely be accepting and nice.
The usual cafes and stuff are not good for disabled people. Because most people there are not disabled and don't want to associate with disabled people. Same thing for clubs, and all the typical avenues where people meet.
Cafes, schools, libraries, public transportation. Women will not take a disabled guy seriously as someone they want to keep in touch with . And note that i'm not talking about Guys in WHeelchairs who are perfect speakers. I'm talking about mental cognitive difficulties

Last edited by beastMan; 02-09-2014 at 04:23 AM.

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In that case you need an opportunity to show the person you are behind the disability. Try online dating there it is less difficult not to find someone who can love you for who you are, as long as you will be patient and be as honest as possible.

But where do i even go to Meet Women? Women that are most likely to be accepting. Cause like i said, women that go to Cafes, parties, clubs, schools, are not there desiring to meet disabled guys.

A dating site is probably the best place to look. I'm sorry to hear you've had trouble your whole life with a disability, but you can find love. Just because you have something like asperger, doesn't mean you can't find a woman. You have to look at the world and not worry about what other people think. I know that may be hard, but it can be done. We as humans, look at ourselves from the other person's perspective, stop doing that, look at them as just another person in this ever expansive world and remember that many people you will meet, you will never see again.

I have social anxiety myself, but I try to not focus on my problems, and not to worry about what may or may not be going on in the mind of someone else. Try online dating, or go to a bar and just talk to women you find attractive. Put yourself out there.

I would agree with most here- try a dating site. That way the person can get to know you from the inside OUT..instead of judging you on your disability first. Be upfront and honest with who you meet and what you are capable of and what you are looking for. The right person is out there for each of us. With a little patience and persistence- you will find love too.

I don't think you have to stick with only disabled women. A dating site would be a good choice, as long as you are honest. But, that is advice I'd give to anyone -- if you do this, you'll probably learn quickly that people aren't exactly saints on there, and it's frustrating to try and sift through that.

As far as where to meet women? What do you do? What types of women do you like? What are your hobbies?

Get out there and start doings stuff, volunteer or anything, and you'll find someone.

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I feel bad about making her jealous

I met a girl about a month ago (let's call her girl A) and slept with her on the same night. We had both just been cheated on and neither of us wanted a relationship, but we started seeing each other once or twice a week. About a week ago I invited her over for dinner (second time) but she ended up cancelling on me. She told me that she had gone to her ex to pick up her things and it had caused her to start thinking a lot. She said she could only offer me friendship and that we could meet up for a movie instead. I declined. I said I don't appreciate her cancelling our plans; that I had already bought ingredients for the dinner and all that. I didn't act like a dick or anything, but I let her know that I am interested in more than just friendship with her and that she should call me if she changed her mind.

A few days ago I coincidentally ran into her while she was working at the café. I was there to kill some time while I waited for another girl (girl B) I had just met, with whom I was supposed to watch a movie with just around the corner. I chatted a bit with girl A and told her I was going to watch a movie in a bit. I didn't tell her anything about girl B. I had assumed girl A was back together with her ex, but when I asked her she said no. She said that she has been in and out of relationships for too long and that she needed a break. So I told her that I think it's a good thing for her and that if she wants to get together to let me know. Then she said that she thought I didn't want to see her anymore. I explained that I just didn't feel like being only a friend while she was in a relationship with someone else, but otherwise we could hang out. She told me that she was working at the café again next weekend and that I should come by. I thought that was a stupid idea because we can't really hang out 100% if she is working. For some reason I didn't say that though.

Girl B called me and told me she didn't feel like seeing the movie. So I told her that was messed up because I had come to the city just to meet with her and see the movie. We agreed that she would come to the café instead. I actually thought that was a better idea because we would have a better opportunity to talk and get to know each other. I also thought it might be a good way to make girl A jealous, but I wasn't 100% sure about that because I felt it wasn't a nice thing to do! I decided to see what would happen anyway. I ordered coffee together with girl B and girl A seemed kind of bothered. Then I thought it would be better for us to sit upstairs out of view of girl A. When I came to the bar again (alone) girl A asked if I wasn't going to the movie and I told her no. She asked why and I could tell from the way she asked that she was really bothered. I just told her I had changed my mind. I made a little small talk with her every time I came to the bar.

Eventually I realized that I wasn't attracted to girl B at all and I started feeling worse about making girl A jealous. Girl B and I eventually came downstairs within view of the bar to watch a guy playing guitar. Girl B and I didn't really talk or sit very near each other. I was totally uninterested at this poitn and all I was thinking about was girl A. I thought it might be good that she saw I wasn't interacting with girl B. Eventually girl B left and I stayed. I thought about going so that maybe girl A would think I went home with girl B, but at this point I was feeling so bad about making her jealous that I actually wanted her to see there was nothing serious with the other girl. I just didn't want her to feel bad or have negative thoughts about me. I stayed at the café and left about half an hour before closing time. I'm still not sure if I did the right things. As I was about to leave girl A asked me when I was leaving and I told her "now I guess." She said "we will talk" or something like that, and I agreed.

So now I'm not sure how to proceed and I'm thinking I should probably not contact girl A at all. I think I should wait for her to call me but what if she thinks I'm a dick and never calls me again? I'm considering calling her in about a week and asking her to meet up. Then we will have a chance to talk. My gut is telling me don't call her at all, but on the other hand I'm afraid I'll never see her again.

