10 Ways To Stop Being Afraid Of The Single Life

"What's the point? I have a body pillow and a vibrator, no reason to settle." New research shows that people who fear the single life often settle for less.

Afraid of being single? A recent study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology shows that you're in good company. University of Toronto researcher Stephanie Spielmann found that people who fear the single life often "settle for less in love; they're more likely to cling to unhappy relationships and more willing to date duds!"

With all of the negative stigmas that come with being single, like turning into a "cat lady" or becoming a "spinster," Spielmann found that many who participated in this study were willing to settle for less in order to avoid those fates.

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We surveyed some single ladies who have put all those insecurities aside – these women are single, proud, and certainly not willing to lower their standards! Read on to find out what they had to say about how they overcame their fears of being single.

"One day I just woke up, looked in the mirror, and realized how much of a severe disservice I would be doing to all the single bachelors in New York City by holding my single, hot self hostage and unavailable." — Alli Zack, 26

"After my first big heartbreak, my mother told me, 'You won't be happy being with someone until you can be happy when you're alone. Take yourself to a movie, out to lunch, for a walk in the park. Just get comfortable doing things on your own, that way you won't need another person to make you feel satisfied. When someone finally does come along, it will be an extra bonus having someone to share the things you already enjoy doing on your own.' On occasion, I'll still take myself out to lunch or stop at a random bar and have a drink. If I can feel fine doing those things alone, which I do, it’ll feel especially nice when I meet someone to do them with." — Kara Howard, 25

"I would rather be single and happy than in a relationship that's not right, where you have to walk around on eggshells. Plus, I like my freedom! I can stop at the local bar on my way home and stay as late as I want to without worrying about someone who is waiting up for me all the time."— Valerie Stone, 52 

"People talk about single life like it's a condition — seeing it as something to be scared of doesn't make sense to me. You're still you whether you're in a relationship or not. Right now, I'm enjoying getting to know different people, spending more time with my friends, and taking the time I need to figure what it is I actually want in a relationship. It will happen when it happens. I'm certainly not running after one, that's for sure." — Melissa Santos, 32

"Sure, it would be nice if there were someone special in my life, but I'm very happy with my life the way it is. I feel like men and relationships complicate everything, in some cases for the better, and some for the worse. I'm happy; independent I don't want to be a 'we' right now." — Becca Ronzoni, 26

"When the first wave of photos that displayed scrawny fingers dazzled in diamonds hit my social media, I asked myself simply and ridiculously: What's wrong with me? All before asking myself: Why am I not them? And do I even want to be in their spot now? But when it comes to love and marriage and finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with — through expanding waistlines and wrinkles — you can't feel rushed. There shouldn’t be a timeline or a deadline and no matter what, you shouldn't settle down just to settle. After many stern talks with myself in front of mirrors displaying a face filled with worry and single girl woes, I began to accept the fact that single just means one thing: I'm going to be okay." — Jen Glantz, 25, author of the book All My Friends Are Engaged and founder of the website The Things I Learned From

"I think the key is really being comfortable with who you are and what you want, not just in a relationship but in life in general. I like to think of dating as one of my many hobbies and try not to take it too seriously. I treat myself as a priority and know that I'm much better off being the best version of myself possible solo than a lesser me but with a companion. There are only so many hours in a day and I like to keep my list very VIP — I only surround myself with people that I think are amazing and that I can learn and grow with, not just with guys but with friends as well! If you're not keeping the best company, what's the point? I have a body pillow and a vibrator, no reason to settle." — Erica Romero, 25

"Every time I've dated a guy, I [found] I was doing it for a convenience. I realized I was dating out of necessity or for some gain, and it was never because I actually liked the guy. I don't want to be defined by a relationship. I want to make myself happy and figure out what makes me happy and confident before I start dating another idiot just because I feel obligated to have a boyfriend or to get a "plus one" on all the wedding invites that I'm suddenly getting. I'm not going to settle or waste my time on another dud. And in the meantime, that one single girl (me!) is way happier and more pleasant than all of her coupled up friends!" — Nicole Gravlin, 24

"For the past several years, I have been single and I'm not afraid at all, in fact I quite embrace it. I actually, prepare yourselves: Do Not Want A Boyfriend. I am 26 years old and am still working on solidifying a career. I have bigger fish to fry than figuring out who I'm going out with this weekend, or whether he sort of likes me or REALLY likes me. That being said, if someone came my way who inspired me to factor them into my life I would, but it is not a priority. You cannot be a good partner for anyone until you are a good whole person by yourself, and that includes nourishing your soul on your own, without relying on someone else to do it for you." 
— Allison Rerecich, 26

"I'm a single mother. Being so committed to my career, it's actually not that hard to defeat the 'sulking single syndrome.' But one incident in particular made me proud of my confidence in being single. A while ago, one of my friends proposed to his girlfriend of five years. While discussing it with my sister, I asked when she and her boyfriend would tie the knot. She said, 'I don't know. I'm just waiting for him to grow up.' They've been together for almost four years. I don't have the patience to wait four years on ANYTHING. Especially not waiting on someone to act his age or to treat me with the respect and love I deserve." — Nikki Robinson., 24

How did you overcome your fear of being single? Tell us in the comments below.

