True Story: He Met A Girl Online And She Confessed To Murder

Kevin Leland was looking for love online, but what he found instead was dangerous and deadly.

"I killed my husband."

It's certainly not a great pickup line. Even when divulged during a heart-to-heart after hours of getting-to-know-you conversations, it doesn't exactly go over well. Men and women alike have sworn off potential love interests for far less. I live with my parents. I have five cats. I smoke. Any such confession might send scores of singles back to the dating drawing board.  Yet for Kevin Leland, a Vermont man looking for love and friendship on the dating site OkCupid, murder wasn’t a deal breaker…at first.

Of course Christine Billis, the woman who made the murderous admission to Kevin, didn’t advertise her treacherous past online. "I was attracted to her sense of humor," says Kevin about what first drew him to her OkCupid profile. "Also, she was a videographer, and she said she was interested in celibate Christian dating, like me. It seemed like we had a lot in common."

Granted, it's pretty difficult to discern a person's deviant nature based on a dating profile alone. Even the "Cannibal Cop" of New York, Gilberto Valle, came off as a stand-up guy in his profile, also on OkCupid. The married NYPD officer, who was accused last year of planning to kidnap, rape and cook women, described himself as a "true gentleman" and mentioned that he’s the kind of guy who will "open doors and pull out chairs for you." No red flags there. James Holmes, the man accused of the shooting deaths of 12 people in a suburban Colorado movie theater, however, was a little more forthcoming with his profile. "Will you visit me in prison?" he asked prospective daters. If only Kevin had received such forewarning from Christine.

So, with his interest piqued, Kevin began chatting with Christine—instant messaging for hours the very first night. Soon, they progressed to talking on the phone. Unnervingly, it was during their second call that Christine revealed her jarring confession. 

"We'd been talking and everything was going well, but I wanted to make sure I really knew her," explains Kevin. "I wanted to know about any downside." He led the way, admitting that he could be violent at times, getting into fights when provoked. Christine revealed that she had a similar violent streak, and eventually the conversation turned to the topic of her husband’s death.

"She told me, 'I did it. I did it on purpose,'" Kevin says about the moment Christine admitted that the 2009 death of her husband had not been an accident, as first presumed. "She was sobbing, and [the confession] just came out between cries," he says. 

Christine’s husband, Charles, had died when the family car struck a tree off a stretch of Vermont highway. She'd been driving, and though she was treated at a nearby hospital after the crash, none of her injuries proved life-threatening. At the time, investigators believed that a medical episode had caused her to momentarily lose control of the wheel, and the whole incident had been a tragic accident.

After Christine told her new online suitor the truth—that she had intentionally driven into the tree—Kevin says they both prayed over the phone. Then, amazingly, they made plans to meet in person.

"That first time we hung out, I drove to her house which was about an hour or two from my place," says Kevin. "We took a walk and she brought me to the scene of the wreck. It's strange, but she was kind of proud of it."

By now, you must be saying to yourself, What was he thinking? If it's surprising that Kevin didn’t call the police immediately after that first confessional phone call, and if it's boggling that he would agree to meet up with Chrisine to visit the crime scene, then it may be altogether mind-blowing to know that Kevin didn't alert authorities right away. In fact, he waited another two months.

But why? Turns out, despite her dramatic past, Christine had formed a bond with Kevin, a platonic one, but a true relationship nonetheless. Kevin even got to know Christine's two younger daughters (she has a third grown daughter who wasn’t living at home), and developed genuine sympathy for Christine's plight. 

"She told me that her husband had been abusive, and I thought, if he was beating her up, maybe her actions were justified," Kevin explains. "I didn't call the police right away because I wanted to meet her," he says of giving a domestic violence survivor the benefit of the doubt. "I was still checking things out. I thought maybe she wanted to come clean, and I could help her."

However, Christine's secret began to weigh on Kevin. He started asking more questions about the abuse she had suffered, but from what she revealed, it began to seem like there hadn't been anything severe enough to justify violent retaliation. "She said things like, 'Oh, he’d yell at me to clean the house,'" says Kevin. "But in reality, she was a hoarder, so I could understand if he wanted her to clean."

He says there were other revelations that helped to change his mind about her motives. From what Kevin could gather from their many conversations, it seemed Christine had been intent on collecting insurance money from her husband. But the final straw came in a shocking moment when Christine threated Kevin following a falling out. "One day she said to me, 'I'd hate to have to drive you into a tree.'"

It didn't take long for Kevin to discreetly record Christine confessing to the crime and hightail it to the police. Unfortunately, though, Kevin was told his recording wouldn’t hold up in court because there had been no warrant issued to obtain it. The police agreed to set the bureaucratic cogs in motion so that he could procure another confession—this one legally sound—but the process would take an additional six months. That meant half a year that Kevin would have to spend with Christine, all the while the authorities hovered in the background, waiting to get what they needed.

For Kevin, his online dating foray had officially transformed into a bona fide sting operation. OkCupid, used by so many to arrange dinner plans and discuss the merits of long walks on the beach, had proven a crime-solving tool.

And that's when another strange thing happened. Forced by the nature of the situation to continue spending time with Christine, Kevin found that...he actually enjoyed her company. "It wasn't phony; it was still genuine," he says, though he never wavered from his mission to help carry out justice.

