20 years old never had a gf PLEASE HELP

people easily feel lost on big campus for sure!! you can definitely try on a few girls if you wish!! if doesn't work, try ask someone in your classroom/when you participate a campus event or join a club something so at least you have something in common with the girl!). if you discover a girl who share the same values with you, that'd be even better!! GOOD LUCK!!

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4 years, and nothing....

Me and my Boyfriend have been together for 4 wonderful years now, We are both 22, and almost done with college. But, I cant help but feel like we arnt going to take that next step, at least not anytime soon. We have talked about moving in together, but whenever it comes down to getting serious about it he always backs down, and starts the get really upset. Yesterday he told me he was moving out with one of his friends, and I couldn't help but feel offended by this. Anyone have any advice on this situation? Should I cut my losses and try to find someone who wants to move forward, or should I stick it out and hope that he becomes ready to take that next step? I mean I love him to death, but I don't really feel like he sees a future with me.

Hard to say. You guys are young. I'd say give it time. He probably moved out of his parents as young as possible, so maybe he's not ready to settle into a true family household quite yet. Just enjoy each other like you guys already have been. Time will tell. Best Wishes!

I was in a similar situation to your boyfriend. An ex girlfriend and I had been together around 2 or 3 years when she was hinting at us getting our own place together. We were both still living with parents then but I had an offer to live with 2 friends of mine and I took it. She wasn't impressed to say the least but I tried to explain that I always wanted to live with friends and this was my chance. The future was for us but at this point in time I need to try this as it might be my only chance to experience this, plus I was only 21 at the time and wasn't feeling ready for the settled down lifestyle.

The only thing you can do is let him live with his friend because if you force him not to, it won't end happily or he'll just move in with his friend anyway. You can either stay with him and hope he 'gets it out of his system' and will be ready to live with you in the future or if you can't see that happening and your at a place in life where you want your own home with a guy then you may have to cut your losses and start again, sorry to say.

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond, and for the great advice. Im sure im over reacting, but its always nice to hear someones point of view on a situation. I guess Patience really is a virtue. :]

@Jonno, Its scary how similar our situations are. But I really needed to hear that advice from you. I love him to death, and I wouldn't want to force anything on him, or try to rush him into things, so I guess I will have to put my selfishness aside and let him have his fun. Thank you so much for your input.

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond, and for the great advice. Im sure im over reacting, but its always nice to hear someones point of view on a situation. I guess Patience really is a virtue. :]

@Jonno, Its scary how similar our situations are. But I really needed to hear that advice from you. I love him to death, and I wouldn't want to force anything on him, or try to rush him into things, so I guess I will have to put my selfishness aside and let him have his fun. Thank you so much for your input.

Noworries caiteraid The good thing with my situation is after a year of living with friends the novelty wore off and I moved in with my girlfriend at the time so it may just be a case of patience. Hope it all works out for you

If you really do care for him, love him, as you stated, I would suggest you give it some time. You have been together for 4 years and you want to move in together, which is fine, but he's not down with it. My suggestion is that you do not broach the subject again, don't end the relationship, and give him your blessings for him to move in with a friend.

Why ?

This will give you a chance to see what type of guy he really is. If he starts living with his buddy and your relationship takes a turn for the worse, that's a clear indication that the two of you were not meant to be together. If he turns out to be the type of guy that you didn't think he was, wouldn't you rather know this about him now than to find it out later, possibly after you have married and had a couple of kids?

You may have heard the adage, "give a person enough rope and he will hang himself." By allowing him to move in with a friend (and don't break off the relationship), you are giving him "enough rope." Maybe he won't "hang himself," Maybe he's a good guy, and this is the best way for you to find that out.

Before you decide that you are ready to settle down, it would be healthy for you to live on your own for a while as well. You can both take the time to realize your relative needs for independence, how much it costs to support yourselves and develop some new friendships.

You were both young when you started dating and the statistics for your survival as a couple are not good if you marry before 25. And living together does not improve those results.

Take this time to mature and get a better sense of what you want in a long-term partner.

