6 Legit Reasons To Call Off Your Wedding [EXPERT]

Got cold feet? Having cold feet isn't a good enough reason to call off a wedding. These reasons are.

It's an all-too-common scenario. There you are, still reeling from your whirlwind romance and even more whirlwind wedding planning. The invitations have long been sent out, travel plans made, cake ordered, non-refundable deposits deposited ... when suddenly, you have this nagging, gut feeling that it's just not the right thing to do. Something is telling you to call off the wedding. But is it simply cold feet? Or is it something more?

More from YourTango: It's Time To Be Selfish [EXPERT]

Most engaged couples experience some level of nervousness and last-minute questioning about whether or not it's right, whether or not he's the one, whether or not you both have what it takes to be in it for the long haul. Just because you have cold feet is not a good enough reason to call off the wedding — but the following reasons are: 

1. You're hoping he'll change. You already know you don't share the same values but you think he'll "come around" once you're hitched. Maybe he wants to keep partying with the old gang and you're ready for the white picket fence. Or you see onesies and flushable diapers in your future and he doesn't want to have kids.

Even when you want the same things, marriage is a rough road, fraught with the ups and downs and curve balls that you're just not expecting. But if you're going into it thinking "opposites attract," "we'll work it out," "he'll settle down once we're married," well, you're definitely in for more downs than ups.

To get started on your own personal journey to true love, download Jane's complimentary guide "Find Your True Love: 10 Simple Steps to Getting the Love You Want ... and Deserve."

2. You need counseling before you're married. Let's face it, you're not even in the "honeymoon period" yet, which is purportedly utter bliss. If your relationship is on the rocks before the big day, plan on the very likely fact it will just get worse once the vows are exchanged.

Planning a wedding is stressful and there are bound to be disagreements but if you can't work through conflicts in a reasonable fashion now, how do you think you'll be able to work through them when you're facing the difficult challenges of running a household, raising a family, building a life? If you're expecting your irreconcilable differences to magically disappear once you're married, you're living in a world of illusion.

3. You haven't discussed the details yet. Many people think talking too much about the future is just so, well, unromantic. They're afraid of putting a damper on the excitement and losing the abdominal butterflies. But the reality is that more couples split due to issues over children — not just whether or not you want any (that one is usually covered) — but how will you raise them? Public school, Private school, homeschool? Heavy handed or gentle?

More from YourTango: The Importance Of Boundaries In Romantic Relationships [EXPERT]

And then there are the career questions — will you move for each other? Does following your passion and living your dreams trump a high salary and the lifestyle that comes with it? These are all questions that need to be answered and if you don't know the answers yet, then you had better find them out before you answer "I do". Keep reading ...

More engagement advice from YourTango:

Handbags Review Center click here

6 Legit Reasons To Call Off Your Wedding [EXPERT]

Got cold feet? Having cold feet isn't a good enough reason to call off a wedding. These reasons are.

It's an all-too-common scenario. There you are, still reeling from your whirlwind romance and even more whirlwind wedding planning. The invitations have long been sent out, travel plans made, cake ordered, non-refundable deposits deposited ... when suddenly, you have this nagging, gut feeling that it's just not the right thing to do. Something is telling you to call off the wedding. But is it simply cold feet? Or is it something more?

More from YourTango: It's Time To Be Selfish [EXPERT]

Most engaged couples experience some level of nervousness and last-minute questioning about whether or not it's right, whether or not he's the one, whether or not you both have what it takes to be in it for the long haul. Just because you have cold feet is not a good enough reason to call off the wedding — but the following reasons are: 

1. You're hoping he'll change. You already know you don't share the same values but you think he'll "come around" once you're hitched. Maybe he wants to keep partying with the old gang and you're ready for the white picket fence. Or you see onesies and flushable diapers in your future and he doesn't want to have kids.

Even when you want the same things, marriage is a rough road, fraught with the ups and downs and curve balls that you're just not expecting. But if you're going into it thinking "opposites attract," "we'll work it out," "he'll settle down once we're married," well, you're definitely in for more downs than ups.