And this is all despite the fact that neither of us wants a relationship. And that's another thing. If we have already let each other know this, then what's with the "I need to be single for a while" thing? I never asked her to be my gf, we were just having fun. So what's the problem? I guess either she was falling for me or lost interest. What do you think? Girls, how would you feel after this half-assed jealousy stunt? Should I ever call her again? Do you think she still likes me, do you think that she is more interested now?

My guesses: she likes me but felt like we were getting too boyfriend/girlfriend-like, which she didn't want. The jealousy thing sort of worked and she is wondering about me now. Although I feel a little bad about it, I don't think she thinks I'm a dick. I should not call her. Yay or nay?

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Confused about this girl

Confused about this girl
Okay, so for about a month now, I've been speaking to this girl. She knows I like her, and she told me she likes me back. She said that her previous relationships have been complicated, so I said I understand if she doesn't want a relationship.A few days later she comes over to my house and she asked if she could have some food, I said can't be bothered to go get her food. (I realize this makes me sound like an ass, but trust me, I'm not) She keeps asking and I just keep saying I can't be bothered. At this point she straddles me, keeps asking, every time I say I can't be bothered, she starts nibbling my ear and neck, then starts kissing my cheek, then she pushed my face by her boobs, then just started nibbling my ear and neck again.

So I'm confused as to whether she actually wants a relationship or not, considering she acts like we are already in one.

Hmmm...what's the problem? She may want it. But maybe she don't want it. The question is what do YOU want?

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Confused about this girl
Okay, so for about a month now, I've been speaking to this girl. She knows I like her, and she told me she likes me back. She said that her previous relationships have been complicated, so I said I understand if she doesn't want a relationship.^

I don't even need to explain this.

Does she often behave like this with you? Have you guys kissed or been intimate in other ways? If she carries on acting like it then shes obviously interested - maybe you should just ask her outright if she wants to be in a relationship, or just have fun.

Actions speak louder than words, no?

Seems like she's interested in you, but may not want to be in a committed relationship right now. Is that okay with you? If not, then move on. If you want to fool around with her and see where it does (knowing it may go nowhere), then pursue her.

I help guys attract women with honesty and authenticity.
My site - Dating Maverick

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confused about this girl, is she ignoring / friendzoning me?

Hello,

I know this girl from my college days, past 7 years. We both were in the same college, same academic batch but different classes. We also used to meet at the College Music club, where we have done some stage performances for the university and musical performances together. I had a crush on her but was little shy of speaking to her, so our interactions in the music club was restricted to music only. She sings really well and plays the guitar too. I play the keyboards.

After finishing our studies in college, we went our separate ways. I went to Europe and she went to the US to pursue higher studies. I have occasionally pinged her on Facebook like how're you etc, and have "liked" some of her photos she has uploaded. That is when somewhere I have started getting attracted to her. She's very lovely, sweet and pretty. And she has such a cute face with those lovely dimples !! Wow !!

A couple of weeks ago was her birthday, I got her phone number from one of her friends and called her. She was quite surprised and felt nice, then I spoke to her for around 15 minutes. After that I have been sending some messages on WhatsApp or Facebook. Like Christmas / New year wishes, and discussing what she s been doing for the winter holidays, what I m doing in my December vacation etc. till now I haven't told her that I find her pretty/ attractive, What if she thinks that I am desperate for her / cheap person? I ve noticed that sometimes she responds to my messages, but most of the time, she says that she was at work when those messages came and forgot to reply. Sometimes she doesn't reply at all.

I'm a little confused about her myself. Yesterday evening, I ended up downloading her prettiest and hottest Facebook photos to my IPad , and was browsing through them for quite some time. Throughout the day, I keep checking her old photos, status updates. I still have a video collection of songs she sung during the Music Club in college on my laptop.

The problem is that I don't even know what she's thinking about me because she's so far away I can't meet her (there is a 7 hour time difference between us). Also I'm not sure whether she is already dating someone. I think she considers me as a casual friend but not maybe her best friend. She completed her higher studies in the US a year before me, even though we both started at the same time. In the meantime , she has also worked in 4 companies at different positions there. Whereas I am now searching for my first job. This makes me feel little inferior in front of her , and I have the fear that she will start dating someone who is as smart or good as her and will get married too soon...

I don't want to spam her with messages and irritate her or give her the feeling that I am desperate for her, at the same time I want to speak to her more, say make her talk to me on Skype so that I can see her face.. I want to impress her some way or the other, I even had a crazy idea of sending her a gift but then I'm not sure what she really likes the most. We share a lot of interests in music, and we have studied the same subjects and courses, but I have never approached her. Now I really want to do it, but I just hope that it's not too late and I still have the time to win her heart..

Can someone please help me and give me some advice, and help me talk to her better, maybe in the near future if things go well, start a relationship with her? She is my first crush, and I want to give it my best shot and hope for the best !!

I'm pretty sure she has absolutely no idea how you feel about her. If you could meet her in person, it wouldn't be so complicated
I think you should confess her your feelings. Tell her that you realized how important she is to you. I'm afraid it's the only thing that you can do. If you aren't ready to do it yet, maybe try to call her more often to let her get to know you better and to find out more about her life.

I agree with Claudine, at this point, you should start sending hints that you like her, but don't expect too much, because for all you know she just likes you as a friend. Ask 1st if she's dating another guy or not before you start courting her.

I don't know how to ask it directly. What should I continue talking about? ( unfortunately , in this case talking means sending messages, at least for now, till somehow I convince her to come for a video chat),,,..

