My girlfriend is going crazy with her religion. So confused and hurt. Help?

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We've been dating for 2 years. We both just graduated from college. A couple of months ago, my girlfriend moved in with new roommates who are very religious and I think it's affecting our relationship. We both grew up as Christians and we didn't have these problems before. All of a sudden I think she became a completely different person. Here are some examples,

1. One day, she wore a very nice dress to church. I complimented her and said "you look beautiful and sexy!" Then right before our dinner date, she decides to change to a T-shirt and baggy jeans because she needs to be modest and she shouldn't look "sexy" in her boyfriends eyes. I regretted complimenting her about her looks (and now she is going to donate that super cute dress to Goodwill to "save" her boyfriend from sexual immorality).

2. One night she was feeling tired and it was getting late. It was also stormy outside. So I offered she could stay in my apartment for the night. She storms out saying she won't be sleeping over because we are not married yet. I was just worried about her. What I don't understand is the following though: The next day, her bible study group leader says that he needed help cleaning the house. She volunteers to help him and stay over night at his apartment. I confronted her about the double standard, and to be honest, I wasn't comfortable with her sleeping over at some other guy's house doing his household chores. When I told her about this, she said that I am such a hypocrite and our relationship is not healthy because it is based on my physical attraction to her and that all I want to do is bang her when she sleeps over. I felt so betrayed.

3. She only reads the bible, and only listens to Christian music nowadays. I played a Beatles song for her with my harmonica and she freaked out. She told me that she could hear the devil speaking. I tried to watch Harry Potter with her, but she said that she is sanddened by my sinful nature because Harry Potter is about witchcraft (???). I took her to an art museum, she scorned at the artwork there and told me that it's just stupid human art and is a waste of time because all the artwork was not biblical. I told her about a novel that I was readng, and I didn't even ask her to read or anything. She was upset and told me that she didn't like novels because they are lies. She told me that the bible tells us not to lie. When I told her that sometimes we need to think outside of the box, she said that she doesn't like to think outside of the box because thinking outside of the box can be a temptation for sin. I felt like she is from a different planet.

4.She wouldn't eat shellfish because the bible tells her not to. She doesn't eat pork because the bible tells her not to. There are so many things that she won't eat and I am truly worried for her health. I knew that she was a picky eater, but it was never because of these religious reasons. I was worried, so I cooked for her one night with some other stuff that she might like (and I even checked online for what things are allowed according to the bible), but she refused to eat my food because according to her, a man should not cook for a woman. I told her that cooking is not a problem for me and it doesn't make me feel unmanly or anything, but she argued that the world is not about me but Jesus, and even if cooking would make me happy, it would not make Jesus happy. I started hating Jesus for the first time.

5. Once I introduced her to my friends. Some of them were not Christians obviously and there was a girl who was lesbian. She wouldn't even talk to my lesbian friend and she told me to stay away from her because I might get the "gay" disease from her. I told her that that's not how it works, then she got upset and started questioning my sexuality. Furthermore, when we were talking about different cultures, she openly claimed that buddhist religion was the stupidest religion ever. It embarrassed me. I told her that it's not appropriate to call someone's religion stupid, then she said she knows the truth and it's not forbidden by the bible to tell the truth. I stopped arguing and took her home.

6. Since she kept rejecting me both physically and emotionally, I told her that we are never going to be close enough for marriage if we wait till marriage for any hint of intimacy (because she wouldn't even hug me anymore, only side hugs are allowed. She wouldn't even be in the same room by ourselves if the door is closed - so we have no privacy except when we are in my car), but then she cries and tells me that I am being forceful with her - that she feels like our relationship is all about physical intimacy. I couldn't understand. I mean it's not like we are having sex or anything. We've been dating for 2 years, and now all of a sudden we should start acting like teenagers at a Christian camp?

7. When I ask her about what is her plan now that she has graduated from college, she always replies that all she wants to do is to follow Jesus. When I tell her that it's very vague, and that she needs a job, she gets upset because supposedly I am questioning her "priorities". So I said, maybe she could become a pastor of some sort, then she got even more upset and told me that since she is a women, she can't be a pastor and the fact that I even think about it just shows how sinful I am. I was very hurt by her statements and I didn't feel appreciated.

8. She talks about me to her roommates and they absolutely hate me. They think I am a bad influence on my girlfriend because I am not a "true" Christian. The only reason they say these things is because I have friends who are gay and lesbian, and because I have friends who are not Christians, and I study science. I think of myself as a loving and a caring person in general, at least I try to, I try to understand things that I don't understand, and unlike my girlfriend herself I have a plan for the future, I am attending a top grad school in engineering, I have never broken a law, and I actually tried going to the church that they go to despite the fact that I didn't feel very comfortable there because I felt like that place was more like a Republican convention rather than a church. But I tried. I tried to understand their points of views. I tried to listen. Well, while her friends were chewing me away with their presumptuous accusations, my girlfriend never defended me. In fact, she agreed with them for the most part. She even adds more to it and tells her friends to pray for me over my head - because supposedly I need to wake up from my sinful lifestyle.

But now I feel like enough is enough. It's so sad how her sudden religious awakening has ruined our relationship - I just wish that she would someday realize that there are things, relationships, and just simply being human, that needs to be appreciated and valued besides her religious dogma.

