Are Your 'Ladies Nights' Keeping You Single?

ProConnect Subscribe to Experts Blog By Monique Boyd

Don't forget to include the guys once in a while. Sisterhood vs singlehood: does having a strong bond with other women come at a cost?

I've always been a girly girl. I love the color Pink, wear mainly dresses and skirts, and would not be caught dead without my earrings. Even in college I remember waiting in anticipation to see if my favorite sorority accepted me into their organization. My roommate and I were so happy when we were accepted and purchased all of the latest paraphernalia: t-shirts, socks, hats, jackets, and underwear — yes, even underwear! My college sweetheart at the time was in a fraternity, so I was head-over-heels excited to be a part of this culture, and walk in the footsteps of the women who came before me in this great organization. It was a dream come true. 

However, as I've grown older I've started to question the very ideals I held as a child and young adult. My job allows me to travel all over the world and meet people from all walks of life. It's really opened my eyes to the differences between the Western and Eastern cultures when it comes to dating and relationships. For example, I've noticed vastly different dating styles in other countries. Many couldn't imagine having a ladies night without men. When I mentioned this concept to them, they were dumbfounded and questioned the very foundation that I've come to understand in America. It really made me take a second look at how Americans have created certain female-only activities, and how they may be keeping women perpetually single.

Let's take a look at the other side of the coin — men. Men enjoy bonding with other guys through activities like sports and music, but unless it's game-watching or playing in a music band, they very rarely just hang out the way women do in bars, clubs or other social settings. Sure, I'll make the exception of a young male who, in his twenties, occasionally hangs out with the "fellas" to pick up women in a bar or club, but as he grows up and matures, he tends to go solo. Women on the other hand tend to do the opposite. Unless they're married, women continue to hang out in "all girl" clubs, even if they would prefer to go out with their single male friends. 

I've also heard from many men that it's intimidating talking to a woman or ask her out on a date when she is with a group. They say it's much easier if she is by herself or out with two or three girlfriends. Think about it: men already run the risk of being rejected by the girl, but when his woman of interest is part of a group, he risks even more rejection by not just her, but all of her groupees as well!

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What is the rationale behind the all girl clubs? I believe one of the reasons to blame is our history in this country. Not too long ago, the feminist movement began in response to women being treated unfairly regarding family and work life. Creating this movement forced the country to look at women differently: they started to be seen as a valuable force in the economy. This was a great step forward for women and an even better one for the country. It was also a great bonding experience for women, and we quickly seized on those opportunities by realizing our strength came in numbers.  However, this power has come at a huge cost. Even though women made valuable strides when it came to asserting their independence from men, they still wanted to be courted and dined by them. Keep reading...

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Monique Boyd

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LiveLoveAspire.blogspot.com

Email:  info@liveloveaspire.com

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Seven Signs Of Disaster That Are Keeping You Single

As you get older, pay less attention to what people say and instead, watch what they do.

As I observe the relationships of those around me, I see a lot of my old self and the stupid choices I've made in partners not so long ago. Not to say that everyone else isn't entitle to make similar mistakes, we all learn at different speeds, it just seems that once we reach a certain time in adulthood we should be wising up and no longer being carelessly ruthless with our hearts. Sure, we can see a trainwreck in the works when navigating the worlds of dating or marriage, but we are naturally inclined to hope and strive to make do with what we have anyway, shooting to work things out regardless. We put in so much time and energy that the last outcome we seek is another break up and having to start all over, yet again, probably only to fuck up even worse with the next go round.

But the thing is, it doesn't have to be that way at all. We can choose to stop wllingly accepting subpar behavior. We can choose to see when someone is blatantly an asshole and in every which way wrong for us so that we can draw in someone who is actually good (yes, they do exist). How can this be accomplished? Recognize the signs of an unhealthy partnership before you get in too deep. Over the years, I've repeatedly attracted the same 'man'. I learned to spot him everywhere and have steered clear since. I strive to help other women with this skill as well since I see the type all too often. As a female, I also know how other females can up and ruin a mans world, so I like to assist the men worthy of having a good woman in watching out for the opposite. My list of several lookouts are as follows:

1) If they blame everyone in their past for the end of their relationships and have NOTHING nice to say about any of them, chances are, they won't act any differently with you either when YOUR relationship together doesn't work out (because trust me, it won't). Blamers are convinced the world is working against them and that everyone else is at fault. They may believe they are perfect or quite close enough so that they could never be blamed when things go south. Narcissistic personalities are quite common keepers of this action.

2) Perpetual OR lack thereof pda is a complete red flag. I repeat, a COMPLETE RED FLAG. With social networking a double-edged main staple in todays society, it makes it all the more of grave concern. A partner obessed with praising you online for the world at large to witness is either hiding something and looking to throw you off, or bearing a common symptom of a controlling personality (control should never be a factor in a healthy relationship). A partner who bears no evidence of their affections is typically occupied sharing them with someone else (or possibly everyone else since they can never be satisfied with the attention of only one). Anyone can make the excuse that they are not the 'pda type', but when you love someone, it is impossible not to show, and even more difficult not to WANT to show. It doesn't matter how long you've been together either, you never stop showing you care even after you 'already got them'.

3) Abuse in any form is a dealbreaker. I once wrote about the four year long relationshit (you read that right) I had ended back in 2010. He was abusive in every which way possible, to a point where I still haven't divulged everything to anyone that had occured over that horrible time period.

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