Understanding is the key to relationship.
However, sometime, we fail to understand our other half.
Here, from the Man point of view, how a man can understand the woman and make the relationship ticking.
Let have a look at few instances and try to understand the woman.
how to make girlfriend happy
Showing posts with label Girlfriend. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Girlfriend. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
What To Do When Your Girlfriend...
Monday, January 6, 2014
The perfect girlfriend men want.
If you'd want to be a perfect gf, you'd have to sacrifice yourself. Don't ever live for someone else, but you.However, if you're being yourself and you trust him and you're loyal and you listen to him and you let him be his own person whilst in a relationship with you and you don't try to change him and you compromise at times, then you come pretty darn close.
And love him of course.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Why He's Not Calling You His Girlfriend
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What It Takes To Be A Great Girlfriend [EXPERT]
What kind of girlfriend are you? Fifteen tips to make him glad he's all yours.Every relationship we have — even if it does not end in marital bliss — is a learning experience. Through trial and error, I have discovered what it takes to be a fantastic girlfriend.
For some men, straying is in their genes, and you really can't do anything about it, nor should you try. If he is the unfaithful type, let him go. As for the others, who may exhibit a glimmer of hope or simply have commitment in their DNA, the following reminders may be useful:
More from YourTango: International Language Of Love When Dating Foreign Men [EXPERT]1. Remember: It's a man's nature to look. Don't go psycho just because you see him looking or talking to another female. Remember, it is in a man's nature to look. If he doesn't touch and you don't get jealous, it will keep him wanting you more. He will then work harder to keep your relationship going.
Same thing with nagging. When you continuously nag it will only annoy him more and then the nagging can turn into resentment. If you ask him to do something for you, do it once and then be patient. The screaming approach has never worked.
2. Avoid "fatal attraction" calling. Calling him over and over makes it look like you have nothing else going on in your life and thus are more needy than independent. Also, don't stalk him by any social media sites. That never goes down well either.
3. Let him see his friends. Don't turn into a b**ch when he wants to go out with his friends. Instead, embrace it. Give him something to remember you before he leaves and then tell him to have a wonderful time.
More from YourTango: Dial Down the Crazy When Dating Someone New [EXPERT]4. Remember: Food is the way to a man's heart. You do not have to be a gourmet chef, but if you have a few exciting recipes in your repertoire, then you will look even better. This is especially useful when he has his friends around. Give them their guy time and make food. If cooking is not your thing, have a great array of take-away menus at your disposal. Keep reading ...
More couples advice from YourTango:
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Girlfriend doesn't like non-real-life communication
my girlfriend and I have been going out for about 7 months. this is both of our first relationships. we go to different colleges that aren't too far away but enough where during the school year we can only see each other a couple times a month. while she's a fantastic person and we both care for each other very much, my girlfriend's a major introvert, doesn't like/feel the need to talk to people often outside of real-life conversation, and it's no exception for me. so even though we go to different schools and don't see each other often (except for breaks where we do,) she doesn't really care for non-real-life communication. if i start a conversation with her through text-based means (she hates phone calls,) she'll respond in delayed intervals but we'll have a short convo and it'll be fine. if i don't start the convo and we don't see each other, she'll go for up to a week without starting one (which is very fast compared to her other friends but still slow for me.) while i know it's completely in her nature to not like conversation and that's fine, I'd much rather be able to talk to her every day or two, especially since we're boyfriend and girlfriend. while she would always respond at some point if i started the convo, the problem is, i'm slightly insecure and always think that, because I'm the one starting the convo and she inherently doesn't like talking, i'm always being a bother to her, so i usually wait a few days in between starting convos, which in turn frustrates me because i'm not talking to her. though i've talked to this about her before and she's said that she'll respond whenever i try to contact her because she wants me to be happy, i know that she's not a fan and that irks me a bit. i want her to be happy and not be bothered, but thinking about her without contacting her has really been a distraction for me at school as well.so what should i do? should i bite the bullet and start convos whenever i feel like it (which would probably be once or twice a day,) continue waiting 3 or so days between convos and distracting myself, or wait until she starts communicating with me? Or any other advice? thanks.
In all seriousness the short answer I would give you is to find someone else. Not what you want to hear, I'm sure. But if you have both communicated what you want the relationship to be like and it's different, it's going to be hard to maintain a situation where one of you is either giving a lot or holding a lot back.... for the long run. If you were in the same area it might not be so bad, but since you're both in school in different areas, it doesn't seem like the greatest match.
