Guy cancelled plans last minute

A couple of years ago, I met a guy on a commuter train...we got along very well...I'm married and he always knew that I have a husband...when I moved and was leaving the commuter train, we exchanged cards and contact info indicating how nice it had been to know each other...a few months later I got a pleasant and very platonic email from him thanking me for a job referral that I had provided him...an email exchange began.

The emails were occasional and friendly but never anything more. I sincerely wanted to become friends (totally platonic) so finally said so and then asked whether he wanted to get together for drinks. I made sure that I gave him an "out" by saying that if he was too busy to meet up, this was totally ok. He said yes almost immediately and suggested where we meet. The day of our meeting (only several days later) he texted me a curt message indicating that he couldn't make it and asking whether we could reschedule. I (of course) replied that this was fine. But, I'm a bit puzzled as to why he cancelled and so abruptly and slightly hurt that a potential friend who I thought was a really nice guy would cancel in such a curt way. We didn't see each other between the original invite and his cancellation so I don't think that I could have said anything to offend him. Why did he cancel? haven't heard from him since and it's been a week.

Uhh..you're married and going out with a guy? lol. Anyways..he did offer to reschedule. So give him another shot

And does your husband know that you want to strike up a "platonic" friendship over private drinks with another man? Maybe this guy is having second thoughts about being stalked by the jealous husband.

I think there are two options. Maybe he is just very busy, maybe he is in a relationship with someone and new friends aren't so important to him. Or maybe he likes you but he knows you are married and he doesn't want get hurt. Anyway, I'm not sure if it's possible to have a platonic friendship like this.

Something came up. He asked to reschedule.

I think you're reading too far into it. And considering you're trying to convince us that it's entirely platonic and you're so hurt by it anyway, I'm concerned that maybe it does haven't quite as platonic intentions as you say. You may be trying to convince yourself. After all, would you feel this way if another friend of yours had to reschedule with short notice? Probably not. You'd find another time to get together and maybe be a little bummed, but that's about it.

Thanks for your input everyone. All your responses make perfect sense. To be honest, I never wondered whether his motivation in accepting was anything other than friendly and I never assumed mine was either...but I realize that I am really not responding like I would if a girlfriend had cancelled on me at the last minute. Very insightful of you all.

And to answer your question about whether my husband knows, no he doesn't-about the email communication or the invitation. I never felt comfortable bringing it up because I thought that he might read "something" into what I thought was perfectly innocent and I didn't want a confrontation.

I guess what threw me off was that he accepted in the first place (and did not seem like he did out of obligation). If he were seeing someone or was too busy, why would he have accepted in the first place? If I were in his shoes and didn't want to bother with drinks, I would have politely said that I was busy at the outset.

Something came up. He asked to reschedule.

I think you're reading too far into it. And considering you're trying to convince us that it's entirely platonic and you're so hurt by it anyway, I'm concerned that maybe it does haven't quite as platonic intentions as you say. You may be trying to convince yourself. After all, would you feel this way if another friend of yours had to reschedule with short notice? Probably not. You'd find another time to get together and maybe be a little bummed, but that's about it.

I agree with you, Jessi. I think the original poster is reading too far into it as well but I'm the same way, so I can relate to her. ^^;

Bolt2012 - Jessi is right. If your reaction to this man's cancellation is different to how you would react if a girlfriend canceled on you then your feelings for him are more than platonic. If you intend to maintain a friendship with him and do nothing more then that's good. However, you don't want to unintentionally put yourself in a position where an affair may occur. Your husband may also have a problem with your friendship if he ever finds out about it. That is, if your husband is the jealous type. Overall, what I'm trying to say is be careful in this situation. You wouldn't want to hurt anyone.

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