To get started on your own personal journey to true love, download Jane's complimentary guide "Find Your True Love: 10 Simple Steps to Getting the Love You Want ... and Deserve."

2. You need counseling before you're married. Let's face it, you're not even in the "honeymoon period" yet, which is purportedly utter bliss. If your relationship is on the rocks before the big day, plan on the very likely fact it will just get worse once the vows are exchanged.

Planning a wedding is stressful and there are bound to be disagreements but if you can't work through conflicts in a reasonable fashion now, how do you think you'll be able to work through them when you're facing the difficult challenges of running a household, raising a family, building a life? If you're expecting your irreconcilable differences to magically disappear once you're married, you're living in a world of illusion.

3. You haven't discussed the details yet. Many people think talking too much about the future is just so, well, unromantic. They're afraid of putting a damper on the excitement and losing the abdominal butterflies. But the reality is that more couples split due to issues over children — not just whether or not you want any (that one is usually covered) — but how will you raise them? Public school, Private school, homeschool? Heavy handed or gentle?

More from YourTango: The Importance Of Boundaries In Romantic Relationships [EXPERT]

And then there are the career questions — will you move for each other? Does following your passion and living your dreams trump a high salary and the lifestyle that comes with it? These are all questions that need to be answered and if you don't know the answers yet, then you had better find them out before you answer "I do". Keep reading ...

More engagement advice from YourTango:

Handbags Review Center click here

Anastasia’s Wedding Album Keeps Getting Fatter…

The good news continues to roll in at AnastasiaHQ as yet more members say ‘I do’. We’ve collected together some of our favorite heart-warming accounts of long-distance love and marital bliss.

Valentine’s Day is going to be extra special this year for these happy couples…

Our relationship started very romantically. We got acquainted through correspondence in August 2011. Perry made approaches to me in a very lovely way. Before we met each other in real life, he had sent me a lot of flowers and candies and it made me feel that he was a real gentleman. Our first meeting was in 10 February 2012, because we wanted to spend time on the Valentine’s Day and my Birthday together. That wonderful week seemed like one day of fully happiness for both of us. My future husband made surprises to me every day. We went to galleries, museums, the performances of opera, ballet, circus and dolphins’ romantic night show. It was incredible time for both of us. We understood that we had a lot of common interests and we were born for each other. Now we can’t imagine now how we lived without each other before.

When Perry went back home, we really counted each day and hours till our next meeting. Our letters to each other became warmer and closer. We chatted every day and it helped to overcome the pain of separation from each other. Our next meeting was in the beautiful city St. Petersburg in April, 2012.  My wonderful husband made a present for me and we flew from very amazing, but cold St. Petersburg, Russia to warm and sunny Hurghada, Egypt. Our love became stronger and stronger under the warm sun beams. Two weeks passed quickly and intensely. After our dreamlike trip we understood that our destiny was to be with each other.

And on our third meeting each other in Prague, Perry made a proposal to me and we got married in this historical and super romantic city. Our wedding took place on the 31 of August 2012 and joined our lives and hearts forever. Now we’re very happy and we realize that without AnastasiaDate it wouldn’t be possible. We’re very grateful to AnastasiaDate for their support and professionalism, because we really found our soul mates here. And we wish the happiness to all clients of AnastasiaDate.

Perry- Canada

Svetlana - Russia

 

“Do you believe in miracles? For some time now I believe! Our story is truly unbelievable........
Two completely different continents, two lonely souls and two hearts, which are so much longing for the warmth and love......
We didn’t meet just by chance, it was for a reason - we both were ready to relationships and family life.

In one part of the world – unsuccessful relationships with men and disappointments; and in the other - life of a lonely man, who is bringing up his nice darling-daughter by himself..... Our prayers were answered and we met just in few months after signing up an Anastasia.

