A Tough Situation and Need Advice...

Alright, so I apologize right now for this being fairly long winded. Got a lot on my mind, and need some input and opinions from people I dont know. Here it goes...I have known this girl for the better part of the past 12 years. We went to high school together, and have been very good friends, even consider her one of if not my best friend. We were always inseparable throughout school, living the normal young reckless life of partying and doing ridiculous stuff together. Now I have been out of school for 6 years now, and have still always maintained contact with her and everything. We never did anything together as far as relationship wise during all those years. I'll admit that there were times throughout that period that I thought about it and had a crush on her from time to time. However, I never acted upon my feelings out of respect, and fear of losing the friendship and relationship that we have always had together. So after school, I went on to focus on my career and havent been "home" much for the past few years. I travel a lot and am focusing on getting myself set up and situated young, so that I can benefit when I get older and want to settle down. This was my game plan at least...well now comes the "I need help" part of all this. She went her way, and I went mine. Over the past year we have gotten back together as far as keeping in touch and going out for drinks with friends and just being social again. She ended up getting together with an old friend of mine from years ago, she was with him for 4 years and they had a really good thing going. I was happy for them, and thrilled when I was asked to be the best man in the wedding. They had two children together and seemed like they had what they wanted in life. Tragically all that changed, she lost her fiance and I lost a very good friend in a horrible traffic accident this past January...She was left broken hearted and alone raising a family on her own. It was if I lost two of my favorite friends in the world...Just terrible. At his funeral, my last words to him were "Don't worry Mike, I'll do everything in my power to help her and make sure she is alright." I have never told anyone this information, and keeping it in makes me feel just Argh. So continuing on, I was there for her. I let her vent to me, I offered her my complete honest heartfelt support and sympathy. Listening to everything she wanted to tell me, giving any advice that I could. During all this time, we happened to grow even closer...Well one thing leads to another, and the one night we happen to get on the conversation of life, and how no matter what bad happens in life, there is nothing you can to do stop anything and that you have to move on. She goes on to tell me about how she always used to have feelings for me, and that she always thought I was the best person in the world for being so honest and real, and always being there for her in the times that she needed it most no questions asked. I admitted that yes, I have felt feelings for her over the years, but was just always worried of losing that bond that we had. She felt the same way, it was like we both knew for the better of us that we decided to keep things casual. Well now I start to fall for this girl...and what we have together is something that I will never let anyone take away from me. So its been a few months now, and we have spent a lot of time together, I'll take her out, take the kids out, get a break from my life when I'm around and spend it with her, offering her the same opportunity. Well we started sleeping together, and have gone through all the motions of talking about things, and laying out the ground work of where all this is going, and what good/bad can happen. Its just really really hard for me, I'm straight up in love with this girl. And I know she feels the same about me...its just I have concerns and worries that I have brought up to her, I just need another opinion. I don't want her thinking that she has to rush to move on in life, I don't want her feeling as if I am a replacement, I don't want her committing to me if it is something that she is truly not sure about, or something she is uneasy of. I just feel bad as if maybe I am moving too fast, or almost as if I am stepping on toes because of the severity of everything that has happened this past year. I know in my heart that its what I want, hell I would spend the rest of my life with this girl, its just I dont want any doubts on either end. I would support her through anything, I will always be by her side no matter what happens, I am willing to take care of her, and support her children, its just I feel like a dick for wanting to do that. I have fallen in love with my best friend and I dont know what to do. When we kiss, my heart skips...I find myself staring into her eyes and my mind goes blank. We started talking about dating a little while ago, and I told her that this is something that we have to promise each other...that if it doesnt work out, or either one of us are unhappy with anything, then it needs to be discussed and open on the table. Just as long as no matter what we will never lose or destroy our friendship. We have decided to just hang back, see what happens over the next few weeks/months and go from there. Take things slow and just see where it goes. I know she has a lot of feelings for me, just like I have for her...its just due to the situation of everything I dont want to rush into anything with clouded thinking. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place with all of this. To top everything off, my job is constantly on the road, I am only home 10 days a month...and my profession is a rather dangerous one. I don't want her worrying about my safety, or even one of my biggest fears is having something bad happen to me, and leaving her alone and heartbroken all over again. Her and I both have gone through some pretty tragic situations and have had some serious losses over the years. I'm not sure if she could mentally be able to cope with anymore loss in her life. So basically, before I keep rambling for another 1000000 characters, this is what I need help with. Am I wrong for moving in and falling for this girl? Am I wrong for loving my best friend? Am I wrong for wanting to support and be there for someone and their family that isn't mine? Is all of this too soon?. Its such a powerful situation that I am in. Everything feels so right and good, but I just feel like maybe I am thinking with more of my heart than my brain for once in my life. But anyway, I would appreciate some help, I'm not sure where else to turn. Thanks in advance and again sorry for the length...

To answer your questions - no, you are not wrong. You fell in love with her and she fell in love with you, you can't blame yourself for that, it happens. I do think you need to tread carefully and take it slow, there is no point rushing into anything. You both deserve to be happy and if you are not hurting anyone else I don't see anything wrong with it.

P.S Stop worrying about the future. We could all die tomorrow, there's no point worrying about what could happen.

Your decision to take it slow is a good one. In this case, I think your job being one in which you are often gone is a good one. It offers her time to grieve and move on and figure out what SHE would like to do with her life and your involvement in it.

And I completely agree with Shaun's postscript. Worrying about the future means missing out on the present.

My friends call me "The Love Guru" (but nothing like Mike Myers!).

If you're looking for dating tips, I've got some awesome recommendations!
Online Daters
"Real Life" Dating for Men
"Real Life" Dating for Women

For everything else, I'm just gonna give you my personal opinion, and you'll just have to like it! Just kidding, but I'll do my best.

Thanks...I know it all sounds dumb but I just have those thoughts stuck in my head. I know your supposed to follow your gut and your heart, which I'm trying to do. But yea I am in no rush to do anything drastic. Even if it takes 5 years well then I will gladly wait that long. And as far as the live for today...I don't worry about the future. Today and every other one before it was a blessing. I know what can happen, trust me I've seen it...today will be the best until tomorrow (especially being with her). I just wanted someone to tell me that I'm not wrong, to help me not feel so guilty about it. Thanks again folks

You may not create new Love Advice Forum threadsYou may not post repliesYou may not post attachmentsYou may not edit your postsForum Rules

Beauty Store from Amazon