Last edited by MikieMike; 08-13-2012 at 11:31 AM.

WHOA.

Nothing is wrong with having personal beliefs (as long as they don't harm others), but now she is hurting you emotionally. It seems to me you two need to go your separate ways. You need to find a "more laid-back Christian" for wont of a better term, and she needs to...not socialize with anyone EVER. Or else find a guy who's just as loony as she is.

I don't mean to criticize your girlfriend, but from what you posted, it sounds like she's gone back to the Medieval age of religion, back when people were killed for blasphemy. I applaud your effort, sir, but I think it's time to hang it up with this young lady.

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For everything else, I'm just gonna give you my personal opinion, and you'll just have to like it! Just kidding, but I'll do my best.

I respect your girlfriends desire to be a decent Christian. However, she's taking some of of what the Bible says to the extreme. As far as your relationship with your girlfriend... well, I wish your the best. I don't think you're going to meet her standards anymore - or anyone else for that matter. Maybe you can still talk to her and tell her how you feel about the ways things are turning out.

Unfortunately religious differences can destroy relationships. She sounds pretty extreme and I don't know if it is possible to change that. You could try and point out all the parts of the bible that contradict itself and that have been proven false or at least extremely unlikely but she is will just label you as being deceived. She has made it clear that she doesn't want to think for herself. I think herestolove is probably right and you are going to be happier without her

Its not a bad thing if your girlfriend is crazy about her religion. But if the religion fever is going over the limit as it seems in your case, you should try out an astrologer to know about the problem as everything is connected to birth and the planet positions while birth. Just check out with an astrologer and you will get the best. Its all about

I understand being a believer. I grew up Christian (my dad is a preacher). But we seemed to have learned the difference of degrees. Sadly it seems that she is seeing things in absolute. You compliment her and she flies off the handle with you and says you are lusting after her. And hearing the "devil" in the music is ridiculous. Sadly this extreme nature and criticism will turn away the very people they supposedly want to save. Yelling and preaching at people won't cut it. Being understanding and relating how religion can help them deal with life issues instead of turning to drugs or depression works. But screaming about fire and brimstone is a no go. I am not sure how this can turn out since she is so rigid.

Its not a bad thing if your girlfriend is crazy about her religion. But if the religion fever is going over the limit as it seems in your case, you should try out an astrologer to know about the problem as everything is connected to birth and the planet positions while birth. Just check out with an astrologer and you will get the best. Its all about Where does an astrologer play into this at all?

My friends call me "The Love Guru" (but nothing like Mike Myers!).

If you're looking for dating tips, I've got some awesome recommendations!
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For everything else, I'm just gonna give you my personal opinion, and you'll just have to like it! Just kidding, but I'll do my best.

See and astrologer? I have my doubts an astrologer will help at all.

Honestly, it sounds like this is a lot more than a religious awakening. The extremes you're talking about do not sound normal to me. With this being a new thing, after almost 2 years as a couple, I would bet there is a lot more going on here in this girl's head. Have you discussed this new behavior with her family at all?

Thanks all for the replies and supportive words. I doubt if other religious leader such as an astrologer(?) will be helpful... and I don't know if I will be truly happier without her. Right now it's really hard to imagine my life without her, I suppose I will survive, but I don't want to give up as of yet.

As for her parents, they are very strong about their religion (conservative Presbyterian) as well but not as extreme as her right now. When she made overly religious remarks before (but that was before she started being super extreme, so I guess she had the tendency even back then) her dad has said something like "you are making excuses with Jesus' name, that's not good", but they generally seemed to think that one cannot be too religious because religion is a good thing. I haven't talked to them in a while, but last time we had a fight they told their daughter to read more bible because they believe that if each of us reads more of the bible, that will eventually resolve our relationship issues.

I don't know if it's a mental issue, yeah I thought about that as well. But it all coincided with her graduation and her super religious new roommates, so I don't know. I can't imagine the entire group of people who happen to live together having mental issues at the same time with the same symptoms. I know that she has ADHD and one of her roommates has ADHD as well, but I am not sure if that has anything to do with her sudden religious awakening. I wish I was friends with her roommates as well, but I feel like I am not allowed to be in her house anymore.

I took her to the doctor's office for the general check-ups, and physically, she is fine although she told me that she refused to get her breasts and private parts tested for religious reasons. I wish that the general check-ups also included mental health issues, but I was comforted by the fact that the doctors didn't notice anything weird about her mental health. Yesterday, I gave her a book about love that was written by a pastor that she likes a lot but were not directly related to Christianity (five love languages, anyone heard of it?), and she seemed to be accepting my suggestion. I also asked her to start writing a journal for herself without relating everything to Jesus or God. She was upset, but I cried in front of her (yes I really cried) because I was so sad and tired, and she actually seemed like she cared for me when she saw me crying and she said she was "sorry" and that she would start writing "secular" journals about her life if I get her a notebook with bible quotes on the pages. Well, I am actually encouraged and I think it's a good start.

We are going to visit her parents this weekend, and I hope everything will go smoothly. She hasn't seen her parents in a while (ever since her graduation), and maybe seeing her parents will bring her back the old memories of being happy and...well, not being so extreme about everything.

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