i dont know what to believe.... please help

hello everybody,

a little about us, we havent been together for too long,only 4months. we have a long distance relationship.everything has been ok so far but one week i couldnt reach him for bout 3 days and he said someone in his family died and i couldnt be mad because i didnt know whether it was true or not so i gave him another chance.
now recently, last weekend he was supposed to come over, but he didnt show up. tried calling and calling and calling for the whole weekend nobody answered. i was kind of pissed, thinking that hes been playing with me all along and that i was just too stupid to see it.so i sent him a few fd up messages. then i hear from his friend on that sunday telling me he is in the hospital, he hurt his back. (didnt believe it) he called the next day and told me what supposedly happened. i didnt really listen but anyways, is there any chance that this may be true? i think that if u really want to, u will find a way to let that person know what happened. obviously i was waiting the whole weekend for some kind of call or a sign that he is ok. he thinks that i overreacted and that im wrong for sending him these f'd up messages. what do yall think?

You either trust him or you don't, which I believe he's done something that you doubt about what he's done and said. I think the best option would be talk to him about this situation face-to-face, and be firm about what you feel about it because if you don't say it, then he will continue and will also take advantage of that. Find a time and sit down and talk to him, ask what you feel about it to see how he reacts to that. Then go from then, but if your feeling still bothers you, then I think you're right about the trusting issue.

Not sure if you would agree with me, but girls do have this very strong distinct feeling when something is not right with our guy. While you should give him the benefit of the doubt I suggest you also take note of your doubts. Be on guard but not to the point that you ruin everything before you even find out the truth.

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Should You Believe In Soulmates?

SEE MORE VIDEOS Ten percent of women say they wouldn't shave their legs if it weren't for their significant other.

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And what happens if you can't find the one you're meant to be with?

Why is it that we click instantly with some people and not at all with others? Why is it that some people turn us on and keep us feeling good for years to a lifetime, while others make us want to run for the hills just to avoid seeing them again? And then, there is the all-time favorite, resigned and accepted "wisdom" of settling for "most" but not "all" we need and want, since conventional wisdom dictates "no one is perfect" and "no one person can satisfy all our needs."

How then do we go about finding the one we were meant to be with and is that even real?

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There is a lovely and brilliant fable aiming to explain this illusive (to find and sustain if you do find it) instant and deep connection with another we all crave, and it goes like this:

All souls live in a beehive like structure, two soul mates to an assigned cozy crib, in close proximity to many others, sharing a fulfilling social and intimate life, while waiting to choose a human body to inhabit on earth. The process can take many years but, since time has no meaning there, no one cares.

Eventually, each soul gets a human and separates from mate for the first time in aeon, certain a reunion is close at hand. Considering how inefficient and screw-up prone we all are, finding each other turns out to be a herculean quest not for the faint of heart and stamina. But we soldier on. No compromise, no surrender. We keep our eyes on the prize, which will make life so very sweet and worth living.

Of course this could all be wishful thinking or simply a fear of the unknown-based fantasy. So let's look at both sides of the soul mate or not soul mate divide and explore 10 reasons for each, in no particular order:

A. Reasons for soul mate as the only option

You are instantly "home." It's the love at first sight cynics dismiss. (They probably also don't believe in abandon, throwing caution to the wind and rolling around on the grass in a rain storm.)Chemistry is instant and palatable. He/she smells/tastes/looks and feels delicious, amazing and right. Passion comes easy and fast — as does the cuddling after–before comfy, touchy sleep, or not.You both view/live in the same world. Same funny, frustrating, depressing, bizarre, amazing, rewarding, elating and satisfying reality.She/he has your back no matter what and without conditions. Always a soft place to fall and the affirming validation we all crave.You are number one, top of the heap, the big cheese. First place is yours by right and fate and no one, not family, parental units, lover, child, nor the second dude or chick from the left, can change that.You are happy because you are with her/him. You are healthier, stronger, higher functioning and performing and better able to deal with anything life throws your way. It's you and her/him against the world, and that is a beautiful thing.Your love nourishes you and is your natural state of being. An oasis from stress and frustrations.She makes you feel like a man/woman. Being a couple is easy and requires little, if any, work.The concept of growing old together is comforting and stimulating. Never lonely, even when alone, and just being together is as good as it gets, right up there with the nights and days of passion and abandon (occasional gas — funny — does not prevent heading down south, after the air clears).This is what was meant to be. She/he gets you and wants you just the way you are.

B. Reasons for not soul mate as valid alternative

You're on your own, self sufficient and self-satisfying. You don't have to put up with anybody else's crap or share the island with.Soul mates are for sissies. Grown up real men (and women) hook up, get needs met and make it work for as long as they want to.
"Can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with," (Stephen Stills, 1970). You can choose serial monogamy or polyamory, whatever floats your boat.Forever inhabiting the easy shallow warm waters, never venturing to the deep cool ones requiring hard work. Keep it simple and casual.Coming home to find it exactly as you left it in the morning = Heaven.When those "cute" idiosyncrasies become annoying, fare well and move on.Always the first time, always freshly showered and sweet tasting. (The little blue pill really is for blood flow issues, not to make up for lack of desire and want.)No need to assert control or manipulate. You eat what you kill or go hungry, your choice.Everything is negotiable and you can always start again with a new partner (endless learning curve cycle is a bummer though).You learn to build a good life on your own.  Great skill to have, making change and loss easier to bear.

Finding and living your truth, your authentic comfort zone, is the key to happiness. Most of us will end up somewhere along the continuum between soul mate or not soul mate and will attain satisfying meaningful relationships, avoiding the "life of quiet desperation" we fear will be our fate if we don't find our "soul mate." Listen to your inner voice and it will guide you to your promised land, with or without your soul mate.