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13 Moments That Make You So Happy You're Single

ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS CELEBRITY LOVE BLOG OMG! Celebrity Sex Quotes! Did 'X Factor's' Paulina Rubio Have An ...

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Need more reasons to celebrate National Singles Week? We've got 13! Candy Crush, reality TV, dancing like a freak... what's there not to love about being single?

Flowers, chocolates, date nights and a forever plus one? Please. There truly is no greater love than you and your DVR.

We recently told you about all those little-known benefits of being single and now, in honor of National Singles Week, we celebrate those times you're oh-so thankful to be swinging solo.

1. When you realize the only time you absolutely need to check your phone is for Candy Crush updates.

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2. When you remember there's a pint of Ben and Jerry's in the freezer and it's ALL. YOURS.

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3.The fact that you can easily cancel all your weekend plans to lay in bed and watch Harry Potter movies uninterrupted.

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4. When there's a Real Housewives of New York marathon on.

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5. When you're thankful for all the happy relationships you have.

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6. When you think about where you see yourself 5 years from now.

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7. When you sign onto Facebook and see this ...

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8. Or peer over a stranger's shoulder and see this ...

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9. When it's football season and you don't have to go to a single game.

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10. Time for bed? You can do this. For hours.

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11. No pants on a Friday night? No problem.

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12. When your song comes on.

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13. When this guy walks into the room.

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Are Your 'Ladies Nights' Keeping You Single?

ProConnect Subscribe to Experts Blog By Monique Boyd

Don't forget to include the guys once in a while. Sisterhood vs singlehood: does having a strong bond with other women come at a cost?

I've always been a girly girl. I love the color Pink, wear mainly dresses and skirts, and would not be caught dead without my earrings. Even in college I remember waiting in anticipation to see if my favorite sorority accepted me into their organization. My roommate and I were so happy when we were accepted and purchased all of the latest paraphernalia: t-shirts, socks, hats, jackets, and underwear — yes, even underwear! My college sweetheart at the time was in a fraternity, so I was head-over-heels excited to be a part of this culture, and walk in the footsteps of the women who came before me in this great organization. It was a dream come true. 

However, as I've grown older I've started to question the very ideals I held as a child and young adult. My job allows me to travel all over the world and meet people from all walks of life. It's really opened my eyes to the differences between the Western and Eastern cultures when it comes to dating and relationships. For example, I've noticed vastly different dating styles in other countries. Many couldn't imagine having a ladies night without men. When I mentioned this concept to them, they were dumbfounded and questioned the very foundation that I've come to understand in America. It really made me take a second look at how Americans have created certain female-only activities, and how they may be keeping women perpetually single.

Let's take a look at the other side of the coin — men. Men enjoy bonding with other guys through activities like sports and music, but unless it's game-watching or playing in a music band, they very rarely just hang out the way women do in bars, clubs or other social settings. Sure, I'll make the exception of a young male who, in his twenties, occasionally hangs out with the "fellas" to pick up women in a bar or club, but as he grows up and matures, he tends to go solo. Women on the other hand tend to do the opposite. Unless they're married, women continue to hang out in "all girl" clubs, even if they would prefer to go out with their single male friends. 

I've also heard from many men that it's intimidating talking to a woman or ask her out on a date when she is with a group. They say it's much easier if she is by herself or out with two or three girlfriends. Think about it: men already run the risk of being rejected by the girl, but when his woman of interest is part of a group, he risks even more rejection by not just her, but all of her groupees as well!

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What is the rationale behind the all girl clubs? I believe one of the reasons to blame is our history in this country. Not too long ago, the feminist movement began in response to women being treated unfairly regarding family and work life. Creating this movement forced the country to look at women differently: they started to be seen as a valuable force in the economy. This was a great step forward for women and an even better one for the country. It was also a great bonding experience for women, and we quickly seized on those opportunities by realizing our strength came in numbers.  However, this power has come at a huge cost. Even though women made valuable strides when it came to asserting their independence from men, they still wanted to be courted and dined by them. Keep reading...

