Trying to get to know someone you just met....

Hi, I'm a senior in college who recently had her first relationship and breakup soon after. In the short time I was with the guy, I realized that I really enjoyed being with someone: cuddling, holding hands, and just spending time with a guy. A month or so after the breakup, I introduced myself to this new guy who works at my gym. We talked for a couple minutes about where we were from, majors, where we lived, and so forth but that was it. I've said hi to him a few more times after that, but I really only see him when he's working at the gym, working out at the gym, or in the union eating. I really want to get to know him better if only just for a friend, but hopefully something more. The thing is that I only see him when he's with at least one other person so I need to get him alone I think. I thought about asking him to get coffee or lunch or something the next time I see him but I'm not sure....any suggestions?

Well dear you will need to try harder and I think it is a good idea to actually ask him out for coffee and that will be a great opportunity for both of you to know each other better and hopefully or eventually know ho you both feel about each other, hopefully the feeling you have for him are mutual.

Thank you so much! That helps a lot. So even though we've only spoken a few words, it's not coming on top strong to ask to Hang out? What should I sayyyy? I'm so clueless haha

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Thank you! Great advice. I know I'm probably over thinking it too much hah I tend to do that...but idk I haven't really talked to him since before winter break (like a month) so I feel weird just asking him right off the bat I guess....so complicated.

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Trying to do him a favour, and now totally shut out - so hurt

I'm so hurt and confused about this situation. This guy and I had been having a sort of fling, nothing serious, but we had fun, and we were good friends, or so I thought. We texted three or four times a week, got together whenever we could.

Recently, he needed a little extra cash for a trip he was taking with his band. They were performing at an awards event and it was a pretty big deal. I had some extra work coming my way that I said he could take on if he was interested. He jumped at the opportunity.

The first lot of work I had for him went well. He got it done, and did a great job, although he got them back to me at the last possible minute. The next week I had some more and asked him if he was interested. He was very enthusiastic about doing it again and I sent it along. Communication with him was pretty limited at this time, and I hoped that meant he was getting the work done, and I knew he was also preparing for his event. I happened to run into him a few nights before he went away and he said he hadn't started the work yet, but he was going to get at it that night. I told him there was one more form to be done if he wanted it, and he said yes, definitely.

He texted me the next day with questions about the work, and seemed to be coming along well with it. We chatted for a bit and he told me he should be able to get the last one I sent him done in a couple of days. That was the last I heard from him (a Tuesday). He left town on Thursday.

I texted him on Saturday evening just to say hi, and he apologized for not getting the work back to me. He said he was "bad for being in and out now and then." I said there was no deadline, so it was ok for now. I later realized that he didn't say whether he was actually going to finish the work, so I texted him the next day and told him that if he wasn't going to do it fine, but if he still wanted to finish it there was time. Let me know. I got no reply. I waited a few days and texted him again, just casual and conversational, hoping to draw him into a conversation so I could ask without seeming like a nag. I asked how everything was going so far. No reply.

It was now been nine days since I heard anything from him. I still don't know if he plans to finish the work or if he is just dropping it. He hasn't made any effort to contact me, even though he has been online everyday on FB and other sites. I don't know if I should try one more time to get a response from him, or if I should just write him off.

I'm hurt because I did this as a favour for him, and I took the extra work for him to do. Now, not only is he not getting it done, but he is ignoring me as well. It feels like a slap in the face. I don't know if he is avoiding me because he didn't get the work done, or if he is not doing the work because he wants to avoid me, but neither of those situations seems to fit with his behavior. And I feel like a B**** for not contacting him to say congrats on his success (his band was a huge hit), but after two texts with no response, I feel like he doesn't want to hear from me.

If anyone has any ideas about what might be going on, or how I should handle it, I'd love to hear them.

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Trying to get ex back?

Hi, I'm trying to get my ex girlfriend back and here's the story.

So me and her went out for 4 months until I said something stupid and broke up with her. But later I realized my mistake and asked to be with her again. I guess after that broke up, she felt really hurt and cannot be in a relationship with me anymore. But after giving her hugs and kisses, we got back together and things were going pretty well again. Until I had to move back to my own country and we stopped talking for a while.

I know in the meantime she has gotten another boyfriend but recently broke up with him. Now that I'm back to where she is, I really want to get back with her. Recently, I asked her out a few times and the interaction we well. But I'm sure she only looks at me as a friend right now. I'm wondering if there's anything I can do to get her attracted again? Please give me some advice.

Most females are incredibly affectionate, and it's hard for them to let go of someone they used to care about, so chances are that her feelings are still there. However, you have to treat it like it's an all-new relationship. Woo her as if you two have never dated before. You know when you first start falling for someone, and your entire world revolves around them? You want to do everything for them, and help them in every way possible. You'll open doors for them, carry their bags, all of that types of stuff - start that back up again, if you aren't already doing it. Most ladies love and appreciate a gentleman, and it shows that you're willing to support and help her. Take things slow - if you try to move too fast, she's likely to retreat and you'll have lost your chance. She'll probably be hesitant since the two of you have broken up before.

