The girl I want is confusing me

So today I went and visited the girl i really like at work. She just happen to be working with a mutual friend of ours who I have not seen in about a year. I walk in. See both of them. They both say hi. My crush starts making me my food(I know that sounds bad but it was at a sub sandwich place) and out of nowhere the other girl just randomly asks if I am going to prom (My crush and I are seniors and the other girl graduated last year). I was a little shocked and just said yeah. Then she asks if I know who I am asking and I said "no not yet". She looks at me and just says "hmm, interesting" and then asks my crush if she is going. She says "of course". I know the other girl was just trying to show me that I should ask her but we have a really complicated past and she knows I like her, has known for a while now, and has never given me a straight answer on where i stand with her so it seems a little confusing that the first thing a person i have not seen in over a year would ask me is my plans for prom. I have gotten the feeling my crush just wants to be friends. There has been a lot of signals that say otherwise but, at the same time, there are things that reinforce it as well.

Could it just be a coincidence that she would ask that and am I just looking to much into this or could she have been hinting at something between my crush and I? We were supposed to go to winter formal back in December but she backed out because she did not want to "create mixed feelings" between us but has since done A LOT of things to confuse me further.

My crush and the other girl are really close and talk a fair amount. So it kinda seems they have been talking or something. I know my crush talks about me with her parents because I met them for the first time last week and they knew me very well before I even met them and random people at school who I know are close with her have randomly decided to start talking to me more and have hinted here and there about me and my crush. But even with that I still get the feeling she just wants me as a close friend

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Confusing situation

Hello,

This is a very very long story, I'm really sorry for the long post! But here goes. Ill sum it up in the last paragraph anyway.

I met a girl a long time ago end of 2010. She had just come out of a bad relationship but there was some chemistry between us. But nothing happened, we became really close friends, but it was more than a friendship...but nothing ever happened, there was just a tonne of tension. I did like her at the start, but I kept it to myself, I enjoyed our friendship, she became like a sister, like and after just coming out of a bad relationship with an abusive boyfriend, I was there for her. These feelings went away eventually, and we were still good friends but we argued like a married couple, we got jealous for stupid reasons, hurt each other, just because I think, there was so much tension. We both knew we had a connection.

We got distant, then we started getting close again towards Christmas 2011. I could tell she liked me this time. Then in January 2012 we were both out one night, and she took me to one side told me she liked me. We went straight into a relationship after that. Committed literally from that night. But, I messed up. I was still immature, I didn't think about the future. I was so casual. After 2 months it ended, she ended it saying I was too immature, which now I can see. But at the time I was angry and upset. We wanted to be friends after, but in reality we couldn't, we didn't get along, we annoyed each other so much. After we broke up, I realised I loved her, I basically begged for her to come back. This of course was stupid, it made us more distant, she started dating another guy. She went for a term in america for her uni course, in a long distance relationship with the guy she had just recently met. And we stopped talking completely.

She logged into my Facebook when she left for america, and found messages about her, that were horrible. I was very two-faced the whole time. I was embarrassed of my feelings for her so I spoke to my friends about her, everything was very harshly said. After that, we stopped contact completely. Then start of December 2012 I get a call from an unknown number. It was her, at first she was shy and put it down straight away, then called again to talk. She didn't even know why she called, she just wanted to sort things. She had broken up with the guy she was dating, but did still have strong feelings for him. In reality, we were friends so much longer than we were a couple, so that's mainly what our relationship was; close friendship and it's what she was calling to repair.

She came back to London, we met a few times, went for dinner. She started seeing the same guy again, but I didn't care because I didn't just want her for more than friendship, I loved being friends with her, and I do now. She spoke to me about the problems with the guy she was dating, she was really upset about it. Then she went back to Uni (not in London, I now live in london and left uni) away from me and found out the guy she was dating had cheated on her. While she was in America, and when she got back and they got together. She was distraught. It was painful hearing someone you love that hurt over the phone, crying. They broke up of course, she had found out through random people she met he had cheated, and he never admitted it.

