Cyber Relationship turning RL

Hi all,

In late October I met a guy online via a dating site. It's a bit of a tricky situation - I was on the site doing research for work and he was on there looking for a relationship. I live in Australia and he lives in the US, I was using a US site as that is what we needed to research and didn't really think I would be doing anything to actually meet someone.

Anyway, long story short, he asked me out on a date and obviously I had to decline due to a few things actually... #1 I live in Australia and #2 I just cancelled a wedding with the man I'd been with for seven years because we no longer had any spark left.

So we got talking anyway and realised within two or three days that we had a huge amount in common. We have a lot of the same interests and values and we are born on the same day (which probably explains why we are into so many of the same things). Things escalated pretty quickly and after only a week we were talking about meeting up IRL. I don't know if we were both serious at that point or not but last week I booked a two week holiday to the US, I arrive on the 19th January (about three months after we first started talking).

We Skype a few times a week, talk on the phone and online every day...We are pretty much inseparable. We have both said 'I love you' and honestly, I do love him - I have never felt like this before in my life. He said he has not told a woman that he loves her for over 10 years, if that is true then this is a big deal for him too. I hang to see his name in my inbox and get disappointed if for some reason we don't get to talk on the phone. He is all I think about and he is the same with me. I have a text waiting for me every morning when I wake up, he cannot tell me enough how beautiful I am, he showers me with love.

So this is where you guys come in... My friends and family have a few major concerns and I know they are just trying to protect me but at the same time I'm so love sick that I can't see if what they are saying is right... Their concerns:

The age difference, I am 12 years younger than him.
The distance.
The fact that he was looking for a relationship and I wasn't.
The fact that I may be 'On the rebound'.
The fact that he hasn't really had many long term girlfriends before. He says this is because he has not found anyone worth being in a long term relationship with and I believe him, but friends say that is a red flag and I should wonder why he really hasn't had a relationship.
The fact that this has happened so quickly.

On top of this he is European, just living in US for work. I have never dated a European man before and I have heard they tend to be super critical about their women. Obviously he has seen me on video and in pictures but like any other woman I have my lumps and bumps and after being with someone for so long who loved me just the way I was I guess I'm scared he is going to be super critical of that and lose interest...Not that there is anything majorly wrong with my body, I guess just after being with someone for so long I lack confidence with other men. I mean, everything else with us is perfect, this would be my only concern. Also the fact that I go to the gym like once a week and he sees a trainer three times a week and runs 10 miles each non-trainer day - So having a perfect body is a major thing for him. Will he care if his woman has a few wobbles here and there? Ha.

Oh also, he is super excited that I'm coming. Was begging me to book and has told all his friends and family that I'm coming. Called me on Christmas day so I could speak to his mum etc. So he is very excited, as am I, I'm just a bit freaked now after all his friends and family have been so supportive and mine have been the opposite.

I'm just asking for anyones take on this. Have you done something similar before? Do you really think you can fall in love with someone online in such a short amount of time? Any tips for actually staying with him in his home for two weeks, a may who has never lived with a woman before? Do you guys thing that long-distance love like this could work? Any advice on European men and their traits? Ha.

Any advice, ideas, outtakes would be much appreciated. I'm kind of regretting my decision to book as I'm over analyzing everything now haha!

Thank you!!!

Beauty Store from Amazon

What a mess up this is turning out to be...

Hey all! An avid reader but a new poster here.

So I have a situation for you to give me your insight. So here it goes!

I'm a 21 year old dude. Not been a fan of the whole "relationship" concept, I am known for spinning plates and for some occasional one night stands. But this time things got a bit different...

A month ago, me and two of my best friends decided to go clubbing. The two of them brought their respective girlfriends and one of them brought her 18-year-old sister with whom I spend all night talking and making out and we ended up having sex.

Even though she's a bit immature, she's very fun to be with (and extremely gorgeous).

The following days, the girl added me on Facebook (some of her friends did the same) and began constantly starting conversations with me and we would bust each others balls all the time. She even started to go out with my friends which was something she never did before. In all of these outings, at first she was always shy but as time went by and I started to make her at ease, we started to act like a couple (and I started to develop feelings for her). Sometimes, my friends would even start to talking about my "women experience" (exs and stuff like that) and she was visibly upset by it. But in those outings, we never got to spend some time just the two us.