What a meeting we had......... Words can’t express that, our eyes at the airport said it all for us...... We understood that it is really a fatal, decisive meeting for us... Nathan proposed marriage to me via the Internet for the first time, and during the meeting he proposed ??it again, but this time with a ring. Soon we plan my relocation to the USA, now a real family is waiting for me there, my baby Vanessa and my beloved, already husband! I do know and firmly believe that we will be happy!!!

Nathan - the USA

Elena- Ukraine

 

Hello I am Lucy  from Armenia.

I would love to here express my utmost gratitude to this amazingly beautiful website for the even more beautiful work they are doing!

My special greetings and gratitude to the Armenian affiliate for their heartfelt support and professional attitude. If it weren’t for this website, I and my beloved would never make this world such a small place.

The world has changed before my eyes when I met my dear Ulf, we started corresponding and after exchanging quite a few letters Ulf decided to visit me in my homeland. Feelings were different; I was very anxious yet hesitant. I simply did not want to believe that the beauty of all the letters we had exchanged could actually be real.

There are definitely  going to be many barriers starting with language ending up with distance, but as long as you two have feelings for each other smiling those barriers away becomes a real pleasure. Now we are very happy and I am sure that will be together forever

Greetings from Norway!

Thank you AnastasiaDate!

Lucy - Armenia

Ulf - Norway

 

Hi everyone!I would like to share with you my impressions about wonderful meeting with the man of my dreams - Baaby! First of all I want to thank you this site for giving me such a great chance to start communication with him. We have been communicated for a month, we could chat for hours, we talked by phone, exchanged letter and then finally we met in person. I was quite impatient for our first romantic date. We spent few days together but it was enough to realize that we really like each other and we both want to start to build happy and strong relationships. He is very kind-hearted man, gentle, intelligent, romantic, I was impressed how he can treat a woman. Like a real gentleman! I think I am a lucky person! Now we are planning to spend Christmas and New Year holidays together. I am very happy!!! Everything is possible and people really can find their soul mates on this dating site. I have found my beloved man! You must believe and everything can happen! I hope you enjoyed my story. I wish every one who reads these lines to find your love very soon.

Hello, my name is Bjorn. I want to tell you how I have met my loving lady on the site Anastasiadate.com. You know, I am an old member here. You cant believe me, but I was using this site for 10 years. Many people told me that It could be waste of time, but I am not the man who can easily give up. Yes, in the beginning, it was like a fun for me, I communicated with so many women, I have visited Ukraine for many times dating wrong ladies. Then , I decided to search for a lady not in a big city, I decided to meet a lady who had a child, whose eyes on the photo reflected kindness and sincerity. Yes, she speaks English but it was not my main criteria, I wanted to meet a lady for life. When I saw her photo, I decided that I had to meet her immediately. We exchanges several letters, but meeting is better then so many letters. We have met in Kiev, what should I say….. It was a woman of my dreams. Kristina is so classy, kind and natural. She was not about clubbing and playing games. We have spent couple of days in Kiev and then we decided that just can’t say good bye to each other. We like to laugh at same things, we have same interests and dreams for the future.
We have spent New Year together and visited Egypt for this short period of time, so we could not leave each other for a month!!! It was the longest date))))
Now, I know her mother and son, it seems to us that we knew each other for ages! It is more then possible to meet your beloved on this site, you should just act and not sit still. I don’t regret that I have spent 10 years using this site, because meeting Kristina it is a big treasure. Now we have plans for summer, for future. We talk each day, Kristina and her son will come to Norway next month.
Men, here are so many real and serious women, probably they are not so bright on the photos, but they are bright inside!! I wish all the men to meet their fantastic princess! I am so thankful to this site and to the local agency who help people not to be lost but to find happiness.

Bjorn - Norway

Kristina - Ukraine

 

Of course I can write many pages about my love for her, but I realise you only need a very short summary)) So, here we go....