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Monique Boyd

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Credentials: BS, CLC, CRC, MBAOther Articles/News by Monique Boyd:By Monique Boyd

I’ll admit I’m a HUGE football fanatic.  On any given day, you’ll see me at tailgate parties, painting my face with the team colors or performing odd rituals in hopes that my team will win the championship.  Over the years, the game of football has quickly become a huge popular past time beating out baseball as the great American ... Read moreBy Monique Boyd

As a general rule of thumb, I don't advise women to start out dating a man who is unemployed. Now this may seem cold and heartless but if you've ever been unemployed then you would know how stressful this situation can be on a relationship, particularly a new one.  New relationships need time, patience, and a little nurturing in order for them to ... Read moreBy Monique Boyd

Most women don't start out wanting to be the "other woman" in a relationship ... they start out looking for a great relationship with a good man.  Meanwhile, a man who is still "supposedly" exclusive in one relationship may not share this fact with the women he meets outside of his current relationship. When you're a single ... Read moreSee More

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The 7 Secrets Of Blissfully Single People

You're not afraid to soar down this road alone, baby! Why do some single people just glow? Harvard PhD Bella DePaulo spills their secrets.

Producers of shows such as The Bachelor don't want you to know this. Peddlers of dating guides try to keep it a secret. Some of my fellow scholars pretend it's not true. Even some of your closest friends might contort their faces into expressions of disbelief if you were to suggest it to them. But it is true.

Plenty of single people are leading happy and successful lives.

They are not pining for "The One" or crying into their beer. Instead, they are living their single lives fully, joyfully, and unapologetically — whether they plan to do so for one month, for one year, or for the rest of their lives.

What are the secrets of these happily single people?

I've been studying singles for well over a decade, and I think that the happiest and most fulfilled single people have a strong sense of self. They know themselves and trust themselves. Stuck in a matrimaniacal culture — one that is laden with over-the-top hyping of marriage, weddings, and coupling — they are secure enough to know that they can live meaningful and rewarding single lives if they choose to do so — even if they're open to finding a partner, but just not actively looking.

It can seem so much easier to follow the prescribed path that is supposed to lead to happiness: finding your soulmate as soon as possible and then investing just about all of your time, energy, wishes and dreams into that one person. But what if you decided to forge your own path? What might your life look like then?

Strong, happy, successful single people who resist the relentless matrimania and listen to their own hearts practice these habits:

1. They observe themselves. That's an important step toward knowing yourself. Take, for example, the issue of "finding someone." Do you tell yourself and others that you are interested in finding The One — yet, somehow, take specific steps to do so seems to rank somewhere below cleaning out your sock drawer and deleting old emails? Maybe you just think you should "find someone" because our culture is teeming with such messages, but it's not really what you want to do. Mabe not now. Maybe not ever. Know yourself. Then honor your sense of what kind of life is the best life for you.

2. They decide for themselves who counts as special. Maybe they have one special person in their life, but that person is a close friend or a sibling and not a romantic partner. Or maybe they have a whole convoy of important people in their lives, including friends and relatives, mentors and neighbors.

3. They recognize that not everyone wants to be with another person all the time, no matter how special that person may be.

4. They know that all of us want to spend some time alone and some time with other people, and that the preferred mix of solitude and sociability is different for different people. If they crave plenty of time alone, they give themselves the gift of solitude. If they like lots of time with other people, they create a life filled with togetherness.

4. They know whether they like being self-sufficient. And if they do, they go ahead and deal with things and make decisions, mostly on their own. A study of more than 100 Americans who were over 40 and had been single all their lives found that self-sufficiency was linked to their well-being. The more self-sufficient they were, the less likely they were to experience negative feelings. For married people, it was the opposite: The more they liked dealing with things on their own, the more likely they were to experience negative feelings. Self-sufficiency does not necessarily imply a lack of interest in different perspectives or opinions. Instead, I think it means that after considering whatever input you find valuable, you ultimately make the decision that feels right to you.

5. They realize that some people are single at heart. People who are single at heart live their best lives, their most meaningful lives, and their most authentic lives as single people. 

6. Single people who do want to marry are wise about what marriage really means. They do not expect marrying to transform them into something they are not. Studies that have followed the same people over many years of their lives, as they stay single or get married, have produced some remarkable, myth-busting results. For example, 18 long-term studies have shown that getting married does not make people lastingly happier or more satisfied with their lives than they were before. Sometimes there is a honeymoon effect — when you first get married, you feel better about your life than you did before. But that feeling dissipates, and eventually, people feel about the same as they did when they were single. A study of American marriages found that people who had been married more than three years were not any happier, they were not any less depressed, they were not healthier, and they had no higher self-esteem than when they were single. 

