HI, im 23 year old guy , and im doing something horibly wrong when trying to get into relationship with someone.About me , and background story on current situation, grab some
this might get long.
As a ship engineer student I am way too rational and logical, and I like to know how stuff works downright to the core , on top of all patience is my middle name and i have tick moral grounds~~~ not to mention
hard empathy.
No religious beliefs, but from chatolic family.
Sort of adrenaline addict, fast motorbike, windsurfing,snowboarding, scooter stunts,mountainboarding,wakeboarding....
wealthy i might add. Good body shape, decent looking, no hippie.People like me, I have many friends, even ones that are really hard HARD to like.
But don't get me wrong, I don't tell people what they want to hear, if ure a selfish egoist owh yeah I will tell u don't worry. Not mad or at cost of friendship, hey, its ur way of living and I will respect it as much as it seems wrong to the moral law of our generation.
With male friends its easy...u can have as much as u like no gay btw but it stays on friends of course so no sweat here...The girls are what really troubles me, have never had one that I might call girlfriend. Don't get me wrong here, Ive had few "relationships" that lasted no longer than a week due to sheer forcing of getting a GF since I heard that was a thing. Forcing it just doesn't cut for me, I find flaws that really start to poke my mind and...eye... I had to stop it not even giving it a chance I know.
But now and then comes a girl into my life that just looks like everything I ever wanted, little check list in my pocket gets checked up whole
, not only physical appearance which really isn't the main attribute im looking for but her way of thinking, acting...u get the picture.
And I would really get to know them good, talking opening up...slowly friendzoning , but falling in love on my part.Of course these few jewels that fell into my life would go away as they came...eventually i would men up and tell them what i feel, ask them on date..and so on. But some were already taken and some just weren't interested in me that way on both cases end result was me slowly backing off because it would really hurt me to be friends with someone that makes my mind go crazy.... so well... enough about me.
~~~~~
Now the background story on current situation~~There is a girl I met some days ago on snowboarding trip at Slovenia, being in same apartment just doors away we spent awful a lot of time together in those 5 days, and yes im starting to fall in love.
She is one of those jewels I mentioned before and she is single I might add. There wasent anything serious happening between us in those few days, only "cute" and romantic gestures on both ends.Now at home, i asked her to go out with me ...to "grab a drink so i can get to know u even better and who knows
"
She said yes why not with a big simle...and there i was thinking it was a "date".But suddenly in the mean time first she asked me to delay it for a few hours, since i said i will pick her up at 19:30...and then finaly she arranged we will meet here and there .
To cut the story...she ended up bringing her best friend (girl) along.We had a fun time chatting, all 3 of us, but that was not what i had in mind.
And here i am, confused.Now things i would like to discuss/know.
-Why, she brought her friend, is there a meaning to this?
-Should i just cut the whole thing off?
-If not, what should my next move be?And general stuff i dont understand_
-Do i really have to be flirty from bare beginings with every girl i want to be with?
-Pure respectable,decent,propper and romantic maners just dont cut it at this age?
-Should i change?I dont believe in that anymore "Do what u like and love will come", im living my life to fullest and i cant find a girl.
Thank you for your time in advance. If nothing it was nice to get some load of my mind.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Doing something wrong
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Drunk Text Gone Wrong... Please Help!
Hi all! I have a really touchy situation on my hands that I need resolved by the end of Christmas break. A couple nights ago my brother drunk texted my crush(let's call him Bob) telling him that I like him and he basically asked him out for me. I didn't find out about this until a few days later when my brother confessed it to me. I was really embarrassed so I texted Bob an apolagy, telling him that all of that was a joke and it wasn't true. The text also kind of had a mean tone to it, because I was embarrassed. My brother told me that Bob was mad about the whole situation because he actually did like me until all of this! Anyways, Bob didn't respond to me until three days later. I need to tell Bob how I actually feel because I really like him and I've never had a boyfriend and I'm a senior in high school and I really want to pursue a relationship with him. I asked Bob to meet up with me after his response, so I can tell him, and it's been a day and no response. Where do I go from here? I really need this resolved before school because I have a class with him and it will be even more awkward.