Should I right now start messaging her by appreciating her good attractive looks etc etc ? Or should I wait a Bit more, maybe ask her about her new job. I also thought of reminding her of the times we spent in the Music club ( that was more than 4 years ago, maybe even send her some videos of her performances)??

We also like and listen to a lot of music, so I thought I could start some discussion there, maybe post some songs that I like, find out what kind of music she likes etc.. That could lead to some kind of discussion..but I don't want to send her romantic songs, I guess that would be pushing it too soon? Or is it ok to do so??

The trickier part for me is to find out whether she is already dating someone. Right now, I want her to start interacting with me more freely, and then maybe we would start video chatting ( at least that moves the friendship level up from some person who she just knows to a good friend, and maybe from there, she may to start like me as her Best Friend , but how do I find this out ? Any suggestions please!

Good thing is that we know each other, but in the past 4 years, I have wished her only for her birthdays. It's only after this time that we have started texting each other a bit more ( like wished her for the new year, told her about my future plan, job search etc),.. But how do I get to know what is running in her head ?

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If You Could Have One Wish About Your Next Partner...

If you could have one wish regarding the next partner you date, what would it be?

Example - I would want the next woman I meet to be 100% honest with me, even if she thought what she was going to share would hurt me. I don't want to be with someone who hides stuff b/c she doesn't think I can handle it.

What about you...what would you wish for?

Part of the reason I'm asking this is also about the Law of Attraction. That is, you'll attract to you that which you think about. So putting a sincere 'wish' out there to the Universe may do more for you than you may initially think. And the other part is that I'm just curious to hear people's answers.

I would want the next person I be with to be honest with me and open up. I want the next person to be open about their feelings and not hide it for a long time thinking about possibilities with me. I don't want the next person to only be honest when they are out drinking.

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Being open about open relationship

My husband and I have been married 25 years and we have an open relationship. Up until now we've only just had the occasional fling, and none of our friends, all long-time married monogamous people, know that we are open. Now my husband has a girlfriend and we are both very happy about that situation, but here's the problem. Next week he's taking his girlfriend to see a band. We just learned that a close friend of one of our close friends is going too. These people are all long-time married monogamous people. So what to do when the friend sees the husband and girlfriend out at the band? Husband doesn't want to pretend the whole night that they are just friends and not be able to dance close, or even just hold hands. Should he tell the friend right when they meet, this is my girlfriend, my wife knows and it's cool? That would be awkward and weird. Should he just act how he wants and not worry that someone thinks he's cheating? That's a drag. And friend might tell our friend, and we would hate for them to think husband is a cheater and feel sorry for me. Anyone have any other ideas? Thanks!

In my opinion you should be honest It's the easiest and the best solution. There is nothing to be ashamed of, so I don't think it will be awkward if you tell your friends what is going on. Maybe call them before the concert and tell them in advance that your husband is bringing a girlfriend?

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3 Lies We Tell Our Single Selves About Relationships

"When I find Mr. Right, everything else will fall into place." Are you relying on your relationship to make you happy? Do you wonder why it isn't working?

If you're anything like me and 99% of the people I know, you have an active imagination about how awesome you could be, "if only…" If only you were a lottery winner, thinner, in love, had your dream job, got divorced, became a parent... the list goes on. We all tell ourselves stories about how there is one (or more) external factors to our happiness that, once conquered, will make everything else better. As a matchmaker, I hear a lot of the following statements from singles who are looking for a loving relationship but haven't yet found it:

1. "Being in a relationship will motivate me to be more kind, forgiving, compromising, etc…"
Have you ever heard that expression, "wherever you go, there you are"? If you are unable to compromise (or only do so begrudgingly, holding onto resentment that you didn't get things your way), guess what? Finding that "perfect person" doesn't magically transform you. If anything, the vulnerability and intimacy that comes from a long-term, committed relationship only amplifies existing negative emotions and insecurities.

More from YourTango: 4 True Dating Cliches That Will Change The Way You Look At Love

Relationships are amazing teachers, but what they reveal can only be addressed by us. If you are unkind, selfish or inflexible and you manage to find someone who still chooses to commit to you, you will bring that same behavior into your relationship. The comedian Chris Rock has a joke warning women that when you meet a new man, you are meeting a representative who says and does all the right things, but after awhile he goes "bye-bye," and the actual man appears. The same goes for all of us — you might be able to put certain behaviors in check when something is new, but eventually the real you will make an appearance for the long run. Shouldn't the real you be healthy, confident and positive?

2. "If I were married, I would never do _____________."
One of the benefits of being single is the comfortable seat of judgment you can sit in as you evaluate other people's relationships. You look at your sister, your boss or your best friend and you say: "I can't believe she's putting up with that," "If I were him, I would walk out the door and never come back," or "I'd never let myself gain 50 pounds after getting married. What a bait and switch!"  

The truth is, you can't always know for certain what you would or wouldn't do under specific circumstances. You also don't know for certain what goes on between two people behind closed doors. Besides, it is much more productive (and attractive) to focus on what you do want and to make that happen in your own life than to sit in judgment of others. Our judgments of other people say a lot more about how we feel about ourselves than they do about anyone else.

3.  "When you find the right person, everything else falls into place."
We can all blame Hollywood for our collective cultural delusion that relationships (even great ones) don't take work. Some of the longest-married and happiest couples I know still have their challenges. They are committed to making it work and so they find a way, but that way can take a long time and multiple failed strategies. Being in love doesn't mean you don't get angry or don't ever feel hurt, misunderstood or unheard. The high you feel from falling in love might temporarily put your job woes or parental issues on the back burner, but sooner or later they will be back.

