He's very jealous. How can I get him back

Are you sure you aren't looking at things with rose-colored glasses? Or else why would you threaten to leave every time you got into an argument? Are you sure you were actually happy?

And if you were and were just threatening that, you've got to understand how frustrating that actually is. Imagine anytime an argument arises, you go through the heartbreak and confusing of a breakup, and then are back together and meant to act like nothing happened. He's going through a rollercoaster of emotions, and you seem unstable, unsure and immature.

Don't go back to him until you are sure of yourself, sure of these things. But your threatening a breakup at conflict raises some red flags about either you being ready for a relationship or you being right for the relationship.

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I feel bad about making her jealous

I met a girl about a month ago (let's call her girl A) and slept with her on the same night. We had both just been cheated on and neither of us wanted a relationship, but we started seeing each other once or twice a week. About a week ago I invited her over for dinner (second time) but she ended up cancelling on me. She told me that she had gone to her ex to pick up her things and it had caused her to start thinking a lot. She said she could only offer me friendship and that we could meet up for a movie instead. I declined. I said I don't appreciate her cancelling our plans; that I had already bought ingredients for the dinner and all that. I didn't act like a dick or anything, but I let her know that I am interested in more than just friendship with her and that she should call me if she changed her mind.

A few days ago I coincidentally ran into her while she was working at the café. I was there to kill some time while I waited for another girl (girl B) I had just met, with whom I was supposed to watch a movie with just around the corner. I chatted a bit with girl A and told her I was going to watch a movie in a bit. I didn't tell her anything about girl B. I had assumed girl A was back together with her ex, but when I asked her she said no. She said that she has been in and out of relationships for too long and that she needed a break. So I told her that I think it's a good thing for her and that if she wants to get together to let me know. Then she said that she thought I didn't want to see her anymore. I explained that I just didn't feel like being only a friend while she was in a relationship with someone else, but otherwise we could hang out. She told me that she was working at the café again next weekend and that I should come by. I thought that was a stupid idea because we can't really hang out 100% if she is working. For some reason I didn't say that though.

Girl B called me and told me she didn't feel like seeing the movie. So I told her that was messed up because I had come to the city just to meet with her and see the movie. We agreed that she would come to the café instead. I actually thought that was a better idea because we would have a better opportunity to talk and get to know each other. I also thought it might be a good way to make girl A jealous, but I wasn't 100% sure about that because I felt it wasn't a nice thing to do! I decided to see what would happen anyway. I ordered coffee together with girl B and girl A seemed kind of bothered. Then I thought it would be better for us to sit upstairs out of view of girl A. When I came to the bar again (alone) girl A asked if I wasn't going to the movie and I told her no. She asked why and I could tell from the way she asked that she was really bothered. I just told her I had changed my mind. I made a little small talk with her every time I came to the bar.

Eventually I realized that I wasn't attracted to girl B at all and I started feeling worse about making girl A jealous. Girl B and I eventually came downstairs within view of the bar to watch a guy playing guitar. Girl B and I didn't really talk or sit very near each other. I was totally uninterested at this poitn and all I was thinking about was girl A. I thought it might be good that she saw I wasn't interacting with girl B. Eventually girl B left and I stayed. I thought about going so that maybe girl A would think I went home with girl B, but at this point I was feeling so bad about making her jealous that I actually wanted her to see there was nothing serious with the other girl. I just didn't want her to feel bad or have negative thoughts about me. I stayed at the café and left about half an hour before closing time. I'm still not sure if I did the right things. As I was about to leave girl A asked me when I was leaving and I told her "now I guess." She said "we will talk" or something like that, and I agreed.

So now I'm not sure how to proceed and I'm thinking I should probably not contact girl A at all. I think I should wait for her to call me but what if she thinks I'm a dick and never calls me again? I'm considering calling her in about a week and asking her to meet up. Then we will have a chance to talk. My gut is telling me don't call her at all, but on the other hand I'm afraid I'll never see her again.

And this is all despite the fact that neither of us wants a relationship. And that's another thing. If we have already let each other know this, then what's with the "I need to be single for a while" thing? I never asked her to be my gf, we were just having fun. So what's the problem? I guess either she was falling for me or lost interest. What do you think? Girls, how would you feel after this half-assed jealousy stunt? Should I ever call her again? Do you think she still likes me, do you think that she is more interested now?