One more thing. Sometimes, an ex is lost forever. If she doesn't respond to your advances, just let her go and move on. It may hurt, but not all relationships can be re-kindled.

I'm not sure what you can do if her feelings towards you have changed. It's hard to turn back if she sees you as a friend. Her lack of romantic interest might also due to her having other men. Is she still in contact with her ex-boyfriend or any other men?

She moved on. You can't expect a girl will wait for you if you leave her...But she cared about you once so I think there is a chance she'll like you again - just make sure you won't hurt her this time. You should be close, show her you are there for her and you won't leave again.

She told me that she doesn't talk to her ex boyfriend anymore. At least they haven't talk for a long time already. But she does talk to other guys and she told me she views them as friends too. I don't want to scare her away, so I wanna know how frequent should I text her, ask her out.. etc?

Every time you get close to your girlfriend, you up and leave. That would put anyone in a cautious position. I understand how she wants to be just friends. She doesn't want to have her dreams broken again. Unless you can promise her you are there to stay, it may be wise to keep it as just friends.

You shouldn't rush it. She took you back once, after you broke up with her. You moved away, she met and started dating another guy, whom she's no longer dating. You've moved back, she's not seeing the guy anyone, so basically you're back in the picture, just do not try to force her hand. Just be a friend, enjoy the time the two of you spend together. You can do subtle things that she likes, for example, if she likes a certain type of cologne, wear it when the two of you are together (but don't say anything about it); or, if she likes to see you dressed a certain way, wear the clothes she likes seeing you in.. just subtle things like that. Get her a card, as friends, just to say I appreciate your friendship. Little things like that will go a long way.

Thanks guys for all the responds. I'll take things little by little and most importantly I'll focus on school and my own life.

Hi, I'm trying to get my ex girlfriend back and here's the story.

So me and her went out for 4 months until I said something stupid and broke up with her. But later I realized my mistake and asked to be with her again. I guess after that broke up, she felt really hurt and cannot be in a relationship with me anymore. But after giving her hugs and kisses, we got back together and things were going pretty well again. Until I had to move back to my own country and we stopped talking for a while.

I know in the meantime she has gotten another boyfriend but recently broke up with him. Now that I'm back to where she is, I really want to get back with her. Recently, I asked her out a few times and the interaction we well. But I'm sure she only looks at me as a friend right now. I'm wondering if there's anything I can do to get her attracted again? Please give me some advice.

The only advice i could give is just talk to her and let her know you still want to be with her and how you feel don't pressure her or anything cause than she will just pull away and if she isn't ready to get back in realtionship yet than just respect her choice and still be there for her.

How frequent do you think I should text her, ask her out? Also i know I should talk to her in person about telling her that I still have feelings for her.. etc but how should i bring it up? I'm not too experience into dating as she is my second girlfriend.

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Trying to Chill Out

The fight with Ben blew over.

I had discussed the argument with Jenna, and as always, she’d made some good points.

“I don’t think he’s changed his mind, necessarily,” she said. “He might have just been angry and defensive and lashing out.”

“You think?”

“I do. I mean, here he’s asked you to move in with him a couple of times, you always say no, and then you start bitching about how you don’t know where the relationship is going. That has to be confusing for him. And not knowing that you found the ring, it probably seems like you just freaked out for no reason, out of nowhere.”

“So what should I do now?”

“Nothing. Unless you want to admit you found the ring.”

I didn’t want to admit it, of course, so I tried to get my feelings in check instead. I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with Ben. I know that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. The only variable is when we decide to tell each other that, which will happen when the time is right for both of us. Nothing more to freak out about.

That’s easier said than done, of course. I’ve never been good at the “wait and see” approach. So if nothing else, taking a more relaxed view of my future will be a growing experience for me.

I also discussed the issue with Brad. He was less helpful than Jenna.

“You’re so nosey,” he said.

“I’m not nosey! I was looking for the voltage converter!”

“Whatever. So if you and Ben get married, I guess you’ll be moving out.”

“Well, yes. It is customary for married people to live together. You can have Dina move in here.”

“We’re not there yet.”

“Well, neither are me and Ben, so let’s both just chill out.”

“You don’t know how to chill out.”

“I’m working on it.”

So, yeah, Brad and Dina are still together. And they seem quite happy. And I am too. Not just because I won’t have to remember to call Brad Brian anymore. There’s something about being with Dina that’s changing him, somehow. He seems like less of a cartoon person, and more of a real one, with actual feelings that he’s actually showing.

There’s a whole lot of growing up happening at good old Chez Brad and K. Let’s see if the two of us can keep it up.

Posted at 10:09 PM

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Trying to Chill Out

The fight with Ben blew over.

I had discussed the argument with Jenna, and as always, she’d made some good points.

“I don’t think he’s changed his mind, necessarily,” she said. “He might have just been angry and defensive and lashing out.”

“You think?”

“I do. I mean, here he’s asked you to move in with him a couple of times, you always say no, and then you start bitching about how you don’t know where the relationship is going. That has to be confusing for him. And not knowing that you found the ring, it probably seems like you just freaked out for no reason, out of nowhere.”

