Stuck in a problem.

Hi i dont normally come on dating advice sites but im really stuck with a problem. Now i dont no weather its me and im over reacting but i just dont no what to do. I have reacently just met a girl, she is a lovely lady with a top attitude. So last week we met up with are freinds (not on a date she was out i with her friends) and we agreed to go out 2 nights later. She texted me over the weekend asking how i am doing and i replied so i thought that showed that she must be intrested aswell. So the day when we were suppose to be meeting up came i heard nothing from her near enough the full day so i had to go out and meet a friend at a bar, so i texted her and told her and asked her to come for a drink and we will go on the replie i got was no i have work in the morning. So then i texted her again saying i will be back around 5 and we will meet up then if she wants. Now a dont no what happened but the messages on my messanger has somehow rubbed these messages off and there seemed to be a problem when i was messageing her and also ever since that last message i have not heard anything from her. Now what i am asking is should i make contact with her again before the weekend as we will see each other again. Or should i leave it and see what she says at the weekend if i bump into her which i will probely do?

Could anyone give me abit of advice on this i am racking my brains out. I dont whant to sound to needy by pestering her all the time wich i havent up to now.

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Commitment Issues & Men: Are You The Problem?

If all your boyfriends have had commitment issues, consider the common factor. Do you believe all men hate commitment? Discover why that's nothing but a myth.

"Men don't want commitment!"

I've heard this statement for years, and it typically comes from the mouth of a frustrated single woman. Now, if this notion is true, how do you explain all the guys in happily committed relationships?

More from YourTango: Get Out Your Head And Start Living

Meaningless stereotypes like this drive me crazy. In all of my years of experience as a dating expert, the only women I hear talk this kind of nonsense are women that have come from bad relationships. A man has broken their heart, and now she holds some kind of grudge against the entire male population.

Well, I have news for these women. Not all men are the same. You can't say that all men don't want commitment, any more than you can assume all women are marriage-crazy. There are plenty of guys who want to commit. I have thousands of male clients desperate to find a special woman to fall in love with. They want a deep, special connection with someone, and they want to settle down. So not only is the phrase "men don't want commitment" wrong, there are tons of guys who do!

Here's what I've found in my years as a dating coach: The women who talk about guys in this way tend to have the same type of relationship over and over again. They're stuck in a routine of falling for the wrong kind of men, and end up disappointed time and time again. If you consistently choose a type of man who doesn't want to commit, well, you'll never be surprised by one who does.

Life is all about learning from our experiences. If you've had a bad relationship in the past, look at what you learned about yourself from it. Figure out what mistakes (if any) you made, and use those disappointments to get clear on what you really want from a man.

Sure, some men won't commit. When I was in my 20s I wouldn't have dreamed of settling with one woman. I was playing the field and having a great time. The thing is, years later, those experiences helped me discover what sort of woman I wanted to commit to, when I finally felt ready. So, knowing that some guys out there aren't ready — how do you avoid a guy who doesn't want to commit?

When you start dating someone, find out exactly where they are on their dating journey. Have they recently left a relationship and want to have some fun? Are they just playing the field? Or do they want to meet that special someone for life? Once you know the answer, you MUST respect whatever path this person is on. There's no point trying to change a man who tells you he won't commit. You wouldn't want him to try and question your goals, would you? Maybe he'll change in time, but forcing the issue is going to push him away.

Remember, who you date is YOUR responsibility. If you only ever go out with players, you must expect them to hurt you. If you only date quiet, passive men, you're always going to have to be the one who takes the lead.

Successful dating is all about taking responsibility. If you don't like the way your relationships end up, alter the kind of guys you date. Figure out what you want from a man and look for ones with those characteristics.

There's no use blaming the whole of mankind because you've had a bad experience in the past. It makes you look and sound bitter, and trust me ladies, that isn't attractive!

For more dating advice for women CLICK HERE to visit David's website.

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Going on second date with a Girl I really like but there is a problem...

Hi guys and gals,

I'm new to this site and joined purely because I have a problem that is really bugging me and making me feel very bad and down about myself.

Basically I met this wonderful girl who I really like online and we met up last week for a first date and got on amazingly. She was really pretty and had an amazing personality! I couldn't believe my luck. Anyways we have since arranged to meet this week for a second date for dinner and I am (or at least was) really looking forward to it.

Here is the problem, the other night I went out with my friends to a bar and ended up kissing a different girl. Nothing happened other then kissing her and I did not exchange numbers or arrange to meet her again. It was just kissing.

