Me and my Boyfriend have been together for 4 wonderful years now, We are both 22, and almost done with college. But, I cant help but feel like we arnt going to take that next step, at least not anytime soon. We have talked about moving in together, but whenever it comes down to getting serious about it he always backs down, and starts the get really upset. Yesterday he told me he was moving out with one of his friends, and I couldn't help but feel offended by this. Anyone have any advice on this situation? Should I cut my losses and try to find someone who wants to move forward, or should I stick it out and hope that he becomes ready to take that next step? I mean I love him to death, but I don't really feel like he sees a future with me.
Hard to say. You guys are young. I'd say give it time. He probably moved out of his parents as young as possible, so maybe he's not ready to settle into a true family household quite yet. Just enjoy each other like you guys already have been. Time will tell. Best Wishes!
I was in a similar situation to your boyfriend. An ex girlfriend and I had been together around 2 or 3 years when she was hinting at us getting our own place together. We were both still living with parents then but I had an offer to live with 2 friends of mine and I took it. She wasn't impressed to say the least but I tried to explain that I always wanted to live with friends and this was my chance. The future was for us but at this point in time I need to try this as it might be my only chance to experience this, plus I was only 21 at the time and wasn't feeling ready for the settled down lifestyle.The only thing you can do is let him live with his friend because if you force him not to, it won't end happily or he'll just move in with his friend anyway. You can either stay with him and hope he 'gets it out of his system' and will be ready to live with you in the future or if you can't see that happening and your at a place in life where you want your own home with a guy then you may have to cut your losses and start again, sorry to say.
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond, and for the great advice. Im sure im over reacting, but its always nice to hear someones point of view on a situation. I guess Patience really is a virtue. :]@Jonno, Its scary how similar our situations are. But I really needed to hear that advice from you. I love him to death, and I wouldn't want to force anything on him, or try to rush him into things, so I guess I will have to put my selfishness aside and let him have his fun. Thank you so much for your input.
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond, and for the great advice. Im sure im over reacting, but its always nice to hear someones point of view on a situation. I guess Patience really is a virtue. :]@Jonno, Its scary how similar our situations are. But I really needed to hear that advice from you. I love him to death, and I wouldn't want to force anything on him, or try to rush him into things, so I guess I will have to put my selfishness aside and let him have his fun. Thank you so much for your input.
Noworries caiteraidThe good thing with my situation is after a year of living with friends the novelty wore off and I moved in with my girlfriend at the time so it may just be a case of patience. Hope it all works out for you
If you really do care for him, love him, as you stated, I would suggest you give it some time. You have been together for 4 years and you want to move in together, which is fine, but he's not down with it. My suggestion is that you do not broach the subject again, don't end the relationship, and give him your blessings for him to move in with a friend.Why ?
This will give you a chance to see what type of guy he really is. If he starts living with his buddy and your relationship takes a turn for the worse, that's a clear indication that the two of you were not meant to be together. If he turns out to be the type of guy that you didn't think he was, wouldn't you rather know this about him now than to find it out later, possibly after you have married and had a couple of kids?
You may have heard the adage, "give a person enough rope and he will hang himself." By allowing him to move in with a friend (and don't break off the relationship), you are giving him "enough rope." Maybe he won't "hang himself," Maybe he's a good guy, and this is the best way for you to find that out.
Before you decide that you are ready to settle down, it would be healthy for you to live on your own for a while as well. You can both take the time to realize your relative needs for independence, how much it costs to support yourselves and develop some new friendships.You may not create new Love Advice Forum threadsYou may not post repliesYou may not post attachmentsYou may not edit your postsForum RulesYou were both young when you started dating and the statistics for your survival as a couple are not good if you marry before 25. And living together does not improve those results.
Take this time to mature and get a better sense of what you want in a long-term partner.
Good luck