A few months after we met on AnastasiaDate, Natalia and I decided on a personal meeting in her hometown, Lugansk. On arrival Natalia won my heart from the moment she smiled at me and said ‘hello’. During the following two weeks we thoroughly enjoyed every moment in each other’s company (and arms :))). I am captivated by Natalia’s warm personality, deep soul and exotic beauty. It is not possible to describe my excitement on the day before my departure, when Natalia agreed to marry me – Yahooooo!!! We will meet again soon to continue our plans for our beautiful future together.....

Many thanks to Anastasia website who made it possible for me to find my Dream Girl!

William - the USA

Natalia - Ukraine

 

I am excited to share my success story with everyone!!! Now I am sure – it works! I would like to tell you about just one important moment of my life: AnastasiaDate makes our dream real and unites hearts! I would like to thank this website because I found a very nice friend here. To be honest I had no idea how it works when I joined this website.

But one day I received a very nice letter from a real English Gentleman. His name is Scott. And I learnt from him a nice English proverb: "A faint heart wins no wars"... We have been mailing to each other more than two years… It seemed like we know each other very well... But finally he decided to visit me in my home town. You can’t imagine how excited and nervous I was…

 It happened on a cool autumn day. We agreed to meet in city center and to have dinner together. I was nervous and excited before meeting. But everything was great, we liked each other from the first look. We couldn’t stop to talk, to laugh and to smile… We found a lot of common thing and it was so nice to learn more about each other, our countries, traditions, customs, habits and thoughts…

Time went and we were not shy anymore and continued to enjoy our meeting and liked more and more with each and every minute. We were really happy to meet next day, and next day too…

I am really happy to get so nice new friend. Now new possibilities opened for me. I realized – I have to study English more and I got an invitation to visit Britain soon. Now life seems to be wonderful and I thank AnastasiaDate for given possibility for me to make new friends, to open boarders and to make people happy! I am your friend, AnastasiaDate forever!

Scott - GreatBritain

Nina - Ukraine

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Wedding Planning Pros and Cons

Jenna did not disappoint with the wedding venues she’d lined up for us to look at. The only problem? Ben and I each fell in love with one, and it’s not the same one.

His: The Mediterranean Restaurant

Pros:

It’s beautiful. It’s all cavernous and castle-like inside. Dark, romantic, and huge.

If we have it there, we’re renting out the whole place, so we can plan for the ceremony to be inside, but we have a backup space if the weather is bad.

It’s affordable.

Cons:

The food was kind of “meh.”

The dance floor area was too small.

It only fits 100 people, which when you think about it, is only 50 people each with plus-ones.

Mine: The Farmhouse Upstate

Pros:

The barn where we’d be doing the reception is in fantastic shape, and the views outside are stunning.

They work with several catering companies so that means 1) more choices and 2) more tastings.

It’s easy to get to via public transportation, but far enough outside of the city to feel like a destination wedding.

Cons:

We’d have to do everything—decorating, catering, etc.—ourselves.

The closest hotel is half-hour drive, so we’d have to provide transportation.

We’d have to be out of the venue by 8:00pm, so no late-night party.

We also thought of doing an actual destination wedding, but didn’t want to put a huge financial burden on anyone. Plus, the travel might be difficult for our elderly relatives.

We still have a lot of discussing to do. Ben’s choice is definitely more practical, and will be easier to pull off. The place won’t need much to dress it up, and the food and booze are included in the package price. But I’m hung up on the 100-person limit, and the mediocre food.

While we didn’t decide anything on the wedding venue front, I did manage to cross one thing off my to-do list: arranging my move-in date. I’m taking off September 30th from work, and moving then. And Dena is moving in on October 1st.

Brad was so nervous to ask Dena to move in. For like a week he’d bring it up every day:

“Do you think she’s going to say yes?”

“If she says no, we’re probably going to have to break up, won’t we?”

“Maybe I should just get another roommate and wait for her to bring it up.”

In the end, not only did she say yes, but she ecstatically said yes. I really like those two together. Brad has grown up so much emotionally since he’s met her. He’s almost like an adult now. Almost. I hope we get an invitation to their wedding in the not-so-distant future.

