Showing posts with label story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label story. Show all posts

Saturday, August 30, 2014

True Story: He Met A Girl Online And She Confessed To Murder

Crazy Woman Illo Kevin Leland was looking for love online, but what he found instead was dangerous and deadly.

"I killed my husband."

It's certainly not a great pickup line. Even when divulged during a heart-to-heart after hours of getting-to-know-you conversations, it doesn't exactly go over well. Men and women alike have sworn off potential love interests for far less. I live with my parents. I have five cats. I smoke. Any such confession might send scores of singles back to the dating drawing board.  Yet for Kevin Leland, a Vermont man looking for love and friendship on the dating site OkCupid, murder wasn’t a deal breaker…at first.

Of course Christine Billis, the woman who made the murderous admission to Kevin, didn’t advertise her treacherous past online. "I was attracted to her sense of humor," says Kevin about what first drew him to her OkCupid profile. "Also, she was a videographer, and she said she was interested in celibate Christian dating, like me. It seemed like we had a lot in common."

Granted, it's pretty difficult to discern a person's deviant nature based on a dating profile alone. Even the "Cannibal Cop" of New York, Gilberto Valle, came off as a stand-up guy in his profile, also on OkCupid. The married NYPD officer, who was accused last year of planning to kidnap, rape and cook women, described himself as a "true gentleman" and mentioned that he’s the kind of guy who will "open doors and pull out chairs for you." No red flags there. James Holmes, the man accused of the shooting deaths of 12 people in a suburban Colorado movie theater, however, was a little more forthcoming with his profile. "Will you visit me in prison?" he asked prospective daters. If only Kevin had received such forewarning from Christine.

So, with his interest piqued, Kevin began chatting with Christine—instant messaging for hours the very first night. Soon, they progressed to talking on the phone. Unnervingly, it was during their second call that Christine revealed her jarring confession. 

"We'd been talking and everything was going well, but I wanted to make sure I really knew her," explains Kevin. "I wanted to know about any downside." He led the way, admitting that he could be violent at times, getting into fights when provoked. Christine revealed that she had a similar violent streak, and eventually the conversation turned to the topic of her husband’s death.

"She told me, 'I did it. I did it on purpose,'" Kevin says about the moment Christine admitted that the 2009 death of her husband had not been an accident, as first presumed. "She was sobbing, and [the confession] just came out between cries," he says. 

Christine’s husband, Charles, had died when the family car struck a tree off a stretch of Vermont highway. She'd been driving, and though she was treated at a nearby hospital after the crash, none of her injuries proved life-threatening. At the time, investigators believed that a medical episode had caused her to momentarily lose control of the wheel, and the whole incident had been a tragic accident.

After Christine told her new online suitor the truth—that she had intentionally driven into the tree—Kevin says they both prayed over the phone. Then, amazingly, they made plans to meet in person.

"That first time we hung out, I drove to her house which was about an hour or two from my place," says Kevin. "We took a walk and she brought me to the scene of the wreck. It's strange, but she was kind of proud of it."

By now, you must be saying to yourself, What was he thinking? If it's surprising that Kevin didn’t call the police immediately after that first confessional phone call, and if it's boggling that he would agree to meet up with Chrisine to visit the crime scene, then it may be altogether mind-blowing to know that Kevin didn't alert authorities right away. In fact, he waited another two months.

But why? Turns out, despite her dramatic past, Christine had formed a bond with Kevin, a platonic one, but a true relationship nonetheless. Kevin even got to know Christine's two younger daughters (she has a third grown daughter who wasn’t living at home), and developed genuine sympathy for Christine's plight. 

"She told me that her husband had been abusive, and I thought, if he was beating her up, maybe her actions were justified," Kevin explains. "I didn't call the police right away because I wanted to meet her," he says of giving a domestic violence survivor the benefit of the doubt. "I was still checking things out. I thought maybe she wanted to come clean, and I could help her."

However, Christine's secret began to weigh on Kevin. He started asking more questions about the abuse she had suffered, but from what she revealed, it began to seem like there hadn't been anything severe enough to justify violent retaliation. "She said things like, 'Oh, he’d yell at me to clean the house,'" says Kevin. "But in reality, she was a hoarder, so I could understand if he wanted her to clean."

He says there were other revelations that helped to change his mind about her motives. From what Kevin could gather from their many conversations, it seemed Christine had been intent on collecting insurance money from her husband. But the final straw came in a shocking moment when Christine threated Kevin following a falling out. "One day she said to me, 'I'd hate to have to drive you into a tree.'"

It didn't take long for Kevin to discreetly record Christine confessing to the crime and hightail it to the police. Unfortunately, though, Kevin was told his recording wouldn’t hold up in court because there had been no warrant issued to obtain it. The police agreed to set the bureaucratic cogs in motion so that he could procure another confession—this one legally sound—but the process would take an additional six months. That meant half a year that Kevin would have to spend with Christine, all the while the authorities hovered in the background, waiting to get what they needed.