You might think it's going to be more ackward, but actually it might be easier to explain things in person, siince it seems he's
avoiding you because your response. You should've had a mean tone to him, it wasn't his fault what your brother did. When you asked him to meet in peson, did you say you were sorry about what you said, that you didn't mean it, or were you going to wait until a face to face first?
You might think it's going to be more ackward, but actually it might be easier to explain things in person, siince it seems he's
avoiding you because your response. You should've had a mean tone to him, it wasn't his fault what your brother did. When you asked him to meet in peson, did you say you were sorry about what you said, that you didn't mean it, or were you going to wait until a face to face first?
ya after he responded i said "ya again Im really sorry i didnt mean for all that to happen." but hey, would you be willing to meet up with me so i can clear some more things up with you?" he didnt respond to that. I want to get him face to face, but i dont think hes willing to do it..
Last edited by pink77; 12-30-2013 at 04:39 PM.
Wait a few more days. If he still doesn't contact you, try to call him. Or, better, meet him after first classes together and tell him in person what happened. In situations like this it's always better to be honest.
So your crush liked you until you came out and were mean to him saying what your brother said was not true? Sounds like a common misunderstanding and if he doesn’t understand that what you said was out of embarrassment, maybe it is just best to let things be. I agree that you should try to explain the situation face to face and not through text or the phone but do not dwell on the situation. You are young and it is not the end of the world if this doesn’t bud a relationship. Crushes will come and go but if you don’t want to lose him as a friend, be honest with him.You may not create new Love Advice Forum threadsYou may not post repliesYou may not post attachmentsYou may not edit your postsForum Rules
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Top 10 Signs He Might Be Mr. Wrong: Beware
Is this worth it? At the end of a relationship, hindsight is 20/20.I hear it all the time, "How did I miss the signs?" It's not because you were stupid. It's because falling in love causes temporary insanity, literally. So how's a girl to know?
Top 10 signs he might be "Mr. Wrong"
More from YourTango: The Power of “The List” Your friends and family don't like him. Like it or not, they are usually a pretty good judge of what will work for you. If you are consistently getting the thumbs down, think twice.Your friends and family notice you are different when you're around him. You may not notice it, but if you aren't comfortable to be yourself when you're around him, that's saying something about long term potential.He wasn't honest on his profile. If he fudged his online dating profile, that most likely means he isn't comfortable with who is he or where he's at. You want a man who knows himself and isn't afraid to be who he is.He tells you upfront he isn't ready to commit. Men will do this a lot and women will tend to ignore it. Proceed at your own peril.He has another life that you only get to hear about. He has friends you don't meet and goes places with people you don't know, often. That doesn't mean he's hiding things from you, but it does mean he's keeping you on the outside of his real life.He doesn't have other close relationships in his life. He isn't close to his family. He doesn't have close friends. This is quite possibly a guy who doesn't value intimate relationships. He talks shit about his ex. Sure, someday you're going to hear his story, but a gentleman is just that—gentlemanly. Talking bad about the ex isn't.He doesn't take no for an answer about anything. He wants it his way. He pushes you to get it. He won't stop and you won't like where that takes you.He's quick to get angry. He might be just as quick to get over it. However, buyer beware with a guy has flashes of anger. Grown men you want to play with have learned to control their tempers.You feel it in your gut and you don't know why.There is no higher source of wisdom than your intuition. If your gut says it's time to go, go. Period. No excuses needed.
Bonus Red Flag Alert
More from YourTango: You Get What You Settle ForHe doesn't respect your privacyHe's possessive in an uncomfortable wayHe gets jealous easilyRun for the hills on the spot!
More how to move on advice from YourTango:
Relationship CoachMany, Many Blessings, Lisa Hayes www.escapefromrelationshiphell.com
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Domestic Abuse, InfidelitySunday, September 8, 2013
6 Valuable Lessons From Dating Mr. Wrong
What have you learned from "Mr. Never (Ever) Again"? When it comes to pretty boys … don't. Just, don't.We've all had some horrible first dates. But what about terrible relationships? If you're feeling alone in your quest to find "Mr. Right," take a look at some lessons that our readers have learned from "Mr. Never (Ever) Again."