Good luck

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The Single Girl's Guide to New Year's Resolutions

Make 2013 your best year yet. What's your love resolution for 2013? One writer shares her list of 10 love lessons.

It's midnight and the ball is about to descend upon Times Square, but you look around and that special someone to kiss is nowhere to be found. "Alone again this year," you think to yourself, and then a bomb goes off in your mind, igniting an avalanche of other panicked thoughts as you reflect upon the year: "I thought he was the one!" or "I can't believe I'm single again!" or "What did I do wrong!" or "I wonder if he's with her tonight!" 

If your love life wasn't what you thought it would be in 2012, don't despair. Too often, we feel pressured to have our lives in perfect order on New Year's Eve, complete with a killer sparkly sequined dress at an over-hyped party and someone to kiss at midnight. When the fireworks don't go off as planned, we're left feeling unsatisfied and disappointed. But this is not what ringing in a new year is all about. Instead, it's a time for renewal, rebirth and new beginnings.

More from YourTango: Table For One: What My Breakup Taught Me About Dining Alone

A few years ago, I found myself single on New Year's Eve, newly separated from my boyfriend and in the depths of despair. I was drained of all my emotional energy and completely disconnected from myself. I needed a new beginning and a new relationship - with myself and eventually, a new boyfriend. Obsessing over what went wrong and forever mourning my failed relationship only made me feel depressed, not motivated to move on. So instead, I wrote myself a list of resolutions based upon the love lessons I learned.  

More from YourTango: Once An Abuser, Always An Abuser?

When I started to take my own advice, I immediately felt stronger and more competent because I had created my own roadmap. When I felt brave enough to date again, I used my list to navigate my journey on the road to love. It's helped me to remember where I've been, what I've learned, how resiliant I can be and what I want (and don't want) for my future. I've kept my list handy throughout the years, adding to it as needed, and smiling to myself as I re-read each lesson. Though some lessons aren't applicable anymore, some I still need to remember. 

If you want to move forward in 2013, take the time to empty your heart and soul of all the negative energy from your relationships passed. When you make your New Year's resolutions, instead of lamenting over things gone wrong, write down the lessons you've learned so you can move forward. Make a point to start 2013 with a fresh, positive outlook and an open heart to welcome all that the new year has to offer. Here's my list to get you started. Keep reading...

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Been friends for years but I said I didn't like him back but I do. My biggest mistake

Hi I am here to get some help maybe if there is someone or maybe there is someone with a similar situation I could talk to.I guess I better start.

It's about me and my friend let's call him K. .
Me and K. have known eachother since summer of 2005. It actually was an incidental meeting xD He and his family moved opposite to our house.

Me and my friends were playing soccer outside and I saw his sister, she was shy but not to me because I met her the day before and was playing a little bit with her. ( she was about 3 or 4 years old) She wanted to play with me again, we needed people to play anyway because a few weeks ago friends from us (they were brothers) moved away and the little girl with her family moved in.

My friends asked me to ask the little girl if her brothers would like to play with us, just for fun.

I did it, and after a while they came outside. One who was like 4 years older than me, another one who was probably 7 or 8 and K. who was a year older than me.

We played till lunchtime then everyone went home. Me and him were the first to return to play soccer again, so we sat down and started talking for about 20- 30 minutes.

After that he joined a sports club were I was and our friendship began.

Our friendship was differend than all my others, a good different I think xD

Except sometimes it was like a love and hate relationship. We went from talking and seeing eachother everyday for 4-5 months to not talking at all for 2 or 3 months. But neither of us knew the reasons at the end or we thought it was a stupid reason and it couldn't be it because it was a small one. We then forgot about it and acted like it never happened.

2009 he had to go to another school which is at the same street like ours but has another focus you could say...

Anyway in the same year I figured out that I am a Lesbian well I thought so. I never thought about any guy except him but back then I thought it was just a friends thing. ( Oh how wrong was I :D )

About 6 Months later I wasn't that sure anymore. I started to notice guys and slowly espacially K.
So I just called myself Bi. I couldn't tell anyone anyway because I live where people "hate" homosexual people. Sadly my brother found out, but that's another story.