Eventually the police got what they needed and charged Christine in June 2011. Kevin even drove her to the police station. At her arraignment, Christine found out that Kevin had been the informant. The two haven’t spoken since. Last year, she was sentenced to 7 to 15 years after pleading guilty to an amended charge of manslaughter (dropped from first-degree murder).

Cautionary tales of online dating are nothing new; in fact, they're all over popular culture. Whose mother hasn’t forwarded an article warning about the monsters trolling around cyberspace? In fact, there's a service you can sign up for, MyAKA, which helps protect your safety by giving you a second phone number to offer up to prospective dates (you even get a free week-long trial).

Just last week, Lifetime premiered a new Original Movie called The Husband She Met Online, which tells the tale of a woman who falls prey to a psychotic criminal she meets on the web. Even Kevin's personal saga is set to get the TV treatment sometime this fall on the Investigation Discovery channel.  

Yet, Kevin doesn't see any reason to swear off online dating altogether. He still has an active OkCupid profile and he's hopeful about meeting someone, on the web or otherwise. He’s not letting one scary situation—no matter how extreme—get in the way of his pursuit of love. He’s just being much more careful now.

Despite his optimistic outlook, there's no doubt that Kevin has been unlucky in love. When asked if his relationship with Christine ranks as his all-time worst dating experience, Kevin hesitates. "Mmm...it makes the top three," he says with a laugh.

We’d hate to hear the other two.

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7 Weird Things That Make You More Attractive Online

Science says these things are going to score you a date online.

Meeting a mate online is not easy. At all. And anyone who's used ever a dating app can tell you a horror story or three. Your straightforward and basic account profile won't catch potential partners' eyes – instead, it'll turn them off.

What matters? Well, according to statistics, it's a mix of things we can't control, how we talk about ourselves and what we show off. It can be everything from race to your favorite sport. And while appearances matter more than ever to the online world, so does vocab ... and where you take your profile picture.

Here's what science says will get you in the door — and staying there.

1. Being Multiracial
Researchers from the American Sociological Association found that three multiracial groups were on the receiving end of what they’re calling the "bonus effect." Researchers found that some white-minority multicultural daters (Asian-white women, white Asian-white and Hispanic-white men) are preferred over white and non-white daters. The reason? They pointed out that daters may be influenced by how the media portrays mixed-race people as exotic and sexually appealing.

2. Using These Buzzwords To Describe Yourself
After studying 12,000 eHarmony profiles, dating experts found that there are certain words that are guaranteed to attract the opposite sex (sorry, but DTF didn’t make the list.) Instead, the researchers found that women who used words like "ambitious," "sweet" and "thoughtful" were more often messaged by interested men, while girls went after guys who used words like "passionate," "physically fit," "ambitious" and "perceptive" to describe themselves.

3. Taking Your Profile Picture Outside— If You're A Guy
A study by Zoosk found that male users who took a non-selfie outside and used it as their profile picture had a 19 percent increase in messages. Apparently, potential partners want to see men doing stereotypically rugged and manly things.

But the same doesn't apply for women, unfortunately. The Zoosk study found that when women took to the Great Outdoors, they saw a 40 percent decrease in messages from potential suitors.

4. Having White Teeth
Make sure you’re brushing! When Market Tools Inc. surveyed 5,481 singles aged 21 and older, they found that 58 percent of men rated "teeth" as a must-have, while 71 percent of women rated perfectly pearly whites as a must-have. Good hygiene goes a long way.

5. Showing Off — And Describing — Your Body
While we'd love to say that it's who you are and not how you look that matters, it's impossible to ignore the fact that it does matter — especially when you're online dating. According to infographics from Wired, the guys aren't interested in your selfies that only show off your pretty face. Men rated the stomach as the most important feature to them in a woman's profile picture. Not too far behind were her butt and legs. Research from a Plenty of Fish internal study found that women, aged 25 to 35, that categorized themselves as "thin" in their profiles were most likely to receive more messages than anyone else on the site. When women categorized themselves as "athletic," they were second most likely to meet a mate. Women who dubbed themselves "average" were third most likely to be messaged. 

When women declined to note what their body type looked like, they saw the most negative effect on the number of messages they received. Unsurprisingly, the results showed that men who listed themselves as "athletic" on their profile were most desirable, but it didn’t have nearly as close to the same effect on date requests as body type did for women.

6. An Interest In Surfing And Yoga
Which extracurricular activities make you more attractive? According to Wired, out of 1,000 possible sporting activities, surfing was the top sport that boosted appeal for men. As for the most attractive activity a woman can do? Yoga.

7. Including The Nose In An Emoticon
When you're messaging with someone, don't be afraid to use an emoticon, says a study by online dating site Zoosk. And when you do, don't forget the nose since :-) gets 13 percent more positive responses while : ) is 66 percent more likely to get you ignored. Hey, I guess people appreciate the small details.

5. Yeah, so I'll be out here for the next few days if anyone needs me.

wehearit.com

6. OMG. This is so much better than chasing a ball.

wehearit.com

8. Why would I go for a walk when I can go for a ride?

wehearit.com

10. I was going to be productive today but then I got in the pool.

wehearit.com

11. Yeah, I went to Coachella ... both weekends.

wehearit.com

14. Care to join me? There's room for one more.

wehearit.com

16. Can I get a cocktail out here when you get a chance?

wehearit.com

16. It's not even my birthday but I think we should celebrate anyway.

wehearit.com

1. Did someone say ROAD TRIP?

wehearit.com

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Online Dating Made Easy For The Shy At Heart

ProConnect Subscribe to Experts Blog By Sandy Weiner

Drop the wink face and ask a real question. If you're shy, don't just send winks and canned flirts. Get noticed by doing this instead...