If you are relying on your partner to make you feel good about your body, what happens when he/she is too distracted or exhausted to give you the constant affirmation you desire? If you feel disrespected and angry when someone cuts you off in traffic, do you think these same emotions won't be triggered by your husband repeatedly forgetting something you asked him to do? What if he eats the last piece of cake that you were saving because it's your favorite and he doesn't think it's a big deal? What if your wife sets the thermostat to 75 degrees because she's freezing but you are sweating bullets? These examples are all small life annoyances that can trigger us all — not to mention the big, tough stuff that arises in life.

Whether you are single or not, the work of being the person you aspire to be begins and ends with you. You can't rely on a relationship to make all of your dreams come true, so stop lying to yourself about your "future self."

What do you think? Do you agree or disagree? Do you think you've changed for a relationship, or do you plan to change once you are in one? Leave your comments below!

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What's So Crazy About Being Single And NOT Looking?

All the single ladies! Whether temporary or indefinite, can a woman ever just be single without being a pity case?

I can't even begin to count the number of times people have said to me, "Dori, you need a boyfriend," after learning that I'm single. What's worse is their reaction when I don't chime in with a disgruntled, "Don't I know it!"

I easily accept the reality of my relationship status — single — and this seems to perplex people. That my life doesn't revolve around nailing down Mr. Right strikes both friends and strangers as odder than should be allowed, and drives them into frenzied trances of speculation. Between the doubt and the advice they're just dying to give, it only takes but a few moments for them to vault me up on to the platform of their projected pity where they can lavish me with counsel.

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I can always see it coming too. The furrowed brow of concern, the gentle hand of commiseration resting cautiously upon my own. Sometimes their solicitude will come in the form of a shy comment; something to the effect of, "I just worry about you. You deserve better."

"Better than what?" I might ask them, knowing full well what their answer will be. "Better than being alone, of course. Nobody wants to be alone."

But is being alone — whether temporarily or indefinitely — really all that bad? When I explain to those who care that I have come to a place in my life, post-divorce, where I feel more comfortable with detachment rather than attachment, the result of their friendly psychoanalysis is always the same: I'm either kidding myself, in denial, on some kind of head trip where I believe I'm superior to others, or I'm just too lonely to admit that I'm shut down and afraid to fall in love again. After all, who could be happy in such a state of non-attachment? The Buddha?

Well, I'm not the Buddha, nor do I aspire to be the Buddha. I'm just me, a woman who's been madly, desperately in love before; a woman who's had many great loves and many great losses. I've felt the all-encompassing warmth of being in love, and I've lived for years and years in full acknowledgement of love's infinite healing qualities. I have loved love, and have spent a life knowing that by being in love, I was living a full life, a human life. The act of loving someone and being loved in return, without a doubt, allowed me to feel like I was a complete person. Love is what made life worth living.

Until of course, I was pulverized by love.

While the old adage, "once bitten, twice shy," has meaning, the reality of the slogan—for most of us—should read, "85,000,000 times bitten, twice shy." We don't really get the point until we've been squashed, annihilated and eradicated by love—and even then I'm not sure we get it. When we finally ask ourselves, "Hey, whoa...do I really want more of this love stuff?," ironically, most of the time the answer will be, "Why, yes. Yes I do. In fact, give me another helping. Even though my heart has been charred into cinders, I believe there’s still something inside this old cage of bones that’s worth destroying."

What a bizarre bunch of Buddhas we are, this human race of ours.

So, why do we crave this attachment when we know from experience that it has the potential of delivering so much pain? I think if we had even the slightest hint of what real, permanent separation from the person we love felt like we’d never venture forth to seek love in the first place. It's like marriage; we don’t marry to get divorced, we marry because we want to achieve the ideal, and that is to stay in love forever. Not only that, but I suspect we also marry because we think we can grab the 'brass ring', that it’s ours for the taking so long as we believe.

Oh sure, at the dawn of a romance, we pretend to be all grand and worldly about the reality of being in love. We tend to shoo away any hints at our own weakness, which, in a way, is like creating a disclaimer that acknowledges failure as an option. But it's nothing we can't deal with because, well, we're such advanced souls and naturally we can take it should something as silly as failure happen. That's why we glibly say things like, "Yeah, I know it's not going to be perfect." But the truth is, we're not always prepared for it to be anything less than perfect. Because once we're in love, we're sunk.

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As soon as that attachment takes hold, even the slightest variance may be interpreted as a threat to the union. For those of us whose sensitivity levels are off the charts, we become neurotic, paranoid and possessive. We are so involved and invested in the security of this thing that if for some reason we detect even the slightest breach in the unspoken contract of love, we start to break down, bit by bit. For every ounce of pleasure that we derive from the coupling, there is now an equal amount of worry and fear. The fear isn't so much about the present state of the affair as it is about what the end will feel like should the worst of all possibilities come to pass.  Keep reading...

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The Top 7 Things You Must Talk About Before Getting Married

Do you agree on money, kids, work, etc.? Sit down and discuss these seven topics before you both say 'I do.'

Being in love is a wonderful feeling, but staying in love is a wonderful skill. Every couple needs to develop the ability to talk about everything. You may think you know your spouse-to-be, there may be many things you folks have not discussed before marriage. Do it now so you can create that rewarding relationship!