In Apri or May '10 I started to talk to K. again because since he left we almost never did.
August I got to the same school he went we both are in 10th grade. He was supposed to be in grade 11 but he had to repeat the year.

On the first day he was showing me around and we spend the breaks together. (15min, 15min, and once a week + 45 min & we were waiting for the bus together)
When we were standing outside I asked him why we didn't talk last year. He said that he didn't want to be near me, I felt bad but he said he needed time to himself but he does not want to stop talking to me again because he missed me.

Later on we made promise to eachother to never go back to our old ways and just stop talking because we are friends and friends aren't weird to eachother. I know it was weird but we were children back then ( 16 and he 17).
It went really good till December 2010. I think it was the 17th when we were at school and our school had problems with the heater because of the cold and snow. At 10 am we were send home but the next bus would only drive home at 12.

So we went to his grandparents apartment. I met them before so it wasn't weird at all. But the thing is that everyone always thought we were a couple so did they. We spend about 40 min explaining that we aren't, when we finally did his aunt came by and it started all again xD

When we decided to go we said our goodbyes and his grandma said something like "I hope that you and your gf will visit soon again and stop lying about not beeing in love" oO

When we were walking I god alot of compliments and how I lost so much weight ( I was always thin but something happened that I gained aloot of weight. In about a month I lost 15 Kg (35lbs). And then again 4 kg ( 8.8lbs). But he liked me aswell back then.

December 19th we were texting and he asked me why we were just friends. I only replied with "what do you mean". And he said that he had feelings for me. I acted like I didn't because back then I tried to tell myself I didn't.

Reality was that I did have feelings. But:
-I was insecure about my body and cutting myself
-I wasn't sure about my sexuality BI or LESBIAN??? That's why I didn't want to hurt him I told myself because what would I do if I figure out I am gay. Or what if a girl comes around? He wouldn't deserve that. He didn't deserve to get hurt.
-Since I was insecure about myself I thought I didn't deserve him and I was never good enough
-Another reason or excuse for me was that I told myself "What if it was just a joke and he'd just play me because of these so called "friends" he had, who were mine aswell but we werent anymore

I had alot of them but sadly I did hurt him aswell as me but I would only feel how much later.

When I told K. that I only wanted to be friends he said it was fine and I was right because in a few months we would probably have an argument and not talk to eachother for a week or so.

After that night we stopt talking again, but that time I knew the reason. He needed time to himself. In April I felt the worst I had. Like I said I lost alot of weight back, but it was because I was starving and purging. Which I had stopped. I was fine even thought I had gained 6 Kg.

In April stopped labeling myself which was the good part. But the bad one was that I missed him too much and I figured I'd talk to him again and finally tell him.

I found out he was seeing someone and he was about to ask her to be his gf. So I didn't tell him. That night I started to purge and cut myself again. They were the deepest cuts I ever did :/

He tried to text me everyday after that or whenever I was on FaceBook. But I guess he figured out I wasn't much interested in talking to him because I only replied to every question with one or two words only. When the truth is I wanted nothing else as talking to him. But there was this girl I couldn't stop thinking about. The girl he was seeing at the time, she was beautiful, much more then I could ever be. I had no chance and I couldn't deal with it.

August was fine again. After and in school we made small talk and I found out that things with the girl didn't work out. I was ready to tell him. I was finally better than before. I had more self esteem, had a better relationship with food and wasn't cutting myself about 2months. I even told a friend of mine that I don't label myself and I am in love with him.

One day I wanted to ask him to maybe meet me on the weekend to hang out like we did before. But before I could even ask I read a status for everyone to see.

K. is in a relationship with " girls name "

I wished him good luck. That night I was crying the whole night, never falling asleep.

It was horrible and good at the same time.

Because whenever I logged in FB there were love- letters to eachother.

It broke me, but at the same time I was happy, happy because he found happyness. They even got engaged. But December 18th 2011 they broke up. One day and one year before we would have been toghter if I'd have said yes.

