'Data, A Love Story': 6 Things Online Daters Should Know [EXPERT]

ProConnect Subscribe to Experts Blog By Gina Stewart. Posted on Apr 3rd 2013.

Online dating doesn't necessarily mean that love is a mouse click away. Amy Webb's romantic memoir has several good lessons for online daters.

I just read Amy Webb's online dating memoir Data, A Love Story: How I Gamed Online To Meet My Match. In short, Webb is a frustrated singleton who's tired of a slew of bad online dates. She gets the idea to pose as her ideal man to get an understanding of how females react to him and learn how to reposition her own profile to gain this type of man's attention.

Spoiler alert: Her efforts work out for her and she meets her dream guy via online dating. I loved Webb's story and there were some very universal truths to it for anyone looking to increase their odds of finding love via online dating. There were some things that were specific to Webb's story though (she acknowledges this as well), as well as a few points that I disagree with her on as a professional online dating coach.

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1. Webb's story revolved around attracting a man specific to her. Webb realized the folly of her initial online dating attempt. She took for granted how men would respond to her profile and she wrote it like a resume. This is a point I scream from the mountain tops to my readers: Your profile needs to be positioned to attract the type of person you are interested in. This is marketing; consider your audience and how your audience interprets what you say. When she rewrote her profile and chose pictures, she made sure to keep in mind the man she was trying to attract. Her type of man may not be your type, so put your audience first.

2. Webb did not initiate contact as a "man". While posing as her own dream man, Webb only responded to females who contacted "him" first. This doesn't necessarily replicate the way men online date. Most men are initiators in online dating because they have to be (probably because most men in online dating aren't fictional dream boats). Therefore, her pool of women she decides to base her stats and advice on were only women who initiated, which isn't the majority of women or even the most successful online women daters.

Furthermore, we can't forget Webb is a woman. She can't say that she understood what men would be attracted to in a female, she only knew what she would be attracted to in a female. But she's a she, so does that help other females? Ultimately what she did helped her a attract a man, there's no contest about that. But I'd like to take her points a step further. 

I do online dating with men, speaking to them and learning what makes them pursue one woman over another. What Webb got right are the importance of attractive pictures and seeming friendly. What she doesn't know is the importance of the written profile to getting contacted by men.

More from YourTango: Why Dudes Love Online Dating [EXPERT]

3. Correlation does not necessarily equal causation. Webb found a ton of very important data and changed her profile and behaviors to reflect the information she learned. Ultimately, Webb also met her dream man and married him. While Webb's story has a happy ending, it is important not to confuse her tactics with being a roadmap to love. What is important is that she increased her chances of finding the right guy. There is no telling which factors contributed to helping her meet her husband. The best you can do is position yourself in the most advantageous way possible. Keep reading ...

More dating advice from YourTango:

Author, Dating Coach

Gina Stewart is the happy owner of ExpertOnlineDating.com, where she helps daters, especially men, get the more from their online dating experience and getting better dates. Chosen by DatingAdvice.com as one of the 10 Best Online Dating Experts, Gina's personal approach to coaching utilizes strategic marketing principals, clever and creative applications, and scientific data for a singular goal: getting dates. Her e-book Expert Online Dating: Advice for Men from a Hot Chick is available on Amazon and most other e-book retailers. Contact her via ExpertOnlineDating.com

Other Articles/News by Gina Stewart:By Gina Stewart

The other day I had a couple of girlfriends over. We had some wine and laughs and one of my friends pulled up her online dating account to show who had been contacting her (laughs continued). We were scrolling through one of the features where the site suggests people it thinks you may be interested in. A picture of a dark haired, blue-eyed guy that lived about ... Read moreBy Gina Stewart

When I first started my business, Expert Online Dating, it was to help men understand how they could best court women in the digital space. I was fascinated by the habits of the opposite sex, especially with regard to pursuing a woman online. So, when a little bird sent me some data on a recent study focusing on men and online dating, she was right that I would ... Read moreBy Gina Stewart

When people think about the hardest part of online dating, they often point to the written profile. Oh man, it's hard to write about yourself, right? Funny thing is that while writing about yourself is a skill, it's not writing about yourself, per se, which is the point most men struggle with and stops them from getting dates. They are simply bad at ... Read moreSee More

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6 Types Of Daters: The 'Sex Pot' [EXPERT]

Why women dating over 40 who rely on their sexuality to attract a mate short change themselves.

Let me start today by telling you how magnificent you are. The fact that you are a woman over 40 and reading this tells me that you are all the more spectacular. Really, it does!

One of the reasons finding love over 40 can be the most gratifying time of all is that you know your sphere of power. You’ve learned you are only in control of you, no one else. Life has taught you that you cannot control co-workers, friends, and especially the men you date…or marry, for that matter. (Though I’m quite sure you occasionally try.)

You also know that with that self-control comes personal responsibility, and you know you have the power to create a happy and full life for yourself instead of living one of disappointment and scarcity. This is why I’ve written this series on FemiTypes.*

Hard as it is to take a close look at yourself, I know that you have a super-important goal you have not yet reached. As with all things in your life you have already achieved, you know that the way to get what you want is to learn, grow and work for it. So here you are.

But I want to be sure you know this: You are worthy of love – just as you are. I doubt there is a woman alive who doesn’t display any of the actions of my FemiTypes ever. (I know I certainly have and still do at times.) The Princess, The 18 Year Old, The Scaredy Cat, The Wow Me Woman, The Bitter Gal and the Sex Pot live or have lived in all of us.

But this only makes you human. Not wrong. Not bad. Not anywhere near unlovable. Changing behavior for most of us is about just that; it’s not about some fundamental flaw we have as a woman.

My wish is for you to spend the rest of your life with a man who absolutely adores you and with whom you feel safe and understood. (Just as I am doing.) Solely in the interest of helping you find that love do I ask you to take a look at how the behaviors of these FemiTypes may mirror some of your bad love habits. This is likely what is standing in your way of getting what you want.

Knowledge is power. And if there is anything I’m, about it’s empowering you, my incredibly deserving sisters, to get what you want out of life.

With self-knowledge comes more control over your behavior and, in turn, over the types of men you attract. With more power and clarity, you can steer your dating and relationship ship.

So, here we go. Today is the last of the 6 FemiTypes – The Sex Pot.

We all know her. She dresses a little too young. Her dress is a little too tight, too short, showing a tad too much cleavage and her lipstick is the brightest of reds. Each, on their own, is not a big deal. Combined, it is just over the top, especially on a supposedly grownup woman.

While The Bitter Woman leads with her anger, this gal leads with her sexuality. She learned at an early age that sex was the way to attract a man. And it works! But she has not yet learned that it’s not the way to attract a relationship.

Listen, I’m all for women having fun in bed and enjoying all the sex they want. Some women want this time in their lives to explore and enjoy their sexuality. I say go for it! But be careful and know that luring men in using your sexuality will most likely NEVER lead you to love.

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