Now, an ode to all of the losers that we've dated and the key takeaways from these mistakes:
1. Mr. Big Spender
Beware of the guy that overdoes the "grand gesture." While sure, a dozen roses make most women swoon … several dozen? Seems like overkill.
Single mother Shari began to notice a pattern developing in her relationship with her fiancé last year. After the two met on Match, she quickly fell in love with his extravagance. "The whole time we were together he was always doing things in such abundance," she said. "If he sent flowers, he sent six dozen, if he gave me a bag it was a Louis Vuitton." Soon enough, she realized that what he overcompensated for materialistically, he lacked emotionally.
"As soon as he presented the ring, it was as if he owned me," Shari said, "and when he messed up, he just bought me more things, but none of them were enough to keep me happy." She broke things off shortly after, and plans on taking her time before settling down with someone again.
Lesson learned? If your man tends to show off, make sure he isn't doing it to distract you from his true (and in Shari's case, possessive) colors.
2. Mr. "You've Got This One, Right?"
While yes, it's the 21st century and there's nothing wrong with going Dutch on your dinner bill, there is definitely something to be said about the commitment level (or lack there of) of a guy who can't step up and treat you every once in a while. Kim spent three years dating someone that she now describes as "the cheapest guy on the planet."
"When it came to dinner dates, movie tickets, you name it, I paid for it. Occasionally we would split it, but that was rare too," she said. Last year on the Fourth of July, Kim realized that she would never be happy settling for a freeloader. "I bought us tickets to the Yankee game, even though I had been upset for weeks prior about how cheap he was all the time," Kim said. "On the day of the game, I was miserable, because I paid for everything — surprise, surprise. I came home crying, only for my Mom to tell me that she slipped him $50 that morning and told him to 'Take care of me for the day'." [Yes, you read that correctly. Kim's ex pocketed her mother's sympathy money.]
Lesson learned? "Never date anyone who's cheap — it's literally the most unattractive quality a person can have."
3. Mr. Too Much Too Soon
You know those instantaneous butterfly feelings that grow in the pit of your stomach when that person walks into the room? Well, Jordyn dishes on why you shouldn't let them override your common sense.
"I dated Ben through my job. We had become really close friends, and since we worked 80-hour weeks, we spent virtually no time with anyone aside from the people we worked with," Jordyn said. Soon long office hours turned into post-office drinks and the two began texting on the reg when they weren't at work. "We instantly became permanent fixtures in each other's lives in the matter of a few weeks, and our relationship escalated as quickly as our friendship did," she continued. "We were seriously dating and keeping it a secret from all of our co-workers, and he dropped the L-bomb only a couple of weeks later." The two met each other's parents and spent long weekends together, only for the relationship to fizzle out as fast as it started, when they realized that they hardly even knew each other.
Lesson learned? Consider your relationship your biggest investment. Would you drop all of your savings into a stock that you haven't thoroughly researched? Probably not. Your heart is a prize, and you want to make sure that whoever wins it, is worth it.
4. Mr. Pen Pal
You know this guy. He's funny, charming, and an all around catch … according to your IPhone. James fills us in on how a virtual relationship doesn't always translate into the real deal.
James met Joseph on a dating app, and was thrilled to find that he liked him even more when they finally met in person. Drinks turned into a four-hour dinner and dinner turned into a walk through the park. "We went on three or four great dates, but while the texts were still coming in, the dates were falling through." Every time that James brought up going out again, Joseph became distant and vague, always steering the conversation away from any actual plans. James's frustration began to escalate because he didn't see the point of constant communication with zero delivery. "We would text all day, every day. At first I enjoyed the attention," he said, "but after weeks of not seeing each other, I grew tired and bored." Eventually, the texts grew fewer and farther in between, and James's coworkers got tired of trying to decipher the meaning behind every received emoji. "After three weeks of incessant texting, I finally gave up," James said.