Communicating with your online dating love interest can be confusing. Should women send first emails? (Absolutely!) What do you write in a first email? (More on that below.) What about flirts, winks, and smiley faces? Should you send or respond to them?

And what if you're shy? Making the first move can feel daunting. I received this email from a woman who's perplexed about online dating communication:

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Dear Sandy,

How do you feel about winks, flirts, and other automatic ways of communicating in online dating? I am shy and find this to be a comfortable way to let a guy know I'm interested.

Bea

Dear Bea,

Flirts and winks and smiles — they're a quick and easy way to communicate with your e-match. Unfortunately, most men don’t respond to them. These canned responses are often viewed as lazy and impersonal.

It's okay that you're shy, but if you don't move a little out of your comfort zone in your online dating communication, you'll probably get ignored. So, how do you overcome your shyness? Try writing an email instead of a flirt. You can take all the time you need to compose a great email that will catch his interest. There's no pressure to be spontaneous or quick on your feet.

4 TIPS FOR WRITING EMAILS THAT GET NOTICED

MAKE IT PERSONAL. Pick out one item from his profile that grabbed your attention and include it in your email. I like to choose the most obscure thing he wrote. For example, if he writes that he's a doctor but has a secret desire to write a novel, ask him about that book. Then tell him that you get along well with creative men.WRITE A CLEVER SUBJECT LINE. He'll be more likely to open your email if you write something fun, smart, or unusual in your subject line. Make it pop. "Greek Isles on your bucket list, too?" or "Jumping on a Trampoline?" shows him that you read his profile and are commenting on something personal.ASK A GOOD QUESTION. One of the biggest mistakes people make is endng an email without asking a question. If you include a question at the end, he'll be more likely to respond. And no "yes or no" questions. For example, if a guy says he's an animal lover, don't ask, "Is that dog in the photo your favorite pet?" That will elicit a "yes" or "no" answer. Instead, ask "What was your favorite pet of all time and why?"DON'T SOUND NEEDY. Keep the tone casual, light, and fun in your first email. If you come on too strong, he might label you as needy or stalk-ish and not respond. This isn't a game show where you're shouting, "pick me, pick me!" I like to think of the first email as an exploration. You are an adventurer, out in the wilds of online dating, and you're trying to figure out if you're compatible or not. You are just as much the chooser as he is the picker. Don't lose sight of that.

I hope these tips make it easier for you to take that first step and send an email, not a flirt or wink. Best of luck in your dating adventures!

Wishing you success in love,

Sandy

Click here for a copy of my FREE report, "The Top Three Mistakes Midlife Daters Make (and how to turn them around to find love now)". Please 'like' my Facebook page for more tips on dating and relationships & updates on my weekly radio show. Want to know more about the Last First Date Inner Circle? Monthly Q & A calls, a private forum, and much more, all at a ridiculously low price. Join us today!

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For a copy of my FREE report, “The Top Three Mistakes Midlife Daters Make (and how to turn them around to find love now)” please click here.

If you are serious about finding love this year, there’s nothing like group coaching to keep you accountable and give you solid dating tools that work. In the Last First Date Inner Circle, you'll have access to two monthly topic-based Q & A calls about dating over 40, and a private forum for you to connect and share your experiences. All calls are recorded and transcribed, and you get a free chapter a month of my upcoming book. If you're a woman over 40 and want ongoing coaching support at an affordable rate, check out the LFD Inner Circle today. 

Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Online DatingOther Articles/News by Sandy Weiner:By Sandy Weiner

A few years ago, I found myself frustrated with the quality of men I was meeting online. If you keep doing the same thing, you’ll keep getting the same results; according to Einstein, that’s the definition of insanity. Einstein also said, "It's not that I'm so smart; it's just that I stay with problems longer." So, I sat with ... Read moreBy Sandy Weiner

Sandy, I’ve been dating Josh for three months. He’s good-looking, smart, and most importantly, treats me with respect. I’ve had a tough dating and relationship history. I was engaged to a guy who never followed through with his promises and broke off the engagement. I was married to a man who cheated. I’ve been following your great ... Read moreBy Sandy Weiner

Sandy, My boyfriend and I dated on and off for the past 3 years. Last year, he dumped me 10 times. Every time we had an argument, he'd leave. He'd come back a few weeks later, apologizing, saying he loved me and didn't want to lose me. While on vacation this past summer, he left our hotel room while I was in the shower and flew home. He ... Read moreSee More

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Boyfriend issues.. fantasy / online

Hey,

My boyfriend and I met almost a year ago on okcupid and after only speaking briefly decided to meet in person and totally hit it off. It's been a whirlwind, and it's been the best love I've ever been in. We have sooooo much fun together, and we love each other's families, etc. It's basically perfect.

We are different personality types (I am a capricorn and he is a cancer) so naturally he keeps a lot to himself. I have had a weird feeling though, since the beginning. I have really good intuition and I can sense things and since being together I have sensed he has had a hidden agenda online.

It's now at the point where I'd love to move forward with him
In the future but something is off.