Over the next few weeks after, they were on and off, she was finding it hard to go back to him, but he used her as a possession, she was often upset. I've been there for her. I visited her as a surprise and she really enjoyed it, she had a really good time. But still she kept going back to him briefly, then would get upset and break down and tell me about it. Now I think the situation is over, she's tired of going back to a guy that's cheated on her but can't help it, she hates him but she loves him, but she knows in reality its just lust.

I visited her for the day to comfort her, she had a really good time, we just relaxed, nothing happened. But now after all this, she's been so upset and needed someone there, I've been there. But I've become protective, I care for her more than all of my other friends, I really do love her more than anything. I don't know what it is though, is this brotherly love?

Sometimes I feel like I love her like family, but then maybe I'm just trying to hide from the fact that I'm in love with her but I'm just scared to admit it and lose her all over again?

I have a massively high opinion of her, I think she's perfect, and amazing in so many ways. and I desperately want her to be happy

It really is confusing, I don't know my own feelings and I'm afraid of them. I know she doesn't have more intentions, I have spoken to her before we promised we wouldn't ever, she got mad once when she thought I had more intentions of our friendship. I feel so guilty because if I tell her I love her, she will be so angry, and I will lose someone I care about so much. Recently I've felt the same tension, the same kind of awkwardness between us. We have the same chemistry. I think we always will. And it's so hard to deal with. I think about her all the time, I worry about her, I just hope she's happy all the time everyday.

What do I do? How can I deal with this? We live far away while she's at Uni. and even if I do tell her, I'll lose her definitely.

I think I have to either be patient if I really do want her, or just end this friendship so I can move on completely.

For now I'm going to try distance myself, stop making so much effort and stop trying to care so much. Concentrate on my life but still be there for her.

I feel like I need to wait for an opportunity to say anything, to do something. Because this can't be forced, I can't simply tell her while she's still trying to get over someone else. She needs a friend, but I feel guilty; I was never friends for her just because I wanted a relationship, but she will see it as the only reason for my friendship.

To summarise, I feel like I'm in love with my best female friend, despite the fact we dated before, but we were friends much longer, but I'm not even sure. She's been through a tough time with guys and I've been there, but it's made me care for her even more. I don't know how what to do, she's always on my mind and truthfully I can see a future with her. But she's getting over another guy, plus I know she doesn't have the same feelings anymore. What do I do?

Really sorry for the mini novel, I hope someone does read it.

Another issue is. She accused me of having more intentions about a month ago, and I said I would never risk our friendship again and she can't either. But still the tension continues.

It has become more awkward even more recently, after that. I started seeing a different girl casually. Lets call her girl 2 just for ease, rather not use names. Not even dating no commitment, just casually seeing her. Then girl 1 asked about it a lot, asking if we had slept togethor, then asked if I remembered or still thought about sleeping with her. And if it was weird being friends now. This was a strange thing but somehow it helped to talk over it.

Since then I've had some problems with girl 2, and decided to cut whatever it was off, and I spoke to girl 1 about it for comfort, but she seems to almost blank me about it and not care. Claims she is busy with work, but I think that she thinks I'm trying to cause jealousy, when I'm just trying to talk to her about relationships with girls like she talks to me about guys, and I don't ever show jealousy or judge.

It's just got more awkward and it makes me more desperate to tell my true feelings, to just stop bottling up. As now I'm sure that I do love her and want to be with her. I just lie to both her and myself by saying she's family etc...because I don't think I could really live without her at all.

It does sound like you messed up big time. By begging her way back when and what not. You've learned your lesson though. Now on what you need to do in order to get her back to you, but more than friends.

No contact. I'm sure you've heard it before. If you haven't, you most certainly have not searched Google for: How to get my ex back? Try it. Here's the steps of stuff you need to do.

-Drop all forms of communication with her. No social media postings. Do not whine about problems you have with things. Absolutely nothing. This will help you become a mystery to her. Which will make her begin to think about you.
-Work on yourself. Workout, take up a new hobby, read, get a new haircut, new clothes, and just be happy! Do anything to get your mind off of her and get your confidence back up.
-Go out and casually hangout and see other girls. This will show her that you are capable of being with other girls and she isn't your only choice.
-When you get your confidence up, don't become a cocky jerk. As much as PUA's say it's the way to go, just tease girls in a fun humorous way.