Here are the top seven topics you should discuss before tying the knot:

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1. Money: How will you both handle money? Who will pay bills, save, plan for spending and allocate fun money? Will you follow a budget? Is it often a good idea? How much should be saved? If one of us makes more does that mean he/she gets to control more of the money? Will you have a common "pot" or divided accounts? What is a necessity and what is a luxury (going out to eat, seeing a movie, cable, vacations, Starbucks, etc.)? How are debts or assets brought into the marriage and then viewed? Money is a big topic couples gloss over and then regret, and it is one of the top reasons couples give for getting divorced!

2. Kids: Do you both want kids at some point? Do we both agree on when, how many, and how we'll take care of them? What will be your parenting style? Are you able to work as a team and agree to present a united front? What should you do if that isn't happening? How will children be disciplined? Kids are a blessing, but definitely a stress-inducer for relationships—plan accordingly.

3. Career: How will work be negotiated? Will both of you work? How many hours a week? Will it be okay for one of you not to work and under what circumstances? If one of you were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other's family, are you prepared to move? How do your levels of ambition match or differ? Are you okay with them being different? If they match, does it cause competition and how do you handle that in the long term? Work is usually a big part of your life (taking up a third of a day) so it is important you both understand how it plays out in your future lives together.

More from YourTango: Listen, Guys: 5 Things Women Wish You Didn't Do In Relationships

4. Free Time: What do you enjoy doing together and apart? How have you developed "play" and free time? What are the expectations about how you'll spend free time once married? How much time will you each have together, alone or with your own friends? Do you respect each other's friends? How will you divide chores? How much free time will be devoted to chores? What does each of you dread or like to do as chores? What chores are important to each of you? After work, your free time and chores impact your relationship time greatly. It is important to have a balance in both. Keep reading...

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What He Worries About Before His First Date With You

Well, this is awkward. Guys reveal their first date jitters.

When we asked a bunch of guys to tell us what, if anything, they get nervous about on a first date, we were sort of expecting the usual answers: bad breath, what to wear, whether there will be chemistry, etc. But one common theme quickly emerged from nearly every one of the dudes we talked to: across the board, men seem to get really nervous about first date conversation.

It takes two to conversationally tango, but men seem to feel the burden of small-talk pressure pretty acutely:

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"The thing I'm most nervous about on a date is having nothing to talk about." — Chris, 25, New York City

"I worry about being boring. And I get nervous about babbling during lulls in the conversation." — David, 26, St Louis

"Being able to hold a solid conversation." — Joe, 24, New York City

"Probably the flow of the conversation. Because that sets the tone." — Brian, 26, New York City

"I get nervous that she might be nervous or untalkative, in which case we are screwed because I don't lead 75% of the conversation." — Mason, 27, LA

Read the rest on HowAboutWe: The Surprising Thing All Guys Seem To Worry About Before First Dates

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10 Things You Should Never Lie To Him About

One thing never to lie about? Your marriage goals. One guy reveals the white lies that hurt.

A little white lie never hurts, right? Well, not exactly.

Sometimes we tell little lies because we don't want to hurt our partner's feelings, but when it comes to dating, honesty is important. And, there's certain things we usually fib about — like how many people we've had sex with or how we really feel about his inner circle — that can be even more hurtful to our guys and our relationships.

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What things should you always be honest about with your man? Our friends at Essence count down the big things you should never lie about.

See the list at Essence: 10 Things Women Should Never Lie to Men About

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12 Jaw-Dropping Facts About Dating

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Love Buzz Subscribe to Love Buzz By Essence. Posted on May 1st 2013.

Did you know? A man's gaze determines how sexually adventurous he is. Surprising new findings about what your guy really wants

Men are difficult to figure out. That's why, we're always fasincated by new research and studies that give us more insight into dating and relationships.

Did you know 1 in 4 men have faked orgasms? Who knew he cared so much about your teeth and grammar?

More from YourTango: 10 Things You Should Never Lie To Him About

Our friends at Essence rounded up some of the most surprising new data on men and dating. And sometimes, the most shocking thing is when we realize maybe we're not so different after all.

Which statistic are you most shocked by?

Read the list at Essence: 12 Surprising Findings From New Dating Studies

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10 Surprising Things You Probably Didn't Know About Dating

Did you know that over 50% of all U.S. singles haven't had a date in more than 2 years? What you need to know about dating, according to science.

Did you know that over 50% of all singles in America have not had a date in more than two years? What!? Or that schools are one of the best place to flirt?

We're constantly reading new dating surveys and studies and every once in a while we're pretty shocked at the findings. Remember that one about finding love at Walmart?

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Our friends at BroBible compiled some of the most interesting dating facts based off recent information. From what we base our first impressions on (hint: it's not what he's saying!) to how to create an instant link with a date, these facts are worth checking out.

Which dating fact surprises you the most?

See the list at BroBible: 10 Facts About Dating That You Probably Didn't Know

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7 Things You Didn't Know About St. Patrick's Day

How will you be spending St. Paddy's Day with your loved one? Plus, how many tourists kiss the Blarney Stone every year?

St. Patrick's Day is this Sunday. We all know the holiday is observed on the feast day of St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, and is a worldwide celebration of Irish culture and history.

But besides donning green, downing green pints of Guinness, and feasting on corned beef and cabbage, what do we really know about the Irish holiday? Here are seven facts you'll love learning about!

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1. Did St. Patrick Start Leap Year Proposals?
You can thank St. Patrick for this Irish tradition. According to legend, St. Bridget complained that women were tired of waiting for marriage proposals, so she took matters into her own hands by proposing to St. Patrick. Still, that doesn't mean that the guys are buying into the hype. In one study, one in five men would rather run a mile than accept a proposal from their girlfriend on February 29.