I would just contact her when you feel like it. I wouldn't play games. If she just isn't willing to talk or it bothers her that you contact her that often, then I would have to agree with the other poster and say that the two of you are just on different wavelengths and you should probably find someone more in tune with your needs and wants
Introverts tend to only initiate conversation when they have something which they think is significant to say and/or they think the other person is interested. They don't start idle banter. However, that doesn't necessarily mean they don't enjoy hearing others talk. She may also be a bit awkward in the social skills. So just sent her messages about whatever is on your mind without expecting her to respond. Asking her questions to get her going might help. Yes or no questions will only get you "yes" or "no" responses.The challenge for you is not interpreting her lack of or delayed responses as an indicator of the relationship health. Unless she says otherwise, assume you likes getting your messages.
Thanks for the responses. i split up with her for a short period of time based on a few things before, but i severely regretted that during the break and eventually asked her to get back together. so even though breaking up may be the best option, i know what it's like to have broken up with her and (at least for now) don't want to hastily do it again. she also does make sure to say that she's trying hard to keep up decent communication with me, so I'm still clinging on to the idea that it can change but not sure.and also, think you hit the nail on the head with that second sentence there Pollon, i'm always insecure about relationships so while she objectively looks happy and it's obvious that there's nothing wrong most of the time, I don't always interpret it as good. It's an annoying personality that I can't seem to stop, so if anyone knows anything about that/has advice, it'd be much appreciated.
thanks for all of the responses though, definitely taking them to heart.
I'm an introvert too so I think I know how she feels. You should just tell her what you told us, tell her how much you miss her when you don't talk and tell her it makes you insecure. Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship - so don't be afraid, send her messages every time when you feel like it
In all seriousness the short answer I would give you is to find someone else. Not what you want to hear, I'm sure. But if you have both communicated what you want the relationship to be like and it's different, it's going to be hard to maintain a situation where one of you is either giving a lot or holding a lot back.... for the long run. If you were in the same area it might not be so bad, but since you're both in school in different areas, it doesn't seem like the greatest match.I agree with Lovebug, you're probably not a match for one another, at least not at this particular time. It's also affecting your getting a proper education, as you alluded to, and this is not good. You've probably not experienced the real world yet - that is, working for a living, earning a paycheck, paying all the bills and possibly raising children as well - but when you do, your college education will dictate what type of money you will earn. Therefore, now is not the time to be worrying about texting and when you're going to get a response. Besides, while you're concerned that she's not texting you in a timely fashion, she's probably hitting the books.Look at it this way, if you keep allowing this situation to hinder your ability to focus:
Future predicted annual earnings = $25k ...
Not allowing this situation to affect your schooling, focusing on your education:
Future predicted annual earnings = $100k and beyond..
You make the choice ...
Last edited by taskeinc; 01-26-2013 at 07:22 PM.
thanks again for the responses, definitely taking them to heart. but again, don't know if I'm ready to break up, being that the first time we split up it was emotionally devastating (and it distracted me from my work much more than before.) i'm also not so much worried about the distraction from work as i am about what direction to take the relationship (this was a problem for me last semester too yet i did very well in school.) thanks again.
Sometimes most relationship comes to that kind of situation. Everyone of us has different insights of handling a relationship! Base on your problem, I can say that maybe you just have to give her space and time to realize if she really needs to give you that kind of reason of not having a conversation with you. You cannot solve the problem by your own self. You two have both responsibilities to manage your relationship well because you two decide to commit to each other.
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You have admitted that this is a first relationship for both of you. You are young and experiencing life. It seems that you are wanting different things. If she is peeved when you contact her and she doesn't want to talk, I would leave it alone. I don't think you should force it. I think you should find someone more compatible to date.You may not create new Love Advice Forum threadsYou may not post repliesYou may not post attachmentsYou may not edit your postsForum Rules
Friday, October 26, 2012
Friday, September 14, 2012
Getting serious with girlfriend ... or is it?
Hello all,My girlfriend and I have been dating for a month and a half now. We both agree that we never thought we would find someone else that clicked with us, and we have. Things have been great. Last week I went to Ohio with her for her grandpa's funeral because she didn't want to go alone. Everything was great until the third day when we had our first argument. We've since worked that out, but I feel like I'm the only one compromising.
I know what calms her and makes her feel good, and I've done that in recent days, but now she has told me that she feels like she is being 'pawed'. I told her I honestly had no idea, and that if she would have told me I would not have done it.
