cute supervisor at work, but we're going our separate ways soon

this past year I've worked at my undergrad's library, so I'm 21/22.
my supervisor is 35 but is classically beautiful, acts cute, and is hot. She had a boyfriend 2 years ago for a year. she doesn't go to bars and admits that at this stage in her life she's not going to meet many new people.

anyway at work, where all my coworkers use the shift to do their schoolwork, I use that time to talk to her for 1.5 to 2 hours at a time. we talk about all sorts of things, and I always try to make her laugh. like I said, she's 35 and while very mature and responsible, she acts all cute when she laughs, giggles, and hums.

after I graduate, I'm going into some other program that she recognizes as very prestigious with a $150,000 salary on the other end. it's in a city far away. she's buying (that is, to own) a condo locally and will be local for quite a while.

I'm not nerdy but I'm kind of awkward and I've never had a girlfriend. She might be able to tell that I think she's cute. At first I thought that's all it was but I realize she's the most interaction I've had with a woman ever, and I started to think about her all the time. She said she went to prom with someone nerdy and describes herself as geeky, even though she could be a model if she wanted to (curvy, great face).

I haven't made a move on her because we work together so that'd be weird. Plus I'm pretty sure she's not allowed to date students while they're students.

I'd like to keep in touch with her and invite her to my new city sometimes. How do you suggest I do that?

On another note, my undergrad is a desert socially. Now that I'm 21, how should I meet girls? online, in bars?

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Going on second date with a Girl I really like but there is a problem...

Hi guys and gals,

I'm new to this site and joined purely because I have a problem that is really bugging me and making me feel very bad and down about myself.

Basically I met this wonderful girl who I really like online and we met up last week for a first date and got on amazingly. She was really pretty and had an amazing personality! I couldn't believe my luck. Anyways we have since arranged to meet this week for a second date for dinner and I am (or at least was) really looking forward to it.

Here is the problem, the other night I went out with my friends to a bar and ended up kissing a different girl. Nothing happened other then kissing her and I did not exchange numbers or arrange to meet her again. It was just kissing.

I know I'm not in a committed relationship with this girl I am meeting this week but I feel really guilty about what I've done. I feel as if it does develop into a relationship which I think would be great then this thing I'm worried about will be eating away at the back of my mind.

I have asked friends and they have all said not to worry about it as we are not officially seeing one another but I still can't help but feel bad about it and fear that I may have ruined this great chance to get to know this really amazing girl.

I'd appreciate any advice people have on this issue as it's really getting me down!

Many thanks!

I agree with your friends, you shouldn't worry about it. Kissing the girl happened prior to you making it official with the woman you have met online. If you were already in a relationship with this girl then I could understand why you would feel guilty. But there is no reason for you tell this person because it's currently none of her concern. Since you stated that it is bothersome then you should tell her. I don't know how it would end if you tell her because it's kind of terrible to kiss a girl at a bar when you are trying to pursue someone else. I think you should keep it to yourself if you want a chance with this young lady. If you don't tell her, I promise that you will eventually forget the kiss ever happened.

You aren't in a relationship yet so you don't have to be faithful to each other. I think you should just forget about it and never do anything like this again because it's really unfair to kiss a girl if you are interested in somebody else.

Thank you for your response. Reading it made me smile especially when you say "you will eventually forget the kiss ever happened". I just want to forget about it and move on because I know I really like this girl!

Few things to think about: How do you know this girl isn't going around kissing other guys? Is that the deal breaker for you? If you found out she is more social than you thought and goes on dates, does your interest disappear? You have to consider that girls usually get more attention than guys. If she is such a great girl that gets along with you, don't you think she might get along with other people as well? You did say she has an amazing personality. Were you expecting that you would be her first and ever boyfriend?

My point in all this is that if kissing another girl or finding other women attractive etc... is making you have unreasonable feelings because of this one girl (who you've only been out with for 1 date), you might actually be giving off a needy attitude. If she find out that you have this kind of clingy behavior, how long do you think it will take before she finds a more confident and secure guy that gets her attention. Good luck.

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I feel like my relationship is going down the drain. Someone, please help!