2. Wedding bells Are Ringing
St. Patrick's Day is considered the luckiest day of the year to get married ... unless it falls on a Saturday. According to this Irish proverb, Saturday is the worst day of the week to get married: "Marry on Monday for wealth / Tuesday for health / Wednesday the best day of all / Thursday for losses / Friday for crosses / Saturday for no luck at all."

3. Oh, Baby!
About 650,000 American newborn babies have been named Patrick over the past 100 years. Were their parents perhaps inspired by their own St. Paddy's Day weddings?

4. Bottoms Up!
On any given day, 5.5 million pints of Guinness, the holiday's go-to brand of beer, are consumed worldwide. But on St. Patrick's Day, that number more than doubles to 13 million.

5. "Kiss me, I'm Irish!"
The Blarney Stone is reportedly kissed by up to 400,000 people a year, making us think that you're likely to catch more than just luck from this Irish tourist attraction.

6. Send Your Love
Mailing cards to loved ones isn't just a Valentines Day tradition. Hallmark sells anywhere from 8-15 million St. Patrick's Day-themed cards each year.

More from YourTango: 10 Acceptable Pick-Up Lines For St. Patrick's Day

7. Day Trip, Anyone?
Did you know that there are seven places in the United States named Shamrock, the floral emblem of Ireland? Visiting any one of these Irish-inspired destinations would make for a great St. Paddy's Day date, don't you think?

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Confused About Myself..

Hey everyone. At the age of 24 I've only had three relationships that have lasted no longer than five months. I'm confused about myself. I had my first girlfriend at the age of 20. It was a good relationship. Everything fell apart when she was going back to school. My only off days at the time were Wednesday and Thursday. I offered to visit her one of those days. She kept pressuring she I could only visit on the weekends. I couldn't do that because I had to work. I found out she still had feeling for a guy that screwed her over multiple times. He only lives 20 miles away from the school and goes home on the weekend..if you catch my drift. I called her out on it and she told me I was being insecure and that she loved me. I didn't fall for it and broke it off.

Four months later I met a new girl. It was the most loving, passionate relationship I've ever been in. I was a model boyfriend. I did a lot for her. About five months into the relationship she met a new guy at her work and was telling me how great of a guy he was. She had many guy friends..so I wasn't too worried yet. They continued to talk often and was getting a little suspicous. She needed maintenance done to her car that was really expensive. I didn't have the money to help her out at the time. She said if I didn't Dan(the guy she met) would. That set me off and I was stern with her. She needed to stop seeing the guy. Someone you've known for two weeks offered to pay 500 bucks for your car when he's looking to get his OWN car still.. and he's just a friend..yeah right. I got the jealous insecure label. We argued for weeks. When I met the guy he wouldn't even look at me when I shook his hand. I knew something was wrong. I caught her lying several times. The guy was a high school drop out loser. She continued to act flaky and I took things in my own hands and caught him in her bed. I was devestated. She kept telling me that I was narrow minded because I didn't understand how she could love the both of us. I knew she was full of it. I was heartbroken for months. Finally when I came out of my shell and got over her..she came back. She told me the guy she left me for cheated on her. He left her with an apartment she couldn't afford. She gave me all of the.."I'm so sorry" jazz. I gave in eventualy. We started to become friends again. She was struggling with her bills so I gave her $500 to help. After that..she was gone. BEfore you knew it she was with another guy. An overweight guy in his 30's..but he had money. I told her what I truly thought of her and told her NEVER to talk to me again. I was over it quickly because I knew she wasn't a good person anymore.

A few months later I met a new girl. It was instant chemistry. We had so much in common..it was like me in a female body. We started hanging out several times a night. She was really hesitant with the relationship..but she said she needed "time" but she did want a relationship. After about 2-3 months I told her I felt like I was wasting my time and that I just didn't want to be "friends" when we were spending time together and having sex. She gave in a couple of days later because she knew I was about ready to give up. A couple of months later she was getting ready to go back to school. She started acting flaky. Just a few days before she went back to school she told me I was too nice and never developed any feeling for me and broke it off. The night before she left she came to me in tears and told me she wanted to work things out. I gave in..but was very upfront with her that I didn't want any games. She understood. She said she wanted to take things slow for about two weeks to see how school went. I gave in. She came back in town after two weeks and we hung out and had a great time. She went back to school a week later and broke it off with me again. I was heartbroken. She said, "I thought my feeling would change with time away..but I didn't happen." I was PISSED! She said she wanted to take things slow due to "school purposes" I raised my voice and she interupted and got really nasty with me and talked me down and ended up saying, "NIGHT" and hung up. I was shocked. To this day 2.5 years later she still tries to contact me. "I'm so sorry yada yada." Even her friends that deleted me off of facebook when I broke up try sending me friend requests. I'll never talk to her again.

I talked to several other girls..but they all flaked. About a year and a half ago I met a really cute girl. We talked for a while and went on a couple of dates. After our first date she was nagging me to hang out with her friends. I thought that was a little too..early. After our second date she kept pressuring me again to hang out with her friends. I gave in. We went out with her friends..and things changed. Her friends were complete SNOBS towards me. I even offered to buy them drinks and her friend pushed my debit card out of the way. "Oh..who's red mustang is that." Me "oh..that's mine. Do you like it?" "Oh..aren't you so great. Good to see someone has money." I looked at her with a dirty look on my face. I even asked my date, "what was the problem with your friends tonight?" "oh..they're just sarcastic." My date was acting weird and strange the whole time. A few days after that she broke it off.