She also may be pregnant. We find out Tuesday morning ... so perhaps me talking about all the plans of living together (which she brought up first) should be left until we find out?
Could use some help here folks ... thanks!
My 'girlfriend' won't let me near her 11 yr old son.......
HelloI've posted here recently and in the past about the situation with my friend. Most recently it was a post regarding doing work for her.
The reason for this post is similiar to a post I wrote in the past about issues I've had with a women I have been dating for almost two
years. The quick background is that she has been married twice and has a 11 yr old son. She is Iranian/American (moved here when she was
12) she is now in her late 30's. She is divorced officially for a little over a year. Her parents are a bit traditional in the fact that they are over
protective of her and still tell her what to do. They check in with her several times a day and are against her dating. She is very American for the most part but can't seperate herself from her family. She respects and loves her father so much that she doesn't break those cultural boundries.We have been on and off since January of this year. We don't fight, we don't argue, in fact, we adore each other and absolutly love spending
time with each other. Our problems are with her father and her son. I dissagree with her approach to her father. I want her to be a more
independent thinker. Although he knows about me I'm kept in the shadows. I'm not spoken about in even the most casual of ways and I can't come around when hes around.I just met him for the first time when he made a surprise visit to her house. He told her the next day that he didn't sleep because he had bad dreams.Her son is 11 now and he is somewhat of a demanding boy with high expectations of his mother. She always wants to please him and nurture him. It often seems like the men rule the roost and although this is a little boy she avoids conflict of any type. She's a good mom but is highly over protective of him and doesn't want to upset him in anyway. He's the little boss. He doesn't want her seeing any other man, she doesn't bring friends around the house.
He is highly influence by his father who seems like a bitter, angry man who has made it a point to tell his son that 'mommy shouldnt have friends or be dating anyone'. I am shut out. She doesn't want me around him. I can't stop by even for the littlest reason, I can't even call her most the time when he's around. It frustrates me because I totally dissagree with how she raises her son. I don't say much about it other then I feel she shelters him from the world and the truth instead of teaching him. I've known her for 4 yrs and have dated her for two and I think it's no big deal for me to be her friend.
He needs to get used to me being around. Even if he dissagrees, in time, little by little he will get used to it. He is not 6, hes 11 and needs to start understanding that people are a loud to have friends. She needs to stop worrying about confusing him and teach him. I told her I accept her for who she is and her past and part of that is accepting her son.We broke up a few months ago because I told her I don't see things changing. I want more freedom. I want us to grow. However, we have been seeing each other and love being with each other. I needed to drop something off at her house and she asked me to come another day because her son was there.
I can't rant anymore.....sorry for the long winded thread. I am just frustrated because I love being around her. BTW: we hardly have anything in common. I am rock and roll tee shirt and no shoes and she is designer tops, italian shoes, and hangbags. Its so wierd.
Please, only serious mature relavant response.
Have you asked this girl where she sees the relationship going? It sounds like she doesn't really want you as part of her life... she just wants you on the sideIf she isn't going to let you into her life and if that's a place where you want to be, I'm not sure if there is a lot you can do. You kind of have to just ask yourself if what you are getting is enough
Have you asked this girl where she sees the relationship going? It sounds like she doesn't really want you as part of her life... she just wants you on the sideIf she isn't going to let you into her life and if that's a place where you want to be, I'm not sure if there is a lot you can do. You kind of have to just ask yourself if what you are getting is enough
Thank you for your reply and again sorry for the long thread. I actually can write a book about the relationship.To answer your question. We have spoke about it and both agree that there may not be a future. However, I say it because of how she is with her son and father and how she treats me when it comes to them. Too me, those are things that can change.
For her, its a matter of not wanting to change.I admit that my feeling half the time is that she doesn't see me as the right guy which hurts and the other half just tells me she is simply just afraid. Afraid of dealing with her son, and afraid of upsetting her father. She is even afraid of her ex, the boys dad because the boy tells his dad and then his dad says bad things. She has made mistakes before and is afraid to take a risk. Truth is, it's always a risk. Relationships are a risk and no matter who it is and how you might feel there is the risk it may not work. Eventually you you (she,me) need to take the leap and not worry what other people think.
I don't know what Im doing anymore. I try to leave her but we get along so well. I love being around her and she feels the same. We love going to dinner together, going to shows, or just sitting in with a bottle of wine. We have a great deal of compassion for one another. I know she loves me but maybe not quite enough.