I've been with my boyfriend for two years now. At first, everything was great. Now, not so much.
He was raised by a single mother, who is a very nice and independent woman. I think he grew up in that mindset, that women need to completely take care of themselves. Meaning, he doesn't take me on dates, and told me that if he did, he wouldn't pay because "girls shouldn't expect to be paid for". If he drives me somewhere, he will ask for gas money, which I have never done to him when I drive. Whenever we do something, it is always split 50/50, or I end up paying for him. He makes more than three times the amount of money that I do. He just never has any, because he will spend it to the last nickel within 3 days of getting his check, on random things he doesn't need. Im really not a materialistic person. This wouldn't bother me, if he didn't ask me for money constantly.

Also, he never stands up for me. Especially with his friends. They will make very mean jokes about me, and he just laughs along with them. His reasoning is "they do that to everyone". He also vents to his friends about our personal problems, A LOT. Im going through a tough time in my life right now, and he shares very personal things about me that his friends don't need to be knowing. He sees no problems with this, even though they make jokes about it to me.
However, last Valentines day, my coworkers asked what I had done the year before for Valentines. I mentioned that I did nothing, because my boyfriend doesn't believe it should be a holiday. Literally, all I said. When he heard that, he flipped out and said I was making him sound like a horrible boyfriend, and I shouldn't be telling other people about his business. Hmm.

We get into arguments over tiny things, and then he flips them way out of proportion. Even when I tell him to please stop, because I don't want to fight. His response the last time that happened was "Of course, so you're right, and I have to f*cking bow to you?". He will never apologize unless I do first, and this is after hours of him ignoring me, because he needs to "calm himself down". We only fight when I'm PMS'ing, which is "just an excuse", according to him. He is very insensitive when we are having an argument. He has made me cry before, told me to shut up, and then left the room and played video games for the rest of the night.

He had been talking to his ex girlfriend a few months ago, and didn't say anything about it to me. When I confronted him about it, he said that its none of my f*cking business who he talks to, because he's "allowed to have his own damn life".

We don't have sex often, and when we do, Im always the one who initiates it. He has turned me down multiple times, usually because he had planned to hang out with his friends that night. Once, it was because he was playing video games, and "had to finish what he was doing first". When it does happen, it is always a race to the finish line. He says he can't slow down, because he won't last as long. He never kisses me or anything during sex, just goes at it until he's done.

I don't know what to do anymore. He is moving out of my house soon, which will hopefully ease some of the tension. Im just at the point where I feel like I might not be in love with him anymore. I definitely love him, he is my best friend. I just can't handle his immaturity sometimes. This is his first serious relationship, none of the others lasted more than 4-5 months. Im not sure if its something Im doing wrong, or if he's just not very experienced in relationships.

Any advice is greatly appreciated!

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My girlfriend is going crazy with her religion. So confused and hurt. Help?

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We've been dating for 2 years. We both just graduated from college. A couple of months ago, my girlfriend moved in with new roommates who are very religious and I think it's affecting our relationship. We both grew up as Christians and we didn't have these problems before. All of a sudden I think she became a completely different person. Here are some examples,

1. One day, she wore a very nice dress to church. I complimented her and said "you look beautiful and sexy!" Then right before our dinner date, she decides to change to a T-shirt and baggy jeans because she needs to be modest and she shouldn't look "sexy" in her boyfriends eyes. I regretted complimenting her about her looks (and now she is going to donate that super cute dress to Goodwill to "save" her boyfriend from sexual immorality).

2. One night she was feeling tired and it was getting late. It was also stormy outside. So I offered she could stay in my apartment for the night. She storms out saying she won't be sleeping over because we are not married yet. I was just worried about her. What I don't understand is the following though: The next day, her bible study group leader says that he needed help cleaning the house. She volunteers to help him and stay over night at his apartment. I confronted her about the double standard, and to be honest, I wasn't comfortable with her sleeping over at some other guy's house doing his household chores. When I told her about this, she said that I am such a hypocrite and our relationship is not healthy because it is based on my physical attraction to her and that all I want to do is bang her when she sleeps over. I felt so betrayed.

3. She only reads the bible, and only listens to Christian music nowadays. I played a Beatles song for her with my harmonica and she freaked out. She told me that she could hear the devil speaking. I tried to watch Harry Potter with her, but she said that she is sanddened by my sinful nature because Harry Potter is about witchcraft (???). I took her to an art museum, she scorned at the artwork there and told me that it's just stupid human art and is a waste of time because all the artwork was not biblical. I told her about a novel that I was readng, and I didn't even ask her to read or anything. She was upset and told me that she didn't like novels because they are lies. She told me that the bible tells us not to lie. When I told her that sometimes we need to think outside of the box, she said that she doesn't like to think outside of the box because thinking outside of the box can be a temptation for sin. I felt like she is from a different planet.