After that he completly changed.

He started seeing a couple of girls at the same time. Got more often drunk and things like that.

One thing before he changed was that he invited me to spend the New Year's with him. But I didn't because I remembered how we once did want to spend it together but didn't. That night when he didn't show up I was all alone.

But New Years I spend with my parents, his parents and little sister.

His mom said when we were alone that she'd wish us both happyness but sadly she could see that we weren't, then she said that, he was happy whenever he was spending time with me or he'd sit in his room she'd walk in and he'd close the page but most of the time she sees it was me he was texting.

But it was too late, he changed to much. I couldn't blame him. I was the only one who did make the biggest mistake of their life.

In March 2012 we were texting like all the time before even when he was with his girlfriend. It was the first time that we didn' stop talking after 4 Months or so. At that we laughed.

April or May he was complaining about missing a girlfriend. I asked him if I should help him with that, it was only a joke but he said yes. It hurt but I didn't let it show.

I suggested some, but he didn't like them. So I asked him what he'd look for in a girl.

I fiited everything. I texted back :" Well I don't smoke, I am shorter than you, I am not under 16, I am good at school and I am a half russian. But it's not what you're looking for, sooo"

He answerd " Why not?"

I wanted to write back "Because I love you and it'd scare you how much I do and I am Fat. I am and never will be good enough." But I only replied: " Because it'd be arrogant to say I am, myself"
He only said "If you think so. K"

I forgot to mention that he and I was driving together by car to school since February 2012.

We kept talking till June of this year normaly, but I didn't say I have feelings for him because he was seeing girls and I was still not that self-secure, because believe me those girls are beautiful.

We stopped talking because of exams but we still said hey to eachother. Then we started our summer jobs, whenever he was not working I was and when I was home he worked.

Now that School for me started we slowly talk again. He has to go to school once a week and sometimes twice. On these days we will be driving again together.

At this time he is seeing no one at least that's what he told me.
I am 18 now and he is 19. We still live in the same street. And at the moment we talk sometimes. But the reason I am insecure is about the girls who like him.( They are more beautiful than me)

That was my story for now.

I was wondering what you think.

Like do you think we have a chance? Should I tell him? If I do maybe you have some tips how? And maybe some Signals that I now that he still likes me as more than a friend? Is it selfish of me to think that after all he still likes me And gives me a chance?
What is more Important to you the looks and what friends say like "gosh shes's ugly or she's beautiful?" or personality?

I hope someone will actually answer me . But if not it is fine I guess because at least it felt good to write it all down.

Idunno (:

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Been friends for years but I said I didn't like him back but I do. My biggest mistake

Hi I am here to get some help maybe if there is someone or maybe there is someone with a similar situation I could talk to.I guess I better start.

It's about me and my friend let's call him K. .
Me and K. have known eachother since summer of 2005. It actually was an incidental meeting xD He and his family moved opposite to our house.

Me and my friends were playing soccer outside and I saw his sister, she was shy but not to me because I met her the day before and was playing a little bit with her. ( she was about 3 or 4 years old) She wanted to play with me again, we needed people to play anyway because a few weeks ago friends from us (they were brothers) moved away and the little girl with her family moved in.

My friends asked me to ask the little girl if her brothers would like to play with us, just for fun.

I did it, and after a while they came outside. One who was like 4 years older than me, another one who was probably 7 or 8 and K. who was a year older than me.

We played till lunchtime then everyone went home. Me and him were the first to return to play soccer again, so we sat down and started talking for about 20- 30 minutes.

After that he joined a sports club were I was and our friendship began.

Our friendship was differend than all my others, a good different I think xD

Except sometimes it was like a love and hate relationship. We went from talking and seeing eachother everyday for 4-5 months to not talking at all for 2 or 3 months. But neither of us knew the reasons at the end or we thought it was a stupid reason and it couldn't be it because it was a small one. We then forgot about it and acted like it never happened.

2009 he had to go to another school which is at the same street like ours but has another focus you could say...