It sounds like you are way down on her list of priorities, and I really don't see this going anywhere. After two years, you should be at least socialising with her son and her family, even if you're not staying overnight. She's trying to keep everyone happy, but she's ending up by pleasing nobody. I don't see this going anywhere, while she's still influenced by her father and her son. It's maybe time to cut loose and move on with your life.
To say that you have your hands full would be somewhat of an understatement and it doesn't help you any, so I won't say it. I think you need to allow that situation to play itself out, from a distance. She would literally have to go against her dad and her tradition and culture to be with you the way you want and believe the two of you should be together. As for her son, you can't make him do what he doesn't want to do and you can't make him respect his mom, she has to do that, just like at some point she will need to put her foot down with her son. She's facing a double-edge sword with her son because she comes from a submissive culture, her father is running her life and her son is doing the same, but she no longer resides in said culture. She's in America, so as her son continues to pick up the American culture (and probably has already at 11, esp if he's been here all his liffe), he's going to make his mom's life a living hell, and guess what, "fingers714," you do not want to be in the middle of that, not to mention the father throwing in his two cents every now and then.Love from a distance is the only way you'll find out if she wants to be with you on a permanent basis. Tell her that the both of you need space, and she should use that time to determine if she wants a life with you, or if she wants to continue to have her dad and son rule her life. You're not asking her to choose between the three of you, you're simply asking her to make you more of a priority in her life and she should make her father aware of that fact. What is he going to do, spank her? Beat her with a rod? She has to be stern and put her foot down and more than likely her dad will back off and her son will have more respect for her.
If she doesn't do those things the smartest move for you to make is to get the hell on. Don't mean to be harsh, I call it like I see it. If you end up getting her pregnant, and the relationship doesn't work out, because you would have a child with her, you would be tied to her, her son, and her dad for the next 21 years, really for the rest of your life. That wouldn't be so bad if the two of you were on the same page, and you end up getting married one day. But not only are you all not on the same page, you're not in the same book, not even if the same library.
Handle your business and take it from an outsider looking in, who has nothing to gain, one way or the other. That's too much drama going on. Oftentimes, as guys, we allow our physical ties to a woman, especially if the sex is good (and I'm guessing it is) to get the best of us; we stop thinking with the correct head, and we become p-whipped. I don't even know you and I do believe that is what is occuring here. I myself, about 20 years ago, was p-whipped by a middle-eastern lady. It happens, especially in our younger days.
I'm sure your conscious has been guiding you on this matter, the question is, are you listening?
Last edited by taskeinc; 09-04-2012 at 07:15 PM.
Tough spot, man. You're the last man in ... the father, the ex, the son I'm sure they all feel like they have seniority and I'm sure they're in her ear giving her the the guilt trip for even seeing you. When I got married I had a run-in with my mother-in-law and my wife sort of took her side. Then my mother was pissing and moaning about something stupid at Thanksgiving and made a comment that was sort of slighting about my wife. I pulled her aside and told her never to make me choose between my wife and my mother because she'll (meaning my mother) will lose every time. I'm an old school Italian mommas boy too I'm sure that was a wake up call for her. But she hasn't badmouthed my wife since and they have an excellent relationship. We now have a 4 year old son together and she (my wife) still backs her mom from time to time and it pisses me off finally I shared the thanksgiving story and told her once we got married and especially now that we have a son WE are our own family. Its us 3. Thats it for our little core and as far as I'm concerned everyone else is on the immediate outside looking in including both moms and her dad (mines gone). They're still family and we still love them but NOTHING supersedes our little core unit. I think she finally bought in and it gotten us closer together. Strange even when you've been with someone for over a decade there could be that little reservation about how much you really love and respect each other. Human beings don't like to take that leap of faith and give themselves over completely. Your parents, siblings etc. are safer because you feel like they're not going anywhere and will love you unconditionally but I take marriage and my family seriously, but I digress.In your case, how do you apply these principles? Is it her and her son and you're the odd man out? To be be honest, I'd say so. Nothing and nobody will come before her son. You need to put in some serious manhours to get into that little circle and to be honest that's the way it should be. 2 years "on and off" probably isn't enough time to devlope that leap of faith type trust she needs, especially since she obviously already had one relationship fail. f you love her and want a future and claim to accept her situation (ex husband and 11 year old son for instance) and deemed it worth the effort then you need to pay your dues. You chose to travel the unpaved road if you can't deal with it then you should look for a single woman with no kids. To be completely honest I see nothing wrong or unusual about her "little boss" not thrilled with the thought of you and her standing behind him. the dad thing is a little weird though unless he's giving substantial financial support and she feels obligated to include him in the details.