He's sneaky about his phone and conversations and shares little with me in terms of sexual fantasy. I'm very open and sexual and I love porn so I'm always probing him to share more with me but he rarely does.

I definitely crossed the line, but I looked through his phone to find what kind of porn he likes so I could satisfy him to another level (valentines day is right around the corner). What i came across was shocking and it led me to look further and I'm scared of what I've discovered.

I looked in his history and found a ton of bbw porn. Which is cool, everyone has their thing. But I looked further and realized it's more like forums and stuff, which requires accounts, etc. I then looked at his skype which I've seen him use in the past and wondered why (all his friends live in the same city , etc) and there always seemed to be a lot of convos. But I brushed it off and figured maybe all his friends use it or something. I looked this morning, he is having weird sexual conversations with multiple people about food in a dirty sexual way. It's very confusing. He is having conversations with these girls about how sexy they look, requesting pics, asking them to talk dirty, etc. It makes me sad because he rarely says those things to me and I mean, I'm a decent looking young female with good style.

It's a sensitive topic and I didn't want to reach out to friends but I desperately need advice.

Do I confront him? What would I even say? What should I be feeling?

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How To Take Your Online Romance From Texting To Talking In Person

ProConnect Subscribe to Experts Blog By Justin Kelly McClure

An authentic smile is so much better than texting an emoji! You met online and now you're texting non-stop. Read on to learn why that's not the best idea.

Ok, you've been texting this guy you met online for two weeks and feel he has potential. Heck, he could be 'The One' you recently told a friend over brunch. He likes traveling, you like traveling. He wants kids and everyone knows you want kids. You both prefer sunsets to sunrises. Things are matching up, right? Wrong. You don't know this person and those traits are just things he typed on a website. People pander for attention all the time and he may be none of those things. In reality, you've been dating your phone for two weeks.

Why haven't you gone on date No.1? Oh I know — you want to establish phone comfort to insure "He's not a serial killer". But what you're doing is killing the possibility of true chemistry by talking too much via device instead of through eye contact. Meet your online dates sooner than later; otherwise later you wonder why "The One" became a person you text for weeks, but saw for an hour. Also, a recent survey from Elite Singles shows 94% of women feel the man should ask for the first date — do it sooner than later.

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In my book "Pray Your Kids Are Ugly" I discuss the two relationships with online dating: the virtual one (email, text) and then the physical. Just because you have great texting chemistry doesn't mean it will carry over in person, and too much texting will not manifest in person because you've already covered everything. 

The personality discovery, quirks about someone's life, should be received through eye contact, not retina display. Chemistry is found in the small things, the playfulness of banter. If the small talk is covered through your phone then your anticipated first date might end up boring and awkward. "The date was actually anti-climatic. We had nothing to talk about after 45 minutes, but we text so well." That's because you covered it already. Ask your thumbs. They are sore for a reason.

Also, when you prolong an online date, you build expectations on physical appearance; how a person smiles, their posture, the way they walk, etc. We are attracted to the little things about someone, so find out. Remember everyone puts his or her best photos online. The longer we wait to meet in 3D the more we expect to meet their dating profile instead of the actual person. Not good.

Text to setup the first date, but don't make it the first date. If the person you are talking to makes excuses on why they can't meet, they are probably lying about their availability (could be married) or may not look like their photos. Call them out on it, "If you are truly single why are you procrastinating on meeting?" Some people are into games. Be in charge. Keep things moving if needed. Value your time.

We become more attractive to others when we show we are in charge of our lives, and this type of charge, fortunately, doesn't need a wall outlet. Put down the phone, meet in person, discover a person with your eyes and not your thumbs. Let the details blossom organically...the way it happened when your parents met.

Elite Singles has a nice infographic survey about first dates and you can view it here. Also, please check out my book “Pray Your Kids Are Ugly” as it discusses the affects of online dating on our society and the future of human interactions as a whole. Likewise I would love to stay in touch with you via Twitter, Facebook, or Google Plus.

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ONLINE DATING FAIL - funny dating profiles
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PHILOSOPHICAL AND HUMOROUS BLOGS - all things funny, honest, and insightful about dating today. 

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Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support, Health Coach, Online DatingOther Articles/News by Justin Kelly McClure:By Justin Kelly McClure

I just don't get this knight in shining armor ladies speak of. What is so desirable about this guy? Women want to be rescued by this knight, just a dude galloping over the hills on his horse wearing full body armor prepared to fight the Russians....or Anthony from New Jersey — whoever gets in his way is fair game. But to be honest, this knight guy ... Read moreBy Justin Kelly McClure

Here's some dating advice that'll blow your mind: Talk to a girl by literally talking to her. You can't talk around her, above her, or underneath her... you have to talk directly to her. Look her in the eyes, be confident, and have purpose and direction in your approach. Scenario time. Let's pretend you're at an art gallery and see a ... Read moreBy Justin Kelly McClure

En route to a lunch meeting, walking briskly, you almost bump (literally!) into a woman headed in your direction. "Excuse me," you say, letting her pass realizing she's not just a woman, but also a very beautiful one. She's your type; brunette, athletic, light eyes, (at least, you said that was your type on your dating profile a few days ago). ... Read moreSee More

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5 Signs Your Online Date Isn't That Into You

Yeah… this doesn't look too good. Totally digging on your date? Better make sure he feels the same way.