I've talked to several other girls since and they all flaked on me. Stood me up, wouldn't return my phone calls on the day of the date, etc. My most recent date (everyones probably seen my post about it) also is being incredibly flaky with me now. We met over two months ago online. We hit it off right away. She would always send me messages saying, "Hope you're having a good day!" "Good morning!" I love that in a girl. We went on a date about a week after talking and it went well..but a little awkward. A week later Christmas rolled around and I came by her house and gave her cookies and a Christmas card. She gave me a card as well. She was smiling ear to ear. A week later we went on our second date. We saw a movie and went bowling. She was playing with her hair the entire time during the movie. Whenever I would look at her she would bite her lip. She even demanded to pay for our bowling. "You paid for everything the first time..you paid for the movie..I want to pay now." I thought that was AWESOME. I tried stopping her..but she wouldn't let me. At the end of the night I walked her back to her car and opened her door. I leaned in for a hug and a kiss on the forehead. After that she leaned in on me and we were making out. It was PASSIONATE. I told her she was beautiful and said goodnight. She was smiling ear to ear. A few days passed and she ignored my text messages. I asked her what was wrong and she told me she was so sorry..but not ready to date. She was previously engaged and was hurt really bad. She thought she was ready to date but she realized she wasn't. She kept apologizing and said she still wanted to hear from me. Two weeks later I sent her a text and we started talking like nothing ever happened. Sunday I asked her if she wanted to go to a concert NEXT Wednesday. She couldn't go because she has an interview that day for a summer school position. I was happy for her. Just recently she started acting distant with her messages. I sent her a text on Tuesday and she responded Wednesday with, "Hope your concert is going well!" I said, "That's next Wednesday..lol. Was your interview today??" I was a little confused. She responded with, "No..it's next Wednesday, haha. Sorry wrong person..my friends fifth graders had a concert tonight. SOrry." I just shook my head and laughed. I knew that was a lie. I said, "oh alright..well I'm thinking about going to a blues game soon..would you like to go with?" She hasn't responded and it's been two days. I'm not expecting anything out of her..I just want to be friends for now. I'm going to give her a little more space then send an intervention text and tell her to cut the flaky crap. It's been a month since we've gone out.

Sorry it's so long. I really apprecite anyone who takes the time to read. My question is..what could possibly be wrong with me for all of these women to flake? I'm a normal, good looking guy. I weight lift and eat healthy, I have a good job, I'm funny, I don't like to start arguments, I'm caring, and supportive. Is it because I'm nice and these girls just take advantange of it? Am I just going after the wrong girls? Any advice is appreciated!

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Help! I'm Jaded About Men [VIDEO]

love-o-matic Find an Expert Ask an Expert Are you pessimistic about finding love? By Sheila Paxton

LOVEBUZZ BLOG Why People Create Fake Relationships Weird News: Man Hits 100 MPH On Way To Booty ... ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS

Have you been burned by love? When you meet a nice guy, is there a voice in the back of your head telling you it won't work out? If so, help is on the way.

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In this video, dating coach and YourTango Expert Sheila Paxton explains that "it's common to have concerns when you've had past relationships that haven't worked out." So, what should you do to combat your mind's negativity? "Listen to that little voice more closely," says Sheila, "and see if it's telling you anything about yourself."

Want to learn more? Check out the video above!

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4 Myths About Online Dating, Debunked [EXPERT]

Ready to meet your match? Online dating is for losers and three other myths you shouldn't believe.

I had the honor and privilege of meeting Dr. Neil Clark Warren, founder of EHarmony at iDate, the largest Internet dating and social media conference. He received the Lifetime Achievement award for the contribution and impact eHarmony has made on the entire dating industry.

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Today more than ever, thousands of singles struggle when it comes to finding love and many of them are turning to online dating sites in the hopes of finding Mr. or Mrs. Right. Dr. Warren appreciates the business of online dating but never forgets the purpose and passion for helping singles online.

Let's explore four myths about online dating to help clear up some of the online "horror stories" and help you navigate your way to online dating success.

1. Online dating is for losers. First of all, what is a loser? The idea of only losers being on online dating sites are completely false. I've personally interviewed thousands of very eligible, educated, attractive and sophisticated singles who are using online dating sites.

Somehow people try to blame the dating site or process when they haven't met compatible people. As in everyday life, you will be approached by people who you are not interested in but it doesn't mean that the kind of person you like doesn't exist. A loser in my mind, is a person who expects results without making any effort.

2. Everyone lies about their personal information. Once again it's not factual that everyone lies about their personal information. It is true that some people's version of themselves may seem a little off the mark. Having said that, there are thousands of singles who really take their time in creating their online profiles paying a lot of attention and detail to their description and in accurately answering the personality traits tests provided. Keep reading ...