4.She wouldn't eat shellfish because the bible tells her not to. She doesn't eat pork because the bible tells her not to. There are so many things that she won't eat and I am truly worried for her health. I knew that she was a picky eater, but it was never because of these religious reasons. I was worried, so I cooked for her one night with some other stuff that she might like (and I even checked online for what things are allowed according to the bible), but she refused to eat my food because according to her, a man should not cook for a woman. I told her that cooking is not a problem for me and it doesn't make me feel unmanly or anything, but she argued that the world is not about me but Jesus, and even if cooking would make me happy, it would not make Jesus happy. I started hating Jesus for the first time.

5. Once I introduced her to my friends. Some of them were not Christians obviously and there was a girl who was lesbian. She wouldn't even talk to my lesbian friend and she told me to stay away from her because I might get the "gay" disease from her. I told her that that's not how it works, then she got upset and started questioning my sexuality. Furthermore, when we were talking about different cultures, she openly claimed that buddhist religion was the stupidest religion ever. It embarrassed me. I told her that it's not appropriate to call someone's religion stupid, then she said she knows the truth and it's not forbidden by the bible to tell the truth. I stopped arguing and took her home.

6. Since she kept rejecting me both physically and emotionally, I told her that we are never going to be close enough for marriage if we wait till marriage for any hint of intimacy (because she wouldn't even hug me anymore, only side hugs are allowed. She wouldn't even be in the same room by ourselves if the door is closed - so we have no privacy except when we are in my car), but then she cries and tells me that I am being forceful with her - that she feels like our relationship is all about physical intimacy. I couldn't understand. I mean it's not like we are having sex or anything. We've been dating for 2 years, and now all of a sudden we should start acting like teenagers at a Christian camp?

7. When I ask her about what is her plan now that she has graduated from college, she always replies that all she wants to do is to follow Jesus. When I tell her that it's very vague, and that she needs a job, she gets upset because supposedly I am questioning her "priorities". So I said, maybe she could become a pastor of some sort, then she got even more upset and told me that since she is a women, she can't be a pastor and the fact that I even think about it just shows how sinful I am. I was very hurt by her statements and I didn't feel appreciated.

8. She talks about me to her roommates and they absolutely hate me. They think I am a bad influence on my girlfriend because I am not a "true" Christian. The only reason they say these things is because I have friends who are gay and lesbian, and because I have friends who are not Christians, and I study science. I think of myself as a loving and a caring person in general, at least I try to, I try to understand things that I don't understand, and unlike my girlfriend herself I have a plan for the future, I am attending a top grad school in engineering, I have never broken a law, and I actually tried going to the church that they go to despite the fact that I didn't feel very comfortable there because I felt like that place was more like a Republican convention rather than a church. But I tried. I tried to understand their points of views. I tried to listen. Well, while her friends were chewing me away with their presumptuous accusations, my girlfriend never defended me. In fact, she agreed with them for the most part. She even adds more to it and tells her friends to pray for me over my head - because supposedly I need to wake up from my sinful lifestyle.

But now I feel like enough is enough. It's so sad how her sudden religious awakening has ruined our relationship - I just wish that she would someday realize that there are things, relationships, and just simply being human, that needs to be appreciated and valued besides her religious dogma.

Last edited by MikieMike; 08-13-2012 at 11:31 AM.

WHOA.

Nothing is wrong with having personal beliefs (as long as they don't harm others), but now she is hurting you emotionally. It seems to me you two need to go your separate ways. You need to find a "more laid-back Christian" for wont of a better term, and she needs to...not socialize with anyone EVER. Or else find a guy who's just as loony as she is.

I don't mean to criticize your girlfriend, but from what you posted, it sounds like she's gone back to the Medieval age of religion, back when people were killed for blasphemy. I applaud your effort, sir, but I think it's time to hang it up with this young lady.

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For everything else, I'm just gonna give you my personal opinion, and you'll just have to like it! Just kidding, but I'll do my best.

I respect your girlfriends desire to be a decent Christian. However, she's taking some of of what the Bible says to the extreme. As far as your relationship with your girlfriend... well, I wish your the best. I don't think you're going to meet her standards anymore - or anyone else for that matter. Maybe you can still talk to her and tell her how you feel about the ways things are turning out.

