Hi all,I have been dating someone for a few months, and we have known each other for a few years now. Things are going really well, but I will be going abroad soon for work, and won't be back for a few months. I think it's making us both nervous. He loves communicating through humor - I find that a lot of jokes he makes contain truth in our everyday conversation. He recently said "I love you" a few different times in a kidding voice, and jokingly said, "say it back!" in response to my silence. The first time we were alone, but the second time was in front of one of his friends while we were out. He also said, "I think you love me" later that night in a joking tone, which I also didn't verbally respond to.
I do love him, but can't tell whether or not he is serious about what he said; whether he was scared or not into saying it in a more romantic setting. He has a great sense of humor, and is always making ridiculous jokes, etc. Does anyone have any advice or relatable experiences? Can anyone tell me if they think he is actually serious? I want to tell him I love him, but I feel like there are still so many parts of each other we still haven't explored, etc.
Thanks
A kind of similar thing happened to me with my ex a couple of times. I told him I'd watch every episode of his favourite show and he said "Oh, I love you!" and hugged me and I didn't know if he seriously meant it. Turned out he did but we didn't have a serious conversation about it until another few months had past. There's no need to rush into telling someone you love them, so just sit on it and wait until it feels right to tell him
There is a saying, "more truth is spoken in jest" - and while this might be true, it's not exactly healthy communication. Actually, it's a red flag in my opinion. Anyone who uses humor to communicate, is someone who doesn't take responsibility for their position. Most of the time, this is due to fear; (and fear isn't necessarily about "being afraid", it's similar to depression which isn't really most of the time about being sad.) Fear and depression go hand in hand actually because the behaviors that relate to both, tend to be negative.A person who uses humor to communicate is susceptible to doing the same thing when being verbally abusive. The use of presuppositions within communication are a way to put someone down, or make them feel badly about themselves, without actually saying it directly. Think about your boyfriend joking with his buddies and saying, "hell, even SHE can do that!!" (referring to you) The laughs that follow also send the message that, "I'm just joking" but in reality, he is removing your self esteem brick by brick.
I by no means am saying that your boyfriend is abusive, I would just advise you (since you ARE looking for advice) to pay attention to all his other communications. If he uses this technique elsewhere, I would either learn some verbal self-defense (can come back to this if you'd like) or get out of the relationship all together. No better time than the present with the up coming departure.
I think that he's serious, but he may be afraid of telling it to you in a more serious manner, because you might not respond, like what you're doing now. Just tell him that you care for him, but you think that it's too early to say such things because you think that you guys should get to know each other more.You may not create new Love Advice Forum threadsYou may not post repliesYou may not post attachmentsYou may not edit your postsForum Rules
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