You've exchanged the initial flirtatious online messages. Told a few cute childhood stories, graduated to chatting online, then took it offline to mobile and sent a few texts after work. You like the guy, and you've finally set up a date and time to meet in person. So you break out your favorite dress. You show your roomie, landlord and even the taxi driver a photo of your suitor, just in case he decides to make you the subject of a Lifetime movie (hey, you can never be too careful). You tell the cabbie you'd like Brandi to play you in the movie version of your soon-to-be epic love story before arriving at the restaurant. It turns out to be a great meal with a great guy and, so far, sharp conversation. But is he as into you as you are to him? That's a pretty important detail. Here are five signs that indicate that the Magic 8 Ball answer is "very doubtful".

1. He comments on how "different" you look in person.
You're aiming for lovely, beautiful or stunning... anything but "different". This isn't just a guy who doesn't know how to give a compliment: It means you haven't met his physical expectations or standards. Not to worry, though! Maybe you can win him over with your personality. That is... if you want such a shallow guy.

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2. He seems enthralled by the restaurant décor.
If he's looking everywhere around the restaurant except you, we may have a problem. If you can't get his undivided attention for an hour and a half then you can forget about a second date. Nobody cares that much about flatware and wallpaper.

3. He doesn't give you any.
...of his meal that is! Sharing food can be very intimate and if the meal is delicious, this really sets the mood. If he doesn't even offer you a hot french fry, that's just cold. 

4. He brings up his ex-girlfriend and/or other dates he has lined up.
Don't think he's being coy or playing hard to get. Guys don't do that on first dates—but they do throw out not-so-subtle hints, such as this one, that you shouldn't expect a text tomorrow. And hey: Any guy who brings up his ex on a first date with you is someone you definitely don't want to get to know better, anyway.

5. No sweet stuff.
If he wants to skip dessert at your restaurant and doesn't follow up with another suggestion, like, "Oh there's this great café around the corner where we can grab coffee," then it's game over.

Not every online date is going to be a perfect match—and that's OK. But it's best to know where you stand before you get too attached. Have fun and be receptive, but don't forget to watch for these tell-tale signs it's just not going to work out. Have you ever had a boring or bad online date? Leave a comment & dish all about it!

You can watch me continuously look on the bright side as I go on 50 first dates in my search to find the perfect date to my BFF's'wedding in Spain.  Click HERE to watch the trailer!

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The New Year Boom: Why You Should Start Online Dating Now

Everyone's doing it. Looking for your main squeeze? Here's why online dating registration peaks this week.

If you're looking for love, there's no time like the present. Seriously. Right now is the time to get yourself up off the couch, and head directly to the closest computer. It doesn't matter if the computer doesn't belong to you! It's just imperative that, if you're single and want to close this chapter of your life by getting partnered up, you set up an online profile now. Right this very second!

According to stats, it's the week between Christmas and New Year's that singles take to online dating sites the most in the hopes of finding the one. Why this particular time of year?

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As psychologist Dr. Wiebke Neberich explains, "During the holiday singles get a chance to truly consider their private lives. This motivation is reinforced by Christmas, which in celebrating love and the family rekindles people's interest in finding a solid partnership. It's unsurprising that so many singles put their New Year's resolution into practice by trying online dating."

Well, of course! Who doesn't want to try to procure someone to kiss on New Year's Eve, or get the chance to add yet another person to their already-long list of gifts to buy next Christmas? Whatever the individual reason may be, Elite Singles, a UK online dating service, found a 35 percent rise in new memberships after Christmas with them "peaking around the New Year and slowly returning to normal in January."

While the infographic only includes data from Europe, the same holds true for those singles living in the States. According to Today, Match.com "sees a 25 to 30 percent increase in new members registrations between Dec. 26 and Feb. 14," with the ultimate peak on January 2nd.

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It's also estimated that with the economy on the up swing, more and more singles are looking for love as their focus on money becomes a little less necessary than it has been in the past few years. If last year the increase of singles getting online and looking for love was 35 percent, then there's no telling how much more it will rise this year. Forty percent? Forty-five percent? Maybe even a 50 percent rise that will mean a 50 percent greater chance of you getting lucky playing the online dating game! Of course, these numbers are just speculation on the part of a woman who is bad at math, but we do know for sure that the number is bound to increase, and singles of the world can only benefit from it.

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Not to sound like your hometown low-budget car dealership commercial, but what are you waiting for? It's not very likely that love is going to show up at your door while you're sitting on the couch in your pajamas watching The Princess Bride for the millionth time, so do something about it. Get online, weed through the creeps, because there always are some, and find your main squeeze now. Everyone else is doing it this time of year, so succumb to peer pressure on this one. It's one of the few times where it's cool to do so.

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Top 5 Online Dating Profile Tips For Men Over 50

He'd better not be posting a selfie... Over 50 and looking to find a special lady? Read these expert tips for writing the perfect profile.

There's a new philosophy in the business world when it comes to presenting yourself to both business prospects or prospective employers. It's called Show, don't tell, and I use it a lot with my business clients who are looking to step up their business or expand their career. It's been so successful — and so exciting to watch — that I've decided it would also be perfectly applied as online dating profile tips for men over 50.

In both the business world and the online dating world, people are no longer interested in hearing you talk about how good you are at something. Talk is cheap, and no one believes what you say about yourself anyway. They want proof. The good news is that now there's a surefire way to demonstrate who you are — convincingly!