7. They know what the purveyors of conventional wisdom do not – for many people, single life gets even better with age. By studying the stereotypes of single people, my colleagues and I learned that most of society tends to think that single people are not very happy, and as they get older, they become even more miserable. In fact, though, many single people become more secure about their lives over time, and they are less buffeted about by the opinions of other people. They may not even think all that much about being single; they are too busy living their lives.

Bella DePaulo (PhD. Harvard) is the author of Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After and Singlism: What It Is, Why It Matters, and How to Stop It. Visit her website here.

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3 Lies We Tell Our Single Selves About Relationships

"When I find Mr. Right, everything else will fall into place." Are you relying on your relationship to make you happy? Do you wonder why it isn't working?

If you're anything like me and 99% of the people I know, you have an active imagination about how awesome you could be, "if only…" If only you were a lottery winner, thinner, in love, had your dream job, got divorced, became a parent... the list goes on. We all tell ourselves stories about how there is one (or more) external factors to our happiness that, once conquered, will make everything else better. As a matchmaker, I hear a lot of the following statements from singles who are looking for a loving relationship but haven't yet found it:

1. "Being in a relationship will motivate me to be more kind, forgiving, compromising, etc…"
Have you ever heard that expression, "wherever you go, there you are"? If you are unable to compromise (or only do so begrudgingly, holding onto resentment that you didn't get things your way), guess what? Finding that "perfect person" doesn't magically transform you. If anything, the vulnerability and intimacy that comes from a long-term, committed relationship only amplifies existing negative emotions and insecurities.

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Relationships are amazing teachers, but what they reveal can only be addressed by us. If you are unkind, selfish or inflexible and you manage to find someone who still chooses to commit to you, you will bring that same behavior into your relationship. The comedian Chris Rock has a joke warning women that when you meet a new man, you are meeting a representative who says and does all the right things, but after awhile he goes "bye-bye," and the actual man appears. The same goes for all of us — you might be able to put certain behaviors in check when something is new, but eventually the real you will make an appearance for the long run. Shouldn't the real you be healthy, confident and positive?

2. "If I were married, I would never do _____________."
One of the benefits of being single is the comfortable seat of judgment you can sit in as you evaluate other people's relationships. You look at your sister, your boss or your best friend and you say: "I can't believe she's putting up with that," "If I were him, I would walk out the door and never come back," or "I'd never let myself gain 50 pounds after getting married. What a bait and switch!"  

The truth is, you can't always know for certain what you would or wouldn't do under specific circumstances. You also don't know for certain what goes on between two people behind closed doors. Besides, it is much more productive (and attractive) to focus on what you do want and to make that happen in your own life than to sit in judgment of others. Our judgments of other people say a lot more about how we feel about ourselves than they do about anyone else.

3.  "When you find the right person, everything else falls into place."
We can all blame Hollywood for our collective cultural delusion that relationships (even great ones) don't take work. Some of the longest-married and happiest couples I know still have their challenges. They are committed to making it work and so they find a way, but that way can take a long time and multiple failed strategies. Being in love doesn't mean you don't get angry or don't ever feel hurt, misunderstood or unheard. The high you feel from falling in love might temporarily put your job woes or parental issues on the back burner, but sooner or later they will be back.

If you are relying on your partner to make you feel good about your body, what happens when he/she is too distracted or exhausted to give you the constant affirmation you desire? If you feel disrespected and angry when someone cuts you off in traffic, do you think these same emotions won't be triggered by your husband repeatedly forgetting something you asked him to do? What if he eats the last piece of cake that you were saving because it's your favorite and he doesn't think it's a big deal? What if your wife sets the thermostat to 75 degrees because she's freezing but you are sweating bullets? These examples are all small life annoyances that can trigger us all — not to mention the big, tough stuff that arises in life.

Whether you are single or not, the work of being the person you aspire to be begins and ends with you. You can't rely on a relationship to make all of your dreams come true, so stop lying to yourself about your "future self."

What do you think? Do you agree or disagree? Do you think you've changed for a relationship, or do you plan to change once you are in one? Leave your comments below!

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The Top Summer Dating Tips For All You Single Ladies

One tip? Take him for who he is. Summer's almost over, make the most of it!

Summer is winding down and fall is around the corner. Have you had a crush on someone for a while and have been shy about how you feel? Now's the perfect time to let them know that you've been thinking about them all summer and make a move.