I’m a little nervous about the move. And living with Ben. And wedding planning. Basically, I’m just a ball of nerves. But it’s an excited kind of nervous. The future is coming, at a scary pace, but it’s a future I’ve been waiting for, for a long time.

Posted at 8:46 PM

Find your date here

Is This a Good Wedding Idea?

Ben hit me with a rather radical idea over IM today: a Jack and Jill wedding party.

It makes sense, as we both have friends and siblings of opposite sexes. Why should my brother be standing next to Ben? Or Caroline standing next to me? We’re just going to mix it up, and not worry about having to pair everybody off for walking down the aisle or dancing. We hammered it out, and these are the people we want:

Siblings: LB and Lori

My friends: Marni, Meg, Jane, Brad

Ben’s friends: Ursula, Caroline, Chris, Neil

My maid of honor: Jenna

Ben’s best man: Mitchell

Of course, we had to discuss the Ursula/Neil/Mitchell situation, as Ursula and Neil are full-on dating now. Well, according to Neil they’re full-on dating. Ursula has adopted a “Let’s wait and see what happens” approach. And Mitchell doesn’t know, so he’ll have to be told at some point. That should be fun.

I hadn’t asked either Meg or Brad to be a part of my wedding party, because I didn’t know how we were working it, but I was in luck last night. Tex had to stay late to work with Dave on editing a short film, which left me alone with Brad and Meg for happy hour. Once we all got settled in, I bought everyone a round.

“So I have a question I want to ask you both,” I began, after we had toasted my upcoming wedding, Brad’s upcoming cohabitation, and Meg’s making it to three Bikram Yoga classes in one week. “If you’re both interested, I would love for you both to be in my wedding party.”

Meg made her “I’m about to tear up” face, complete with lower lip jutted out.

“Do I have to wear a dress?” Brad asked.

“Yes,” I said. “And it will be pink.”

“Oh, I don’t know about pink, K.,” Meg joked. “Redheads and pink are a bad combo. I might have to bow out.”

I assured them that neither one of them would have to wear pink, they accepted, and we clinked glasses again. I told them the date—May 12th, we signed the contract!—and they both offered to help with the planning in any way they could. I was touched, as Brad and Meg are both incredibly lazy (and fully admit to it, so it’s not like I’m saying mean things to them behind their backs). When Tex finally arrived, Meg told him the news.

“Oh, I see how it is,” he joked.

“Tex, you bought her an unwanted black thong once,” Meg said. “That bars you from wedding proceedings for life.”

Brad and I laughed in that way you do when you’re uncomfortable and embarrassed, like when Ben and I watched the Charlie Sheen roast. Luckily, Tex laughed, too. Like Charlie Sheen, he’s more than happy to be in on the joke. And just like that, my wedding party is complete!

Posted at 9:45 AM

Find your date here

Is This a Good Wedding Idea?

Ben hit me with a rather radical idea over IM today: a Jack and Jill wedding party.

It makes sense, as we both have friends and siblings of opposite sexes. Why should my brother be standing next to Ben? Or Caroline standing next to me? We’re just going to mix it up, and not worry about having to pair everybody off for walking down the aisle or dancing. We hammered it out, and these are the people we want:

Siblings: LB and Lori

My friends: Marni, Meg, Jane, Brad

Ben’s friends: Ursula, Caroline, Chris, Neil

My maid of honor: Jenna

Ben’s best man: Mitchell

Of course, we had to discuss the Ursula/Neil/Mitchell situation, as Ursula and Neil are full-on dating now. Well, according to Neil they’re full-on dating. Ursula has adopted a “Let’s wait and see what happens” approach. And Mitchell doesn’t know, so he’ll have to be told at some point. That should be fun.

I hadn’t asked either Meg or Brad to be a part of my wedding party, because I didn’t know how we were working it, but I was in luck last night. Tex had to stay late to work with Dave on editing a short film, which left me alone with Brad and Meg for happy hour. Once we all got settled in, I bought everyone a round.