“So what should I do now?”

“Nothing. Unless you want to admit you found the ring.”

I didn’t want to admit it, of course, so I tried to get my feelings in check instead. I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with Ben. I know that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. The only variable is when we decide to tell each other that, which will happen when the time is right for both of us. Nothing more to freak out about.

That’s easier said than done, of course. I’ve never been good at the “wait and see” approach. So if nothing else, taking a more relaxed view of my future will be a growing experience for me.

I also discussed the issue with Brad. He was less helpful than Jenna.

“You’re so nosey,” he said.

“I’m not nosey! I was looking for the voltage converter!”

“Whatever. So if you and Ben get married, I guess you’ll be moving out.”

“Well, yes. It is customary for married people to live together. You can have Dina move in here.”

“We’re not there yet.”

“Well, neither are me and Ben, so let’s both just chill out.”

“You don’t know how to chill out.”

“I’m working on it.”

So, yeah, Brad and Dina are still together. And they seem quite happy. And I am too. Not just because I won’t have to remember to call Brad Brian anymore. There’s something about being with Dina that’s changing him, somehow. He seems like less of a cartoon person, and more of a real one, with actual feelings that he’s actually showing.

There’s a whole lot of growing up happening at good old Chez Brad and K. Let’s see if the two of us can keep it up.

Posted at 10:09 PM

Find your date here

Trying to Chill Out

The fight with Ben blew over.

I had discussed the argument with Jenna, and as always, she’d made some good points.

“I don’t think he’s changed his mind, necessarily,” she said. “He might have just been angry and defensive and lashing out.”

“You think?”

“I do. I mean, here he’s asked you to move in with him a couple of times, you always say no, and then you start bitching about how you don’t know where the relationship is going. That has to be confusing for him. And not knowing that you found the ring, it probably seems like you just freaked out for no reason, out of nowhere.”

“So what should I do now?”

“Nothing. Unless you want to admit you found the ring.”

I didn’t want to admit it, of course, so I tried to get my feelings in check instead. I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with Ben. I know that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. The only variable is when we decide to tell each other that, which will happen when the time is right for both of us. Nothing more to freak out about.

That’s easier said than done, of course. I’ve never been good at the “wait and see” approach. So if nothing else, taking a more relaxed view of my future will be a growing experience for me.

I also discussed the issue with Brad. He was less helpful than Jenna.

“You’re so nosey,” he said.

“I’m not nosey! I was looking for the voltage converter!”

“Whatever. So if you and Ben get married, I guess you’ll be moving out.”

“Well, yes. It is customary for married people to live together. You can have Dina move in here.”

“We’re not there yet.”

“Well, neither are me and Ben, so let’s both just chill out.”

“You don’t know how to chill out.”

“I’m working on it.”

So, yeah, Brad and Dina are still together. And they seem quite happy. And I am too. Not just because I won’t have to remember to call Brad Brian anymore. There’s something about being with Dina that’s changing him, somehow. He seems like less of a cartoon person, and more of a real one, with actual feelings that he’s actually showing.

There’s a whole lot of growing up happening at good old Chez Brad and K. Let’s see if the two of us can keep it up.

Posted at 10:09 PM

Find your date here

Trying to Chill Out

The fight with Ben blew over.

I had discussed the argument with Jenna, and as always, she’d made some good points.

“I don’t think he’s changed his mind, necessarily,” she said. “He might have just been angry and defensive and lashing out.”

“You think?”

“I do. I mean, here he’s asked you to move in with him a couple of times, you always say no, and then you start bitching about how you don’t know where the relationship is going. That has to be confusing for him. And not knowing that you found the ring, it probably seems like you just freaked out for no reason, out of nowhere.”

“So what should I do now?”

“Nothing. Unless you want to admit you found the ring.”

I didn’t want to admit it, of course, so I tried to get my feelings in check instead. I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with Ben. I know that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. The only variable is when we decide to tell each other that, which will happen when the time is right for both of us. Nothing more to freak out about.

That’s easier said than done, of course. I’ve never been good at the “wait and see” approach. So if nothing else, taking a more relaxed view of my future will be a growing experience for me.

I also discussed the issue with Brad. He was less helpful than Jenna.

“You’re so nosey,” he said.

“I’m not nosey! I was looking for the voltage converter!”

“Whatever. So if you and Ben get married, I guess you’ll be moving out.”

“Well, yes. It is customary for married people to live together. You can have Dina move in here.”

“We’re not there yet.”

“Well, neither are me and Ben, so let’s both just chill out.”

“You don’t know how to chill out.”

“I’m working on it.”

So, yeah, Brad and Dina are still together. And they seem quite happy. And I am too. Not just because I won’t have to remember to call Brad Brian anymore. There’s something about being with Dina that’s changing him, somehow. He seems like less of a cartoon person, and more of a real one, with actual feelings that he’s actually showing.

There’s a whole lot of growing up happening at good old Chez Brad and K. Let’s see if the two of us can keep it up.

Posted at 10:09 PM

Find your date here