After the last time (last week) we got out (again in group), she has changed her behavior completely. The following times (3 times or so) I chatted with her on Facebook, we only talked for 5 minutes because she had to leave (one time, she even stayed online, after saying goodbye, for 30 minutes or so). One time, we were talking about some event, and I said to her " I'm going to the event and I think you should come with me". But she never spoke again. I tried some time later to talk to her again but she still didn't talk...

What happened that I totally missed?

Thanks for all the replys

I don't think anyone can really know what happened here. It doesn't make a lot of sense from just the way you described it. There must be something else up. Why don't you ask her?

I tried to start conversations with her but she has turned silent

Well if she won't talk about it, I would just take it easy. Hang out with her if you can. If she continues to show resistance, she simply might not be ready for a relationship. Like you said she is 18 and immature. Most 18 year old girls I have met aren't interested in a relationship yet. They just aren't at that point in life to take one guy seriously.

yeah I have been in similar situations with girls that age and they are all immature at that age! she likely lost interest if I might be so frank. sounds like you waited too long to ask her out on a one on one date ya know? at least that is what I can gather from what you wrote. I wouldn't stress about it! immature girls are not worth all the trouble I know from experience!

Here's where you went wrong,

"Sometimes, my friends would even start to talking about my "women experience" (exs and stuff like that) and she was visibly upset by it."

In the next couple of sentences you mention, "she has changed her behavior completely."

At first when she was actually paying attention to you and giving you the time of day, appears as though she liked you, was "feeling you."

However, after your friends starting talking about your past experiences with women looks like she shut down. Why in the world would your friends talk to her about your past with women? Unless they were trying to sabotage your potential relationship with this woman. If that was the case, looks like they succeeded. Because you do know that would make you look like a "dog", ie., a guy who just wants to sleep around.

Apparently she did not want to be part of a story told to some other woman down the road.

f0xyshaz4m, yes, I now know that I took myself too long but you (and she as well) have to see, this was a complete new to me. I've never felt this way with a woman before so it's normal that I act a little "rookie"-ish

taskeinc, I believe so too. I think they didn't do it intentionally but because they were a bit na?ve (or I'm totally wrong :P). Even so, she's different than the others (even if she doesn't know it) and I deserve at least one chance

Could be a lot of things. She could be getting advice from an asshole like me insisting she needs to play indifferent to elevate your intrigue. Or she could have met someone else in the interim, she seems like a full steam ahead type and probably has a short attention span when it comes to guys (common at 18) so it could just be that your window of opportunity closed. but again, impossible to know for sure based on the little we've been told.

Quagmire, what can I say more.... She used to:
- laugh at pratically every joke I said (even the stupid non-funny ones).
- seek a lot of physical contact.
- look at me in the eyes and smile.
- one day she ditched her friends to come with her sister and her sister's boyfriend (this dude is one of my best friends) to meet me.
(and many more crap like this :P)

I remember a situation that happened the last time I saw her (this happened after she knew about my "female experience"). She was talking to her best friend about a girl that lives close to me (suppose the girl is called "Jane Doe") and this happened:
Her - Do you know Jane Doe? She lives close to you.
(while I was thinking if I knew this girl, she yells this out of nowhere)
Her - THERE HE GOES THROUGH THE NON-ENDING LIST OF JANES HE KNOWS!

And what after that day that her behaviour changed...

It's not what you know and aren't telling us its what you don't know and can't tell us. i think theres just not enough meat here, not enough history ... no cause and effect and cause again type exchanges to pull from. basically you have a girl that seemed very interested and now she doesn't .... through seemingly no fault of your own. again, my two frontrunning theories are that she's purposely playing indifferent to pique your interest or she's interested in somebody else.

I honestly don't think it has to do with you being some sort of player, if anything that would help your cause and get her more intrigued. All women claim to not like players but inevitably find themselves physically drawn to them. It makes sense from a primal, humanistic standpoint. If other woman have found you desirable then there must be something there. Theres also an element of security knowing that one or more woman felt comfortable enough with you to enter into a relationship. You must not be a total weirdo. a man who has had multiple relationships, casual or otherwise is subconsciously more appealing. Now, if you're bragging about banging chicks with herpes, thats a different story. Theres a fine line between total pimp and flat out disguisting. in your case I think your modest sexual history should have been advantage.

I'm guessing she's just into someone else.

You may not create new Love Advice Forum threadsYou may not post repliesYou may not post attachmentsYou may not edit your postsForum Rules

Beauty Store from Amazon