“So I have a question I want to ask you both,” I began, after we had toasted my upcoming wedding, Brad’s upcoming cohabitation, and Meg’s making it to three Bikram Yoga classes in one week. “If you’re both interested, I would love for you both to be in my wedding party.”

Meg made her “I’m about to tear up” face, complete with lower lip jutted out.

“Do I have to wear a dress?” Brad asked.

“Yes,” I said. “And it will be pink.”

“Oh, I don’t know about pink, K.,” Meg joked. “Redheads and pink are a bad combo. I might have to bow out.”

I assured them that neither one of them would have to wear pink, they accepted, and we clinked glasses again. I told them the date—May 12th, we signed the contract!—and they both offered to help with the planning in any way they could. I was touched, as Brad and Meg are both incredibly lazy (and fully admit to it, so it’s not like I’m saying mean things to them behind their backs). When Tex finally arrived, Meg told him the news.

“Oh, I see how it is,” he joked.

“Tex, you bought her an unwanted black thong once,” Meg said. “That bars you from wedding proceedings for life.”

Brad and I laughed in that way you do when you’re uncomfortable and embarrassed, like when Ben and I watched the Charlie Sheen roast. Luckily, Tex laughed, too. Like Charlie Sheen, he’s more than happy to be in on the joke. And just like that, my wedding party is complete!

Posted at 9:45 AM

Find your date here

Wedding Planning Pros and Cons

Jenna did not disappoint with the wedding venues she’d lined up for us to look at. The only problem? Ben and I each fell in love with one, and it’s not the same one.

His: The Mediterranean Restaurant

Pros:

It’s beautiful. It’s all cavernous and castle-like inside. Dark, romantic, and huge.

If we have it there, we’re renting out the whole place, so we can plan for the ceremony to be inside, but we have a backup space if the weather is bad.

It’s affordable.

Cons:

The food was kind of “meh.”

The dance floor area was too small.

It only fits 100 people, which when you think about it, is only 50 people each with plus-ones.

Mine: The Farmhouse Upstate

Pros:

The barn where we’d be doing the reception is in fantastic shape, and the views outside are stunning.

They work with several catering companies so that means 1) more choices and 2) more tastings.

It’s easy to get to via public transportation, but far enough outside of the city to feel like a destination wedding.

Cons:

We’d have to do everything—decorating, catering, etc.—ourselves.

The closest hotel is half-hour drive, so we’d have to provide transportation.

We’d have to be out of the venue by 8:00pm, so no late-night party.

We also thought of doing an actual destination wedding, but didn’t want to put a huge financial burden on anyone. Plus, the travel might be difficult for our elderly relatives.

We still have a lot of discussing to do. Ben’s choice is definitely more practical, and will be easier to pull off. The place won’t need much to dress it up, and the food and booze are included in the package price. But I’m hung up on the 100-person limit, and the mediocre food.

While we didn’t decide anything on the wedding venue front, I did manage to cross one thing off my to-do list: arranging my move-in date. I’m taking off September 30th from work, and moving then. And Dena is moving in on October 1st.

Brad was so nervous to ask Dena to move in. For like a week he’d bring it up every day:

“Do you think she’s going to say yes?”

“If she says no, we’re probably going to have to break up, won’t we?”

“Maybe I should just get another roommate and wait for her to bring it up.”

In the end, not only did she say yes, but she ecstatically said yes. I really like those two together. Brad has grown up so much emotionally since he’s met her. He’s almost like an adult now. Almost. I hope we get an invitation to their wedding in the not-so-distant future.

I’m a little nervous about the move. And living with Ben. And wedding planning. Basically, I’m just a ball of nerves. But it’s an excited kind of nervous. The future is coming, at a scary pace, but it’s a future I’ve been waiting for, for a long time.

Posted at 8:46 PM

Find your date here

The Wedding of My Dreams...or Nightmares?

Ben and I had our first big talk about money last night.

It started with this statement, from Ben:

“I don’t think we should spend more than $10,000 on the wedding.”

