HAVE i DEVALUED MYSELF?

Long story short.

Met a guy, dated him, he was the one initiating everything then suddenly he turned round and told me he still hadn't gotten over his ex and thought she might possibly be open to getting back together, he couldn't pass up that chance with someone he already loved to be with me and possibly lose her for that reason.

i was very upset but as he was going through personal things at this time too, I decided to be there for him as a friend, and we also discussed possibly trying again later down the line.

Now im beginning to think what an idiot I am. I dont want to hang on being friends with someone, with a SLIGHT chance we may try again for something more one day... I dont want to be someone's second choice. And I really like this guy- REALLY like him.

his friends keep contacting me, saying that hes being stupid, chasing someone who clearly didn;t want him, when he has the chance to be with someone who does. They (and I) are scared he's going to get hurt.

Anyway, basically I want to know- should I cut contact with him for a while and let him know I am doing so? as I feel a little as if he needs a kick up the bum a little - at the moment he is having his cake and eating it- living in delerious hope that his "true love" will come back, and the other girl he really likes, although he left her, is still there to listen to and support him- kind of waiting in the wings. I feel like I've kind of enabled him to have these delusions in a way; and as a result have devalued myself.

?

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Confused About Myself..

Hey everyone. At the age of 24 I've only had three relationships that have lasted no longer than five months. I'm confused about myself. I had my first girlfriend at the age of 20. It was a good relationship. Everything fell apart when she was going back to school. My only off days at the time were Wednesday and Thursday. I offered to visit her one of those days. She kept pressuring she I could only visit on the weekends. I couldn't do that because I had to work. I found out she still had feeling for a guy that screwed her over multiple times. He only lives 20 miles away from the school and goes home on the weekend..if you catch my drift. I called her out on it and she told me I was being insecure and that she loved me. I didn't fall for it and broke it off.

Four months later I met a new girl. It was the most loving, passionate relationship I've ever been in. I was a model boyfriend. I did a lot for her. About five months into the relationship she met a new guy at her work and was telling me how great of a guy he was. She had many guy friends..so I wasn't too worried yet. They continued to talk often and was getting a little suspicous. She needed maintenance done to her car that was really expensive. I didn't have the money to help her out at the time. She said if I didn't Dan(the guy she met) would. That set me off and I was stern with her. She needed to stop seeing the guy. Someone you've known for two weeks offered to pay 500 bucks for your car when he's looking to get his OWN car still.. and he's just a friend..yeah right. I got the jealous insecure label. We argued for weeks. When I met the guy he wouldn't even look at me when I shook his hand. I knew something was wrong. I caught her lying several times. The guy was a high school drop out loser. She continued to act flaky and I took things in my own hands and caught him in her bed. I was devestated. She kept telling me that I was narrow minded because I didn't understand how she could love the both of us. I knew she was full of it. I was heartbroken for months. Finally when I came out of my shell and got over her..she came back. She told me the guy she left me for cheated on her. He left her with an apartment she couldn't afford. She gave me all of the.."I'm so sorry" jazz. I gave in eventualy. We started to become friends again. She was struggling with her bills so I gave her $500 to help. After that..she was gone. BEfore you knew it she was with another guy. An overweight guy in his 30's..but he had money. I told her what I truly thought of her and told her NEVER to talk to me again. I was over it quickly because I knew she wasn't a good person anymore.