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What you say about yourself isn't worth anything. Instead, you have to find a way to show who you are. This is the show, don't tell philosophy. In the business world, for example, rather than saying "My company is professional," you demonstrate that you are professional with a top-notch, well designed, well written website. What good does it do to say you are professional when your website looks like it was done by an amateur or the content is boring and full of spelling mistakes? With a great website, you don’t have to say anything more. You're showing it.

The same philosophy works for online dating. Based on show, don't tell, plus feedback from women who are looking for a compatible partner through online dating, I'm offering these online dating profile tips for men over 50.

Life is easy. Many over-50 women are searching for a partner who has a few key things under control: Money. Past. Desire to be in a relationship and willingness to make an effort to show her. Over-50 women don't want talk. They want men who can show who they are and what they are made of. So if you're a man over 50 and considering online dating, here's some advice: show yourself—and reap the rewards!

1) Don't lie about your age.
Even if your loyal friends tell you that you look ten years younger than you are, you probably don't. Lucky for you to have supportive friends, but most other people won't be fooled. Hiding a decade, or even a half, is not as easy as your friends say.

What have you got to lose by lying? Everything. Once the truth comes out, no woman will trust anything else you say. In her eyes, you will forever be a liar. For most women, once a man lies about a little thing, he will lie about anything.

Instead of lying, or just saying that you're "young for your age", show that you are young at heart. After all, your age is just a number. Show your sense of humour, your wit, your intelligence. Demonstrate that you are active, interesting, and interested in living life to the fullest. Photos count a lot more than lies.

2) Post good profile pictures, and watch those selfies!
Does that photo of you taken on your cell phone held at arm's length really show you at your best? Not many people take good selfies. If you don't believe me, just scroll through the photos on most online dating sites.

Let's go beyond the selfies taken in front of the bathroom mirror and assume you have a little more taste. Still, is that a dead fish you're holding? Not all that attractive to anyone other than your fishing buddies. It may be the most beautiful fish ever caught, but save it until you're sure that your potential soul mate loves fishing as much as you do.

I know you had a grand time at that all-inclusive on the beach, but five photos of your toes sticking out of the sand? One might be funny —the jury is still out on that one—  but five is overkill. 

Now, I'm not suggesting that you hire a professional photographer (though that might be nice). What I am suggesting is that you post attractive, up-to-date photos of yourself, taken by someone else with a good camera while you were enjoying the things you love to do. Go ahead and post that photo of yourself fishing, smiling, and surrounded by nature, but hold back on the dead fish until later. 

This next bit of online dating advice should go without saying, but when you post a 20-year-old photo of yourself it shows that you're living in the past. Women don't like to date ghosts, unless of course they're a ghost themselves, in which case they will probably also be posting 20-year-old photos. Do you really want to date a ghost?

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That off-center photo of yourself with your head tilted and a woman's hair still visible on your shoulder is also a dead giveaway. Cropping your previous love out of a photo shows a couple of things that just may not work for you: You may be resisting a new relationship. You are not travelling light. You are a serial cropper. No woman wants to be the replacement for another woman cropped out of your life — the future looks a little too ominous. Start fresh. Show the new you. If you're not ready for a new relationship, tend to your wounds and wait until you are.

What do good photos show about you? That you are smart, that you know your limits, and that you respect yourself. Take a look at the photos you have posted on your online profile. Would you date that person? If you wouldn't, chances are no woman would either. Keep reading...

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Online Dating: Is It All Just One Big Web Of Lies?

Will a healthy dose of skepticism tip the scales in your favor? It seems like everyone's looking for love online... but are they wasting their time?

Single-but-looking wasn't always so hard. If you back up just a few short years, it was commonplace to meet someone from your neighborhood and end up in a relationship with them — eventually getting married. But with the advent of technology, neighborhoods have given way to online communities. Introductions are passé, having been replaced with "friending" someone. Getting to know someone has transformed into It's Just Lunch. And love letters have been reduced to 140 characters.

Of course, there are success stories of couples that have met online. Everyone seems to know someone who knows someone who is getting married to their online sweetheart. But after connecting with thousands of women via my Facebook page and hearing their tales of missed dates, mixed messages, and misunderstood expectations, the horror stories seem to outnumber any purported success rate by a very wide margin.

We'll get into all that.

"Research"
When it comes to measuring the success of online dating, research studies and success stories are usually commissioned research through a third party, and paid for by the dating site. Hardly unbiased results, but at first blush it reads impressively. Here's an excerpt from the Huffington Post in June, 2013:

"A recent study funded by [a major dating website] suggests that as many as 35 percent of Americans now meet their spouses online. What's more, the study suggests that those marriages are less likely to end in divorce than those that begin offline."

What this article silently implies is that the phrase "meet their spouses online" translates to "meet their spouses while using an online dating site".  However, if you read the complete study (and most people don't), you will be quick to discover that "online" means exactly that: on the internet.

Meeting someone online is now commonplace, and is a reflection of the change in societal communication patterns, not a feather in the cap of the online dating industry. Moreover, this study examined many online venues: virtual worlds, chat rooms, multiplayer games, and social networks — as well as many dating sites.

What's needed to evaluate online dating success is information from a source that doesn't have a vested interested in the outcome — like this recent study from the Association for Psychological Science which discusses the notion that, although people are using online dating sites, the way people are actually finding spouses over the last several years remains largely unchanged. According to the Association for Psychological Science, the most common place to meet a spouse is at work or at school (38 percent). "Through a friend or family member" came in second (27 percent), while "On an online dating site" came in third (17 percent) — hardly the "35 percent of Americans" as claimed in the earlier study. Keep reading...