Sorry if its not what you wanted to hear, just my 2 cents.
Everyone of you have valid points....thank you. It is a tough situation.I have to admit though....@taskeinc....the sex comment. Not in the slightest. I've grown and realize that when I truly love someone and enjoy there
company it has very little to do with the sex.
I'm amazed at how many people think sex is the end all be all to relationships. I think its just cliche' to say it now. The irony is, the most passionate, intense sexual relationships were always the ones that ended the fastest. For me anyway. And people who fixate on sex, even with an accommodating partner tend to have an endless void of sexual appetite and are usually prime candidates to cheat. I've seen people give advice that they should end a MARRIAGE because the sex life isn't spicy enough. What the hell is this, an episode of Desperate Housewives? If a steady decline of sex is grounds to leave someone then let me give you all a piece of advice ... don't get married. LOLPeople naturally become more comfortable and complacent with one another over time. People in strong relationships built on trust, respect and compassion can fulfill each other in other ways and may not feel the need to be sexual deviants in a compensatory role. I keep hearing these anecdotes about how so and so is a lonely housewife who cheats because her beer bellied husband doesn't satisfy her sexually. That's total crap. She cheats because she's feeling insecure, looking for attention and affirmation. Banging the pool boy gives her the confidence and compliments she needs. However, if her husband took her out to dinner 3 times a week, ate ice cream and watched the Dancing With The Stars finale and sent flowers to her work every now and then I bet she doesn't cheat. I see sex too often referred to as a relationship pillar but its more a byproduct of strong foundation. Communication, respect, appreciation ... will lead to great sex, not the other way around. When was the last time you heard of a great, long lasting and successful marriage built solely on sex?
It a tough spot for sure....some days we both really love each other. I am in the middle of all the things said here. As much as I want to walk away
I find it hard. I love her and some days (like today) I feel extremely close to her and in love. I want to tell her I love her but I hold back because
tomorrow I may feel differently about the relationship. Lately, half the time I want to put my foot down and walk, half the time Im so in love with someone
who I have nothing in common with and who doesn't seem to want to take a risk with me. We just love being with each other and I feel her love and compassion for me in so many way's. I don't want to be the sucker here though.
Don't sweat the "nothing in common" thing. I dated a girl in college that everyone said was the female version of me which in and of itself should have been enough to scare me a way. Guess what, she was and guess what, worst relationship of my life. We fought all the time and towards the end I think we were trying to see who can cheat the most. Guys think they want a chick who drinks beer and watches football but at the end of the day I'd rather do that shit with my guy friends I like my women soft and sensual, not trying to see my wife funnel a beer, scratch her ass and fart on my leg just to be a jerk.You may not create new Love Advice Forum threadsYou may not post repliesYou may not post attachmentsYou may not edit your postsForum RulesI played 2 sports in college, sing like a dying cat and have never even held an instrument in my life. I like greasy processed food, stay up light, drink like a boozehound (on the weekends anyway. My wife hates sports, was in choir and plays every damn instrument on the planet, is a vegetarian, definitely a morning person and doesn't drink. sound incompatible, right? We never fight, do everything together and have a healthy, happy 6 year marriage (we've been dating for 12 years). I think the fact that we have nothing topical in common kept us interested longer, we had way more stuff to talk about.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
My girlfriend is going crazy with her religion. So confused and hurt. Help?
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We've been dating for 2 years. We both just graduated from college. A couple of months ago, my girlfriend moved in with new roommates who are very religious and I think it's affecting our relationship. We both grew up as Christians and we didn't have these problems before. All of a sudden I think she became a completely different person. Here are some examples,1. One day, she wore a very nice dress to church. I complimented her and said "you look beautiful and sexy!" Then right before our dinner date, she decides to change to a T-shirt and baggy jeans because she needs to be modest and she shouldn't look "sexy" in her boyfriends eyes. I regretted complimenting her about her looks (and now she is going to donate that super cute dress to Goodwill to "save" her boyfriend from sexual immorality).
2. One night she was feeling tired and it was getting late. It was also stormy outside. So I offered she could stay in my apartment for the night. She storms out saying she won't be sleeping over because we are not married yet. I was just worried about her. What I don't understand is the following though: The next day, her bible study group leader says that he needed help cleaning the house. She volunteers to help him and stay over night at his apartment. I confronted her about the double standard, and to be honest, I wasn't comfortable with her sleeping over at some other guy's house doing his household chores. When I told her about this, she said that I am such a hypocrite and our relationship is not healthy because it is based on my physical attraction to her and that all I want to do is bang her when she sleeps over. I felt so betrayed.