Unfortunately religious differences can destroy relationships. She sounds pretty extreme and I don't know if it is possible to change that. You could try and point out all the parts of the bible that contradict itself and that have been proven false or at least extremely unlikely but she is will just label you as being deceived. She has made it clear that she doesn't want to think for herself. I think herestolove is probably right and you are going to be happier without her

Its not a bad thing if your girlfriend is crazy about her religion. But if the religion fever is going over the limit as it seems in your case, you should try out an astrologer to know about the problem as everything is connected to birth and the planet positions while birth. Just check out with an astrologer and you will get the best. Its all about

I understand being a believer. I grew up Christian (my dad is a preacher). But we seemed to have learned the difference of degrees. Sadly it seems that she is seeing things in absolute. You compliment her and she flies off the handle with you and says you are lusting after her. And hearing the "devil" in the music is ridiculous. Sadly this extreme nature and criticism will turn away the very people they supposedly want to save. Yelling and preaching at people won't cut it. Being understanding and relating how religion can help them deal with life issues instead of turning to drugs or depression works. But screaming about fire and brimstone is a no go. I am not sure how this can turn out since she is so rigid.

Its not a bad thing if your girlfriend is crazy about her religion. But if the religion fever is going over the limit as it seems in your case, you should try out an astrologer to know about the problem as everything is connected to birth and the planet positions while birth. Just check out with an astrologer and you will get the best. Its all about Where does an astrologer play into this at all?

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For everything else, I'm just gonna give you my personal opinion, and you'll just have to like it! Just kidding, but I'll do my best.

See and astrologer? I have my doubts an astrologer will help at all.

Honestly, it sounds like this is a lot more than a religious awakening. The extremes you're talking about do not sound normal to me. With this being a new thing, after almost 2 years as a couple, I would bet there is a lot more going on here in this girl's head. Have you discussed this new behavior with her family at all?

Thanks all for the replies and supportive words. I doubt if other religious leader such as an astrologer(?) will be helpful... and I don't know if I will be truly happier without her. Right now it's really hard to imagine my life without her, I suppose I will survive, but I don't want to give up as of yet.

As for her parents, they are very strong about their religion (conservative Presbyterian) as well but not as extreme as her right now. When she made overly religious remarks before (but that was before she started being super extreme, so I guess she had the tendency even back then) her dad has said something like "you are making excuses with Jesus' name, that's not good", but they generally seemed to think that one cannot be too religious because religion is a good thing. I haven't talked to them in a while, but last time we had a fight they told their daughter to read more bible because they believe that if each of us reads more of the bible, that will eventually resolve our relationship issues.

I don't know if it's a mental issue, yeah I thought about that as well. But it all coincided with her graduation and her super religious new roommates, so I don't know. I can't imagine the entire group of people who happen to live together having mental issues at the same time with the same symptoms. I know that she has ADHD and one of her roommates has ADHD as well, but I am not sure if that has anything to do with her sudden religious awakening. I wish I was friends with her roommates as well, but I feel like I am not allowed to be in her house anymore.

I took her to the doctor's office for the general check-ups, and physically, she is fine although she told me that she refused to get her breasts and private parts tested for religious reasons. I wish that the general check-ups also included mental health issues, but I was comforted by the fact that the doctors didn't notice anything weird about her mental health. Yesterday, I gave her a book about love that was written by a pastor that she likes a lot but were not directly related to Christianity (five love languages, anyone heard of it?), and she seemed to be accepting my suggestion. I also asked her to start writing a journal for herself without relating everything to Jesus or God. She was upset, but I cried in front of her (yes I really cried) because I was so sad and tired, and she actually seemed like she cared for me when she saw me crying and she said she was "sorry" and that she would start writing "secular" journals about her life if I get her a notebook with bible quotes on the pages. Well, I am actually encouraged and I think it's a good start.

We are going to visit her parents this weekend, and I hope everything will go smoothly. She hasn't seen her parents in a while (ever since her graduation), and maybe seeing her parents will bring her back the old memories of being happy and...well, not being so extreme about everything.

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Going Back Home

Last night, I trekked over to my old neighborhood to have dinner at Luke and Marni’s, which I followed up with an impromptu visit to Brad and Dena.