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An Online Dating Study Asks: Are Men Attracted To Cheaters?

Should you present yourself as wild and dangerous when searching online for dates? Just because a study claims men are attracted to cheaters doesn't mean they're prone to infidelity.

During the course of one month, a recent online dating study tracked the number of private messages men sent to four different, fake, female, online dating profiles, and discovered that men privately messaged women who showed obvious signs of wanting to cheat more than men messaged single women who were looking for love.   

There have been a lot of conclusions drawn from this cheater study, and I think it's important to offer my opinion on its results. I want to calm women's fears that men find cheaters more attractive than single women. I also want to make it clear that this study doesn't say anything about these men actually being unfaithful themselves.

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First, let me explain the study's design. Twenty different women agreed to have their photos used for a fake online dating profile. Four different profiles were put up in five different cities where cheating is prevalent (this, according to AshleyMadison.com). The profiles labeled women as Brazen Cheats, Married Maybes, Recently Taken or Seriously Single.    

The results revealed that after one month, 998 men had messaged the Brazen Cheats, 890 had messaged the Seriously Single women, 355 had messaged the Married Maybes and 284 had messaged The Recently Taken women.

What The Study Results Suggest... And What They Don't
The only thing that's clear to me from this study is that the majority of men who date online (or at least on OkCupid.com, where the study was conducted) are looking for exciting, no-strings-attached sex. And quite frankly, what woman out there on the online dating scene doesn't already know this? Most of us have gotten the "sexy pics" late-night personal message, right?

The study results don't necessarily reveal that men are more attracted to cheaters because they themselves are cheaters. Though men messaged the Brazen Cheats with the most frequency, the Serious Singles profiles brought in significantly more messages than the Married Maybes, who were also looking to be unfaithful: "I wouldn't be on here if I wasn't seriously ready for someone or something new," read the Married Maybe's profile. 

The difference in the two types of cheaters was that the Brazen Cheats said that they weren't looking for their partners to find out about their escapades; they also made their sexual compulsions obvious. This, to me, translates to casual, sexy and dangerous fun. Men could have interpreted the Married Maybe's profile to mean that she was looking for an emotional affair or to update to a better partner.

My conclusion is that men aren't looking to be with a cheater so much as they are looking for drama-free sexual encounters that won't have much chance to turn into anything more. After all, men can be a bit dense, or maybe just too eager to believe what they want to hear; they actually trust when a woman says she's looking for fun without strings attached: "I don't want my current partner to know about it," claimed the Brazen Cheats. I'm sure men wanted to assume this meant no commitment.

If You're Single and Looking For Mr. Monogamous, Don't Get Discouraged
Though the Brazen Cheats profile received more messages than the Seriously Singles received, it doesn't mean that there aren't loyal men online looking for long-term monogamous relationships. After all, the Seriously Single profiles received more messages than the Married Maybes and Recently Taken profiles combined. 

What's significant, too, is that we don't know the relationship statuses of the majority of the men who messaged the four profiles. Though it was revealed that some of the men who messaged the Brazen Cheats were also looking to cheat — one man wrote, "We are in the same boat. I'm in a relationship and getting really bored with it," — those conducting the study admit to not knowing the relationship statuses of most of the men. 

This study doesn't show solid proof that men are attracted to cheaters, are cheaters or aren't also looking for a relationship while having sex with cheaters.

In fact, a control group of sexually promiscuous single women would have been a smart choice, as it would have shed more light on whether the Brazen Cheats were contacted because they were interested in casual sex or because their unfaithful nature made them attractive to men.

Don't Let These Results Make You Think That Men Don't Want Honest Women
Sure, the idea of an unabashed cheat seems exciting. Men like bad girls just as women like bad boys. However, this doesn't mean that these men are looking for love with these women. 

If you are looking for love, it's okay to admit to wanting marriage or a life-partner in your dating profile. It doesn't make you less exciting or fun. Too many women are afraid to put their true relationship goals in their profiles, thinking that men will run from a woman's desire for serious commitment. The only men who will run are those who aren't emotionally capable of commitment or who don't want it.

Don't let this study make you think you have to seem like a wild woman or a morally ambiguous person to snag a man. If you want to find an old-fashioned romance, be brazen about that and you will find Mr. Right. 

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Online Dating Profile Buzzwords: Words You Need To Use & Lose

One huge don't, ladies? "I've got beauty and brains." Find out what lingo your potential partners are (& aren't) looking for in your online dating profile

Meeting a partner online can be overwhelming — but now, we're making it easy. We spoke with YourTango online dating experts Julie Spira, author of the book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating, and Dina Colada, creator of the Sassy Sexy Single Dating Toolkit for Women to learn just what buzzwords your potential partners are looking for in your dating profile — and what they're not.

So, here's what your future somebody really wants to see. (Hint: it's not your chess skills!)

Words guys should use on their profiles:

1. Romantic. Colada says women love it because "They imagine being swooned by their future Prince Charming. Candlelit dinners, massages and plenty of flowers come to mind when women see the word 'romantic.'"

2. Great Listener. Again, Colada says that it's because women will automatically feel that they're understood. Knowing that a man wants to — and actually enjoys — listening, it makes her feel more connected.