Anyway in the same year I figured out that I am a Lesbian well I thought so. I never thought about any guy except him but back then I thought it was just a friends thing. ( Oh how wrong was I :D )

About 6 Months later I wasn't that sure anymore. I started to notice guys and slowly espacially K.
So I just called myself Bi. I couldn't tell anyone anyway because I live where people "hate" homosexual people. Sadly my brother found out, but that's another story.

In Apri or May '10 I started to talk to K. again because since he left we almost never did.
August I got to the same school he went we both are in 10th grade. He was supposed to be in grade 11 but he had to repeat the year.

On the first day he was showing me around and we spend the breaks together. (15min, 15min, and once a week + 45 min & we were waiting for the bus together)
When we were standing outside I asked him why we didn't talk last year. He said that he didn't want to be near me, I felt bad but he said he needed time to himself but he does not want to stop talking to me again because he missed me.

Later on we made promise to eachother to never go back to our old ways and just stop talking because we are friends and friends aren't weird to eachother. I know it was weird but we were children back then ( 16 and he 17).
It went really good till December 2010. I think it was the 17th when we were at school and our school had problems with the heater because of the cold and snow. At 10 am we were send home but the next bus would only drive home at 12.

So we went to his grandparents apartment. I met them before so it wasn't weird at all. But the thing is that everyone always thought we were a couple so did they. We spend about 40 min explaining that we aren't, when we finally did his aunt came by and it started all again xD

When we decided to go we said our goodbyes and his grandma said something like "I hope that you and your gf will visit soon again and stop lying about not beeing in love" oO

When we were walking I god alot of compliments and how I lost so much weight ( I was always thin but something happened that I gained aloot of weight. In about a month I lost 15 Kg (35lbs). And then again 4 kg ( 8.8lbs). But he liked me aswell back then.

December 19th we were texting and he asked me why we were just friends. I only replied with "what do you mean". And he said that he had feelings for me. I acted like I didn't because back then I tried to tell myself I didn't.

Reality was that I did have feelings. But:
-I was insecure about my body and cutting myself
-I wasn't sure about my sexuality BI or LESBIAN??? That's why I didn't want to hurt him I told myself because what would I do if I figure out I am gay. Or what if a girl comes around? He wouldn't deserve that. He didn't deserve to get hurt.
-Since I was insecure about myself I thought I didn't deserve him and I was never good enough
-Another reason or excuse for me was that I told myself "What if it was just a joke and he'd just play me because of these so called "friends" he had, who were mine aswell but we werent anymore

I had alot of them but sadly I did hurt him aswell as me but I would only feel how much later.

When I told K. that I only wanted to be friends he said it was fine and I was right because in a few months we would probably have an argument and not talk to eachother for a week or so.

After that night we stopt talking again, but that time I knew the reason. He needed time to himself. In April I felt the worst I had. Like I said I lost alot of weight back, but it was because I was starving and purging. Which I had stopped. I was fine even thought I had gained 6 Kg.

In April stopped labeling myself which was the good part. But the bad one was that I missed him too much and I figured I'd talk to him again and finally tell him.

I found out he was seeing someone and he was about to ask her to be his gf. So I didn't tell him. That night I started to purge and cut myself again. They were the deepest cuts I ever did :/

He tried to text me everyday after that or whenever I was on FaceBook. But I guess he figured out I wasn't much interested in talking to him because I only replied to every question with one or two words only. When the truth is I wanted nothing else as talking to him. But there was this girl I couldn't stop thinking about. The girl he was seeing at the time, she was beautiful, much more then I could ever be. I had no chance and I couldn't deal with it.

August was fine again. After and in school we made small talk and I found out that things with the girl didn't work out. I was ready to tell him. I was finally better than before. I had more self esteem, had a better relationship with food and wasn't cutting myself about 2months. I even told a friend of mine that I don't label myself and I am in love with him.

One day I wanted to ask him to maybe meet me on the weekend to hang out like we did before. But before I could even ask I read a status for everyone to see.