Lesson learned? Be wary of the allusive texter — odds are, he won't measure up in real life. Keep Reading ...
More juicy stories from YourTango:
Sunday, May 19, 2013
The Real Reason You Always Fall In Love With The Wrong Person
Another relationship gone wrong? Here's a dating tip that actually works: listen to your subconscious.Most articles that offer dating tips will tell you what you did wrong on a date by recounting the deadly mistakes that are keeping you single: "Don't be too fat, but don't be too skinny." "Don't talk about your job, but do talk about your career goals." "Be interesting ... no, be interested. No, act cool." Enough of that already!
The real reason you don't have the love that you deserve isn't how you acted on a date. It isn't because you said the wrong thing or that you smiled at the waiter. It isn't because you texted the guy after the date to thank him. It isn't because you slept with him too soon.
More from YourTango: Spilling the Real Truth About Why He Didn't Call YouHere's the hard truth: you picked someone who would leave you before you even went out on that date. Before you even spoke to this man, your mate selection mechanism was set on heartache. But the good news is, you can change your "Love Picker" and turn on your "Love Switch" with my new online course. (Click here to see my video and find out more.)
Why do we pick the wrong people? There is a subconscious part of us that draws us to particular people who trigger a familiar feeling. We think it's chemistry when the fireworks go off, but what's actually happening is that your inner drama queen is having a field day. You're bored with the nice guys and crave attention from the man who acts disinterested. Most people think they will never have chemistry with someone "nice" and that could very well be true. If you don't change your mate selection mechanism, you will subconsciously choose the same heartache every time. You will ignore the obvious red flags, believing, that "this relationship" will be different ... but nothing changes.
To key to finding true love is to discover the mechanism in your subconscious (we call it your inner Adam or Eve), which fits like a puzzle piece with potential partners. You don't have to change how you act, your clothes, your weight, or your personality; you just need to shift your piece of the puzzle. When your puzzle piece shifts, you will see that the men or women you meet will start to change as well. You can have conscious chemistry with someone who wants commitment and love just like you. You will feel the fireworks, but it won't be followed by a night of Ben & Jerry's on the couch (unless you and your partner enjoy sweet treats together).
There are a few ways to change your "Love Picker." In fact, your subconscious mind is always giving you clues on how to change it. It keeps bringing you heartache so that you can finally make an adjustment. You may not have known that you can change it before today, but here is how:
More from YourTango: Is your "Inner" Relationship Expert Keeping You Single?1. Break bad patterns. Look for common themes in your relationships and figure out where the patterns have their roots. Try to identify the underlying fear you likely have of actually getting close to someone. Face the fear so you can break the bad pattern. Keep reading...
More dating advice from YourTango:
AuthorDebi Berndt, Relationship and Success Mindset Mentor for the modern woman to attract the man of her dreams for her body, mind and soul. Author of the bestselling book, LET LOVE IN. Get your FREE True Love Starter Kit here.
Other Articles/News by Debi Berndt:By Debi BerndtOne of the top Google search terms in the love category is about why the man didn’t call. I disagree with what most dating experts say about what men want and the do's and don'ts because I believe you did nothing wrong on the date. You didn’t say too much, act inappropriately or look too fat or too old. The reason he didn’t call is ... Read moreBy Debi BerndtWhen dating, you are faced with many different opinions from dating advice bloggers, books, reality TV stars, friends and family. You take it all in but, when you are about to make a decision, the one voice you end up following is the relationship expert in your mind. I know, you must be thinking, “Cool, I have a relationship expert in my head?” ... Read moreBy Debi BerndtYou know those hot, attractive men. They act cool, try to impress you and often act distant like they aren’t looking for a relationship at the moment. They sometimes come on super strong and then back down when you start spending more time together. Often, they disappear when you least expect it. You wonder what you did wrong and why men are like that. ... Read moreSee More
A woman’s perceived power in a relationship greatly depends on her confidence 
If you want to have a totally fulfilling relationship with your partner discover the art of honor. 