More from YourTango: 2013 Top 25 Dating Resolutions [EXPERT]

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Other Articles/News by Carmelia Ray:By Carmelia Ray

As a mom with a 20-year career in matchmaking, I expected to teach my kids some life lessons. Instead, it's my children who constantly teach me about life and love by showing me the following characteristics: 1. Humility and acceptance. I have a 14-year-old daughter who by all rights is absolutely stunning. She is constantly admired by friends and she ... Read moreBy Carmelia Ray

The beginning of a New Year is always a great time to reflect on your past, and try to learn something from your personal failures and successes. If you haven't already started your list of dating resolutions for 2013; it's not too late. Here are a some suggestions to help you with your dating resolutions. Having said that, you should start by resolving ... Read moreBy Carmelia Ray

Two institutions gathered a group of researchers from the University or Western Sydney and Singapore Management University to reveal "manipulation is a way to test a partner's love." Although men and women use a number of ways to test their partners' love with manipulation. The study also identified 58 various types of manipulation ... Read moreSee More

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She nags me about my weight

I'm not a real big guy, to put in nicely i'm husky ( 5'10 185-190). A lot of times i work late, so on my way home, i just figure it's late, so i grab Taco Bell, when i get home she gets annoyed and goes off about weight gain and cholesterol etc. Another example, it was Christmas dinner, so i finish my first plate and as i'm going back up for round 2 she looks at me "do you really think you need seconds?" I didn't get a 2nd plate. And finally, it was New Years Day, i'm settling down to watch football all day and i've brought all the good stuff, wings, oreos, popcorn, Mountain Dew, chips etc she came home from Target after returning a dress. She goes off on me " Its all junk, you can you eat that it's so bad for you, you'll end up obese". I'm 18 as is she, i run at least 4 miles a day, my metabolism is fine. She's big health nut( organic only type also Turkey burgers are horrible). I want her to stop nagging me, i love her and i appreciate that she's looking out for me but i think at 18 i can make my own decisions on what i eat. Suggestions on how to talk to her??

Have you talked to her at all about it? Is she actually concerned about your health?

Maybe just let her know that you're an adult and can make your own decisions. Tell her that you appreciate her concern and that you'll try to eat healthier in general, but that it's okay to indulge every so often and you'd appreciate her not giving you crap constantly about it.

I think she just worries about you. She loves you, she wants you to be healthy, this is why she is overreacting. It means that you are important to her, so don't be so annoyed Just talk to her, tell her it bothers you when she is so controlling.

I think sometimes there is a lot more to a story than people actually say but, going with what you have shared with us... if it is bothering you than, talk to her. I agree you are old enough to make your own decisions and she is not your mother, she can't tell you what to do. However, be careful with all these junk food your eating because it is not healthy nor it is good for you. If you are just doing it every now and then that's okay but, if you are doing it on a daily basis then this could bring serious problems to your health in the future. If you are going to taco bell every night after work or a lot more often than you should, maybe you need to think about what this can do to your health.

I wouldn't go as far as to think that she is just nagging and being mean, i think that she is also concerned about you. Lets face it, living a lifestyle were you eat a lot more than you should and a lot of junk food can result in cholesterol, heart problems and many other things. When you are young is not as bad but, as you get older it gets worse. Make sure your are not over doing it and that you are eating healthy, after all it is for your own good.

You both are young (18) and have your whole life ahead of you. She does care for you, but she isn't saying it in a way that comes across as that. It is coming across as nagging. Yes, it is fine to have Oreos, hot wings, and soda occasionally, but when you make it your daily diet (stopping and getting fast food every night) will definitely mess with your body. Since it is the new year, why not incorporate SOME healthier foods in your diet. Have food ready to heat up when you get home instead of stopping at Taco Bell. If you must stop, get something healthy. Little changes will go a long way to show her you care, and perhaps to get her to change the way she speaks to you. Ask her to help you prepare healthy food choices and snacks that taste good. Granted, they will not taste the SAME, but they will taste good. Good luck to you.

I agree with everyone that it may sound like nagging but it probably isn’t. What she’s doing is stating something that bothers her about the way you take care of yourself. Clearly she’s opposite of you in this regard. But while you call her a health nut she is actually probably used to eating healthy and is suddenly thrust into a world of greasy fast food. Maybe she sees the wrappers daily, or leftovers in the fridge. You do need to talk to her but be clear about what it is you want to tell her. Do you want her to stop telling you to eat that stuff or are you going to say nagging? Will you suggest that you’re going to cut back on fast food or are you going to say your old enough to eat whatever? Each of these can spin a conversation into completely different directions. Be clear about what you want to say and then be sure to listen to her point before you try to interject your rebuttal. Or else it’ll look like you’re not listening at all.

There are certain keywords that she said that makes me think she is worried about you. She said "cholesterol" and "bad for you" not fat ass or pig. So I think she's worried about your health. She wants you to be around for a long time and not have a stroke in your 20's like actor Frankie Muniz recently did. Her heart is basically in the right place.

You can tell her that you want to make your own decisions about your food, but maybe to make her feel better, you can switch out a couple of your meals with healthier choices. I hate turkey burgers too, but sometimes I ate them to appease my ex and keep peace in the household. You can still eat the foods you like, but maybe just eat something healthy now and then to show her that you're making an effort to compromise.

Well, you do seem to be eating a lot of junk food. Even if you're not gaining weight, it doesn't mean it's okay. My ex husband was built like a racing snake, but he ate a lot of junk food and didn't take any exercise. He was underweight if anything, but he still had two heart attacks because of blocked arteries due to the cholesterol from his diet. The second one killed him, at the age of 57. Is that what you want for yourself? You're young now, but the damage is already being done on the inside, even though it may not show on the outside.

Yes, you could call out your girlfriend for nagging you. You could even break up with her and find someone to share your oreos and chicken wings on the couch. However, it won't address the problem of your unhealthy eating habits. Yes, you're an adult - and it's time you took responsibility for yourself and your health.

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