K. is in a relationship with " girls name "

I wished him good luck. That night I was crying the whole night, never falling asleep.

It was horrible and good at the same time.

Because whenever I logged in FB there were love- letters to eachother.

It broke me, but at the same time I was happy, happy because he found happyness. They even got engaged. But December 18th 2011 they broke up. One day and one year before we would have been toghter if I'd have said yes.

After that he completly changed.

He started seeing a couple of girls at the same time. Got more often drunk and things like that.

One thing before he changed was that he invited me to spend the New Year's with him. But I didn't because I remembered how we once did want to spend it together but didn't. That night when he didn't show up I was all alone.

But New Years I spend with my parents, his parents and little sister.

His mom said when we were alone that she'd wish us both happyness but sadly she could see that we weren't, then she said that, he was happy whenever he was spending time with me or he'd sit in his room she'd walk in and he'd close the page but most of the time she sees it was me he was texting.

But it was too late, he changed to much. I couldn't blame him. I was the only one who did make the biggest mistake of their life.

In March 2012 we were texting like all the time before even when he was with his girlfriend. It was the first time that we didn' stop talking after 4 Months or so. At that we laughed.

April or May he was complaining about missing a girlfriend. I asked him if I should help him with that, it was only a joke but he said yes. It hurt but I didn't let it show.

I suggested some, but he didn't like them. So I asked him what he'd look for in a girl.

I fiited everything. I texted back :" Well I don't smoke, I am shorter than you, I am not under 16, I am good at school and I am a half russian. But it's not what you're looking for, sooo"

He answerd " Why not?"

I wanted to write back "Because I love you and it'd scare you how much I do and I am Fat. I am and never will be good enough." But I only replied: " Because it'd be arrogant to say I am, myself"
He only said "If you think so. K"

I forgot to mention that he and I was driving together by car to school since February 2012.

We kept talking till June of this year normaly, but I didn't say I have feelings for him because he was seeing girls and I was still not that self-secure, because believe me those girls are beautiful.

We stopped talking because of exams but we still said hey to eachother. Then we started our summer jobs, whenever he was not working I was and when I was home he worked.

Now that School for me started we slowly talk again. He has to go to school once a week and sometimes twice. On these days we will be driving again together.

At this time he is seeing no one at least that's what he told me.
I am 18 now and he is 19. We still live in the same street. And at the moment we talk sometimes. But the reason I am insecure is about the girls who like him.( They are more beautiful than me)

That was my story for now.

I was wondering what you think.

Like do you think we have a chance? Should I tell him? If I do maybe you have some tips how? And maybe some Signals that I now that he still likes me as more than a friend? Is it selfish of me to think that after all he still likes me And gives me a chance?
What is more Important to you the looks and what friends say like "gosh shes's ugly or she's beautiful?" or personality?

I hope someone will actually answer me . But if not it is fine I guess because at least it felt good to write it all down.

Idunno (:

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Chick I met 2 years ago

Alright so I met this chick in one of my classes during freshman year (September 2010), it was public speaking and the teacher made everyone pair up and get to know someone (it was a 5-10 minute back and forth conversation) then we had to give a speech about them...so this smokin hot chick chooses me for the assignment so we did the assignment and I never really talked to her again, I've seen her around campus a few times since then but nothing really came of it. I always sort of had a crush on her but at the time that we met I had a girlfriend and didn't want to mess that up but it eventually ended last summer (2011) but all of a sudden a few months ago I just started thinking about her more and more and I can't get her out of my mind...I have no clue what to do..I have her as a friend on facebook but I don't know how often she's on I never see her posting and I know first hand that trying to get something started on the internet doesn't work..at all...and I have no clue if she even remembers who I am or that we even met and I know there's a chance I'll creep her out big time and ruin any chance I COULD have by randomly messaging her on facebook and I'm at a loss of what to do so I ask anyone who's reading this...

Any advice on what I should do?

If this isn't the right forum to post on, let me know I literally joined this forum 5-10 minutes ago...really desperate for help

Thank you in advance

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