NFL star, Mario Williams, and ex in ugly legal battle over $785k ring. What’s the right thing to do?Have a dating or relationship question?
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What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?See more resources>Thursday, April 18, 2013
Why You're Dating The Wrong Guys [VIDEO]
Do you always find yourself attracted to the wrong guys? Are you wondering if you should go against your dating instincts? If so, help is on the way.
In this video, couples counselor and YourTango Expert Larry Michel explains that people decide who may be a match for them based on chemistry.
More from YourTango: The Secret To Finding The Perfect Gift For Your Partner [VIDEO]"Chemistry is a drug and for people, chemistry is either true or its false," he says. By that, he means that chemistry often leads to false attractions. Instinctually, you feel attracted to this person, but when you get to know them on a more intimate level, you find that they are not a good match for you in the long-term. So how do you know the difference between true compatibility and chemistry?
Want to learn more? Check out the video above!
More dating advice from YourTango:
Friday, March 15, 2013
Why You Always Attract The Wrong Guys [VIDEO]
YourTango Expert Dr. Bruce Derman is here to help!
By Doctor Bruce Derman Did I done anything wrong?
Today, my girlfriend drove me and her younger sister (7 year old) to Walmart. I bought her sister a toy. She wanted me to buy her a Jewelry Box. She had a Jewelry Box look just like that, but it had been stolen. She wanted me to buy it for her. Because I thought it would remind her about her ex, I said I would not buy it. She got mad at me. I paid for her sister's toy, and she paid for her Jewelry Box. After check out, she told me that she would not drive me home. Therefore, I went back into Walmart, and walked to home from another door at store. It rained outside. She called me, but I did not pick up my phone. When I got home, I opened my message. My friend said my girlfriend had an accident. I called my girlfriend back. She told that she go around to find me, so that why she got accident. She and her sis were fine, but the car was not. By the way, she was the person fault for the accident.
I drove back, but someone else already drove her home. I just saw her car have been push. Now, she wants to break up with me. What should I do now? I feel so regret.
In my opinion you did nothing wrong, she doesn't have any right to force you to buy her gifts. The accident also wasn't your fault, it was just a misadventure. I think you should meet and try to talk. Don't argue, just talk as calmly as possible. Be honest with her, tell her how you feel about this.
I agree with the above post by Claudine, to a certain extent. I would not meet with her if I were you. The reason is that she has clearly shown what type of person she is. Think about it, the way she did you, not giving you a ride home because you would not buy her something? That's ridiculous! Put the shoe on the other foot, what if you did her that way, do you think she would like it?Apparently she is very manipulative and is setting you up to try to get her way. If you get back involved with this particular woman, she will definitely demand that you buy her something, or do something to appease her, in the future, and if you don't do it, you'll be right back at square one.
"When people show you who they are, believe them, the first time. Not the 29th time! That is particularly good when it comes to men (and women) situations because when he doesn’t call back the first time, when you are mistreated the first time, when you see someone who shows you a lack of integrity or dishonesty the first time, know that it will be followed by many, many, many other times that will at some point in life come back to haunt or hurt you."
~ Oprah Winfrey
Last edited by taskeinc; Yesterday at 07:33 PM.
How would everything be your fault? The accident was caused by her actions, not yours. And besides, why would you be forced to buy her something when you don't want to in the first place. Her sister is a kid and I can understand you giving her something. But your girlfriend should not be acting like a kid. Even my husband refuses to buy me something I want when I ask him, and yet I never get mad at him if he does that (well I do if it's food..lol). The question I would ask you is, do you want a girlfriend who acts like a kid???