For Kevin, his online dating foray had officially transformed into a bona fide sting operation. OkCupid, used by so many to arrange dinner plans and discuss the merits of long walks on the beach, had proven a crime-solving tool.

And that's when another strange thing happened. Forced by the nature of the situation to continue spending time with Christine, Kevin found that...he actually enjoyed her company. "It wasn't phony; it was still genuine," he says, though he never wavered from his mission to help carry out justice.

Eventually the police got what they needed and charged Christine in June 2011. Kevin even drove her to the police station. At her arraignment, Christine found out that Kevin had been the informant. The two haven’t spoken since. Last year, she was sentenced to 7 to 15 years after pleading guilty to an amended charge of manslaughter (dropped from first-degree murder).

Cautionary tales of online dating are nothing new; in fact, they're all over popular culture. Whose mother hasn’t forwarded an article warning about the monsters trolling around cyberspace? In fact, there's a service you can sign up for, MyAKA, which helps protect your safety by giving you a second phone number to offer up to prospective dates (you even get a free week-long trial).

Just last week, Lifetime premiered a new Original Movie called The Husband She Met Online, which tells the tale of a woman who falls prey to a psychotic criminal she meets on the web. Even Kevin's personal saga is set to get the TV treatment sometime this fall on the Investigation Discovery channel.  

Yet, Kevin doesn't see any reason to swear off online dating altogether. He still has an active OkCupid profile and he's hopeful about meeting someone, on the web or otherwise. He’s not letting one scary situation—no matter how extreme—get in the way of his pursuit of love. He’s just being much more careful now.

Despite his optimistic outlook, there's no doubt that Kevin has been unlucky in love. When asked if his relationship with Christine ranks as his all-time worst dating experience, Kevin hesitates. "Mmm...it makes the top three," he says with a laugh.

We’d hate to hear the other two.


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Sunday, February 2, 2014

On Happily Ever Afters & Rewriting Your Own Gay Love Story

Love & Romance: Create Your Own Gay Love Story You deserve a beautiful romance. Reconnect to your version of a perfect fairy tale love.

As a child, I loved listening to stories of people falling in love and living happily ever after (thanks, Disney). I watched my parents and grandparents have seemingly magical relationships that were so full of love and happiness ... and I knew that I wanted the same for myself. In my mind, I painted a love story that was much like the fairy tales and relationship models I had come to respect, and I couldn't wait for my own story to come true.

But as I came to terms with my sexuality and my identity as a gay man, I started to wonder if my love story was even possible. No longer was the image of a beautiful and supportive wife front and center. Fantasies of driving the kids to school on a crisp fall day were pushed aside. And coming home to my suburban castle, with my loving and supportive family waiting around the dinner table with a delicious home-cooked meal? Gone. With a heavy heart and great grief, I came to realize that those magical endings were only reserved for straight men and women. The laws and culture of our society dictated that I, as a gay man, could not marry and could not have children. And if I could not fulfill the basic tenants of the fantasy I'd been dreaming about for years, then how could I possibly get my happily ever after? My story of hopeful love turned into a story of grief and desires that could never, ever be fulfilled.

More from YourTango: Experiencing Blurred Lines With Your Friendship?

So many of my fellow gay men and lesbian women came to realize the possibility of our traditional love stories would never true. We were forced to grow a thick armor around our hearts, to protect them from the piercing arrows of unfulfilled wishes.  And we were forced to write a new version of our love stories — one that did not include monogamous partnership, and sometimes not even loving and long-term companionship or the ideals that defined a "traditional" family lifestyle. 

Instead of starring as the beautiful princess who meets her prince charming and falls into a life filled with happiness, we were instead forced to write our story from the perspective of the wicked witch who can never know love, who becomes jaded and bitter at the thought of happy couples, and who denies our own desire to have that which we cannot have. We found ourselves on a solo journey through life, sprinkled here and there with sordid and barren love affairs, none of them lasting very long ... for how could they, when happily ever after just wasn't for us?

Fast forward a few years, and everything has changed. No longer are gay men and lesbian women banned from becoming legally married to their soul mates. Advances in adoption laws and surrogacy techniques have allowed us to have our own families, complete with our own beautiful children. Society has opened its arms to us, and welcomed us whole-heartedly into its cornucopia of love.

In the recent past, we have seen gay couples getting married, having children, and living out the "American Dream" of a white picket fence, two-point-five kids, and a golden retriever … just as any other heterosexual couple can. We witness gay men driving their children to school and attending PTA meetings, and homosexual couples holding hands as they shop for groceries at their neighborhood supermarket. We partake in weddings between man-and-man, and woman-and-woman, and we cry as they exchange those most sacred of vows to commit to each other for all time. We realize that the love stories that we grew up with are, finally, able to come true.

It's a beautiful development, but as with every change, both good and bad, comes a period of adjustment. The veil of foggy sadness and disappointment has been lifted, and the truth of our original fantasy shines like a light in the distance. Our eyes squint at its brightness — we're not used to seeing something so brilliant, and it takes some time for our sight to adjust.

