Untangling The Sticky Science Of Dating And Physical Attraction

Just not feelin' it? Try talking to him! Men dismiss women based on looks all the time. Is it OK for the ladies to do the same?

Let's talk about attraction — that illusive chemistry thing. If your dating life isn't going the way you'd like, it's time to chat about this pesky little subject. One of the biggest dating mistakes I'm seeing at my website, www.JulieFerman.com, is that today's modern-day woman often dismisses a guy too soon, before she knows enough about him to make a smart decision about his date-worthiness.

Many women veto a man because he's not her physical "type" — oh my, these women are sabotaging themselves without even knowing it. Don't be that girl. I've been interviewing, coaching and matchmaking with male and female clients for over 20 years, and I've found the very biggest distinction between men and women with regard to dating is that we girls can and do develop romantic attraction over time. Men? Not so much, sadly. It's harder for men to break past physical barriers, but women are much more able.

More from YourTango: How To Be Irresistible To Men

I ask this question to each single person I interview:

"Have you ever met someone whom you didn't find attractive initially, but then later, over time, as you really got to know that person you found that you did develop "the hots" for this person?"

Well, women have responded yes to that question around 85 percent of the time. But the men I've interviewed? Sadly, less than 5 percent of them have said yes.

Is this fair? Is this right? Well, maybe not, but it's just the way it is. It's not that men are shallow or superficial; it's really just a matter of biology. If a guy isn't attracted to a woman, he simply can't respond. His equipment just doesn't work. And um, we like their equipment, don't we?

I have a gentleman client at www.JulieFerman.com who's super cute and fit — essentially, your basic "It Guy." And yet he's only attracted to very slender Asian women. No other type of woman can get a chance with him. Another of my personal matchmaking clients is a guy who likes Kardashian curves and he just can't seem to develop attraction with a woman who's a hard-body runner type.

The smart way for women to date is to really consider the men who are attracted to you, rather than pining away for or chasing after the guy who catches your eye.

If you're doing online dating, you simply must post two key photos: a clear, current, happy-looking face shot, and you absolutely, positively need to also post a body shot. An up-to-date version of your bod (not in a bikini!) because you want to show off who you are.

The men who reach out to you? You've got a shot at them, so give them a chance. If the men you're attracted to aren't responding to you, then you're barking up the wrong tree, be it online or in real life. What about that guy who's hot for you but is not quite on target for you in terms of physicality? Go on a date with him. If he meets your top three critical criteria, give him a second date. If he is interested and attracted and pursuing you, give him a third date. If there's just no magic for you after three dates, it's OK to let him go at that point. Keep him as a friend, though, if you can.

So many men make the mistake of dismissing someone before they get to know them. Don't make that same error.

To be eligible for personal matchmaking referrals, be sure to register privately with me at www.JulieFerman.com

More from YourTango: Be Your Matchmaker's Dream Client

More dating advice from YourTango:

Handbags reviews and advice for best reference here

Heavy Stubble Is The Sexiest Kind Of Facial Hair, Says Science

To shave or not to shave? A new study proves we're attracted to men who look like they've misplaced their razor.

Facial hair can easily influence our perceptions of guys — whether they're clean-shaven or rocking a lumberjack 'stache.

I've been making the case for facial hair on men for as long as I can remember. But not just any facial hair — I'm talking a healthy dose of stubble. A six o'clock shadow, if you will.

More from YourTango: 10 Things You Should Never Lie To Him About

Clean-shaven feels nice to touch, but the look is a little too baby-faced for my taste — and a full beard can be too aggressive, not to mention painful when if you're on the receiving end of a makeout session. (One YourTango staffer, who shall remain nameless, compared smooching a fully bearded guy to sticking your mouth into a broom).

But some solid scruff? Now that's sexy. It's like the manly version of "effortlessly chic."

Heavy duty scruff is all about the three 'M's: Maturity, masculinity and mysteriousness. Case in point: Ryan Gosling. Need I say more?

And now — finally — my fellow scruff-loving ladies can rejoice. Science has spoken, and it turns out, heavy stubble is sexier. Even better, researchers have even determined the exact length of time your guy needs to achieve it.

The Evolution of Human Behavior set out to prove our point when they showed 351 women and 177 heterosexual men photos of 10 men at different stages of facial hair growth: clean shaven,"light" stubble, "heavy" stubble and fully bearded. 

They asked participants to rate each face for attractiveness, masculinity, health and parenting ability. Women ranked the heavy stubble as the most attractive, which takes about 10 days to achieve.

Clean-shaven men and those will full beards were considered equally as healthy and attractive. 

The least attractive? Both men and women agreed: Light stubble — about 5 days worth of not shaving — is least sexy.

So, it for at least half the time it takes him to reach his sexiest, he will be his least attractive? Hey boys, beauty is pain.

More from YourTango: Kissing Bucket List: The 25 Best Places To Make Out

What do you think? Do you find facial hair sexy? What length do you prefer?

More from YourTango:

Handbags reviews and advice for best reference here