3. Understanding. Sounds like a no-brainer, right? Wrong. Apparently, some people still need reminding. "Is there anyone out there who doesn't want to be understood?" Colada asks. Pretty sure we already know the answer to that one!

4. Adventurous, Fun And Outgoing. Women want to see a man that's happy with his life but is looking to add a little more spice to the mix — especially with the right woman.

Ready to try some of these buzzwords out for yourself? Search for singles in your area on Flirt.com and set up an online profile, today.

Here's what you should skip, fellas:

1. "I'm A Handsome Guy." Spira says that using language like this might send the wrong message. "We know men lie about their height and income on their profiles," she says. "Who says he's so handsome? Can you imagine a first phone date when he says, 'so let me tell you about myself… I'm pretty hot.' The phone call may just get disconnected, on purpose."

2. "Interested In A Drama-Free Woman." A guy that says this right from the get-go should raise a few red flags, for sure. "It sounds like he's not over his last relationship," Spira says. Oh, and, just one more thing. Who actually wants to sign up for heavy drama? It's a burden that women won't want online or offline, for that matter.

3. "Looking For A Sexy And Passionate Woman." This might just be the absolute no-no for a girl who's looking for a serious mate. "Can we say booty call?" Spira says. With that with language like this you should "expect someone who wants sex on the first date, or shortly thereafter."

4. "I Love Romantic Walks On The Beach And Sunsets." Oh, so cliché. Ditch it from your profile, Spira warns. Chances are you'll see a sunset someday with one of your dates. But putting it on your profile just makes it look like you've copied and read every other profile on the Internet.

Here’s the type of stuff dudes go crazy for on a woman's "About Me."

1. "I Do yoga." Believe it or not, men love to see the word 'yoga' in a profile because it immediately paints a picture in his mind of you doing backbends in the bedroom. If you're not doing yoga yet, it's time to get started. In addition to being great for your potential sex life, it's also great for your mind, body and your spirit. 

2. Admitting You're Not Afraid To 'Feel.' Here's the thing about the word 'feeling' — it lets a man know that you're not afraid to be authentic and that you're in touch and brave enough not to hide from your real self. Guys want to know that you're not afraid of yourself — because they're scared of drama. Keep Reading ...

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Online Dating Advice That Could Land You A Lasting Marriage

ProConnect Subscribe to Experts Blog By Nina Atwood

On the plus side, it's easy to recreate your first date. Can you click your way to true love?

A new study by the University of Chicago that surveyed over 19,000 couples who met online and then got married found that their breakup rate was 1.7 percent lower than for those who met offline, reports the Wall Street Journal. Also, the overall marital satisfaction rate for couples who met online and later married was slightly higher than for those who met offline. The same study found that over one third of couples who married between 2005 and 2012 met online, a staggering percentage. Does all of this mean that online dating leads to a better marriage?

Online dating still has a bit of a bad rap, though not as bad as it once did. Many singles are leery about going online to search for a mate because the negative stories abound — primarily about con artists and people who vastly misrepresent themselves. But the positive results from research on online dating continue to grow, suggesting that going online may actually increase your odds of a good match, and thus a lasting marriage. Here's how to put the odds in your favor.

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1. Knowing potential partners better helps you make a better choice. If you choose a site that does personality testing, such as eHarmony or that requires extensive surveying like Match.com, you'll know more about someone before you date. Can people fudge? A little, but most personality tests have fail-safe questions that inhibit your ability to fake. Knowledge is power. When you marry someone you know really well and accept for who she/he is, you are far more likely to stay married, and to be happier over time. Bottom line: know yourself and know others before you become romantic. Using sites like Match.com and eHarmony can help you do that.

2. Having lots of choices makes you less desperate. Let's face it, if your dating strategy is to randomly meet someone offline, you can go through a lot of disappointments before you find the right person, and it can take a long, long time. That's because most busy singles today don't have the time to go out and scour the urban landscape for other attractive singles on a frequent enough basis to have lots of choices. If you use online dating wisely, however, you can have one to three dates every week with a variety of viable people. Having all those choices helps you relax, be yourself, and feel less anxious. You become more attractive because you're not needy or desperate. More attractive means more people want to date you, thus giving you even more choices. It's a positive upward spiral that inevitably leads to success.

3. Having more choices leads to better choices. The number one reason people choose partners poorly usually goes something like this: "It's been months/years since I've dated someone seriously, and he/she was good enough. It was much better than dating no one!" But the fact that you haven't dated in a long time and feel lonely isn't a good enough reason to date someone. Why? Because dating leads (very quickly) to attachment; attachment leads to falling in love, and that leads to a long term relationship. When you bind yourself to someone who is not right for you out of loneliness or desperation, it can take months or even years to detach and move on.

Dating online, when done wisely, can give you lots of choices of very viable potential partners, making you less desperate, and allowing you to be appropriately choosy. While that doesn't guarantee a great marriage, it definitely increases your odds!

About the author: Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC, is a nationally known psychotherapist, author of five self-help books, and frequent expert media guest. Read the transformational book that will change your life and your relationships with men: Temptations of the Single Girl: The Ten Dating Traps You Must Avoid. To successfully date online, get Nina’s $0.99 cent eBook Internet Dating for the Savvy Single. Get loads of free advice and Love Strategies at www.singlescoach.com.

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