3. She only reads the bible, and only listens to Christian music nowadays. I played a Beatles song for her with my harmonica and she freaked out. She told me that she could hear the devil speaking. I tried to watch Harry Potter with her, but she said that she is sanddened by my sinful nature because Harry Potter is about witchcraft (???). I took her to an art museum, she scorned at the artwork there and told me that it's just stupid human art and is a waste of time because all the artwork was not biblical. I told her about a novel that I was readng, and I didn't even ask her to read or anything. She was upset and told me that she didn't like novels because they are lies. She told me that the bible tells us not to lie. When I told her that sometimes we need to think outside of the box, she said that she doesn't like to think outside of the box because thinking outside of the box can be a temptation for sin. I felt like she is from a different planet.
4.She wouldn't eat shellfish because the bible tells her not to. She doesn't eat pork because the bible tells her not to. There are so many things that she won't eat and I am truly worried for her health. I knew that she was a picky eater, but it was never because of these religious reasons. I was worried, so I cooked for her one night with some other stuff that she might like (and I even checked online for what things are allowed according to the bible), but she refused to eat my food because according to her, a man should not cook for a woman. I told her that cooking is not a problem for me and it doesn't make me feel unmanly or anything, but she argued that the world is not about me but Jesus, and even if cooking would make me happy, it would not make Jesus happy. I started hating Jesus for the first time.
5. Once I introduced her to my friends. Some of them were not Christians obviously and there was a girl who was lesbian. She wouldn't even talk to my lesbian friend and she told me to stay away from her because I might get the "gay" disease from her. I told her that that's not how it works, then she got upset and started questioning my sexuality. Furthermore, when we were talking about different cultures, she openly claimed that buddhist religion was the stupidest religion ever. It embarrassed me. I told her that it's not appropriate to call someone's religion stupid, then she said she knows the truth and it's not forbidden by the bible to tell the truth. I stopped arguing and took her home.
6. Since she kept rejecting me both physically and emotionally, I told her that we are never going to be close enough for marriage if we wait till marriage for any hint of intimacy (because she wouldn't even hug me anymore, only side hugs are allowed. She wouldn't even be in the same room by ourselves if the door is closed - so we have no privacy except when we are in my car), but then she cries and tells me that I am being forceful with her - that she feels like our relationship is all about physical intimacy. I couldn't understand. I mean it's not like we are having sex or anything. We've been dating for 2 years, and now all of a sudden we should start acting like teenagers at a Christian camp?
7. When I ask her about what is her plan now that she has graduated from college, she always replies that all she wants to do is to follow Jesus. When I tell her that it's very vague, and that she needs a job, she gets upset because supposedly I am questioning her "priorities". So I said, maybe she could become a pastor of some sort, then she got even more upset and told me that since she is a women, she can't be a pastor and the fact that I even think about it just shows how sinful I am. I was very hurt by her statements and I didn't feel appreciated.
8. She talks about me to her roommates and they absolutely hate me. They think I am a bad influence on my girlfriend because I am not a "true" Christian. The only reason they say these things is because I have friends who are gay and lesbian, and because I have friends who are not Christians, and I study science. I think of myself as a loving and a caring person in general, at least I try to, I try to understand things that I don't understand, and unlike my girlfriend herself I have a plan for the future, I am attending a top grad school in engineering, I have never broken a law, and I actually tried going to the church that they go to despite the fact that I didn't feel very comfortable there because I felt like that place was more like a Republican convention rather than a church. But I tried. I tried to understand their points of views. I tried to listen. Well, while her friends were chewing me away with their presumptuous accusations, my girlfriend never defended me. In fact, she agreed with them for the most part. She even adds more to it and tells her friends to pray for me over my head - because supposedly I need to wake up from my sinful lifestyle.
But now I feel like enough is enough. It's so sad how her sudden religious awakening has ruined our relationship - I just wish that she would someday realize that there are things, relationships, and just simply being human, that needs to be appreciated and valued besides her religious dogma.
Last edited by MikieMike; 08-13-2012 at 11:31 AM.
WHOA.Nothing is wrong with having personal beliefs (as long as they don't harm others), but now she is hurting you emotionally. It seems to me you two need to go your separate ways. You need to find a "more laid-back Christian" for wont of a better term, and she needs to...not socialize with anyone EVER. Or else find a guy who's just as loony as she is.