Over dinner—jerk chicken stew, a Luke specialty—the subject of Mike came up. Or rather, Marni brought it up.

“Has Mike mentioned you being engaged yet?” she’d asked. I looked at her like, Do we have to do this in front of Luke, his best friend? But she either didn’t get it, or chose to ignore it (probably the latter).

“Why would he do that, Marni?” Luke asked. “She’s his ex-girlfriend.”

“Um, because they’re on friendly terms, and he’s a grown-up? I’m going to mention it next time I see him.”

“No,” Luke and I said in unison, but Marni was not deterred.

After we finished eating and chatting, I walked over to my old apartment. Dena let me in.

“Wow,” I said, looking around. “It’s a lot different.”

Dena had clearly wanted to make the place her own. She’d replaced my kitchen clock. And my curtains. And hung art everywhere. And tossed a hand-knit throw over the couch. And covered the fridge with magnets from her travels.

“When we were redecorating, I took down a lot of your stuff. Do you want any of it?”

I hadn’t taken anything that Ben already had with me, but suddenly, I very much wanted what I’d left behind. All the quirky little things that had made this place mine, that I’d given up.

“I think I do,” I said. “I’ll go through it before I leave.”

Brad poured us some wine, and we sat around, chatting. Around 10:00, I looked through my stuff, and decided I wanted all of it. It was too much to carry all the way home, so I called a car service.

“What’s all this?” Ben asked, jumping up to help me as I struggled to get into the apartment with a giant cardboard box.

“Stuff from the old apartment,” I said, breathing heavily. “House decorations and stuff.”

“Good!” he said, taking the box out of my hand and setting it down on the dining room table.

“Good?”

“Yes, good. This apartment needs a little more K. in it.”

“I’m right here,” I said with a smile.

“You know what I mean,” he said. “I want this place to feel like yours. And look like yours. I want you to feel at home.”

I put my arms around his waist, and leaned my head on his chest.

“Have I told you lately that I love you?” I asked.

“No.”

“Liar.”

“Feel free to say it again.”

“I love you. You are the best fiancé in the world.”

“Ditto.”

Posted at 11:16 PM

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Going Back Home

Last night, I trekked over to my old neighborhood to have dinner at Luke and Marni’s, which I followed up with an impromptu visit to Brad and Dena.

Over dinner—jerk chicken stew, a Luke specialty—the subject of Mike came up. Or rather, Marni brought it up.

“Has Mike mentioned you being engaged yet?” she’d asked. I looked at her like, Do we have to do this in front of Luke, his best friend? But she either didn’t get it, or chose to ignore it (probably the latter).

“Why would he do that, Marni?” Luke asked. “She’s his ex-girlfriend.”

“Um, because they’re on friendly terms, and he’s a grown-up? I’m going to mention it next time I see him.”

“No,” Luke and I said in unison, but Marni was not deterred.

After we finished eating and chatting, I walked over to my old apartment. Dena let me in.

“Wow,” I said, looking around. “It’s a lot different.”

Dena had clearly wanted to make the place her own. She’d replaced my kitchen clock. And my curtains. And hung art everywhere. And tossed a hand-knit throw over the couch. And covered the fridge with magnets from her travels.

“When we were redecorating, I took down a lot of your stuff. Do you want any of it?”

I hadn’t taken anything that Ben already had with me, but suddenly, I very much wanted what I’d left behind. All the quirky little things that had made this place mine, that I’d given up.

“I think I do,” I said. “I’ll go through it before I leave.”

Brad poured us some wine, and we sat around, chatting. Around 10:00, I looked through my stuff, and decided I wanted all of it. It was too much to carry all the way home, so I called a car service.

“What’s all this?” Ben asked, jumping up to help me as I struggled to get into the apartment with a giant cardboard box.

“Stuff from the old apartment,” I said, breathing heavily. “House decorations and stuff.”

“Good!” he said, taking the box out of my hand and setting it down on the dining room table.

“Good?”

“Yes, good. This apartment needs a little more K. in it.”

“I’m right here,” I said with a smile.

“You know what I mean,” he said. “I want this place to feel like yours. And look like yours. I want you to feel at home.”

I put my arms around his waist, and leaned my head on his chest.

“Have I told you lately that I love you?” I asked.

“No.”

“Liar.”

“Feel free to say it again.”

“I love you. You are the best fiancé in the world.”

“Ditto.”

Posted at 11:16 PM

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