If you follow those steps, while still being the same old you she fell for, there is no doubt she'll be back. I have done all of these things and had it work. When you do get her back, do not ruin it by being clingy, immature, or a total douche. Take it slow and form something real. Form sexual tension. without Sexual tension your just a friend.

One thing you must do, you must sleep with her. Or even just do stuff with her. Create that emotional memory for her. Get her attached. Sex shouldn't be what rap stars and other people make it out to be. They call it making love for a reason. Don't abuse it, but use it to your advantage. Again, don't rush anything. Time is on your side my friend. Good luck!

It does sound like you messed up big time. By begging her way back when and what not. You've learned your lesson though. Now on what you need to do in order to get her back to you, but more than friends.

No contact. I'm sure you've heard it before. If you haven't, you most certainly have not searched Google for: How to get my ex back? Try it. Here's the steps of stuff you need to do.

-Drop all forms of communication with her. No social media postings. Do not whine about problems you have with things. Absolutely nothing. This will help you become a mystery to her. Which will make her begin to think about you.
-Work on yourself. Workout, take up a new hobby, read, get a new haircut, new clothes, and just be happy! Do anything to get your mind off of her and get your confidence back up.
-Go out and casually hangout and see other girls. This will show her that you are capable of being with other girls and she isn't your only choice.
-When you get your confidence up, don't become a cocky jerk. As much as PUA's say it's the way to go, just tease girls in a fun humorous way.

If you follow those steps, while still being the same old you she fell for, there is no doubt she'll be back. I have done all of these things and had it work. When you do get her back, do not ruin it by being clingy, immature, or a total douche. Take it slow and form something real. Form sexual tension. without Sexual tension your just a friend.

One thing you must do, you must sleep with her. Or even just do stuff with her. Create that emotional memory for her. Get her attached. Sex shouldn't be what rap stars and other people make it out to be. They call it making love for a reason. Don't abuse it, but use it to your advantage. Again, don't rush anything. Time is on your side my friend. Good luck!

Thanks for this man.

yeah I do know I have to do this, but it's difficult, naturally you want things to happen now. Also if I do this, she will notice, she contacts me as much as I do her. But I think the way to go is to stop making the effort, stop trying at all.

I need to be patient and relax. But also with her current predicament I worry about how she's doing, so I try and be there for her. I can't really do that if I stop all contact.

Difficult. But it's one step at a time, for now I'll stop making so much effort, she knows she can call whenever if she needs it.

Exactly. I can't stress it enough man. No contact. If she has an issue, she will contact you and then you can be there for her. Even when she breaks No Contact, still be in no contact. Don't text her the next day or then next. Wait till she comes back a few more times. Then, start to hold a conversation. Be the guy she fell for in the beginning. You can do it man, I waited 3 months one time. And she came right back.

Thanks! Gives me hope. I will do it then. Also I met a new girl at my new job, we really got on well, going to ask her out sometime and see how that goes. Get my mind off other one and concentrate on my life like you said.

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Beauty Store from Amazon

Confusing situation

Hello,

This is a very very long story, I'm really sorry for the long post! But here goes. Ill sum it up in the last paragraph anyway.

I met a girl a long time ago end of 2010. She had just come out of a bad relationship but there was some chemistry between us. But nothing happened, we became really close friends, but it was more than a friendship...but nothing ever happened, there was just a tonne of tension. I did like her at the start, but I kept it to myself, I enjoyed our friendship, she became like a sister, like and after just coming out of a bad relationship with an abusive boyfriend, I was there for her. These feelings went away eventually, and we were still good friends but we argued like a married couple, we got jealous for stupid reasons, hurt each other, just because I think, there was so much tension. We both knew we had a connection.

