Community Subscribe to Community Blog By Miss Linda Rodgers. Posted on Aug 17th 2012.
I didn't know he liked me, and he had no clue I liked him. But he took the risk anyway.
You really have to give credit to a man who goes out on a limb to ask a woman out when there is no certainty of a favorable response. Not a woman who is already involved with someone else or who has plainly told him NO. I am talking about that hazy, gray area in which she clearly likes his company and he wonders whether she just might be interested in a relationship, yet she is quiet and hasn't dared to say so.
For more than two years, I maintained a friendship with a man who has lived in my city his whole life. I would run into him at the bus station, the public library, or Dunkin Donuts. I couldn't exactly explain why, but something drew me toward him, compelled me to seek his company and his counsel concerning my troubles. I thought he was a great listener, sensible, happy in outlook, kind, and easy to be with.
Oh, and did I mention attractive?
I was going through a disastrous relationship in which I cared deeply about my partner, but he was not treating me with the respect I deserved. The stress was so extreme, I was having difficulty eating and sleeping, and my thoughts were a mess. Focusing on my homework was a challenge. That is a terrible combination for a 30-something-year-old single mother who is pursuing a full time college education. Despite those difficulties, I passed my courses with flying colors.
I think that if I had not had my own classes to keep my busy while my kids were in school, I would have gone bonkers- out of my mind with anxiety. Talking to my "coffee shop friend" helped to keep me grounded. He confirmed that my instincts about certain issues were on target. His counsel was honest and to the point: you're better of alone than with someone who is making you miserable. I had to go to the extreme of blocking my ex from my cell phone so he couldn't continue to play his destructive games. There was sadness, but mostly relief that it was over.
This wasn't merely a one-sided friendship, mind you. I asked him many questions about himself, his family, his work, his activities in the community, his likes and dislikes. I learned that he was a divorced father who had, and still has, a good relationship with his adult children. I learned that he was deeply into politics and cared about the community. He had assisted in several cleanups in our local parks and was active in several neighborhood groups. He was an honor guard in our local American Legion post. I also learned that we had crossed paths several times at a nearby church, but I hadn't realized it or even noticed him.
We continued that way for more than a year, just randomly meeting. I secretly wanted him to ask me out, but I never directly said so. Well-brought-up ladies simply didn't do that. I wondered if he suspected the truth about my feelings. Last December we became Facebook friends, then we started chatting on the phone. Listen, I'm all in favor of IM's, e-mails, social networking, and text messaging, but an old-fashioned telephone call fills a unique space in our repertoire of communication. By listening to the other's tone, pitch, and even the pauses between the words, you can get a good read on his or her emotions and stress level. Try that with a text message. I learned that he was a man who could be relied upon to call when he said he would, and one that did not take the easy way out by substituting typed characters for real conversation. Very appealing.
In 2012, he started asking me to go out on a date with him.
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