Make your last days of summer memorable by following these dating tips.

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Take him for who he is: Is he a bit of a bad boy? Unfortunately, that's not going to change until he grows out of that phase. If you take your crush for exactly who he is, you'll never be disappointed that he isn't the guy you want him to be.

Play by the same rules: If both of you decided to date casually then don't expect him to meet your parents anytime soon. See other people, explore your options, most women expect the man to see that she is girlfriend material. While women stop dating other men just for him. Mr. Better might be around the corner.

Want more dating tips? Head over to Essence: No Nonsense Sizzling Summer Dating Tips For Single Ladies

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3 Lies You're Telling Yourself That Keep You Single

Stop all the crazy-talk and start believing in love! How your negative internal monologue may be pushing love away from you.

I don't want you to feel like a crazy person, but have you noticed how much you talk to yourself? Everyone does it, and you're probably not an exception. Even now, while you read these words, your mind is chatting to you.

Indeed, our self-talk is active during every waking moment. Much of what we say to ourselves is made up of repetitive ideas that we're not even aware we're thinking. If the majority of these ideas are negative, our actual experience will in turn be tinged with negativity, giving us the very opposite of what we desire. After all, what we desire is love in a healthy relationship.

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If we don't get wise to the self-talk going on in the privacy of our minds, we'll end up sabotaging our relationships, creating pain and misery for ourselves and for those around us. Often, we tell our friends and family one thing, but secretly think the opposite. For example, we may say that we're happy being single, and excited about the search for a partner. In our minds, we're terrified, scolding ourselves for not yet finding a good guy. In fact, there seems to be a "collective unconscious" of single women's thoughts. Keep reading...

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If your first date with a man is only mildly interesting and leaves you feeling rather blah, you may be tempted to write him off and move on. Beware: this might be a dating mistake that could affect the rest of your life. First dates are deceiving. You may decide within the first 10 minutes of meeting someone that you’re not attracted to him and that ... Read moreBy Virginia Clark

This morning I set out to film a new video for my book "It’s Never Too Late To Marry." My husband and I were going to set up at the back of the house around 7 a.m. before it got too hot. He was behind the camera helping me focus. We did quite a few takes and it seemed to me that all was going well. I remembered what I wanted to say and ... Read moreBy Virginia Clark

We’ve all been there. A phone clutched tightly in hand, waiting for him to text, email or call. So afraid you might miss him, you carry the phone from room to room, from place to place. You check your phone a hundred times while you refresh the mailbox again and again. You send an email to yourself just to make sure the mail program is working ... Read moreSee More

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What's So Crazy About Being Single And NOT Looking?

All the single ladies! Whether temporary or indefinite, can a woman ever just be single without being a pity case?

I can't even begin to count the number of times people have said to me, "Dori, you need a boyfriend," after learning that I'm single. What's worse is their reaction when I don't chime in with a disgruntled, "Don't I know it!"

I easily accept the reality of my relationship status — single — and this seems to perplex people. That my life doesn't revolve around nailing down Mr. Right strikes both friends and strangers as odder than should be allowed, and drives them into frenzied trances of speculation. Between the doubt and the advice they're just dying to give, it only takes but a few moments for them to vault me up on to the platform of their projected pity where they can lavish me with counsel.

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I can always see it coming too. The furrowed brow of concern, the gentle hand of commiseration resting cautiously upon my own. Sometimes their solicitude will come in the form of a shy comment; something to the effect of, "I just worry about you. You deserve better."

"Better than what?" I might ask them, knowing full well what their answer will be. "Better than being alone, of course. Nobody wants to be alone."

But is being alone — whether temporarily or indefinitely — really all that bad? When I explain to those who care that I have come to a place in my life, post-divorce, where I feel more comfortable with detachment rather than attachment, the result of their friendly psychoanalysis is always the same: I'm either kidding myself, in denial, on some kind of head trip where I believe I'm superior to others, or I'm just too lonely to admit that I'm shut down and afraid to fall in love again. After all, who could be happy in such a state of non-attachment? The Buddha?

Well, I'm not the Buddha, nor do I aspire to be the Buddha. I'm just me, a woman who's been madly, desperately in love before; a woman who's had many great loves and many great losses. I've felt the all-encompassing warmth of being in love, and I've lived for years and years in full acknowledgement of love's infinite healing qualities. I have loved love, and have spent a life knowing that by being in love, I was living a full life, a human life. The act of loving someone and being loved in return, without a doubt, allowed me to feel like I was a complete person. Love is what made life worth living.

Until of course, I was pulverized by love.