I don't mean to criticize your girlfriend, but from what you posted, it sounds like she's gone back to the Medieval age of religion, back when people were killed for blasphemy. I applaud your effort, sir, but I think it's time to hang it up with this young lady.
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I respect your girlfriends desire to be a decent Christian. However, she's taking some of of what the Bible says to the extreme. As far as your relationship with your girlfriend... well, I wish your the best. I don't think you're going to meet her standards anymore - or anyone else for that matter. Maybe you can still talk to her and tell her how you feel about the ways things are turning out.
Unfortunately religious differences can destroy relationships. She sounds pretty extreme and I don't know if it is possible to change that. You could try and point out all the parts of the bible that contradict itself and that have been proven false or at least extremely unlikely but she is will just label you as being deceived. She has made it clear that she doesn't want to think for herself. I think herestolove is probably right and you are going to be happier without her
Its not a bad thing if your girlfriend is crazy about her religion. But if the religion fever is going over the limit as it seems in your case, you should try out an astrologer to know about the problem as everything is connected to birth and the planet positions while birth. Just check out with an astrologer and you will get the best. Its all about
I understand being a believer. I grew up Christian (my dad is a preacher). But we seemed to have learned the difference of degrees. Sadly it seems that she is seeing things in absolute. You compliment her and she flies off the handle with you and says you are lusting after her. And hearing the "devil" in the music is ridiculous. Sadly this extreme nature and criticism will turn away the very people they supposedly want to save. Yelling and preaching at people won't cut it. Being understanding and relating how religion can help them deal with life issues instead of turning to drugs or depression works. But screaming about fire and brimstone is a no go. I am not sure how this can turn out since she is so rigid.
Its not a bad thing if your girlfriend is crazy about her religion. But if the religion fever is going over the limit as it seems in your case, you should try out an astrologer to know about the problem as everything is connected to birth and the planet positions while birth. Just check out with an astrologer and you will get the best. Its all about
My friends call me "The Love Guru" (but nothing like Mike Myers!).If you're looking for dating tips, I've got some awesome recommendations!
Online Daters
"Real Life" Dating for Men
"Real Life" Dating for WomenFor everything else, I'm just gonna give you my personal opinion, and you'll just have to like it!
See and astrologer? I have my doubts an astrologer will help at all.
Honestly, it sounds like this is a lot more than a religious awakening. The extremes you're talking about do not sound normal to me. With this being a new thing, after almost 2 years as a couple, I would bet there is a lot more going on here in this girl's head. Have you discussed this new behavior with her family at all?
Thanks all for the replies and supportive words. I doubt if other religious leader such as an astrologer(?) will be helpful... and I don't know if I will be truly happier without her. Right now it's really hard to imagine my life without her, I suppose I will survive, but I don't want to give up as of yet.You may not create new Love Advice Forum threadsYou may not post repliesYou may not post attachmentsYou may not edit your postsForum RulesAs for her parents, they are very strong about their religion (conservative Presbyterian) as well but not as extreme as her right now. When she made overly religious remarks before (but that was before she started being super extreme, so I guess she had the tendency even back then) her dad has said something like "you are making excuses with Jesus' name, that's not good", but they generally seemed to think that one cannot be too religious because religion is a good thing. I haven't talked to them in a while, but last time we had a fight they told their daughter to read more bible because they believe that if each of us reads more of the bible, that will eventually resolve our relationship issues.
I don't know if it's a mental issue, yeah I thought about that as well. But it all coincided with her graduation and her super religious new roommates, so I don't know. I can't imagine the entire group of people who happen to live together having mental issues at the same time with the same symptoms. I know that she has ADHD and one of her roommates has ADHD as well, but I am not sure if that has anything to do with her sudden religious awakening. I wish I was friends with her roommates as well, but I feel like I am not allowed to be in her house anymore.
I took her to the doctor's office for the general check-ups, and physically, she is fine although she told me that she refused to get her breasts and private parts tested for religious reasons. I wish that the general check-ups also included mental health issues, but I was comforted by the fact that the doctors didn't notice anything weird about her mental health. Yesterday, I gave her a book about love that was written by a pastor that she likes a lot but were not directly related to Christianity (five love languages, anyone heard of it?), and she seemed to be accepting my suggestion. I also asked her to start writing a journal for herself without relating everything to Jesus or God. She was upset, but I cried in front of her (yes I really cried) because I was so sad and tired, and she actually seemed like she cared for me when she saw me crying and she said she was "sorry" and that she would start writing "secular" journals about her life if I get her a notebook with bible quotes on the pages. Well, I am actually encouraged and I think it's a good start.