This is a thing I’ve noticed that Ben does. He arbitrarily decides how much money he wants to spend on something, be it a hotel room or a pair of jeans, and then stubbornly holds onto that number. He does this without having any idea of how much things in that vein should cost. It’s not that he’s cheap, either, because he’s not. He just has very strange notions about money in a couple of very specific ways.

“Well, Jenna said we should probably be thinking more along the lines of $20,000,” I said.

“Yeah, but she’s an event planner. She’s used to big, fancy parties with lots of bells and whistles that we don’t need.”

I want bells, I thought. Whistles, too.

“I told her we’re on a budget,” I said. “But we need to figure out what that budget is.”

“$10,000.”

“Ben!”

“What?”

“We haven’t even decided how many people we want to invite. How can you possibly know what’s a realistic estimate when we’ve done no research?”

“How about 100 people?”

I sighed. “Ben, we need to sit down and make a list of everyone we’re obligated to invite, everyone we want to invite, and everyone we’d invite if money weren’t an option. Then we have to figure out where we want to get married, and see what the average cost per head for a wedding reception is in that area. Then, and only then, can we come up with a realistic budget.”

We spent the next hour going through our finances. When we got to the debt portion, we realized that we both had large outstanding bills—student loans for me, and surgery bills for him—that we were paying down monthly, with interest, even though we each had more than enough in savings to pay them off.

“I think we’re both money hoarders,” I said. “We throw everything into savings, even though we could probably put it to better use elsewhere.”

“At least our kids won’t have to worry about paying for college,” he said with a grin.

After doing some math, we realized that while we couldn’t afford to both close out our bills and pay for a wedding, we could double up on our monthly payments, and pay off everything within a year, year and a half, max.

“My dad said he was going to give us money,” Ben said. “But it’s for a house or condo.”

“We couldn’t use that for the wedding?”

“Well, he said we could do whatever we want with it, but I don’t want to use it for the wedding.”

“But once we set up our joint account, doesn’t all the money in it just sort of become the same money?”

“I don’t really think of it that way.”

Hmm.

On the bright side, Ben is 1) employed, 2) well-compensated, and 3) good at saving money. On the not-so-bright side, he is so weird about spending money. Having the wedding of my dreams might prove harder than I initially thought it would be.

Posted at 9:01 AM

Find your date here

The Wedding Planning Begins (Sort of)

Last night, Ben and I hung out at his place and did something absolutely perfect: nothing. And it was everything I’d hoped it would be, and more.

It was only a four-day work week for both of us, but it was an exhausting one. Ben spent about 10 hours every day in the office, trying to get up to speed on the new job. And I spent way longer than I’d anticipated working with Radio Guy, which pushed back the research I was supposed to do for the next project and left me scrambling at the end of the week. I hate scrambling. It doesn’t suit me. I don’t even like my eggs scrambled.

I finally got to Ben’s place around 9:00, and he had just gotten home. We ordered a pizza, poured ourselves generous glasses of wine, changed into sweatpants and then flung ourselves onto the couch. He grabbed his laptop.

“Let’s do it,” he said. “Let’s change our Facebook statuses to engaged, and then turn our cell phones off for the night.”

After we did that, we stuffed our faces full of pizza, and then stretched out on the couch together with our legs and arms intertwined.

“Have you thought about the wedding at all?” Ben asked while he twirled my hair around his fingers.

“Not a ton,” I admitted. “Jenna said we need nine months to plan, minimum. Isn’t that crazy?”

“It is,” he agreed. “But at least we can space it out and not get stressed. Who’s going to be your maid of honor?”

“Sarah, I guess.”

He laughed. “You sound so excited about it.”

“She wasn’t happy for me when I told her.” I hadn’t wanted to tell Ben that, partly because I didn’t want him to be offended, and partly because I didn’t want to admit that someone who had been my friend for as long as Sarah had wasn’t happy about my getting married.

“Jenna would be a much better choice, in my opinion,” he said.

“She would be, but I’ve known her less time than all of my other friends. Arg! This is so political! Everyone is going to hate me.”