While the old adage, "once bitten, twice shy," has meaning, the reality of the slogan—for most of us—should read, "85,000,000 times bitten, twice shy." We don't really get the point until we've been squashed, annihilated and eradicated by love—and even then I'm not sure we get it. When we finally ask ourselves, "Hey, whoa...do I really want more of this love stuff?," ironically, most of the time the answer will be, "Why, yes. Yes I do. In fact, give me another helping. Even though my heart has been charred into cinders, I believe there’s still something inside this old cage of bones that’s worth destroying."

What a bizarre bunch of Buddhas we are, this human race of ours.

So, why do we crave this attachment when we know from experience that it has the potential of delivering so much pain? I think if we had even the slightest hint of what real, permanent separation from the person we love felt like we’d never venture forth to seek love in the first place. It's like marriage; we don’t marry to get divorced, we marry because we want to achieve the ideal, and that is to stay in love forever. Not only that, but I suspect we also marry because we think we can grab the 'brass ring', that it’s ours for the taking so long as we believe.

Oh sure, at the dawn of a romance, we pretend to be all grand and worldly about the reality of being in love. We tend to shoo away any hints at our own weakness, which, in a way, is like creating a disclaimer that acknowledges failure as an option. But it's nothing we can't deal with because, well, we're such advanced souls and naturally we can take it should something as silly as failure happen. That's why we glibly say things like, "Yeah, I know it's not going to be perfect." But the truth is, we're not always prepared for it to be anything less than perfect. Because once we're in love, we're sunk.

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As soon as that attachment takes hold, even the slightest variance may be interpreted as a threat to the union. For those of us whose sensitivity levels are off the charts, we become neurotic, paranoid and possessive. We are so involved and invested in the security of this thing that if for some reason we detect even the slightest breach in the unspoken contract of love, we start to break down, bit by bit. For every ounce of pleasure that we derive from the coupling, there is now an equal amount of worry and fear. The fear isn't so much about the present state of the affair as it is about what the end will feel like should the worst of all possibilities come to pass.  Keep reading...

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5 Big Reasons You're Still Single

Maybe you think the only people who deserve love have already found it. Want to change your relationship status? The first step is to know why you can't seem to find love.

You've read all the magazines and the top dating tips, but at the end of the day, you haven't found the answers to why you're still single. After years of coaching clients and running a dating service, I've found five reasons why you're stuck being single.

1. Your love life is not your top priority. You think about dating here and there, but you are not going out on dates regularly. You spend time thinking about work, going to gym, you say you're busy, but really you're not prioritizing this part of your life. If you met an amazing guy today you would spend hours, maybe even days with him so why not put some of this time into finding him?

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2. You don't believe you deserve to give and receive love. You think the only people who deserve love have already found it. You think to yourself, "Oh, she's so pretty and nice she deserves a great guy." But so do you! You just have to believe it and know what you have to offer. There is someone out there looking for the exact qualities you have, you just don't know how to show them off.

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3. You're looking for qualities in a man instead of qualities of the relationship. Stop making a never-ending list of qualities to look for in a guy. What's important is the relationship. Think of what you want in a relationship or with your partner, not just the qualities of that person. Keep reading...

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Anna can see solutions where others see only blind spots and she strives to help you achieve your goals when it comes to love, dating and relationships; no matter what obstacles you encoutner. Anna is the Founder of Nouveau Dating, where experts strive to answer all of your questions and help you along the way to finding love. Sign up for our newsletters to get the newest dating tips and advice right away!

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To learn more about me check out Anna Karimo. 

Look out for the upcoming releases of Get Him for Life and Love is Everywhere.

Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support

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Newly Single? How To Make A Fresh Start [VIDEO]

var cachebooster = (new Date()).getTime(); document.write( ''); Find an Expert Ask an Expert YourTango Expert Kate Evans advises how to avoid mistakes from previous relationships. By Kate Evans

LOVEBUZZ BLOG 7 Children's Characters Arrested For Crimes ... 12 Clever Ways To Avoid A Broken Heart ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS var cachebooster = (new Date()).getTime(); document.write( '');

Are you newly single and desperate for a relationship? Are you afraid that this will cause you to make the same mistakes you made before? If so, help is on the way.

In this video, therapist and YourTango Expert Kate Evans reassures you that these desperate post-breakup feelings are common. "I know it can be frightening to be alone because being with someone makes you feel secure and valuable and loved. It makes you feel like you're not alone in this universe," she says, "What I want you to focus on is not mistaking attention for love." She has a special exercise on how to do this.

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Tax Day: Are You Filing Single Again This Year? [EXPERT]

Tired of tax season? Check. Still single on Tax Day? Use this annual milestone to find love and change your relationship status.