A few months later I met a new girl. It was instant chemistry. We had so much in common..it was like me in a female body. We started hanging out several times a night. She was really hesitant with the relationship..but she said she needed "time" but she did want a relationship. After about 2-3 months I told her I felt like I was wasting my time and that I just didn't want to be "friends" when we were spending time together and having sex. She gave in a couple of days later because she knew I was about ready to give up. A couple of months later she was getting ready to go back to school. She started acting flaky. Just a few days before she went back to school she told me I was too nice and never developed any feeling for me and broke it off. The night before she left she came to me in tears and told me she wanted to work things out. I gave in..but was very upfront with her that I didn't want any games. She understood. She said she wanted to take things slow for about two weeks to see how school went. I gave in. She came back in town after two weeks and we hung out and had a great time. She went back to school a week later and broke it off with me again. I was heartbroken. She said, "I thought my feeling would change with time away..but I didn't happen." I was PISSED! She said she wanted to take things slow due to "school purposes" I raised my voice and she interupted and got really nasty with me and talked me down and ended up saying, "NIGHT" and hung up. I was shocked. To this day 2.5 years later she still tries to contact me. "I'm so sorry yada yada." Even her friends that deleted me off of facebook when I broke up try sending me friend requests. I'll never talk to her again.

I talked to several other girls..but they all flaked. About a year and a half ago I met a really cute girl. We talked for a while and went on a couple of dates. After our first date she was nagging me to hang out with her friends. I thought that was a little too..early. After our second date she kept pressuring me again to hang out with her friends. I gave in. We went out with her friends..and things changed. Her friends were complete SNOBS towards me. I even offered to buy them drinks and her friend pushed my debit card out of the way. "Oh..who's red mustang is that." Me "oh..that's mine. Do you like it?" "Oh..aren't you so great. Good to see someone has money." I looked at her with a dirty look on my face. I even asked my date, "what was the problem with your friends tonight?" "oh..they're just sarcastic." My date was acting weird and strange the whole time. A few days after that she broke it off.

I've talked to several other girls since and they all flaked on me. Stood me up, wouldn't return my phone calls on the day of the date, etc. My most recent date (everyones probably seen my post about it) also is being incredibly flaky with me now. We met over two months ago online. We hit it off right away. She would always send me messages saying, "Hope you're having a good day!" "Good morning!" I love that in a girl. We went on a date about a week after talking and it went well..but a little awkward. A week later Christmas rolled around and I came by her house and gave her cookies and a Christmas card. She gave me a card as well. She was smiling ear to ear. A week later we went on our second date. We saw a movie and went bowling. She was playing with her hair the entire time during the movie. Whenever I would look at her she would bite her lip. She even demanded to pay for our bowling. "You paid for everything the first time..you paid for the movie..I want to pay now." I thought that was AWESOME. I tried stopping her..but she wouldn't let me. At the end of the night I walked her back to her car and opened her door. I leaned in for a hug and a kiss on the forehead. After that she leaned in on me and we were making out. It was PASSIONATE. I told her she was beautiful and said goodnight. She was smiling ear to ear. A few days passed and she ignored my text messages. I asked her what was wrong and she told me she was so sorry..but not ready to date. She was previously engaged and was hurt really bad. She thought she was ready to date but she realized she wasn't. She kept apologizing and said she still wanted to hear from me. Two weeks later I sent her a text and we started talking like nothing ever happened. Sunday I asked her if she wanted to go to a concert NEXT Wednesday. She couldn't go because she has an interview that day for a summer school position. I was happy for her. Just recently she started acting distant with her messages. I sent her a text on Tuesday and she responded Wednesday with, "Hope your concert is going well!" I said, "That's next Wednesday..lol. Was your interview today??" I was a little confused. She responded with, "No..it's next Wednesday, haha. Sorry wrong person..my friends fifth graders had a concert tonight. SOrry." I just shook my head and laughed. I knew that was a lie. I said, "oh alright..well I'm thinking about going to a blues game soon..would you like to go with?" She hasn't responded and it's been two days. I'm not expecting anything out of her..I just want to be friends for now. I'm going to give her a little more space then send an intervention text and tell her to cut the flaky crap. It's been a month since we've gone out.

Sorry it's so long. I really apprecite anyone who takes the time to read. My question is..what could possibly be wrong with me for all of these women to flake? I'm a normal, good looking guy. I weight lift and eat healthy, I have a good job, I'm funny, I don't like to start arguments, I'm caring, and supportive. Is it because I'm nice and these girls just take advantange of it? Am I just going after the wrong girls? Any advice is appreciated!

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