Facebook Can Be a Bitch

Ben and I decided to put the topic of North Carolina on hold for the rest of the weekend and until he talked to his past-and-maybe-future boss about his options. And we were able to have a lovely time together–delicious dinners, lighthearted conversation, and even some great sex. Twice. It wasn’t that we were avoiding the conversation, exactly. We had just run out of ways to talk about it, and were waiting on further information to pick it up again. It all felt very adult, actually.

On Sunday, Ben was cooking omelets (wild mushroom, thyme and goat cheese–yum!), and while I waited, my Blackberry buzzed. I had a Facebook invite to Mitchell’s going away party. I immediately got a feeling of dread.

“Hey Ben?” I called. “Can I use your laptop?”

He said I could (well, actually, he said “Like you have to ask, weirdo”), and I logged onto Facebook to get a better look at the invite. Not only was the event public, but he’d invited Ursula.

I logged off, and headed into the kitchen to inform Ben of this development. Before I had a chance to fill him in, his cell phone rang.

“Oh, hey Ursula,” he said, tucking his iPhone between his ear and shoulder while he flipped the omelets. “What’s u—oh, um, I didn’t… I mean I wasn’t…”

Ben continued to stammer while Ursula yelled. Loudly. I could make out almost everything she was saying from the doorway. There were lots of expletives.

“Ursula, calm down,” he said. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t think he was really going to go. I didn’t want to upset you if he wasn’t going to do it.”

Ursula yelled some more, and then I think she started to cry, because Ben’s voice took on a much more soothing tone.

“Sweetie, I know,” he said. “He’s being an idiot. I think it’s just a phase.” He paused to listen to something she was saying that I couldn’t make out. “I don’t know,” he said, finally. “I really don’t… Hang on, I’ll ask her.”

“Hey,” he whispered, covering the phone with one hand. “Ursula wants to know if you’re free for dinner this week.”

“Tuesday?”

Through Ben, Ursula and I made plans for dinner. Ben and I spent the rest of the night wondering what Mitchell was thinking inviting Ursula, and decided it could be anything from having invited all of his Facebook friends to the party, to deliberately trying to hurt her. Which makes him anywhere from an idiot to a total jerk.

On that note, I’m heading out to meet her. I’m kind of glad he’s leaving, so she can actually start putting her life back together again.

Posted at 6:04 PM

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What a Bitch

I know I shouldn’t say it, and I know it’s probably been glaringly obvious for any of you reading, but it has to be said: I dislike Lori, Ben’s sister. I feel guilty just typing it, but it’s true.

Ben and I headed to Philly after work yesterday. He had wanted to spend the night at his father’s place, but Amy had some friends and family from out of town staying with them, so we ended up at his mother’s house. Lori and the twins were there when we arrived. The six of us had an unpleasant dinner, wherein Lori and Ben’s mother bitched about Ben’s father and Lori said awful things about Amy, whom she once referred to as “K.’s new BFF” and followed up with a “Just kidding!” even though she totally wasn’t. Ben’s mother was chilly to me, probably because Lori had told her about my shopping trips with Amy. After dinner was cleaned up, Lori thankfully left, and Ben’s mother thankfully announced she’d be reading in her room for the remainder of the night.

“I know Lori’s a bit much sometimes,” Ben said, unprompted, later that night. “Things haven’t been easy for her.”

He went on to explain that their father’s infidelity had left her with trust issues, and she has low self-esteem because of her weight, and while I can’t personally identify with either of those things, Ben has dealt with those same issues, and he is delightful to be around. I feel like at some point, you have to take ownership of your issues, regardless of who initially caused them.

Lori came back in the morning to drop off the twins and pick me and Ben up. She dropped off Ben at their father’s apartment, and then the two of us drove to the country club for the bridal shower. On the way there, she began complaining about how Amy’s friend Meredith had been snotty to her over email when she’d said she was coming, and how she thought it was lame to be having the bridal shower at her father’s country club. I offered my “mmm hmm”s in the appropriate places, but mostly tried to tune her out, as her negativity was brushing off on me and making me agitated.

When we arrived at the club, Lori became strangely subdued, even polite. As the day wore on, I realized that she’s actually kind of shy and awkward in social situations where she doesn’t know anyone, and not the bully that she is over email or with her family around. Amy’s family and friends were all lovely, and though they had no reason to be, they went out of their way to be nice to Lori, and she was actually nice back. I was starting to think that perhaps Ben was right, maybe Lori wasn’t that bad. Maybe I could learn to understand her.

That is, until the ride home, where she ripped apart what everyone was wearing and how “fake nice” they all were, and capped it off by calling Amy immature and implying she was a gold digger. So much for bonding with Lori.

Posted at 9:11 PM

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And the Bitch Award Goes to...

Today I got an Evite from someone named Meredith, inviting me to Amy’s surprise bridal shower in two weeks. I scanned the 30-plus people on the invite list, and noticed one glaring omission: Lori.

Now, I haven’t spoken to Lori since she sent me that bitchy email implying that I was a horrible girlfriend to Ben for going wedding dress shopping with Amy. She and Ben made up after he yelled at her about it, and she apologized to me through him, which isn’t really an apology at all, but whatever. I decided to let it go, because she’s Ben’s sister and he loves her. (Side note, I keep typing insanely bitchy things about Lori and then feeling guilty and deleting them.)

And because I’m actually a good girlfriend, I sent Meredith Lori’s email address. About an hour later, she wrote back:

To: K

From: Meredith

Subject: Re: Evite Invitation: Amy’s Bridal Shower...Shhh! It’s a Surprise!

Funny you should mention Lori. I tried to get her on the planning committee for the shower, and she said that not only would she not have time to help plan, but that she was going to be busy that day. I hadn’t even told her the date yet.

Jesus, Lori. If there were a Jeopardy! category entitled “People Who Will Not Give Even an Inch,” every question would be “Who is Lori?”. I don’t understand how Ben managed to turn out to be such a reasonable person. I feel like LB and I have a lot of the same issues–difficulty communicating, a decided flair for self-sabotage–and I just assumed that when people grew up in the same household, they ended up damaged in the same ways. Not so, apparently.

After work, I met up with Ben, and filled him in on the situation. He sighed.

“I’ll talk to her,” he said. “I don’t really understand what she hopes to accomplish. It’s not like she’s going to stop this wedding by being a pain in the ass. She’s just making it harder for everyone involved, including herself.”

“You two are so different,” I said.

“We’re not so different, actually,” he said. “We have the same issues. The only difference is how we deal with them. Lori lashes out at other people, and I just internalize them and beat myself up.”

“I never thought of it that way.”

“I didn’t either, until I spent years in therapy,” he said with a sad smile. “Something I’ve tried to get Lori to do, unsuccessfully.”

He went on to explain some of the issues that he and Lori share–growing up with an overly demanding, judgmental mother and a father who was never there, they both felt like they were never good enough.

They both felt like their weight was the thing that most disappointed their mother, and made their father not want to be around them. When Ben lost all the weight, he and Lori had a huge fight and didn’t speak for a while. Lori felt betrayed, like they had been in it together, and Ben was leaving her behind. He actually felt guilty at the time.

After talking to Ben, I feel like I’m starting to understand Lori a little better. I may never get to a point where I genuinely like her, but it’s a step in the right direction.

Posted at 11:45 PM

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