Today, my girlfriend drove me and her younger sister (7 year old) to Walmart. I bought her sister a toy. She wanted me to buy her a Jewelry Box. She had a Jewelry Box look just like that, but it had been stolen. She wanted me to buy it for her. Because I thought it would remind her about her ex, I said I would not buy it. She got mad at me. I paid for her sister's toy, and she paid for her Jewelry Box. After check out, she told me that she would not drive me home. Therefore, I went back into Walmart, and walked to home from another door at store. It rained outside. She called me, but I did not pick up my phone. When I got home, I opened my message. My friend said my girlfriend had an accident. I called my girlfriend back. She told that she go around to find me, so that why she got accident. She and her sis were fine, but the car was not. By the way, she was the person fault for the accident.You may not create new Love Advice Forum threadsYou may not post repliesYou may not post attachmentsYou may not edit your postsForum Rules
I drove back, but someone else already drove her home. I just saw her car have been push. Now, she wants to break up with me. What should I do now? I feel so regret.She is being high maintenance. You did nothing wrong. To deal with these people, when they have their little freakouts (in this case her getting in a crash, blaming you and dumping you) you act as if you are not phased. Remember she WANTS you to give her attention, to plead, to "lets talk this out", don't do any of that. Remain calm and it will cause her to question herself. Being apathetic breaks high maintenance people.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Why You Always Attract The Wrong Guys [VIDEO]
YourTango Expert Dr. Bruce Derman is here to help! By Doctor Bruce Derman Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Did I done anything wrong?
Today, my girlfriend drove me and her younger sister (7 year old) to Walmart. I bought her sister a toy. She wanted me to buy her a Jewelry Box. She had a Jewelry Box look just like that, but it had been stolen. She wanted me to buy it for her. Because I thought it would remind her about her ex, I said I would not buy it. She got mad at me. I paid for her sister's toy, and she paid for her Jewelry Box. After check out, she told me that she would not drive me home. Therefore, I went back into Walmart, and walked to home from another door at store. It rained outside. She called me, but I did not pick up my phone. When I got home, I opened my message. My friend said my girlfriend had an accident. I called my girlfriend back. She told that she go around to find me, so that why she got accident. She and her sis were fine, but the car was not. By the way, she was the person fault for the accident.You may not create new Love Advice Forum threadsYou may not post repliesYou may not post attachmentsYou may not edit your postsForum Rules
I drove back, but someone else already drove her home. I just saw her car have been push. Now, she wants to break up with me. What should I do now? I feel so regret.
Monday, January 28, 2013
I don't understand what I'm doing wrong...
Before I get into the main point of this topic, let me start off by saying, I don't seem to operate the way a "normal" guy operates; I've never seen a "pretty" girl in passing and wanted to chat her up, get her number, and go on a date. Every time I've found a girl I've wanted to date, we'd meet due to whatever circumstances, get to know each other and develop a friendship (though I always keep a certain emotional distance, so as to avoid that whole "friend zone" thing), and then I start to feel something and try to take things from there.The problem is, I just never have any luck with girls. When I like a girl, I try to get to know her, see what's important to her, find common interests with her, joke around with and playfully tease her, develop banter, etc. But it's never "good enough", I never come off as an "attractive" prospect to any girl. I've had girls tell me I'm funny and whatnot, and many have conveyed to me that they think/ thought I was a pretty cool person. But evidently, I'm just not worth dating.
I'm 24, now, and the more time goes by and the more I keep "failing" in this area, the harder it gets. I've never even been on a date, let alone had a girlfriend. I just hate how hard it apparently is for me to find someone that values and enjoys my companionship as much as I do theirs, and has a mutual "attraction" with me.
I'm sort of extra bummed because over the last 5-6 months, I had found a pretty cool girl (which is a thought I haven't had in a very long time), got to know her a bit, hit it off really well with her, developed feelings for her, asked her out, got rejected, tried to be friends with her but the feelings came back, things got a bit messy, I tried to smooth things over, now we're *kinda* friends but not really, and today, I found out that she's recently started dating someone. It's been such a roller coaster ride, these last few months, with more lows than highs. I liked her a lot, and she's the first girl I've ever actually connected with for "real" reasons. Prior to her, I had temporarily blocked out the whole idea of dating and whatnot from my head, because I was feeling so bad about my inability to charm a lady, but after I took a chance on her, all these old thoughts have flooded back in my mind, and I'm suddenly finding myself feeling very lonely, unwanted, and "unlovable".