We are going to visit her parents this weekend, and I hope everything will go smoothly. She hasn't seen her parents in a while (ever since her graduation), and maybe seeing her parents will bring her back the old memories of being happy and...well, not being so extreme about everything.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Should a Girlfriend Ever Propose?
Ben decided to go to Philly this weekend, and I’m secretly sort of happy about it.
Don’t get me wrong. I would love to have him at my brother’s house with me. He gets along great with LB and Danielle, and Emma is as enchanted by him as the rest of the female species is. But I kind of need a break.
Things still aren’t back to pre-New Zealand normality. They’re getting better, slowly, but everything still feels somehow more loaded than it did before. If one of us is annoyed with the other, we overreact and take it personally. I know where my heightened emotions are coming from, but I don’t know if Ben’s are a reaction to mine, or if there’s something else going on with him. All I know is, every crack right now feels like a chasm. And I haven’t brought it up, because if I do, we’ll have to confront the big, sparkly, princess-cut elephant in the room, and—as I'm sure you all have picked up on—I really don’t want to do that.
I need a new approach, I know that. Because the longer Ben goes without proposing, the more I’m going to think he's changed his mind, and the harder it’s going to be for me to feel and act like myself. The flip side, of course, is that Ben’s not going to propose while things are so “off” between us. Here are the solutions I’ve considered so far:
Come clean: I see this as my last resort, and I’m not there yet.
Consult Ursula: This is only a good idea if Ben still wants to marry me. If he doesn’t, it puts her in a terrible place.
Propose to him: This was suggested by Jenna. There are worse ideas, but with potentially emasculating Ben and the potential for rejection, just… no.
Pretend that everything is OK while waiting it out: That’s what I’ve been doing. It’s not going well.
Initiate a conversation about our future: Tried and failed super-badly.
Go all Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and have my memory erased: Great idea, except for that whole movies-not-being-reality thing.
I should probably use my weekend away from Ben to give this some more thought, but I don’t want to. It’s all very emotionally draining, and the idea of just escaping it for a few days is an appealing one. I can bask in the adorableness of my niece, stay up late sharing comfortable silences with my brother, and get to know the people that are a part of his and Danielle’s life. That sounds so much better than spending the weekend agonizing over whether Ben and I are going to destroy our relationship before we manage to work anything out.
Posted at: 9:11 PM
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Should a Girlfriend Ever Propose?
Ben decided to go to Philly this weekend, and I’m secretly sort of happy about it.
Don’t get me wrong. I would love to have him at my brother’s house with me. He gets along great with LB and Danielle, and Emma is as enchanted by him as the rest of the female species is. But I kind of need a break.
Things still aren’t back to pre-New Zealand normality. They’re getting better, slowly, but everything still feels somehow more loaded than it did before. If one of us is annoyed with the other, we overreact and take it personally. I know where my heightened emotions are coming from, but I don’t know if Ben’s are a reaction to mine, or if there’s something else going on with him. All I know is, every crack right now feels like a chasm. And I haven’t brought it up, because if I do, we’ll have to confront the big, sparkly, princess-cut elephant in the room, and—as I'm sure you all have picked up on—I really don’t want to do that.
I need a new approach, I know that. Because the longer Ben goes without proposing, the more I’m going to think he's changed his mind, and the harder it’s going to be for me to feel and act like myself. The flip side, of course, is that Ben’s not going to propose while things are so “off” between us. Here are the solutions I’ve considered so far:
Come clean: I see this as my last resort, and I’m not there yet.
Consult Ursula: This is only a good idea if Ben still wants to marry me. If he doesn’t, it puts her in a terrible place.
Propose to him: This was suggested by Jenna. There are worse ideas, but with potentially emasculating Ben and the potential for rejection, just… no.
Pretend that everything is OK while waiting it out: That’s what I’ve been doing. It’s not going well.
Initiate a conversation about our future: Tried and failed super-badly.
Go all Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and have my memory erased: Great idea, except for that whole movies-not-being-reality thing.
I should probably use my weekend away from Ben to give this some more thought, but I don’t want to. It’s all very emotionally draining, and the idea of just escaping it for a few days is an appealing one. I can bask in the adorableness of my niece, stay up late sharing comfortable silences with my brother, and get to know the people that are a part of his and Danielle’s life. That sounds so much better than spending the weekend agonizing over whether Ben and I are going to destroy our relationship before we manage to work anything out.
Posted at: 9:11 PM
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