My guesses: she likes me but felt like we were getting too boyfriend/girlfriend-like, which she didn't want. The jealousy thing sort of worked and she is wondering about me now. Although I feel a little bad about it, I don't think she thinks I'm a dick. I should not call her. Yay or nay?

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Someone's Getting Jealous

Last night, Ben was being extremely insufferable on two fronts: James, and my short story.

“So does this James guy have the hots for you?”

“I might have to have a little chat with your writing boyfriend about the two of you going out drinking after class all the time.”

“Am I taller than James?”

And on and on. I guess Ben’s feeling a little jealous and/or threatened, which truth be told, I’m kind of okay with. Keep him on his toes! But still: annoying.

Less annoying and more worrying is his sudden interest in reading my short story/novel-in-progress. At first, I was bothered that he didn’t ask to read it, but now that he wants to, I’m afraid he’s going to read it and have the same curiosity that James, aka my “writing boyfriend”, did. And in case any of you have forgotten, I am the worst liar on Earth. There are a lot of stories in there that Ben will recognize as being loosely—and not so loosely—based on the truth. My character’s cheating (or not cheating, depending on how you felt during the Brandon/Derrick debacle), for example. And there’s a camping trip featuring tent sex and being discovered by another couple in the woods. And several other things that are likely to make him wonder if I haven’t written all this before, somewhere else. If he asks, I’m not so sure I’ll to be able to convince him that I don’t have a blog, or that I even want to try.

“It’s not ready for primetime yet,” I protested.

“Oh, but James gets to read it.”

“Is that what this is about? You want to read it because you’re jealous that another guy gets to? Also, are you going to act like a freak at the party tomorrow, or are you going to be normal?”

Ben assured me that he was going to be normal, if by “normal,” I meant “quietly menacing” and “vaguely threatening.”

I’m pretty sure I hit the nail on the head. That Ben only wants to read my story now because of James. Hopefully, once he meets him and gets more comfortable with the whole thing, he’ll give it up. Especially because I’m expanding it into novel form. What guy wants to read a whole chick lit novel?

All right, I have to go get ready for the party. God, I hope Ben acts like a sane, well-adjusted human being tonight. I’m having a hard time figuring out if he’s really that insecure about all this, or if he’s just doing it all for the lulz.

Posted at 8:32 PM

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Someone's Getting Jealous

Last night, Ben was being extremely insufferable on two fronts: James, and my short story.

“So does this James guy have the hots for you?”

“I might have to have a little chat with your writing boyfriend about the two of you going out drinking after class all the time.”

“Am I taller than James?”

And on and on. I guess Ben’s feeling a little jealous and/or threatened, which truth be told, I’m kind of okay with. Keep him on his toes! But still: annoying.

Less annoying and more worrying is his sudden interest in reading my short story/novel-in-progress. At first, I was bothered that he didn’t ask to read it, but now that he wants to, I’m afraid he’s going to read it and have the same curiosity that James, aka my “writing boyfriend”, did. And in case any of you have forgotten, I am the worst liar on Earth. There are a lot of stories in there that Ben will recognize as being loosely—and not so loosely—based on the truth. My character’s cheating (or not cheating, depending on how you felt during the Brandon/Derrick debacle), for example. And there’s a camping trip featuring tent sex and being discovered by another couple in the woods. And several other things that are likely to make him wonder if I haven’t written all this before, somewhere else. If he asks, I’m not so sure I’ll to be able to convince him that I don’t have a blog, or that I even want to try.

“It’s not ready for primetime yet,” I protested.

“Oh, but James gets to read it.”

“Is that what this is about? You want to read it because you’re jealous that another guy gets to? Also, are you going to act like a freak at the party tomorrow, or are you going to be normal?”

Ben assured me that he was going to be normal, if by “normal,” I meant “quietly menacing” and “vaguely threatening.”

I’m pretty sure I hit the nail on the head. That Ben only wants to read my story now because of James. Hopefully, once he meets him and gets more comfortable with the whole thing, he’ll give it up. Especially because I’m expanding it into novel form. What guy wants to read a whole chick lit novel?

All right, I have to go get ready for the party. God, I hope Ben acts like a sane, well-adjusted human being tonight. I’m having a hard time figuring out if he’s really that insecure about all this, or if he’s just doing it all for the lulz.

Posted at 8:32 PM

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