We got distant, then we started getting close again towards Christmas 2011. I could tell she liked me this time. Then in January 2012 we were both out one night, and she took me to one side told me she liked me. We went straight into a relationship after that. Committed literally from that night. But, I messed up. I was still immature, I didn't think about the future. I was so casual. After 2 months it ended, she ended it saying I was too immature, which now I can see. But at the time I was angry and upset. We wanted to be friends after, but in reality we couldn't, we didn't get along, we annoyed each other so much. After we broke up, I realised I loved her, I basically begged for her to come back. This of course was stupid, it made us more distant, she started dating another guy. She went for a term in america for her uni course, in a long distance relationship with the guy she had just recently met. And we stopped talking completely.

She logged into my Facebook when she left for america, and found messages about her, that were horrible. I was very two-faced the whole time. I was embarrassed of my feelings for her so I spoke to my friends about her, everything was very harshly said. After that, we stopped contact completely. Then start of December 2012 I get a call from an unknown number. It was her, at first she was shy and put it down straight away, then called again to talk. She didn't even know why she called, she just wanted to sort things. She had broken up with the guy she was dating, but did still have strong feelings for him. In reality, we were friends so much longer than we were a couple, so that's mainly what our relationship was; close friendship and it's what she was calling to repair.

She came back to London, we met a few times, went for dinner. She started seeing the same guy again, but I didn't care because I didn't just want her for more than friendship, I loved being friends with her, and I do now. She spoke to me about the problems with the guy she was dating, she was really upset about it. Then she went back to Uni (not in London, I now live in london and left uni) away from me and found out the guy she was dating had cheated on her. While she was in America, and when she got back and they got together. She was distraught. It was painful hearing someone you love that hurt over the phone, crying. They broke up of course, she had found out through random people she met he had cheated, and he never admitted it.

Over the next few weeks after, they were on and off, she was finding it hard to go back to him, but he used her as a possession, she was often upset. I've been there for her. I visited her as a surprise and she really enjoyed it, she had a really good time. But still she kept going back to him briefly, then would get upset and break down and tell me about it. Now I think the situation is over, she's tired of going back to a guy that's cheated on her but can't help it, she hates him but she loves him, but she knows in reality its just lust.

I visited her for the day to comfort her, she had a really good time, we just relaxed, nothing happened. But now after all this, she's been so upset and needed someone there, I've been there. But I've become protective, I care for her more than all of my other friends, I really do love her more than anything. I don't know what it is though, is this brotherly love?

Sometimes I feel like I love her like family, but then maybe I'm just trying to hide from the fact that I'm in love with her but I'm just scared to admit it and lose her all over again?

I have a massively high opinion of her, I think she's perfect, and amazing in so many ways. and I desperately want her to be happy

It really is confusing, I don't know my own feelings and I'm afraid of them. I know she doesn't have more intentions, I have spoken to her before we promised we wouldn't ever, she got mad once when she thought I had more intentions of our friendship. I feel so guilty because if I tell her I love her, she will be so angry, and I will lose someone I care about so much. Recently I've felt the same tension, the same kind of awkwardness between us. We have the same chemistry. I think we always will. And it's so hard to deal with. I think about her all the time, I worry about her, I just hope she's happy all the time everyday.

What do I do? How can I deal with this? We live far away while she's at Uni. and even if I do tell her, I'll lose her definitely.

I think I have to either be patient if I really do want her, or just end this friendship so I can move on completely.

For now I'm going to try distance myself, stop making so much effort and stop trying to care so much. Concentrate on my life but still be there for her.

I feel like I need to wait for an opportunity to say anything, to do something. Because this can't be forced, I can't simply tell her while she's still trying to get over someone else. She needs a friend, but I feel guilty; I was never friends for her just because I wanted a relationship, but she will see it as the only reason for my friendship.

To summarise, I feel like I'm in love with my best female friend, despite the fact we dated before, but we were friends much longer, but I'm not even sure. She's been through a tough time with guys and I've been there, but it's made me care for her even more. I don't know how what to do, she's always on my mind and truthfully I can see a future with her. But she's getting over another guy, plus I know she doesn't have the same feelings anymore. What do I do?

Really sorry for the mini novel, I hope someone does read it.

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