We have spent so much time conditioning ourselves to the role of the wicked witch that we are scared and frightened at the thought of finally starring as the beautiful princess or the handsome prince. What does this mean for me? What do I really want? These questions never dawned on us, because we never had to answer them. But we have suddenly been given pen and paper, and told that we now possess the greatest gift of all — the ability, and the chance to rewrite our love story. As you blink at the blank page before you, realize that anything is possible. Will you stick with your old story ... or will you write an entirely new one? The choice is up to you.

More from YourTango: Can't Hook A Guy? Try Swimming In A Different Dating Pool

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Friday, April 5, 2013

'Data, A Love Story': 6 Things Online Daters Should Know [EXPERT]

ProConnect Subscribe to Experts Blog By Gina Stewart. Posted on Apr 3rd 2013.

online dating Online dating doesn't necessarily mean that love is a mouse click away. Amy Webb's romantic memoir has several good lessons for online daters.

I just read Amy Webb's online dating memoir Data, A Love Story: How I Gamed Online To Meet My Match. In short, Webb is a frustrated singleton who's tired of a slew of bad online dates. She gets the idea to pose as her ideal man to get an understanding of how females react to him and learn how to reposition her own profile to gain this type of man's attention.

Spoiler alert: Her efforts work out for her and she meets her dream guy via online dating. I loved Webb's story and there were some very universal truths to it for anyone looking to increase their odds of finding love via online dating. There were some things that were specific to Webb's story though (she acknowledges this as well), as well as a few points that I disagree with her on as a professional online dating coach.

More from YourTango: Was that...? Seeing Someone You Know on an Online Dating Site

1. Webb's story revolved around attracting a man specific to her. Webb realized the folly of her initial online dating attempt. She took for granted how men would respond to her profile and she wrote it like a resume. This is a point I scream from the mountain tops to my readers: Your profile needs to be positioned to attract the type of person you are interested in. This is marketing; consider your audience and how your audience interprets what you say. When she rewrote her profile and chose pictures, she made sure to keep in mind the man she was trying to attract. Her type of man may not be your type, so put your audience first.

2. Webb did not initiate contact as a "man". While posing as her own dream man, Webb only responded to females who contacted "him" first. This doesn't necessarily replicate the way men online date. Most men are initiators in online dating because they have to be (probably because most men in online dating aren't fictional dream boats). Therefore, her pool of women she decides to base her stats and advice on were only women who initiated, which isn't the majority of women or even the most successful online women daters.

Furthermore, we can't forget Webb is a woman. She can't say that she understood what men would be attracted to in a female, she only knew what she would be attracted to in a female. But she's a she, so does that help other females? Ultimately what she did helped her a attract a man, there's no contest about that. But I'd like to take her points a step further. 

I do online dating with men, speaking to them and learning what makes them pursue one woman over another. What Webb got right are the importance of attractive pictures and seeming friendly. What she doesn't know is the importance of the written profile to getting contacted by men.

More from YourTango: Why Dudes Love Online Dating [EXPERT]

3. Correlation does not necessarily equal causation. Webb found a ton of very important data and changed her profile and behaviors to reflect the information she learned. Ultimately, Webb also met her dream man and married him. While Webb's story has a happy ending, it is important not to confuse her tactics with being a roadmap to love. What is important is that she increased her chances of finding the right guy. There is no telling which factors contributed to helping her meet her husband. The best you can do is position yourself in the most advantageous way possible. Keep reading ...

More dating advice from YourTango:

Author, Dating Coach

Gina Stewart is the happy owner of ExpertOnlineDating.com, where she helps daters, especially men, get the more from their online dating experience and getting better dates. Chosen by DatingAdvice.com as one of the 10 Best Online Dating Experts, Gina's personal approach to coaching utilizes strategic marketing principals, clever and creative applications, and scientific data for a singular goal: getting dates. Her e-book Expert Online Dating: Advice for Men from a Hot Chick is available on Amazon and most other e-book retailers. Contact her via ExpertOnlineDating.com

Other Articles/News by Gina Stewart:By Gina Stewart

The other day I had a couple of girlfriends over. We had some wine and laughs and one of my friends pulled up her online dating account to show who had been contacting her (laughs continued). We were scrolling through one of the features where the site suggests people it thinks you may be interested in. A picture of a dark haired, blue-eyed guy that lived about ... Read moreBy Gina Stewart

When I first started my business, Expert Online Dating, it was to help men understand how they could best court women in the digital space. I was fascinated by the habits of the opposite sex, especially with regard to pursuing a woman online. So, when a little bird sent me some data on a recent study focusing on men and online dating, she was right that I would ... Read moreBy Gina Stewart

When people think about the hardest part of online dating, they often point to the written profile. Oh man, it's hard to write about yourself, right? Funny thing is that while writing about yourself is a skill, it's not writing about yourself, per se, which is the point most men struggle with and stops them from getting dates. They are simply bad at ... Read moreSee More

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