So my boy and I haven't been getting along the best lately. We broke up a month ago, and got back together the same night. Since then, it's been pretty rocky. He never has time for me, and he hardly treats me right. He's always ditching me on my days off of work for his friends, and that's pretty much the only time I'd get to see him. He's too interested in my mom and sister, and it kinda scares me. I know I deserve better. But, I still have feelings for him.My best friend is my boss. I talk to him about everything. I've grown to trust him more than anyone. And I'm sure he feels the same way about me. He hardly talks to anyone else. Recently, he's been like my shadow at work. He talks to me more often. And he's very concerned about how my boyfriend and I are doing.
He's so kind and sweet. I invited him over for drinks while my mom was crashing on my couch, and he promised he wouldn't flirt with my mom. When my boyfriend disappointed me and ditched me to go to a different bar with his friends, my boss offered to go with me. And during our most recent fight, he paid for my laundry to me washed.
He and I had a talk about my boyfriend a few days ago. I don't know what to do about it anymore. It's at a stalemate and neither of us knows what to do, but we don't want the other to leave. My boss told me I have to do what will make me happy, and he's a very cynical person. He's only known disappointment. So I asked him what was with his change of view, and he told me to stop worrying about what will make him happy and start thinking about myself.
He gave me that look that guys give you when they have strong feelings for you and they just can't hold it back anymore, and leaned toward me. But, I left, so he put his arm around the seat I was in, like it was something casual to cover for himself. It was awkward. I haven't ever really thought of him as more than just my awesome friend. But I've been thinking, what if he makes me happy?
Anytime my boyfriend upsets me and I come to work after crying my eyes out, still upset, he's there and he's super supportive. Sometimes he gets frustrated with me because I won't leave him... He reminds me all the time what kind of scum my boyfriend is, and now all I can do is agree. He's starting to realize it upsets me, so the last few times he's blown it off as teasing.
Today I was talking about it with my waitress... She's kinda like a mother to the both of us. And she thinks I should leave my boyfriend. She always has, even when he still worked with us. He's never treated me right. And she says that my boss definitely cares about me, and he doesn't like to see me so upset. But before we finished our conversation, he walked out into the dining room on us in mid conversation. And since then, he's followed me everywhere, always giving me that look...
And in all of this... I don't know where I stand. He has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. Anytime I'm around him, I can't help but smile and I feel safe. I think about him all the time now... And when we're working together, he's always so close, I just want to reach out and touch him. I have only held him once, because he was so drunk and stumbling over on a walk to the gas station. He's always been my favorite manager, so I took care of him because no one else would. I don't remember much, but I know it was hard to let go... Sometimes, being around him hurts too much, and I'm sure it hurts him too, because on those days we hardly exchange a word...
I don't know what to do... He's not exactly my boss, he's the the shift manager. But I'm not sure the company would like that. And I know it wouldn't cause problems at work. All my higher ups love me. When I turned down the management position, they were all disappointed. So my job wouldn't be on the line.
I still love my boyfriend though too. He knows more about me that anyone else does, though, my boss has been trying a lot harder to be enlightened. I feel like it's a waste to let go of someone so involved in your life.
I need outside advice.
Why do you feel it is a waste to let go of someone that is so involved in your life?If he isn't treating you right and never has, I don't think you should be with him no matter how much history you might have
I have a lot of problems with abandonment, so it's very difficult for me to let people in. I confronted him about it before, and he's knows he's a piece of crap. He's making an effort, but it's hard since we used to work opposite shifts, and now he works until 6 in the morning. So all the time I'm off, he's asleep.I haven't told him how I feel about my boss... He wouldn't be supportive. He used to work with us too, that's how I met him. And his previous girlfriend was the AGM. After they broke up, my boss started to get attached to her. And this girl was a nasty person. She made him feel like crap. He has a lot of issues because of her. Both of them do. He asked her out, and she denied him. It's so cruel, my boyfriend thinks it's the most hilarious thing that he fails in relationships.
I've always been supportive though. He reminds me of my brother. It's weird, they're almost identical from the way they act and talk. So I've been pretty protective of him. I can't even count how many fights we've had because he's such a jerk to my boss.
So if I told my boyfriend I had feelings for my boss, he would tell me I'm just lonely and settling for trash... It's not that we have much of a story... There really isn't much except that he was there when my grandma died. He makes me pay for everything. I live in an apartment with my roommate making $7.50 and hour. He lives at home with his mom that hates him and makes $9-10 an hour. I don't see the logic... I can't remember the last time he did something nice for me without me having to have a fit about it first... I know he's not worth my time. But I don't know why I can't let go, when there is someone there that will be worth my time.
It sounds like you know exactly what to do but just want to hear it from someone else. You need to leave your boyfriend and find someone else. Maybe not your boss, because it sounds like he might just be a fallback guy who you only have affectionate feelings for, and dating your boss is always tricky.You may not create new Love Advice Forum threadsYou may not post repliesYou may not post attachmentsYou may not edit your postsForum RulesYour boyfriend doesn't make you happy, treats you poorly, and makes you feel less than... if you had a friend with a similar problem what would be your advice to her?
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