Listen Up, Ladies! This Is Why You Shouldn't Pay On The 1st Date

Put your wallet away, girl. Paying is HIS job.

Men and women tend to have different perspectives when it comes to love and dating. If you want to know both sides, you've come to the right place. Laurel House (She Said) is a "Screwing The Rules" international Dating Coach and Flirting Expert, and Steve Hansen (He Said) is a Wing Man and Perspective Expert and we are your new go-tos for all things dating, sex, and relationships.

The question today is: who pays on the first date? 

She Said
He does. Period. Friends go dutch. Business associates go dutch. Dates don't. What do you want? A friend? A business partner? A job? Or a boyfriend that might lead to a husband? Ladies… never put your credit card down, do the fake reach, or even offer to pay on a date again. I don't care if you’re wealthier, uglier, fatter, less popular, more pathetic, or luckier (to be out with him than he is with you). You are the woman. Your presence and radiance is payment enough on that first date. In fact, it's payment enough on the first several dates (if not all dates). The act of pulling out a credit card or cash from your wallet at the dinner table is a masculine act and it is not for a feminine woman to do.

The bottom line: Paying = providing (masculine). Cooking/gifting = nurturing (feminine).

You can pay in other ways on other dates. You can be responsible for atypical dates — like cooking dinner and buying the ingredients, which is also a serious turn on as it shows that you are a nurturer. Have a special something arranged, like schedule a couples massage at a fancy hotel, a cocktail making class, or arrange an activity like a picnic with wine and an amazing cheese assortment that you pick up from a specialty grocery store.

Now, I'm not saying to go on that date and be a bitch, act entitled, or be dismissive. No. Be sweet, interesting (contribute to the conversation), interested (in what he has to say), effervescent, sassy — whatever you are… be you. But be a confident you. Be your best you.

Now, to clarify, just because he is paying, doesn't mean that you are not a strong, self-sufficient, independent woman. This isn't about independence. It isn't about your ability to buy your own dinner and pay your own way. It's about chivalry.

Another clarification: just because he is paying doesn't mean that you owe him anything after.

The net? Let the man be the man, and the woman be the woman.

He Said
I used to pay for everything when I went on dates without question. No matter where we went or what we did my credit card was out and as I understood it was my duty as a man to pay for the date. As time passed slowly but surely I found myself heartbroken, time and time again, and eventually I became so frustrated that I refused to pay for another first date. Not only was I sick of being heartbroken but I was sick of paying for it. I put up a wall and if a girl seemed interested, I offered a compromise, she would pay for the first date and I would cover the next one. I never felt one hundred percent ok with it, but it was fun and I felt original because I was pretty sure not many guys were bold enough to make the attempt. Although my perhaps questionable tactics worked and I went on lots of dates, they were never with the same person.

It was a great philosophy in theory, just not the best recipe for finding the love of your life. Since then, I have broken through that mental block and have began paying again and doing so proudly.

Guys, in the grand scheme of things, paying for dinner is really just another drop in the well. When you begin dating the right girl, she'll likely do a ton of thoughtful things that may not have been worked into the equation. I know cooking a meal at home can still be expensive, so can a bottle of wine, a case of decent beer, or any of the other amazing surprises women do for us when we're in a committed relationship. If you're at all skeptical about the date and you feel as though it's not worth picking up the tab, maybe a dinner date isn't the right choice, and an evening of drinks and a romantic walk and talk through the park would be a better fit.

Consider dinner an investment. An investment in finding the potential love of your life. Once you find the right one it will have all been worth it and you'll appreciate her that much more in the end.

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5 Things You Shouldn't Reject A Guy Over [EXPERT]

Not everything has to be a deal breaker. You may want to rethink judging him for his less-than-cool profession or lack of style.

By Arnie Singer for GalTime.com

I firmly believe that a woman should not feel obligated to date every guy sent her way just because she might feel negative about her single status or "anxious" to get into a relationship. When it comes to finding that ideal significant other, we all have our list of desired traits along with the drop-dead deal breakers that we refuse to compromise on. Also, going out on too many bad dates will drain you of your positive energy, which is so vital to dating success.

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Some women go a bit overboard in the rejection department and write off potential matches for reasons that I believe are short-sighted and irrelevant to a happy relationship. Remember, your goal is to be in a committed, happy relationship that will lead to marriage. So here are some things that I believe you should not reject a guy over.

1. His clothing. On two separate occasions, I tried to set up women with men I suggested because they didn't like the way they dressed. They felt the men weren't "sharp" or cool enough for them. Admittedly, they were clueless in the clothing department, but I told these women that I thought they were making a big mistake by rejecting these men who were both highly intelligent, successful professionals and really nice guys — only based on their style (or lack thereof).

I guess living in big cities filled with metrosexual, GQ-reading men on the cutting edge of fashion trends can distort the reality that lots of great men are ignorant when it comes to style. They either don't know or don't care, so they continue to dress like college frat boys or Revenge of the Nerds extras. I can totally see how this can be a turn off to women who put so much effort into looking their best.

But here's the reason why it shouldn't matter: Most men will gladly upgrade their wardrobe for the right woman. Most men would love for a woman to take them shopping and help them pick out clothes. In fact, they probably wouldn't mind if you went shopping on your own and just brought them back stuff to wear. It's that simple.

In most areas you need to assume that a person will not change, and you must accept them as they are. Clothing style for men is not one of them. Once you're in a relationship, you can style your man. So don't reject a guy just because he can't figure out what to wear!

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2. His home furnishing. Similar to tastes in clothing, most guys do not have the sense of style necessary to furnish an apartment or home that doesn't look like a college dorm room or Austin Powers' bachelor pad. That's where you come in, if you end up living in the same house. Keep that in mind and look past the design disaster to see the real man. Keep reading ...

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Why I Probably Shouldn't Date Another Carnivore [EXPERT]

How important is dietary compatibility to you? Are your food choices limiting your dating pool?

On my first date with Alan, he suggested we order octopus. I laughed and said, "You'd be on your own with that!" And throughout the relationship I had to hear quips and comments about my healthy, green, almost-vegan food preferences.

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"I would have never asked you out if I saw your eating habits listed as mostly vegan in your online dating profile." Great. Thanks for letting me know. Should we break up now?

If Alan and I ordered take-out, he'd choose to eat vegetarian so we could share. If we had plans for dinner, he'd always suggest a place that was very vegetarian-friendly. And while I appreciated the thought, none of this was necessary.

I would have preferred that he just be himself, and order whatever he liked. He even said, "Now, whenever I see a menu, I first scan it to see if there's anything you'll like, before I even look for myself." That makes you a thoughtful and considerate man, Alan. Hardly a horrible trait.

It wasn't long before he broke things off, citing my food choices as his main reason. "You eat too healthy. I want my kids to be comfortable eating anything. I don't want them to have food issues. I want them to eat at Per Se and at McDonald's."

As if I am destined to have problem children. As if we had ever even talked about having children! It didn't matter, though. To me, this all sounded like, "Blah blah blah I want my kids to eat at McDonald's," and I stopped listening.

In an attempt to further defend his position, he continued, "We wouldn't be able to have filet of beef for Christmas, or go to my favorite barbecue restaurant." What? Now he was making things up. And now I would really stop listening.

We never spoke about what I would or wouldn't cook. We never spoke about what I'd want cooked in any kitchen I shared. We never spoke about which restaurants I would enjoy. Continue reading.

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Hungry for more food & love content? Check out Breakfast, Love & Dinner.

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