Tax Day is upon us again and there are financial advantages to being married when it comes to your tax return. But thinking beyond deductions, what is the emotional impact of your relationship status when filing single?

As April 15 passes again, I encourage my clients to use this yearly milestone as a springboard for creating the love life you want. This is the ideal time to meet partners and find love. As the weather warms up, so do people! Spring is a time of rebirth that harkens back to our more primitive nature. Leverage this innate yearning within every human to find the love you want.

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Here are seven suggestions on how to open your heart to finding love, attract more men and take advantage of springtime.

1. Notice men around you. When dating coaching clients ask me, "Where are the good single men?" I tell them they are everywhere, mixed in with all the other men. That means you cross paths with single men in everyday life, not just at singles events and online. It's time to open your eyes so you can notice men around you.

For my clients who make a real effort to do this exercise, they are astonished by what they see. Men really are everywhere! Even if these same women swore they never saw single men anywhere, this shift in awareness changes everything for them

2. Quiet the inner critic. Many women have a strong inner critic who says something negative about every man they see. Sadly, this is normal, but it doesn't have to continue. Push yourself to wonder why a man (you would otherwise judge) is loved by his girlfriend or wife. This causes you to look for something good — a whole new way to think about men.

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Taking time to do this actually impacts how men see you too. Your attitude softens and opens as you see men in a more positive light. The end result? You actually become more approachable and attractive to them! Keep reading ...

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Is The Guy You're Dating Really Single? [VIDEO]

Are you wondering if the guy you've been dating is really single or just shopping around? Desperate for some clarity in your growing relationship? If so, help is on the way.

In this video, dating coach and YourTango Expert Maya Ezratti says that you never want to ask point-blank if he's dating around, because it shows too much interest from your standpoint. Instead, you'll want to redefine the idea of being single in your mind. "Being single is different in being available," she says. "If he hasn't asked you to be exclusive, then he's probably dating other people but the good news is you can be dating other people too."

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10 Things Your Friends Think You Want To Do Because You're Single

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Love Buzz Subscribe to Love Buzz By The Frisky. Posted on Mar 26th 2013.

What would you add to the list?

Sometimes our coupled friends get it all wrong. You know the friend who gets into a relationship and then completely forgets what it's like to be single? Yeah, we're talking about her.

The one who assumes you want to cat sit, be the third wheel or hear dating advice you never asked for. Does anyone ever want to do these things?

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Our friends at The Frisky count down all the things friends think you want to do just because you're single in hilarious GIFs you can totally relate to.

See the GIFs at The Frisky: 10 Things Your Coupled Friends Think You Want To Do Just Because You’re Single (As Told In GIFs)

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Single? 3 Ways To Meet Men This Spring [EXPERT]

Spring into spring! Put an end winter hibernation and get yourself back out there!

If winter has cramped your social life, take your cues from crocuses ready to poke their heads up and blossom. The time for winter hibernation is over!

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Human nature makes nearly everyone yearn for spring romance. This desire is coded into your DNA and harkens back to more primitive times. So, take advantage of what comes naturally and get ready to mingle.

Spring into socializing. There are lots of different ways to meet people and renew your social activities. Whether you are looking to meet singles or just new people in general, broadening your social circle enriches your life. The more people you know, the bigger your network and the better your chances of finding a good match. With that in mind, here are three suggestions for stepping up your socializing this spring:

1. Look for spring singles events. You can find singles events advertised in many places. Check out MeetUp.com which is loaded with singles groups organized by zip code. There are also plenty of local online calendars that list singles events, dances and group meetings like Parents Without Partners. As a dating coach for women, I also recommend you ask at your house of worship. Many churches and synagogues have singles gatherings drawing from the community.

2. Go outside for vitamin D and male attention. As the weather warms up, people want to be outside in the sunshine. Some vitamin D is good for you! Get out there to walk, jog, ride your bike or anything that brings you in contact with people. This is how you can get some of that male attention you've been craving while cooped up inside!

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When you're outdoors, you have a chance to be seen. If you choose to exercise, be sure to stop from time to time and smell the flowers or adjust your sneakers so you'll be approachable. No point in just speeding by. If you want to meet new people, include some light strolling in your routine to allow for the opportunity interact with people. Keep reading ...

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The Single Girl's Guide to New Year's Resolutions

Make 2013 your best year yet. What's your love resolution for 2013? One writer shares her list of 10 love lessons.

