Hi everyone, new to the forum. My heart is basically in two and I don't know what to do - and so I figured I'd open this question up to the tubes. This is a complicated story, so I apologize in advance for the lack of brevity.I have been seeing a girl for about 6 months and we are implicitly "exclusive" but haven't put a title on anything, and avoid saying things that boyfriends and girlfriends eventually say to eachother (like, for example, I love you). She's nice and attractive and intelligent. We live separately and see eachother about once a week on average, sometimes once every two or three weeks but also sometimes more than once in a week (we are both working and traveling so our schedules are crazy.) To be honest I know she'd make a good girlfriend, and a part of me really wants to ask her out to put a title on it - make it official and take things to the next step. The thought of her with someone else makes me really sad - I do have feelings for her, she's not just a hookup (though truthfully she started that way.) A big part of me would like to be boyfriend/girlfriend with her.
Then there's this other girl. We met over two years ago while I was on a short roadtrip with friends to a nearby neighboring country. We met for just 10 minutes while waiting for a bus, but we hit it off and exchanged emails. I thought she was beautiful and interesting from the moment I met her, but she was dating someone and so I kept things very cordial and we were kind of pen pals for a year, writing about general things but also about eachother and our lives. She broke up with her bf, and then we started texting because we had courses and were bored in them. Then we started talking on the phone and skyping. Then we were talking on the phone for hours, sometimes all night, and we'd skype regularly. We have shared a ton of information and personal things with eachother, and started "sexting" a ton too. I have to confess I have a tremendous crush on this girl. I find her exotic and interesting and amazingly beautiful, and we have a strong connection in some way. She is kinda like my "dream girl." So, over the last year since we've gotten closer and closer I have naturally tried to make plans with her to come visit her, or for her to come visit me, or meet half way, etc. Nothing seems to work out. Sometimes she says its the timing (she has a job) sometimes it's that "she likes me too much to see me" or there have been too many "expectations" or it's all been 'built up too much." Granted, the latter are probably true, but it still doesn't mean we should never meet up or see eachother. I feel like that's what two people who like eachother normally do. She says she is still single - which adds to the confusion. I have told her I don't care if she's gained weight or she snores or something, I just want to see her and spend time with her, which is definitely true.
So back to the local girl. As I go about my day, I think about the foreign girl and what she's doing, what it'd be like to have her with me at that moment, etc. more than I do the local girl. And truthfully, sometimes, though not always, when I'm with the local girl, I am thinking of the foreign girl. It makes me feel awful inside and terribly guilty but I can't help it. I know this isn't healthy mentally or physically.
But I don't know what to do. I have tried emotionally to move on, but it seems like can't seem to move on from this foreign girl until I see her - I need some sort of closure. But she always seems to have an excuse, which drives me crazy. But at the same time she'll be texting me all the time and calls me sometimes and sometimes we still sext. And this is naturally part of the reason I can't get past her, and I realize this - but I enjoy talking with her so much and find her so interesting and attractive that the thought of not talking with her makes me miserable, as does finding a new boyfriend and hence stopping talking to me. I actually have felt physically nauseated and just incredibly miserable when I think of her with another guy.
Advice? Thoughts? Goodness knows I need some. This is not a tenable situation.
I think that people always want what they don't have and what is hard to achieve, especially men are that way. What you think about this foreign girl is probably half of your dreams and half what she really is. But who knows, maybe you'll be happy together? You should find out - insist on the meeting, she is probably just scared. About the local girl - you clearly don't care about her that much, if you're thinking about somebody else when you are with her. Let her go, she deserves to be with somebody who'll really love her.
I'd agree with Claudine - your heart is not in the local relationship, so let that go so that she can find someone who will appreciate her. As to the other girl, it sounds like she's trying to let you down gently, but you're just not buying it. Ask her outright if she really wants to meet, and if the answer is no, accept it and break off contact. She either wants to meet or she doesn't, so find out and go from there.You may not create new Love Advice Forum threadsYou may not post repliesYou may not post attachmentsYou may not edit your postsForum Rules
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