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To Meet A Loving Man, Believe That Men Are Loving

If you want to meet a great guy and settle down, you need to let go of your past traumas. Most men are kind and caring — don't let fear stop you from finding someone special.

While observing flirting practice during one of my classes at the Boston Center for Adult Education, I noticed one of my students shrink into herself, fold her arms over her chest, and start to shake. Since flirting requires an open, friendly, and welcoming attitude, I wondered about her behavior. "I guess that's what practice is for," I thought to myself. 

Still, I couldn't help but wonder what unconscious belief was causing this behavior. She seemed to be acting as if she believed that men were frightening or dangerous.

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Over the years I have become adept at identifying the unconscious beliefs that interfere with people getting the results they really want, but until that day, I never considered the flip side. What unconscious beliefs did I have that actually worked for me in my relationships with men?

I realized that I believed that "men are loving." It started with my father who dearly loves all his children and the members of his extended family — he still tells me he loves me every day. Not surprisingly, over the years, I have always attracted men who were loving, helpful, and there to take care of me when I needed them. 

For example, in my early 20s, I visited Eilat, Israel. Two Yemenite men walked out of the cardboard house slums in the sand dunes, surrounded me and... bought me lunch with all the change they had in their pockets. In my mid 20s, I broke my elbow, and a man I had met just a week earlier moved in with me for the week, grocery shopped and cooked for me, kept me company in the evenings, and drove me to my parents' house when they got back from vacation. In my 30s, I met a man in a park who kept house with me for six months while I started my postdoctoral training and recovered from burnout. Most significantly, there have always been innumerable teachers and mentors (women as well as men), and my wonderful husband has supported my growth and success at every stage of my life.

Even the three men I met who initially acted unloving eventually apologized and insisted on making it up to me. 

With all this in mind, I started testing for these beliefs in all my female clients with relationship issues. Not surprisingly, most unmarried and divorced women I worked with believed that men are dangerous (or some variation of that), even if it was on a subconscious level — they did not believe that men are loving at all. Women in unsatisfying relationships had both beliefs. Now that I know what to look for, I'm sure I'll find similar beliefs in my male clients when it comes to how they view women.

Fortunately, with Healing from the Body Level Up (HBLU) treatment, this negative belief can be cleared and the positive belief installed in just a few sessions. I'm excited about helping a lot more of my clients create happy marriages and supportive relationships!

If you or anyone you know would like to open your heart to love, get happily married, or improve your marriage or other relationships, HBLU methodology can help you. If you would like to learn more or schedule an appointment, please call 781-444-6940, email info@hblu.org, or go to www.hblu.org. 

Judith A. Swack, Ph.D.

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A Glorious Reason to Believe…

Hello!

I want to share my love story with all of you. AnastasiaDate.com gave me the possibility to start my new and happy life with Michael. I remember that day when I saw him first as it was yesterday. I was worrying so much when I was waiting for him in the airport in Kiev in the early October in 2010.

When I saw him, saw his shining loving eyes my heart started beating even faster but this time not from being worry, I remembered in one moment all his letters, all kind words he was writing to me for over a month. He was the same I imaged him to be. We were waiting for this meeting the whole eternity. It is necessary to mention that I didn’t know English so well to communicate with him but during those five days we were together our heart helped us; they were spelling words of love. And I completely agree that love is an international language that has no barriers. I was like in a fairy-tale when I was with him. And when he flew away and we continued the correspondence I understood that I was not able to live without him even a minute, I told him about that and he came back with the greatest present I have ever got – he brought me a ring and asked to be his wife. He was my price on the white horse, the price I was waiting for whole my life long and I didn’t hesitate to say him “yes, I would be happy to be with you forever”.

Eights of January will be always in my memory as the start of our new life. We had the most beautiful wedding and I was in the seventh heaven from happiness. I am sure that this feeling will be with us during whole our life and will never leave us.

I am so appreciated to the agency “Happy together” from Lugansk and to the site Anastasia that they helped me to find my second half. I hope all ladies will find their happiness as I did. They should just not give up trying. Love is so close; you should stretch the hand and take it. Don’t waste your chance and do it right now.

Marina - Lugansk, Ukraine

Michael - Canada

Find your companion here

A Glorious Reason to Believe…

Hello!

I want to share my love story with all of you. AnastasiaDate.com gave me the possibility to start my new and happy life with Michael. I remember that day when I saw him first as it was yesterday. I was worrying so much when I was waiting for him in the airport in Kiev in the early October in 2010.

When I saw him, saw his shining loving eyes my heart started beating even faster but this time not from being worry, I remembered in one moment all his letters, all kind words he was writing to me for over a month. He was the same I imaged him to be. We were waiting for this meeting the whole eternity. It is necessary to mention that I didn’t know English so well to communicate with him but during those five days we were together our heart helped us; they were spelling words of love. And I completely agree that love is an international language that has no barriers. I was like in a fairy-tale when I was with him. And when he flew away and we continued the correspondence I understood that I was not able to live without him even a minute, I told him about that and he came back with the greatest present I have ever got – he brought me a ring and asked to be his wife. He was my price on the white horse, the price I was waiting for whole my life long and I didn’t hesitate to say him “yes, I would be happy to be with you forever”.

Eights of January will be always in my memory as the start of our new life. We had the most beautiful wedding and I was in the seventh heaven from happiness. I am sure that this feeling will be with us during whole our life and will never leave us.

I am so appreciated to the agency “Happy together” from Lugansk and to the site Anastasia that they helped me to find my second half. I hope all ladies will find their happiness as I did. They should just not give up trying. Love is so close; you should stretch the hand and take it. Don’t waste your chance and do it right now.

Marina - Lugansk, Ukraine

Michael - Canada

Find your companion here