I know I'm not in a committed relationship with this girl I am meeting this week but I feel really guilty about what I've done. I feel as if it does develop into a relationship which I think would be great then this thing I'm worried about will be eating away at the back of my mind.

I have asked friends and they have all said not to worry about it as we are not officially seeing one another but I still can't help but feel bad about it and fear that I may have ruined this great chance to get to know this really amazing girl.

I'd appreciate any advice people have on this issue as it's really getting me down!

Many thanks!

I agree with your friends, you shouldn't worry about it. Kissing the girl happened prior to you making it official with the woman you have met online. If you were already in a relationship with this girl then I could understand why you would feel guilty. But there is no reason for you tell this person because it's currently none of her concern. Since you stated that it is bothersome then you should tell her. I don't know how it would end if you tell her because it's kind of terrible to kiss a girl at a bar when you are trying to pursue someone else. I think you should keep it to yourself if you want a chance with this young lady. If you don't tell her, I promise that you will eventually forget the kiss ever happened.

You aren't in a relationship yet so you don't have to be faithful to each other. I think you should just forget about it and never do anything like this again because it's really unfair to kiss a girl if you are interested in somebody else.

Thank you for your response. Reading it made me smile especially when you say "you will eventually forget the kiss ever happened". I just want to forget about it and move on because I know I really like this girl!

Few things to think about: How do you know this girl isn't going around kissing other guys? Is that the deal breaker for you? If you found out she is more social than you thought and goes on dates, does your interest disappear? You have to consider that girls usually get more attention than guys. If she is such a great girl that gets along with you, don't you think she might get along with other people as well? You did say she has an amazing personality. Were you expecting that you would be her first and ever boyfriend?

My point in all this is that if kissing another girl or finding other women attractive etc... is making you have unreasonable feelings because of this one girl (who you've only been out with for 1 date), you might actually be giving off a needy attitude. If she find out that you have this kind of clingy behavior, how long do you think it will take before she finds a more confident and secure guy that gets her attention. Good luck.

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jealousy problem

So... I've been with this guy for 10 months now. He's absolutely amazing on every single level, everything i've been asking for. Our relationship has also been going great so far.
He's really really smart as well, and before meeting him i always told myself how i want someone who is as intelligent and hard working as he is. But now it became sort of a problem for me, and please don't judge, i really need some advice with that issue.

Like i said, he's super smart, he was always the best student in high school/college, A+ grades, hardworking, very serious and determined etc.. Now he's got a really great career going for him and very high paying job.
Now i've also felt sort of inferior to him. I know it's stupid, but i've been dealing with a lot in my life, and even though i have my strengths, i know i'll never compare to him. I was never THE best student in high school, i was always getting average grades, even now in college. I've even failed a few exams since i've met him and i was really ashamed to tell him about it because he'd probably think i'm stupid or a failure and what not.

I know that even when i get out of college i'll never be able to get a good job with my degree or be half as successful as he is.
He's seriously ALWAYS good at what he does, and i was never like that in my life. ever. I've always been that average person, no matter how hard i try. And i try hard, it's not like i'm slacking off or anything like that.

We had a talk once where i told him how i was feeling comparing to him. And he assured me he doesn't feel that way about me, and that it's all in my head, and he's very proud of me, and he thinks i'm super intelligent and even smarter than him in many areas and i shouldnt worry about it.

Not long ago he told me how his boss called him for a talk and told him he's probably the best worker in this team, and how he wants him to be responsible and manage projects, and how he exceeded his expectations, and even got a raise (and he was the only one in the entire company), and a huge bonus, a promotion, and things like that...
And i was so happy for him, i swear, because i know he's hard working and very dedicated to his job. But... i'm not going to lie - i did feel a bit jealous afterwards. Like i said, i was never excelling at anything i did in life, and he's so young, and already making so much money and has such a high position in his company while i'm still struggling with somewhat ****** grades in college.

I seriously can't shake it off now, i feel like i'll always feel inferior to him and that he could so much better than me. I know it's all in my head and i obviously have some insecurity issues. But i'm seriously starting to think that he could do better without me. I know that if he didn't love me or thought i was worth it, he wouldn't have stayed with me, but i think he deserves a partner that wouldn't be jealous of his accomplishments and doesn't have insecurity and self esteem issues.
I know that when i graduate i'll be struggling with finding a good job while he'll be in a very good place in his career - something i know i'll never achieve. (Just because for once it's hard to find a job these days with my degree), and i'm afraid he'll be looking down to me. Or even his family.

It's really driving me crazy ever since, i can barely even talk to him, and i know it's not his fault. I just need some advice on how to get over this stupid thing, and if for his own sake i should break up with him, even though i really really love him...

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