Are Your 'Ladies Nights' Keeping You Single?

ProConnect Subscribe to Experts Blog By Monique Boyd

Don't forget to include the guys once in a while. Sisterhood vs singlehood: does having a strong bond with other women come at a cost?

I've always been a girly girl. I love the color Pink, wear mainly dresses and skirts, and would not be caught dead without my earrings. Even in college I remember waiting in anticipation to see if my favorite sorority accepted me into their organization. My roommate and I were so happy when we were accepted and purchased all of the latest paraphernalia: t-shirts, socks, hats, jackets, and underwear — yes, even underwear! My college sweetheart at the time was in a fraternity, so I was head-over-heels excited to be a part of this culture, and walk in the footsteps of the women who came before me in this great organization. It was a dream come true.

However, as I've grown older I've started to question the very ideals I held as a child and young adult. My job allows me to travel all over the world and meet people from all walks of life. It's really opened my eyes to the differences between the Western and Eastern cultures when it comes to dating and relationships. For example, I've noticed vastly different dating styles in other countries. Many couldn't imagine having a ladies night without men. When I mentioned this concept to them, they were dumbfounded and questioned the very foundation that I've come to understand in America. It really made me take a second look at how Americans have created certain female-only activities, and how they may be keeping women perpetually single.

Let's take a look at the other side of the coin — men. Men enjoy bonding with other guys through activities like sports and music, but unless it's game-watching or playing in a music band, they very rarely just hang out the way women do in bars, clubs or other social settings. Sure, I'll make the exception of a young male who, in his twenties, occasionally hangs out with the "fellas" to pick up women in a bar or club, but as he grows up and matures, he tends to go solo. Women on the other hand tend to do the opposite. Unless they're married, women continue to hang out in "all girl" clubs, even if they would prefer to go out with their single male friends.

I've also heard from many men that it's intimidating talking to a woman or ask her out on a date when she is with a group. They say it's much easier if she is by herself or out with two or three girlfriends. Think about it: men already run the risk of being rejected by the girl, but when his woman of interest is part of a group, he risks even more rejection by not just her, but all of her groupees as well!

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What is the rationale behind the all girl clubs? I believe one of the reasons to blame is our history in this country. Not too long ago, the feminist movement began in response to women being treated unfairly regarding family and work life. Creating this movement forced the country to look at women differently: they started to be seen as a valuable force in the economy. This was a great step forward for women and an even better one for the country. It was also a great bonding experience for women, and we quickly seized on those opportunities by realizing our strength came in numbers. However, this power has come at a huge cost. Even though women made valuable strides when it came to asserting their independence from men, they still wanted to be courted and dined by them. Keep reading...

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Monique Boyd

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