It's midnight and the ball is about to descend upon Times Square, but you look around and that special someone to kiss is nowhere to be found. "Alone again this year," you think to yourself, and then a bomb goes off in your mind, igniting an avalanche of other panicked thoughts as you reflect upon the year: "I thought he was the one!" or "I can't believe I'm single again!" or "What did I do wrong!" or "I wonder if he's with her tonight!" 

If your love life wasn't what you thought it would be in 2012, don't despair. Too often, we feel pressured to have our lives in perfect order on New Year's Eve, complete with a killer sparkly sequined dress at an over-hyped party and someone to kiss at midnight. When the fireworks don't go off as planned, we're left feeling unsatisfied and disappointed. But this is not what ringing in a new year is all about. Instead, it's a time for renewal, rebirth and new beginnings.

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A few years ago, I found myself single on New Year's Eve, newly separated from my boyfriend and in the depths of despair. I was drained of all my emotional energy and completely disconnected from myself. I needed a new beginning and a new relationship - with myself and eventually, a new boyfriend. Obsessing over what went wrong and forever mourning my failed relationship only made me feel depressed, not motivated to move on. So instead, I wrote myself a list of resolutions based upon the love lessons I learned.  

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When I started to take my own advice, I immediately felt stronger and more competent because I had created my own roadmap. When I felt brave enough to date again, I used my list to navigate my journey on the road to love. It's helped me to remember where I've been, what I've learned, how resiliant I can be and what I want (and don't want) for my future. I've kept my list handy throughout the years, adding to it as needed, and smiling to myself as I re-read each lesson. Though some lessons aren't applicable anymore, some I still need to remember. 

If you want to move forward in 2013, take the time to empty your heart and soul of all the negative energy from your relationships passed. When you make your New Year's resolutions, instead of lamenting over things gone wrong, write down the lessons you've learned so you can move forward. Make a point to start 2013 with a fresh, positive outlook and an open heart to welcome all that the new year has to offer. Here's my list to get you started. Keep reading...

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The Bright Side Of Being Single [EXPERT]

ProConnect Subscribe to Experts Blog By Life Coach Kelly Rudolph. Posted on Dec 31st 2012.

Are you happy being single? Plus: Are you a teepee or a skyscraper? Find out!

If you don't know how to be happy when your single, chances are, your relationships will always teeter on the brink of doom. Why? Because the "right guy" for you when you're unhappy being single likely feels the same way as you — he's unhappy being single, too. And two people who are unhappy being single in a relationship together, well, that's a disaster waiting to happen.

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Here's what I mean. Picture two, emotionally healthy, happy people standing next to each other having a relationship. They are both standing tall like skyscrapers, happy to be together but also individually complete when separate. Now picture two unhappily single people leaning on one another. They look like a teepee. If one falters, they both collapse.

See the difference? Being happy single doesn't mean you don't want a relationship. It means you get to attract a happy, single man into a healthy relationship.

If you're thinking to yourself that relationships mean having someone to help you get through life, you may need to take a closer look at your life. Life isn't something to be gotten through. Life is to be lived, loved, laughed, danced and celebrated, which can only truly happen with two people who recognize they are complete on their own.

Once you know how to be happy single, once you enjoy time with friends and alone without needing a relationship to validate your existence, then, when you're in a relationship, you'll have a lot more fun. Plus, you'll be that mucy more likely to attract someone who knows how to be happy single as well. The relationship will be created by two, mentally and emotionally healthy people instead of two needy people. Doesn't that sound like more fun? Keep reading ...

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Kelly Rudolph
Certified Life Coach | PWRful Results Coach | Dragonfly Process Practitioner
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Specialties: Life Management, Life Transitions, Stress ManagementOther Articles/News by Life Coach Kelly Rudolph:By Life Coach Kelly Rudolph

We all have our own definition of happy. Have you ever considered that yours is making you unhappy? When we picture certain events happening in our lives before we can be happy (promotion, marriage, new home), we look for those specific situations and set ourselves up to miss out on many experiences that may have lead us to happiness in a different ... Read moreBy Life Coach Kelly Rudolph

Being single on New Years Eve inspires most women to seek company (even if it's bad) to avoid being alone. The thought of beginning another year single is almost overwhelming and inspires despair, anxiety, desperation, fear and depression. Even if a less than desirable relationship ended during the year and you are better off for it, there is still a stigma ... Read moreBy Life Coach Kelly Rudolph

As women, we are excellent at creating ourselves as victims and martyrs. This is the time and here is the first step to break the ugly cycle and move on to being powerful instead of tragic! Martyr - A woman who suffers by choice and wears it as a badge of honor. This is a woman who will settle into a bad relationship or job situation and allow everyone to ... Read moreSee More

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