"When are you going to find a nice guy and settle down?" Thanks a lot, mom. If you have downright dysfunctional relationships, your mom may be the reason.Mother's Day is fast approaching and it got me thinking about the ways in which our mothers affect our dating patterns. Whether we recognize it or not, your mom has a say in who you become and even who you date. As much as you'd like to think that you're completely separate from her and aren't influenced by what she thinks of you, the fact is you're influenced by mom more than you'd like to believe.
Here's just a sampling of the ways she's managed to wrangle herself into your dating life:
More from YourTango: 3 Steps To Get The Commitment You Want1. It started when you were a baby. Researchers have found that the ability to love, trust and work through arguments is developed during infancy and can directly affect behavior in future relationships. If your mother was distant or emotionally cold to you when you were a baby, you may find it very difficult to allow yourself to love and be loved later in life. While these tendencies were developed before you were forming memories or even able to speak, that doesn't mean they can't be overcome but it does mean you may have some additional hurdles.
To get started on your own personal journey to true love, download Jane's complimentary guide "Find Your True Love: 10 Simple Steps to Getting the Love You Want ... and Deserve."
2. She set the example. We're naturally programmed to view the type of relationship that our parents had as the norm, so if your parents had a loving, trusting, long-lasting relationship, then you're in luck. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. With roughly half of marriages ending in divorce, many more on the brink and others that are just downright dysfunctional, the majority of us are following examples that are less than stellar. Studies have shown that children from divorced families are much more likely to have marriages that end in divorce.
More from YourTango: What To Do When You're Ready For A Change3. She taught you how women are to be treated. We all grow up subconsciously wanting to be just like mom, so if she let herself be treated poorly, walked on, cheated on or generally disrespected, you're likely to unknowingly be looking for a partner who will treat you the same. Alternately, if she was overly domineering and constantly berating your father or other male figures in your life, you may find yourself inadvertently drawn to the meek, sheepish guy that you can treat the same way. Keep reading...
More Mother's Day advice from YourTango:
Other Articles/News by Jane Garapick:By Jane GarapickWe all want to feel like our partners are committed to us. In fact, a recent study commissioned by Benenden Health, one-third of the study participants said that they would feel more optimistic about their relationships if their partners showed them more commitment. On top of that, most married participants were significantly happier than their single fellow ... Read moreBy Jane GarapickWhen I first moved down to Southern California from Vancouver, Canada it was because I was desperately in need of a change. I was tired of being single. Almost all my friends were married, and the ones who were single were stuck in the same negative patterns, bringing themselves down and me down with them. I felt like I had exhausted the supply of any men ... Read moreBy Jane GarapickYou've just met a man who, at least on the surface, seems to be your dream guy. He's attractive, funny, charming, successful and his smile (let alone the thought of his caress) makes you weak in the knees. You go out on a date or two, and he's nothing short of perfect. He treats you like a queen, compliments your sense of style and tells you all of ... Read moreSee More
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