Ben cupped my chin in his hand, and slowly guided my face until it was inches from his.

“Settle down, Beavis,” he said in his Butthead voice.

I started to laugh. “Is that what you’re going to say to me every time I morph into a bridezilla?”

He nodded, and still cupping my chin, bobbed my head up and down so I was nodding too.

“Maybe we should just elope,” he mused. “We won’t have to plan anything, or deal with the politics of choosing a bridal party. We can go to Vegas and find an Elvis impersonator to marry us. It will be hilarious.”

“I’m not sure hilarity is the message I want to convey on our wedding day,” I said. “Also, do you want to kill my mother? She will literally die of a broken heart.”

In the end, we did decide on a few things. We’d like to do the wedding on a Saturday evening in May, either here in the city or no more than two hours away. We’d rather have a DJ than a band. We’d rather have cupcakes than a traditional wedding cake. And most importantly, no sensitive indie rock at the reception. Okay, Ben didn’t exactly agree to that one. But we’ve made some progress.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have about 50 Facebook wall posts, 10 emails and a handful of texts I need to respond to before my brother, sister-in-law and niece arrive. Ah, getting married in the digital age.

Posted at 10:02 AM

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Wedding Recap

Someone got super drunk at the wedding last night, and his name is Ben. After telling me how much he loved me four times, he tried to seduce me. Due to his drunken state, that was more hilarious than sexy, which didn’t matter because he fell asleep while I was trying to get the rest of his as excited for sex as his brain was. He is still snoring, loudly.

The wedding itself was lovely. Amy looked pretty in her short dress, and her hair was half-up, the rest falling in soft waves over her shoulders. Ben Sr. looked dashing. When they said their vows, they both choked up, and when it was all over, I didn’t see their age difference any more. I really just saw two people who were in love.

Things got less sweet and more interesting once we got to the reception. The cast of characters Ben ran through really were characters. We were seated with Lori and James, Grandma Stella and her aide, Aunt Sandy and Uncle Joe, and their daughters Jeannie and Casey.

Have you ever met someone, and immediately had a visceral hatred of them based on nothing more than a general vibe they gave off? That’s how I felt when I met James and he addressed me thusly: “Well, hello beautiful.” He also spent more time looking at my boobs than his food, and even asked me to dance at one point. I declined. Lori, surprisingly, reacted to none of this, making me think that she was used to it. I’m not sure if that’s better or worse than getting mad at me over the unwanted attention. It’s certainly sadder.

Ben was right about Grandma Stella being the coolest old lady that ever lived. She told hilariously inappropriate stories about Ben Sr. while stuffing her face with things her aide kept telling her she wasn’t supposed to have.

“Gloria,” she said to her aide at one point. “I’m 91. I’m probably going to die tomorrow. Give me some goddamn butter.” Gloria attempted to look stern, but the corners of her mouth were involuntarily moving upward. She served Grandma Stella’s butter with an eyeroll.

Aunt Sandy and Uncle Joe were just lovely, and their daughters were fascinating. Jeannie is really uptight. When Grandma Stella said, “goddamn,” Jeannie looked embarrassed and horrified, while her sister Casey laughed out loud. Everything about Jeannie was buttoned up, from her updo to her designer jacket, while Casey was loose and flowing with wavy hair and a long, floral-print dress. I had never seen siblings who were such polar opposites before. Casey was on my right, and we became fast friends, which seemed to annoy Jeannie.

When the family started gossiping about Ben Sr. and Amy, that’s when Ben doubled down on the open bar. Lori had the usual to say, of course. James said he hoped he could pull “talent that hot” when he was Ben Sr.’s age. (He really said that.) Aunt Sandy and Uncle Joe kept their mouths shut. Jeannie dubbed the union “ridiculous” and Casey “romantic.” Then Grandma Stella weighed in.

“Say what you will about my son, but if I got my hands on a 25-year-old boy, you can bet your ass I wouldn’t let go.”

Grandma Stella is my hero.

Posted at 9:12 AM

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